₦airaland Forum

cisse7575:
is this the first chapter? Please tell me as I have so many things to say about this

It is and am sorry for replying late though its goin to be stretched later on... Wat do u have to say?

no probz just keep it up

as for the action you need shorter sentences in the fighting part and less emotions when dueling until maybe he has stopped to think or smetin cuz normally when fighting you cant have time to think about your past.

This is very good, i love the description of the forest, explanations of the weapons and their abilities and you introduced those characters well and looks like they have a good relationship...

Although there are some serious issues with past tense and dialogue otherwise its OKAY.

thought this place wz deserted

chapter 3 : FALSE MUM
Ajoke choked back a scream, she stared at the monster in pure horror.
The cute little puppy was beginning to inflate, its head split into three faces with spikes to adorn its mane.It had become three times her size and its big mouths opened up to reveal a nasty stench.But she didn't care, she dare not move a muscle.
"Good doggy, i wonder who must have let you out maybe Hades?", she said under her breath,she felt the fright in her voice.
In a flash it launched at her and she screamed the words dearest to her heart as she turned to run "MUUUUMMMYYY!!!".
She fell face first as the monster pinned her down, its weight flushed the air out of her windpipes.
She threw her phone at it, but it crushed it within its jaws, she made a last ditch effort to crawl but the monster had all three heads baring its fangs into her backpack.
Instinctively she slithered out of her bag and darted across the street.
She knew it would begin chasing her soon and she was by far not a good runner, she crawled under a charcoal black range rover,and waited hoping the monster would just go. Her whole muscles stiffened when she heard a low growl, she stared left and right but didn't see anything.
She heard not a sound, perhaps it was gone she thought. She counted down from ten before she made a run for it.
TEN....NINE...EIGHT...SEVEN...SI...
she was caught short as the dog bumped the car, she immediately went the opposite direction and began running again. she risked a glance backwards.
Mistake.
she tripped on the pavement and hit the asphalt.Ajoke turned back to see the growling animal standing at the top of the car,its silhouette figure showed the piercing red eyes, all sic of them staring at her.
it prepared to launch it self when from nowhere a gold chain wriggled around the monsters feet, and pulled it down.The dog yelped as it got yanked down.
AJoke found her feet, and limped to see the action unfolding.
A black humane figure moved graciously as it fought the beast.He seemed to be at ease and dodged all the monsters attacks,he sliced and diced the monsters head as he sidestepped,parred and ducked.
But she noticed a problem for every head caught it growed two more in place, soon the warrior was outwitted and he was smacked aside.
Now it faced her,but she couldn't run nor move,her vision blurred and the edges of her sight reddened.
The mini Cerberus lunged at her.
This is it, she thought.
SLASSSHHHH!!!!!

Divepen1:
stop not or I sue you to court

welcome bro

what are you saying? " divepen
sorry peepz havnt had light in a while will post today....thanks

she is a female irish spirit who wails or scream when someone is about to die.
check en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banshee
or watch teen wolf to learn more

although its a bit short but that helps your story in a way( fast paced) good work koenig

this is well written...ill say d cliffhanger at the end was done nicely

yeah, i typed it on my phone that is why i made some little mistakes here and there..... but thanks 4 d comments u gyz.
it actually means some1 is reading this.

