If you can't continue tolerating her please quit. You are not her father oarowosola:
I met her sometime around April or May last year, and from the beginning, things seemed fine between us. Like every relationship, we both made sacrifices, and even though I don’t like keeping score in relationships, I know I gave a lot of myself into it. Over time, though, I started noticing certain habits and behaviors that became harder and harder for me to ignore. At first, I kept convincing myself that maybe I was overthinking things or expecting too much, but eventually I realized that I was simply becoming exhausted.
One of the biggest issues for me was cleanliness and basic responsibility. I’m not a perfect person, and I can be nonchalant too. I’m someone who enjoys my own space and doesn’t constantly need attention or communication. If someone is busy and doesn’t check up on me for a while, I honestly don’t take it personally. But what bothered me was the imbalance. She could disappear for days or weeks whenever she was occupied and expect me to understand, but if I withdrew into my own space just to protect my peace, she would become upset about it. That double standard was one of the first things that started weighing on me emotionally.
The first time I visited her house, I was shocked by how untidy it was. I’m not obsessive about cleanliness, but I believe there should be a basic level of order, especially when you know someone is visiting you for the first time. When she came to my place for the first time, I made an effort. I cleaned my house , mopped the floor, arranged the bed, and even bought small things just to make the environment more comfortable. It wasn’t about trying to impress her with money; it was simply intentionality. I wanted her to feel welcomed.
But each time I visited her place, the environment remained the same. One particular day, after she stepped out, I decided to clean the entire house myself just to prove a point. While sweeping, I found sugar inside the couch, rotting cashew scattered around, and several things that clearly caused unpleasant odors. I cleaned the parlour, arranged the bedroom, organized her bags, and put everything in order. When she came back, she thanked me, but I remember telling her that it shouldn’t get to the point where her boyfriend had to clean her entire house before it became livable. I told her clearly that if I visited again and the place was still in that condition, it would probably be the last time I came there.
Unfortunately, nothing changed. On another visit, the smell in the house was so terrible that I kept trying to trace where it was coming from. Eventually, I discovered a sack beside the couch she had been sitting on. Something inside it had gone bad, and the odor was unbearable. I carried it outside myself because I couldn’t understand how someone could stay in that environment comfortably. Later, when she went to make yam and eggs, I followed her into the kitchen and found another terrible smell coming from plates that had clearly been sitting there for days. Instead of cleaning the sink first, she simply pushed the dirty dishes aside and placed the yam directly on the dirty sink to peel it. In that moment, I felt completely traumatized and emotionally checked out.
Beyond cleanliness, I also started feeling unappreciated in the relationship. On her birthday, I called her early in the morning, posted her on my WhatsApp status, and celebrated her the best way I could at the time, even though I was broke. Yet she still complained that I didn’t make her birthday special enough. Meanwhile, on my own birthday, there was no call in the morning, no thoughtful gesture, nothing until later at night when she casually said she forgot because she had been going through a lot. What hurt me more was that I had actually bought her gifts for her birthday, including a designer bag and matching slippers I personally made for her. It wasn’t really about material things; it was the imbalance in effort and thoughtfulness.
I also noticed the same imbalance in everyday life. Whenever she visited my place, I was usually the one cooking, cleaning, and taking care of things even while working from home as a shoemaker. Most times she would just sit pressing her phone while I handled everything. She barely cooked for me throughout the relationship, and eventually I stopped going out of my way because I started feeling taken for granted.
Money became another issue. She would borrow money and either delay repayment or never complete it. As a shoemaker, the money I receive for jobs is not pure profit because most of it goes back into materials and production. Yet I still found myself lending her large amounts from jobs I was supposed to complete quickly. Even when she paid back partially, it felt emotionless, almost like she didn’t recognize the inconvenience it caused me.
The final straw happened recently when she visited me during a very busy work period. She suggested we spend the night in a hotel even though my house was already comfortable, and I agreed. I paid for the room, and when food was ordered later that night, I still ended up paying almost everything despite already spending heavily on the hotel. The next day, after returning from the market exhausted from buying materials for work, I expected to at least meet food at home since all the ingredients were available. Instead, I walked into a kitchen with bread wrappers and milk sachets scattered around while she had already eaten without cleaning up after herself. I still ended up cooking for myself.
The following morning, after she made food during the night, she left the kitchen in complete disorder again. Pots, plates, and leftovers were everywhere while I woke up early to continue working. Rather than cleaning up, she sat watching TikTok videos. Eventually I had to pause my own work to clean the kitchen myself because I couldn’t stand the environment anymore. At that point, I realized I was mentally exhausted.
What made everything clearer for me was understanding that this wasn’t just about dirt or money. It was about incompatibility. I realized I was constantly carrying responsibilities that should have been shared. I’m not against people hiring cleaners or getting help. I also take some of my clothes to dry cleaners. But there’s a difference between getting assistance and being unable to handle basic responsibilities yourself. If someone who is meant to clean your house doesn’t show up, there should still be a basic ability to sweep, organize, remove trash, and maintain a healthy environment. I couldn’t understand depending entirely on other people for something so fundamental.
At some point, I stopped seeing peace in the relationship. I started feeling drained instead of supported. Even during intimate moments, she would make comments like, “If you leave me, I will haunt you,” and although she may not have meant it literally, those kinds of statements only made me more uncomfortable emotionally.
Eventually, I accepted the truth that we are simply not compatible. I don’t hate her, and I’m not trying to paint myself as perfect. I just know that I can no longer continue in a relationship where I constantly feel emotionally exhausted, unappreciated, and burdened. I’ve reached a point where I no longer want to argue, explain, or force things to work. I’ve already made up my mind that the relationship is over, and at this point, I just want to walk away peacefully and move on with my life.
What do you think? Be nice please
Google file photo used for illustration |
Romance › Re: I Cleaned My Girlfriend’s House And Instantly Wanted To Break Up by benjaminonyema5(m): 8:28pm On May 23
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