₦airaland Forum

THE DESIGNER
Chapter ONE
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THREE MONTHS LATER, I received a call from my buddy-doctor who advised me I need to check on my two babies. He briefed me on the progress and revealed to me that one of the incubated babies was not following the usual process and was critical.
Without much thought I raced of to his office to settle things. On getting to his office, the doctor said we needed a host for the faulty incubated baby to grow in. He explained that tight air had infiltrated the lungs of the faulty incubated-baby and if it escapes death would be the only solution. He disclosed the baby needed tighter space which could be found no where any incubator, but in the sack of a woman's tummy who would become the baby's host.
Obviously, this was a ghen ghen something.
He knew I was capable of getting any woman at the flick of my finger.
I was happy with the news, but it didn't tell on my face. I wondered how the no-fault baby was. Like he knew my problem, he told me not to bother about no-fault baby that it was okay. He also added that the two incubated babies were of different genders, but he wouldn't state which was which in other to avoid my having a preference of either of the babies. There was still no sign of difference on my face until he told me my incubated babies' mother didn't know who I was anymore or the fact the she had any abortion for a Mr. Blueman.
I was, oddly, awe-struck with that news and a grin appeared.
At the end, it wasn't a big deal. My buddy and I had a successful deal on getting a host which could be anyone whether infertile or fertile, good or bad, fat or slim, tall or short, as long as the host was a human being and of my opposite gender, a woman.
As a token of our friendship, he gave me a small mechanical and technical device that was specially programmed to work as a host-finder. I laughed at the device. Useless thing. On getting home, I almost decided throwing the device into the fire-place, but the distance of the fire-place wasn't close to me compared to the waste-bin that was just at my feet. I threw it into the waste-bin. And went straight to my bed room and thought of how I would use my prowess to attract my baby's host.
I wouldn't describe how I did it, but I got a woman who I met at a night club. "Night Club" is never a place I've been to neither was it traced on my social agenda until the mission of getting my baby-in-the-incubator a host. As soon as I got this woman I stopped the clubbing activities and went back to my usual social life.
Geez!
This woman was a lavish spender, but I didn't mind. I only needed her as a host for my baby. But her lavish spending was immeasurable. I was never near bankruptcy in my entire life, but this woman made me achieve this fit. I gave her up not minding the fact that I had lost a lot. Just as if we planned it together, she didn't pester me which was a sign she had given up on me too.
Mission unaccomplished in finding my baby a host.
I jubilated I didn't dispose my waste-bin when the LAWMA agents came around.
I went straight to my waste-bin to get back my host-finder radar periscope which I found at the top of the dirt like it knew I would come back for it.
I opened the lens of the periscope which was covered. A neatly folded paper fell out. I picked it up and unfolded it. It was a manual on using the radar-periscope. I read it back to back and I understood its ways. I later got to know that the periscope had hidden buttons embedded on it.
It was from the periscope I learnt that a night club was the worse place to venture in finding a host...or a wife.
My host-radar periscope directed my view to a Church.
I pressed a "skip" button below the periscope to give me another direction. I thought of other institutions like a University, a Bank, a Wedding Party, and all sort of social places. The host-radar periscope pinged notifying me of a destination I had in mind. I looked into the periscope and I was disappointed. Another Church. Catholic church actually. I clicked on the information tab close to the lens of the periscope. I looked into it and I got to know that every calibre of life is found in the Catholic Church. I clicked the info button again and it gave me information that it all depends on the society or organisation one joins before you get your prefered choice.
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STAY TUNED for CHAPTER  TWO

Literature Lovers come and see o.
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Oya serve yourself and enjoy as you scroll away.
Saviet paper no dey o!

I didn't forget you guys too.
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Oya scroll away too...no worry!
Dem dey prepare indomie come from kitchen.