CHAPTER 2: fatal encounter

"oh my god" ajoke muttered to her self as she scurried hurriedly through the silent streets of alausa.where are all the people?, she thought.
she glanced at her watch, to eight!!. well no problem she will get home within five minutes she thought all she needed to do was turn right,left then straight down then right again.
she grunted, who was she kidding she cant get there in thirty minutes,she picked up her pace as she turned to the next street.
"its all folake's fault"she thought"she must be sleeping in bed by now"
a shadow moving in a tree caught her eye, as she stopped abruptly. she moved closer which she knew she wasn't meant to do has that bravery only happened in American movies, her mouth was agape by what she saw.
it was a bird, but not just any bird it was an owl.do they even exist in Nigeria?
it had a dark brown feather, with a heart shaped face that looked liked a flat mask atop its light buff colored body.it had huge talons but what scared her were its eerie black eyes that seemed empty, but it stared blankly at her which sent a chill down her spine.now she wanted to run.
but it spread it unbelievably long wings and swept in for her, she bent down and turned to see it fly away.
she noticed one thing as it flew away, it made no noise!!..
* * * * * *
she had plugged in her earpiece, and her ears were filled with the sound of Chris brown's new flame.she jogged faster beginning to think she might imagine a walking zombie or a talking tree, she hoped the bird too was imagined, but something told her it was real, eerily real.
she was about getting to her street when she heard a growl, she didn't remember hearing that being said in the song, but she continued. she heard it again then turned, her heart beating fiercely against her ribcage.she saw nothing then decided to look down, she nearly jumped out of her skin but saw that it was just a dog.
"oh, hello you cutie"she patted its head"sleep tight"she turned and plugged her earphones back but heard the growl again.
this time she was sure her heart might run out of her chest.
she looked at the dog and notice its head splitting into three parts
"oh noo!!", she screamed...
END....CHAPTER 3(false mum) coming soon...

CHAPTER 1 : Dream of all dreams.

Beautiful, just beautiful.that was the only thing ajoke could use to define the Elysium she was seeing. The moon glimmered brightly as the silvery white light pierced the nude cloud, the short grasses tugged at her feet as a cool breeze blew.
She heard a faint sound, more like a person was singing, it was so faint and gentle she felt like she could lie down and sleep. she followed the mysterious sound using the birds as a guide as they flew in the same direction she was headed.she found a really pretty woman sitting on a finely shaped rock. Animals gathered around her as she sung with a sweet passionate voice, birds circled over her head and the squirrels seemed to be clapping as she sung.
from what ajoke could make out her skin was the same lush color as earth herself and her hair seemed to sway which seemed confusing since the breeze had calmed down.

curiosity got the best of her, "hello, please where am i?" she asked.
Suddenly the wind grew violent the once clear skies became cloudy even though dark, ajoke shrieked as she saw the woman began to rotten.
her body was turning grey and fly perched at her feet, her nails grew long and her eyes where blood shot red. Ajoke saw sorrow in the woman's eyes as if she had been crying for eternity, the woman pointed her long decayed hands at ajoke and skeletons shot up from each side and grabbed her, she screamed but nothing came out of her mouth she couldn't even move her hands. she felt as if her life force had been drained off her.
she glanced at the faces of the skeletons and saw empty sockets, the half dead woman seemed to be mouthing a word "bean sith?"
"ajoke!!, Ajoke!!" the skeleton seemed to shout, she turned towards the woman who appeared in front of her and stabbed her.
she woke with a start
* * * *

"ajoke, ajoke". her visioned seemed blurry as she opened her eyes. she saw two heads shouting out her name, she was about to scream before her vision cleared, the heads finally merging back to one.she calmed down
"folake please stop shouting my name like that"
"what?, i was whispering",she said "you looked like you saw a ghost"
"oh i did but not here", ajoke said as she rubbed her heavy eyes.
"ooohhh!!!"folakes eyes widened "you dreamt about thomas right?"
"no way i didn't"

a voice shocked the girls as they sat up straight" MRS tolade and ajao"a short man with thick wired glasses stood in front of them."i think i bore you two, i believe you both know more than me why not teach the whole class then?"
ajoke felt like the ground would swallow her up in an instant as the whole class stared at them both including Thomas, her crush.
"go on" the man urged them on as he gave them the marker.
"oh no!!" ajoke muttered as she went to the board
* * * * *
"that was horrible i will definitely kill that man, can you imagine....." folake kept on talking as ajoke zoned out from their discussion as she focused on Thomas. he wore a thick black turtle neck sweater atop his white uniform and a white sneakers which went well with his boots.
oh she couldn't wait to see his face, she dreamt about those nicely placed cheek bones which happen to attract every girl in lilly white high every time.
"helloooo", folake snapped her out of trance"i just bought this new movie fifty shades of grey and a new nail paint, why dont we head on to my house?"
"sure thing" she said absent mindlessly as she stared back at where Thomas stood, but he was long gone, she wondered how he always does that, she was hoping to talk to him,but that will have to wait,funny thing is, it always waited.
little did she know that her life is about to change forever.
END..........chapter "(FATAL ENCOUNTER) coming soon

