₦airaland Forum

@ekaromail

Have you taken down the Series three, cos I can't seem to find it on your blog anymore.

Hello Omolola1,

Read through your novel and I must give you some kudos. But let's discuss the pros and cons of your novel.

Pros: Good use of words/vocabulary, Nice story line

Cons:
1. Like most people pointed out, the novel is too foreign. Although, you tried to bring in the Nigerian feel by using places in Nigeria, but it just didn't cut it. You should have just stuck to the foreign places. Your choice of words also made it sound very foreign. I guess you grew up outside this country, that's why you can paint a picture of Southern Texas to us.
You mentioned Nigerians being "toosh", yes Nigerians are toosh, but your descriptions in the novel still did not paint the picture of a "toosh" Nigerian

Suggestion: Do a better work if you have to paint a local/Nigerian setting. You can read a short novel on nairaland "Two Man Business" where the guy painted the pictures of both an hustling Nigerian and a "toosh" Nigerian. Reading that Novel would make you have a Nigerian feel.

2. You did not do a good job painting a mental image to your readers. For example, despite the use of words in describing the Big W estate (both exterior and interior), all i could just picture in my mind was a storey building standing in the middle of a desert with some small building across it. There was really no clear picture on the activities on the farm,cars in the compound, surrounding buildings, the environment. The picture of Big W Estate was not really defined/painted. The picture of the interior of the mansion was also very scanty unless the reader has to assume and put in the missing puzzles.
Suggestion: Do a better work painting pictures to your readers. Let them be able to visualize what you see.


Overall: Nice story line and use of words. There's still room for improvement.

NB: Please see criticisms as being constructive and not a bashing...Thanks