Ah!
I shall be controversial if I know call these NairaLand ancestors too.
Abeg, make una no vex say I call una after chapter-episode ONE. Episode-chapter TWO dey below una.
PamelB, Fiyah, RawGurl, SamyFreshSmooth, Dfo12, Annie939, BimBerry1307, RinceSamuel93, SpiceyBae, Vicchi12, RoseyGold, Ashiat39, RachealFst, BelleFidel, Percentile, Ritvin, LeMubs, YorhmieNerd, OpeOluwa99, MissUniverse, Ewawumi, StalWert, Oracle2, Lleigh, TeedeeChian, DatJohn, Ridwan1821, AgentOfAllah, Crowniey, CountryGirl, Honourable356, Ojuolu, Abuklaw, DannyBeau, Olatex25, Dat9jaKid, Ritvin, PJSmart, Siralabai, Yinks89, Angelsss, OchyGlowsGlows, and RolaDiva.
Na from TheBlessedMan I borrow una mention from o.
Oya y'all sit down and scroll away.
Food dey cooler for front row o!

Oh!
I am sorry!
I forgot to pay obeisance to awon Onile (NairaLandLords):
Lalasticlala (I don't even know who you are, I just know people mention your name every now and then) I greet you o!
DivePen1 and Co. I don alert una before na.
SmartestPopQueen, how far na?! How is NICK? I hope his Hybrid children are helping him recuperate his powers?
PrinceOfPrince, I hope you've stopped beefing the Queen? You are seating beside her this time around.
TheBlessedMan, I can see how wide your grin is. I pray make e no tear reach you back. Oya, sit for front row.
All you other TEAM HERO crew (I wish I go join una later), Royh call them come.
ChumzyPinky A.K.A. Iya Ibeji, I no know where you dey all this while, but I dey invite you sha.
Y'all sit down, relax, cross-leg, carry your left arm go your stomach with your right hand wielding your phone at ya face, and scroll away.
Yeah!
Fanta and Coke at your disposal.

NOTE:
Patience is a Virtue!
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THE DESIGNER
PROLOGUE
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The woman who I've been pretending to you that is your mum isn't. She never even had a child for me. She was, actually, not fertile until she died in a presumed ghastly accident.
This woman you know as your step mum gave birth to you before I ventured into the marriage business. Though, she didn't give birth to you directly. You're a child of an incubator. That's why you're fat and have K-leg like this.
After we finished doing 'it', I knowingly released my semen in her. It was a quickie your mother wanted, but she didn't know I had other plans. The same way I had planned, she also had planned...against me.
The next day, after the semen was released in her, I knew she would be pregnant because my semen is a strong one and makes the infertile fertile.
Though, my ex-dead-wife was an untouched being that's why she wasn't fertile nor pregnant.
The next day, your mother went to the hospital for pregnancy-test.

Geez!
She was pregnant.
The test showed 10 puppies...I mean babies.
10 babies were in your 'revealed' mother.
Without my consent, she tried aborting all babies within her. In lieu to this expectation, she booked an apointment with the doctor that revealed her pregnancy test. The appointment day came and, without hesitation, she was successful aborting 10 of the babies.
Unknown to her, the doctor that did the abortion for her was a bestie of mine. And he revealed to me the discussion he had with your mother. He told me he was yet to reveal the accurate number of my babies in her. I asked him and he told me there were TWELVE of your type in her. We later agreed that he should tell your mother TEN of your type were in her and if she agreed aborting the TEN there was no qualms with it, but he should ensure he removed the remaining TWO babies and fix into an incubator.
With the turn out of event, as soon as your mother was successful with the abortion, she turned down every approach I made to her and she left me for this man of your dreams.
That was her plan. Unknowing to her, I knew her plans.
I called my bestie and doctor, and we fell into another agreement of wiping your mother's memory of everything about me, which includes the abortion.
My bestie called her that she needed to take one more drug to certify she gave birth to no other child from me. She, wholeheartedly, went to him for the drugs. But he warned her that there would be some side effect which was mental and would surmount to her forgetting things but would later subside.
She agreed and he injected the amnesia drugs (which was incurable) in her. To make her feel safe, he told her there would be some timid feeling she would abhor which would slowly subside along with the side effect.
And the doctor was perfect in his job. How he did it without concealing the truth was amazing.
The next week, she compelled me to go with her to a shopping mall without OUR car, but on foot. Along the way, very suddenly, a tinted range rover (recent sport model) stopped few feet ahead of us like it was on the virge of abduction.
I was frightened and took hold of your mother's hand and dragged her to my back to ward danger off her.
The jeep wasn't alone. About 5 feet off, it had convoy which was behind me. It was a fleet of other tinted range rover jeeps.
I was surprised.
I wasn't such of an important personality to be intercepted at this level. I expected armed men to come out and intercept me or burst out and shoot me from defending my fiancee from being held captive.
After few moments, the passenger door of the jeep parked at our front opened. I was curious to know the personality slowly unveiling.
After every drama, there was, standing right in front of me, a man I had never set my eyes upon. He was, obviously, not Nigerian. He was a white man on black tuxedo with a straight tie and his arms were outstretched like someone expecting a hug from a long time friend. I lost concentration on the man's features. Like film trick, your mother dropped my hands which I firmly held on to, but she forcefully removed it.
She ran to him like she was running from ebola and he grabbed her like he was catching a child thrown in the air.
They kissed intimately and there I was, alone with my mouth agape and experiencing a sequence to fornication.
After every affection, she did me the honour by stopping the new-comer's affection. I saw that the new-comer's face was smeared with your mother's make-up. She introduced the man not with his name, but a title, "Gucci brand owner."
With that, she left me to ponder on what she meant by this Gucci brand owner. She didn't even introduce me to him. She entered the jeep with the Gucci man's lead and they zoomed off.
I went back home and dwelt on my loss.

