₦airaland Forum

Mr Asunder,
If you really want to help your friend. Ask him to seek counsel from people who understand the workings of divorce in the UK. It is so fragile and complex not many lawyers practice it. I remember looking for Naija British lawyers and couldn’t find any. Eventually I settled for a Caucasian woman who cost me an arm and a leg.

It’s a very difficult time however your friend should persevere and weather the storm. I went through a bitter divorce and it took a while to sort things out. As expected my ex wife got the well practiced script and reeled up allegations of physical abuse towards the children, violence against her, emotional abuse , financial abuse , called the police etc etc. I was lucky to have escaped the traps set for me
I would advise reconciliation between your fiend and his ex where possible but based on the situation I doubt that as tempers have flared and so much has happened.
If he has parental responsibility for the children, that means he has every right to see the children but he has to be patient.
I suggest the following if he has come to the end of the road.
1) Keep away from the ex and former home, he is only playing into her hands using a Naija mindset of proving he is the man by having confrontations. AVOID CONFRONTATION BY ALL MEANS.
2) Approach the marriage failure as a failed transaction and as much as possible detach all emotions. I know this is easier said than done but for sanity and to re establish contact with the kids, you need a business like approach.
2) Get a support network who know the system :Family Court, CAFCASS, mediation. As much as your family in Naija love you, filter the advise you receive. Also make a conscious decision to share issues with only those who will help you spiritually, morally and legally.
3) Get back on his feet as soon as possible. Your children need you to be sane even if they don’t see you. I can imagine the turmoil but children are resilient and God will look after them.
4) Do your research : If you were arrested and there was no evidence of violence, it is unlikely you have a criminal record, however you need to know what is recorded against you if any records exists so you know how to fight.
5) If you have a mortgage, try not to miss your payments to protect your credit, if you don’t ask the estate agents to take your name of the lease.
6) Notify your children’s school of your separation / divorce and ask to be provided updates of their progress in school. Also try your best to go for parents evening.
7) Ask your ex wife / GP to provide you updates of your children’s health matters.
Write postcards to your children telling them how much you love them. This will counter what your ex is likely to feed them about how you’ve abandoned them. You can use the app TouchNote from your phone
9) Once you are back on your feet or as soon as you can, seek mediation regarding visitation arrangements. Your approach should be business like whereby you seek arrangements in the best interest of your kids.
10) Get a child arrangement order. This will take a couple of months before it is granted and she will come at you with the worst accusations you can imagine. You will be investigated and interviewed which can be humiliating. Keep in mind the courts appreciate that both parents roles are crucial to a child’s welfare therefore unless you are seen as a risk to the child /ren , you will be allowed to see and spend quality time with them.

I am not a lawyer but I spent a lot of time navigating the murky waters of Naija diaspora divorce.
Pls email me and I will be happy to offer counsel based on my experience

ataladi1101@gmail.com