₦airaland Forum

amordi:
My heart bleeds when I come across this kind of story, It's only you that knows what you are passing through, if infidelity is not in the picture pls give it a second thought and make it work again. God be your strength.

specter:
@op, it's one of these four things.

1. Either you kept a secret from him before marriage, or during the marriage, he has found out, and he is struggling to forgive and forget.

Each time he tells himself he has forgotten and move past it, you seem to get the full package of the sweet man you married and each time something triggers the memory, he automatically withdraws and hates everything about you.

2. Unfulfilled desires. Do you support his dreams and hustle. Is all well with the married financially. He might be going through serious financial mess you know nothing about and his only way to avoid dragging you into the shit is doing exactly what he does.

My take is, he is a cave man. He goes into his cave to process things, and he shuts you out. He does not see it as punishing you, but as a means of protecting you cos you might see him differently should you know what goes on in his head and could pass/freak out.

Find out what causes the pressure and see how you can help. Find his primary love language and speak it. It might be leaving little love notes and notes of encouragement in places he will see it when he least expects.

You have expectations of him, and he has expectations of a perfect family he has built in his head, and it's usually difficult when marriage brings its own reality. Most men really can't handle this pressure. Send him an SMS.

He also had expectations of his dream wife before marriage. You might be doing everything right domestically and sexually but that is not priority for him.

He might be the type that expects you to believe in his ideals and build a family empire. You know it all begins with an ideal that was not allowed to die.

And when the woman is not supportive of these expectations, there is always a huge disconnect. He sees you are one who is not focused enough to build with him, and wahala starts from there. See the movie ' fire proof and acrimony' for insight.

Just one quick question, have you sat down to discuss your family plans for the next 5, 10,15 and 20 years? Has he been busy discussing ideals with you as per his dream family cum family goals and you are not paying attention cos you consider them past time gist. Hence, he has considered you someone he can't build.

How about the family purse? Any plans? Lack of sexual fulfillment? Do you deliberately seduce him without sexing him. Every man wants a freak. If he does initiate sex, do you initiate any. You married a good man just learn how to handle him.

3. Diseases of attitude. Check yourself I can't explain this. You might see some tapes by T.D.Jakes on YouTube. I have listened to quite a number, and he talks real sense on marriage.

4. It is either your man does what he does to protect you from his dangerous side( the spiritual side you know nothing about), is cheating, having problems outside marriage with another woman which he cannot forgive himself about cos he is hurting you, which has made him withdrawn, or he is sick pyscho.

Investigate his parents' marriage. What happened with his dad? What formed his earliest opinion on marriage. Does his dad possess the same problem. Does he speak well of his dad?

Truth is most men from broken, dysfunctional or lousy marriage, spend their early days blading their dad for all the bullshit on why they had no right marriage/family like their friends to grow up in, but end up behaving exactly like their dad or worse when married.

They become that which they hate most. Same with ladies from same marriage. It's an unconscious act that only be seen when one sits to observe the pattern.

Lastly, investigate this mum. Is there any bad habits he hated or disliked about his mum you have picked. Thus might be what triggers him. As a man, I have mine, and it could be a solid ground for judicial separation cos I can't deal should my wife decide to go that route.

The kid in us never really dies, and we never really outgrow it. The earliest years of marriage brings out the kids in couples. But the bad memories if triggered, could also leave a lasting damage cos opinion once formed is hard to change.

My advice, play tapes on marriage and personal development. Grow and develop yourself. There are loads of them on YouTube. Play a little loud to his hearing. He might catch a word that will change his perception.

If you can, surprise him with dinner or buffet. And talk, keep talking and never stop talking.

Get books on marriage by Nike Adeyemi. She is got on fantastic book devoid of religiosities. Reality check.

Your marriage will overcome if his altitude is not point one.

I will refer you to a post a made on point 1 in another topic.


Specter, can i pls av ur contact.... i like ur reply to the ops post and i will like for us to talk pls.......i really need advise from you cos u the only one that said something sensible in all the comments as per the op post....That post is my story, n it was posted by my wifes friend who is based in Abuja....I to open up to someone sensible pls cos am tired of the marriage myself ....am just done i swear