DISCLAIMER:
This WAS an abandoned project I authored effortlessly in year 2017.
I shall continue unequivocally. And I hope y'all give me a shot in the arm.
Updates shall be made EVERY DAY God said "Let there be Light!"
*winks*

ATTENTION:
If you are the type that judges a story by it's first updates (which I sometimes do until I read ATTENTIONS like this) then I won't be surprised like TheBlessedMan if you get tired after the first FOUR updates. But I implore you to endeavour to read on to the eighth chapter/episode and I promise you would yearn for more.
(This is my FIRST work on Nairaland which is the reason behind this COPIED WITHOUT TheBlessedMan 's PERMISSION introduction.)

WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS ANECDOTE (GENRES):
TECHNOLOGY: Yes... Don't expect Nollywood Sci-fi.
VIOLENCE: Yes... But at readers discretion because it's GORY!!! Though it doesn't start right away.
SEX: Yes... But I don't know why and how the super MODs of Nairaland registered the members of NFVCB - National Film and Video Censor Board. They are trying every means to tamper this project.
GAYism: I'm not here to please you at all. Don't even try and do "mo gbo, mo ya" (I heard then attended) because KRATOS would deep his hand in your eyes.
MORAL: Go get your Bible or Quran...better still, while reading ensure you are with your ROSARY or TESBI to ward of evil!
(I'm working on an anecdote with the entire literary genre embedded in it sha...keep your fingers crossed.)

THE DESIGNER
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DEDICATION:
This anecdote is dedicated to nobody and to everybody.
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ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:
I recognise the undying love my female colleagues (none of them is on Nairaland) have for me. Colleagues that keeps me burbling at the Secondary School I happen to be a Principal of. They are the main reason this idea exist.
Thanks to the cue I copied from TheBlessedMan without his approval. I hope he is disappointed when the thunder he may likely send from Shango to fire me hits the poverty that has kept me awake and thinking all night long.
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COPYRIGHT:
I prefer Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Athena, Ares, Artemis, Roman gods and the gods of Egypt to our local dumb gods (though the aforementioned are dumb too), but I bet the god of TheBlessedMan would intervene against you if you think you would beat Jesus when he said, "I will come like a THIEF in the night."
If Shango does nothing because no obeisance was paid him, then do what you can do best, but don't forget KRATOS' gat my back. (If you know you know.)
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PROHIBITION:
Unlike me, don't spend your precious 8 hours of sleep on here. Don't lend someone your sleep or decide not to attend tonight's coven gathering to remain here.
And don't quote ALL (every word) from an update...it's boring.
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DERAILERS:
Obinnau, DivePen1, and TheBlessedMan, let these derailers know that they are strictly warned to back off. They should not come and be telling us witches fly at night or how to hang or spread cloth on the wire. Please warn them seriously. or to wash our teeth before sleeping or to throw our tooth on the roof for it to grow.
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CRITICS:
Please, criticise me Maturely.
I'm still learning.

