₦airaland Forum

Thanks all for your comments and advice. It has really helped me in arriving at the decision I have taken and I believe that decision will be good for the parties involved. For the likes of Dayokanu who sees me as selfish because I talked about childrens hospital bills and house rent, I will say u didn't bother understanding my post to know that my complaint all stems from the fact that the person u believe u are working together with to make the family comfortable will still abuse you in every aspect of the word Abuse at every little issue. Anywoman that is shown love and care will not even know when she is spending her money for the family. But when u seem to shove down ur male chauvinism down your wifes throat at every point in time and still expect her to carry your financial responsibilty then you are getting it all wrong.
PS: CC and Jenny, Abeg don't allow my thread to bring friction between you guys, afterall we all disagree to agree. Ciaoo

Thanks everyone on your responses so far. I have visited him 3 times where he is based and he has no wife or any live in. That I am very sure because I also have relatives around there who would have told me if there is anything of that nature. In terms of making the home comfortable whenever he is around I always do that, I make up in all aspects for those 2 months he does not stay with us anytime he comes back. But each time he finds a way of attaching me emotionally. Its not only when he is around, even when we talk on phone. I always cry for him and he know that but it doesn't touch him. I later decided I will not shed a single tear again for him but each time its as if my heart will burst. Once my mum came visiting, when she was leaving he had to collect money from me dat he gave my mum because he didn't want to part with his own money. My heart is bleeding because I grew up in a family filled with love and I receive my fair share of love from my parents and siblings. I am very bitter inside but I manage to put a cheerful disposition around my kids and people around me. Not to blow my trumpets but am the last person to pick a qquarell with somebody so it amazes me that am going through all this pains in my marriage which I never thought could happen to me.

Fellow Nlanders, please help out a depressed soul.

My husband has abused me verbally, emotionally and even physically. My name is Betina and I have been married for four years with two boys(they are my only source of happiness now). I work in one of the communication firms and I earn an average of 110k per month. My husband is a business man but stays in one of the neighboring african countries but he comes home at least once every two months. My woes started barely 2 weeks after d birth of my son who I had thru CS, I had an argument with my hubby and d next thing I know he was beating and slapping me,that is not minding d fact that I was still recovering from CS. I cried and wailed and had to call his mum on the phone who in turn called all his siblings and they all pleaded with me to let go. He later apologised and I forgave him but he has still beaten me up on 2 other occasions even in front of d kids.

There's no time that we don't quarrel be it on the phone or whenever he comes back mainly because of money.he doesn't like spending money,and not that he doesn't have. Even when the children falls sick I am d one dat pays for their hospital bills. Anything that has to be done in the house he must tell me to contribute and I always do. When we first moved to d house we are staying in, I had to pay 1/3 of d total house rent yet he did not say thank u. He bought a land for 500k and mandated me to pay 200k, I also did dat. My husband bought a car to be using whenever he is around and he refused me to drive it. I tried on so many occasions to plead with him to allow me use d car but it always ends in quarel.

The last time we quarelled abt it he called me all sorts of name.dat I should be ashamed of my self, dat I ve been working and can't get my own car when there are women dat buy cars for there hubby. In fact that apart from the kids that am not valuable to him. That I don't cook or wash for him so he doesn't gain anything from me. I said no problem,and I resolved to buy my own car by december.

Now he wants me to pay the house rent.I told him I will contribute 150k while he pays d rest which is 250k but he refused. Unless I should go and look for a cheaper house which I told him I will not do. If he wants he should come and look for d house himself and be ready to stay there with us.he abuses me at every little opportunity calling me stupid, silly, foolish etc.he is very ok financially but will rather want me to spend my last kobo rather dan him bring money for d family. I am just fed up with d whole marriage because I can't even talk freely with him sos as not to stir up any quarrel. I ve prayed and am tired.

Do u think there is hope in this marriage?

[quote author=debrief08]Yes we do. My husband introduced me to one of there wonderful family traditions. My mother in law has 5 boys and she did a wonderful job training them to love their wives. Once a month, all d men in their family give their wives a whole weekend off, the wife chooses where she wants to go and the men will pay for the mini holiday, my father in law used to always say a happy wife is a happy home so he started this culture with his wife and his boys have followed. Mine is d 3rd saturday of each month, if I choose to stay at home and laze around then he takes the baby and goes out, orders me lunch and snacks. Sometimes I use my weekend to go to the spa, or the mall. I have breakfast there watch a movie and shop. This once a month break is really beautiful and I come home happy, refreshed and sweety usually gets a great reward that night. All women need some measure of privacy and "me" time[/quote

Hello @debrief, I ve been following ur comments on NL for some time. Can u pls help me with ur email address as I need ur advice on a pressing issue. Thanks.