thronekid:
You can Bro, dat short line was terrific!
Cc: Dyoungstar

For dat thread matter, go d section, U go see stuffs like mail Mod, Create topic, etc, U jiust click on Create topic. Unlolke the normal post, U"ll input the topic first and scroll downward to key in your first post, get it?

thanks a lot @ throne kid i have found it.

whats up peepz this is my first short story and am posting only half due to piracy issues and note its been copyrighted.

the story line is fantastic' but there are a couple of red flags though.
1) the story is fast paced(which is not bad) but i believ lacked the appropiate description.
2) the dialouge does not carry enough power
3) action would have been more engaging if you wrote it in shorter sentences and dont give away every action dnt show tell.

the story line is fantastic' but there are a couple of red flags though.
1) the story is fast paced(which is not bad) but i believ lacked the appropiate description.
2) the dialouge does not carry enough power
3) action would have been more engaging if you wrote it in shorter sentences and dont give away every action dnt show tell.
dats all i can say 4 nw...if u follow dose tips u wld ave a fully fledged novel.and i love the fact that its based on nigeria mythology. keep up the good work.

so when are you guys going to write the next one and can anyone still join?.....
dis is confusing ow does one create a thread on NL

no its nt among...il remove it now...sorry if i disturbed your writing process.. its fantastic by the way.

.....

this is a great job, i love the fact that its different people who writes it and it shows little difference.

DIANA : the hunt
March 22, 2015 / Leave a comment / Edit

The rain pounded her skin which was made to be as strong as a dragons scale. She gazed at the valley across with her eagle eye sight, this is where the hunt begins. she thought.

Four years ago she had sacrificed her right breast to go on this hunt only to be betrayed by the man she felt she loved. she was to hunt for the 12 sacred instruments,she had done them with ease getting to the last one the same time with the warrior.

He promised her love, a family, and a throne by his side, but when he pulled the horn from the crumbling grave he chose freedom in the mortal world, and where is he now?, well he has a family of course.

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she held it off, she swore secretly to the six Olympian GODS that gave her life that never will she move a step backward for a man whether noble or wretched.

she heard the horn blow, the battle cry piercing the air sending a clear message to the opposition.

“OH ye men!” she muttered “fear DIANA!”.

* * * * *

His hands dug deep into the earth as he prayed to his mother GAEA for protection.He could remember this very day four years ago, vividly, he ran his hands across his face as he touched the scars that ran through is right cheek. a scar etched as a symbol of shame, defeat, loss of pride and honor but no one knew but him. He remembered the words she said vividly.

“you are too weak, killing you will only ease your agony and wash away your sorrows.” she said as she pointed her sword at his neck piercing ever so lightly. ” i wont be the one to do that for you, a lesser opponent will finish you off,but if you do find yourself alive. Use this as a reminder”. In one swift move she moved her blade effortlessly across his face.

“there is no place for the weak”

he gritted his teeth really hard as he recalled that day, if he sees her in the valley today she will be the one pinned to the floor begging for her life, she doesn’t know the demon she has created, the warrior she has molded”.

he whispered to himself, “the moment i cross this line, i will come looking for you”. his magic energy began to radiate off him, his blade, which was dug in the earth began to vibrate vigorously. It was hungry for flesh and thirsty for blood,”save your strength mullock”he pulled it out from the drenched soil “we’ve got a Diana to deal with”…………..

hello people am a writer of fantasy and mystery novels, i recently opened a blog where i post summaries of my novel, please check it out and tell me what you think.
www.akpunation.