I knew it.
I knew it would never end with Darous giving his life to Christ by this early hour.
See as you take style stir the wheel of your commot for ending go beginning of another life.
See eghn, na for you to turn this COUNTLESS anecdote to Series o.
All the recent slangs and happenings are part of what has brought alive this story of yours TheBlessedMan.
E be like say na so those artist and suiciders dey do. If suicide by hanging hard them na to jump for inside Lagos Lagoon. Kai! TheBlessedMan, you dey open my brain o.
See as KUNLE chop WWTBAM money without answering I.Q. questions.
Ah! How come?! When did Darous visited my Cathedral? His Lordship never told me you donated any amount o. How much did you drop make I know how much go enter my hand sef.
TheBlessedMan one would think this is a typical autobiography. You got my whole attention at the mention of the Cathedral.
But wait o, does that topic (The Benefits of Hell) exist truly?
See eghn, SILVER and GOLD, I've none, but all I have I will give to you, in the name of Shango, the gawd of thunder/fire, receive my Ighalo advise and comments.
*winks*

Update!
Update!!
Update!!!

I don't want this story to end o (depending on your touche). Make e enter like Season 8 (Hollywood Style).

Nice update you gat here Tracyberry.
Thanks for the mention also.
Anyone (any EOP or EP) giving/awarding you negative comments on here, do know that it's necessary and mandatory to just avoid the person like Ebola.
NEXT!!!

doosebae:
It will definitely

Ah!
*mouth wide open*
Can you imagine the period between when I made the request comment and your own "IT WILL DEFINITELY" comment?
This is indefinite!!!

Good Update you made there TracyBerry!
*ThumbsUp*
How I wish you can be updating us regularly it'd be very good for US and for YOU too.
It will be good for you because comments (criticisms) would enable you work better especially on the wrong terms in some aspect and even the equivocal grammar itself.

Hold on o, is Tracy thinking making suicidal attempt with the way she is having this flashback of her Mum?!
Hmmm...
My fingers are crossed and I'm still on the 'Patient Dog' diet.

See, forget that believeness and the lie in it sef.
Come and hear my allegation against you ROYH and your entire Hero Team.
All of you that is claiming to be members, staffs, officers of Team Hero/Hero Team (most especially SmartestPopQueen, Royh, PrinceOfPrince, TheBlessedMan, and etc), how can you crew members just abandon the origin of your team since last year?!
This thread is meant to be balling hard with updates/comments (either necessary or unnecessary) to sha just keep the thread alive. Or except if you guys have already decide to maintain the thread as a monument/museum.

Anyone with the idea of where SmartestPopQueen threw the SECOND story she PROMISED us?!

badohemmy:
Lol. Pls take it as typo error.

badohemmy:
Lol. Pls take it as typo error.

Like seriously?!
I'm wondering the possibility of your confusion o.
How can you attest to a typographical error and still maintain your stance with it without editing?!
You better bone that typo error excuse o!!!

pabon:
I wanted to ask a question. Do you know anyone here, I mean from Nairaland, who has made it big from writing?

The following Nairaland ancestors and ancient of days are likely to give surmountable and suitable answer to your question.
Please, TheBlessedMan, Lalasticlala, Rohy, SmartestPopQueen, PrinceOfPrince, Tgold1, etc can you please give feasible answers to the above question quoted?!

Hmmm...
Now, I'm wondering the Gawd that wants to give these Jezebel children the brain in initiating Tracy!!!
We shall see...I'm trying to be a patient dog here o!
If update doesn't suffice like waterfall soonest TracyBerry, I may be forced to abandon that bone and go for Shawarma.

TracyBerry, I wanna pray for you!
Kneel down and close your eyes.
The same way you leave us hanging and in suspense, may the Gawd of Darous in the COUNTLESS anecdote by TheBlessedMan replenish your phone with enough battery (NEPA) and data (and less work which would make you busyless) so you can attend to us in other for you not to be awashed with disappointment where you will find yourself using the same old phone you used where you were like waterfall with your update.
Oya!
Where's the update?!

Joshudinho, have you ever wondered why people quotes a whole story?
Joshudinho, how do you feel when you find yourself scrolling/reading again a comment that quotes a whole story?
I guess you don't, or would ever, know since you're a civtim of circumstance.
TheBlessedMan, you this celestian guy. I've already thrown my advise at you. It now depends on you to be a Francis Uzoho or an Odion Ighalo.
Of course, I knew Darous would not die. It's his story of course.
I was filled with conjecture at the particular justification of the suicide un-fulfilment. Lots of random thoughts filled me. I even thought you may pick a scenario from any of the Final Destonation movies.
*Kudos*
You're really filled with wonderment and suspense TheBlessedMan!
*Kudos Again*
You better be a FRANCIS UZOHO to ma advise.
It's for a greater good o!
SmartestPopQueen or PrinceOfPrince, come and see what your Team Hero commander is doing o!!!

in full sincerity eghn, SmartestPopQueen, this is a writing well written.
Gigantic KUDOS to you!
*ThumbsUp*
Your last and final update on HEROES was TWO YEARS AGO, nonetheless, the episode/update before Heroes' Epilogue was written in Nigerian style. I know this because I'm yet to watch a standard foreign (non-African) movie were their prose is(was) written like you did yours.
The way you ended it, though, is marvellous (Nollywood Style).
*smiles*
It took me almost 7 days to conclude this story. I just had to skip some scene due to the fact that I couldn't find the pathway to the TEAM VASELINE crewmembers. The comments were unavoidable as it complimented the story and revealed what to expect.
i was so engrosesd that I forgot to ask TheBlessedMan for the best route to purchasing an original Vaseline Cream.
Everyone has been throwing appreciation to SmartestPopQueen forgetting that she wasn't the sole writer of this Hero's anecdote.
Wonderful praise to the Dark Brothers.
I'm much obliged to recognize SmartestPopQueen's prowess in not having the "starting what you can't finish" trait. She ensured she gave HERO a smart ending...eventhough it was written.
While I read along, I was able to decipher were you solely started writing this anecdote, but, it would take me reading this porn-sci-fi again before I can pick were you started writing it exclusively.

TRIBUTE TO THE GOD OF NICK (it's fictional):
SmartestPopQueen, I believe it's not recent, but something you would've put at a corner of your wardrobe.
ADIEU TO THE GOD OF NICK.
ADIEU TO THE LEGEND OF THE DARK BROTHERS.
He's reincarnated to live again in the six Children of Vage and Nick.
May he live again to die no more.

PrinceOfPrince, thanks for the BEHIND-THE-SCENE of HERO, eventhough it's personal.

Now, I'm worried and confused about the origin and objective of TEAM HERO or HERO TEAM.
Tgold1, TheBlessedMan, Royh, PrinceOfPrince, SmartestPopQueen, etc you guys shouldn't tell me y'all went through the kissing of an 80+ old woman/man.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
I don't know if it's sci-fi Team Hero or reality Hero Team.

SmartestPopQueen, I can't seem to find the link to the sex-filled, adventure-filled gaping-story you promised us TWO YEARS AGO o.

Chisos! Chisos!! Chisos!!! And ChumzyPinky was just ONLINE very few days ago. I can't believe this IYA IBEJI has run out of idea(s). TheBlessedMan isn't even concerned about the whole issue. *Mtweech*

Update update!
Next next!!
This issue, for Tracy, is now a DO or DIE affair, and also a IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM, YOU JOIN THEM issue too!
Tracy...what's your choice?!

Y'all should stop clutching straws at trying to catch up with this COUNTLESS story.
TheBlessedMan hasn't make any update since the 28th of June (2 weeks/15 days ago).
DivePen1; SmartestPopQueen; ChumzyPinky; Jackossky; Badohemmy; Sheikshegetto; OyinPen; Obinnau; Lalasticlala; Lilisticlili; Ijebabe; Nex; r231; And Freiburger, can any of you just summon the NL spirit of TheBlessedMan over here?
Incomplete stories topics should stop bearing FP. It's downheartning clicking on an FP topic only to meet it incomplete.
*sad*

Sensitivity1254:
I wonder why it's so easy for us to bring someone's parent into an issue they know nothing about.

All case settled!
Asemark you are yet to answer my question o!!!

Asemark:
find somewhere chill bo yu no go undastand

No o... I no wan chill just yet o! Oya, which of them girls does your foolishness accusation lies on?! TracyBerry (author) or Tracy (character)? Vera? Nikky? Tiger? Emeraldgist1? Harmonyjael? Which of them is the 'foolish gal'?