₦airaland Forum

Please don't come to my Page and call me OP. Who is your OP. Elo si yaba kelo wa OP yin sibe.

Whenever i post my shit, Please you all should Call me by my Name Boda Ola. If not, all of us will open our nyash in this Nairaland. All of us will open our nyash.

When i say oshe! You say baddest!

Who can relate to this?

Awizdom:
Please u really made me had more life buy reading your book thanks.....GOD bless

You are welcome. Its my pleasure to have you here FAM.

LawyerLomo:
When I pore-over your write-UP. I observed the NAME of your beloved friend was "TAWA". Exactly the sound of a THUNDAROUS Slap.

Lol... Bro you funny o...

Who knows this Paul Cleverly ft Mr Spell Anything song titled "Buhari".

''Baindadandang! Buhari mana B O, E O, Emu Ai, Eni Aru, S I, G O, Enu Yu" that's what i was listening to while writing this pieces (lol).

 Guess what! I just won a football bet ticket of three hundred thousand naira. How happy i am. My brother i need to change my wardrope, dispose some cloths and look new and dapper to those new chicks in my area.

To my surprise, my ex girlfriend that broke up wuth me eight month ago, called me to congratulate me.

"congratulations ola on our winning ticket".

"Is your brain normal? What's " Our Ticket". You follow me book game? Please shift don't disturb me Moor!"

All this girls eeeh, kai! Small change that God helped me with to fix up my broke ass, devil still send you to come and collect it. It will not work! I swear kolewerk! Mtcheeew!

As i was saying, back to the real matter.

"I have not read the part one of ONE MINUTE MAN', step aside and don't waist my time (anger mode activated).

And you that is reading this now.... You have what... Shut up your dirty mouth and come outside for me joorh! (aggressive)

So me i will suffer and write book you will not read it. It's not me that you will kill... Kayode bring that Cain for me.........lol

That was how our primary school teachers do treat us that year. Making life frustrating to us, especially that Monday morning when you didn't summit you Maths assignment.... (Uncle Michael nah Ogun go kill you if you dey read this piece).

Moving forward, To read part one of ONE MINUTE MAN, click  here

          
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                           PART 2
          
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"Wait! So all the shout this girl was shouting was all heard by charity? No! maybe she just got back". i thought

"But she's drying the cloths she just finished washing. That means, she has been around for a while". I argued.

  "Charity howfar". i greeted.

And she responded without even looking up... "i dey o". Frowning.

Omo! Now i know say my matter don cast. 

The shame in me didn't allow me to have confidence in how i talked.

Imagine me. "You dey wash?" What a question.

Then i got a savage reply... "no, i dey cook". 

Lobatan! my matter don cast last last.

My reputation has been compromised. Hmmm!

"Shaaa, it has happened it has happened. Life goes on". I said to myself as i escorted the girl out of the gate to board a bike.

    After some days i started noticing something strange. Charity and my bae are now close friends unlike before that it's just greetings they owe each other.

Wait, let it not be what am thinking o. This one my girlfriend will come around and charity will also show up, and they will both start exchanging pleasantries.

To an extent that charity always bring up gist about guyz who do cheat on their girlfriend.

"If we ladies start doing our own now, they will want to die". She said as they both gist.

Then i was shocked, when my girlfriend said, "any day i will catch my boyfriend cheating, i will cut off his man hood"

Wait o!, I don't understand. My joystick? my trumpet? my ladies pet? my "what made me a ma?"

 See, boya is that day i will kill you. Oni fé té

   I was always scared of having issues with charity, becasue i no want make she open my nyash. If i wan vex i go use style laff... 
   
But wait. This days, something unusual is happening. Charity is always tasking me. Am seeing this as blackmailing.

Today, "ola abeg, give me Two Hundred Naira for your hand"... Well thats a small change shaaa... Its worth giving out.

Tomorrow, "ola abeg, give me 200naira for your hand".

Next tomorrow "ola abeg, give me 200naira for your hand"... 

"Charity do you want to kill me? What sef! I don't have! Did i open osusu with you!

Everytime ola abeg, give me 200naira for your hand", am i your boyfriend? You are a scammer! abi is it because you saw me the other day with... See, i don't want this to get messy, no just use that one dey do any how o... Make i no change am for you! Mtcheeeew!". I ranted at her.

Moving forward, that was how charity was using me as a source of buying handout. Thank God all the shit was over, i have finally cleared her doubts already. Now i can rest. 

"Charity If you like greet me, it's your own. And if you don't greet me. You are on your own." Fraudster!

    Its up to a week now that i had issues with charity. I was actually waiting anxiously to here from my girlfriend Funke about what charity might have told her.

But she's not even saying anything related to that at all or reacting strange the way girls do react whenever they hear the usual aproko about their boyfriend.

"Cheating naim be the usual aproko nah! 

Or, which guy can boast to me that he have never cheated on his girlfriend. Then thunder from above will now fire you.

 Let me not set some people's relationship on fire, i don't want things to get messy, before some girls will attract their boyfriends tonight. "so kunle after  all my efforts, all my twerkings to satisfy you, you still go out to cheat on me, haaa! I will chuk one of my finger in my nyash and swear for you" (sobbing)... I no talk anything o". (Lol)

.....................................................….....................................

  I have been toasting kafaya since first semester, now this is second semester.

  "Kafaya what nah! Who's that stupid boy that's managing your local government and not letting you look at my side. Eeehn... Kafaya forget that guy, i love you. I don't think i can do without you. My heart is always craving for your love". I said in worried voice.

"Come under the tree let's have some shade". I added.

Then she followed me under the tree because the sun was too hot.

    When kafaya will respond, she said "ola don't tell me you don't have a girlfriend since all this while, throughout last semester, till now. Haabaa Ola, stop lying. And besides, i do see you around with that  girl in Business Department named funke or whatever".

 Aiye o!my matter don cast! No wonder this girl no wan gree since all this while.

"Ooh... Funke? (smiled)... Funke is just  my friend, she helps me on calculation related courses, you know she is in ND2 and am in ND1, she knows more better than i do. That was what brought us that close". I replied convincingly.

Omo see format! Guyz nah devil. God forgive your son for he does not know what he is doing...(winks)

  "But this one that kafaya is doing some background investigations about me, e be like say the baby don dey fall in love o". I thought.

(That mood when the Dj is playing Reminisce Wafe kulale yi).

   "Kafaya tell me something now. Just talk to me. Tell me your mind baby". I said in a romantic voice.

Then she sighed and replied " give me little time let me think about it".

Kafaya weyin you dey think. Nah assignment? Kai! Girls can too form.

Only guyz will understand, when a girl says let me think about it, to us it means "Yes in advance". She don gree for your mind, She just won stress me. Let it not be as if she is cheap. Be forming hard to get when my takute have trap your bush meat.

   We were already holding each other romantically, when i heard someone called my name right behind me.
"Olamide!" Said the Voice.

I then turn to see who was that.

Haaaa! Aiye mi temi  bami! It's Funke o!

Haaa! Matter Cast Big time...


.... To be continued.


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maxxy26:
Following Till End

Thanks bro... Promised to give you more.

Oyinlicious:
So cool

Thanks dear

UncleEnergy:
Boda Ola... How can I get this book please. I need to read it. A friend told me about it.

When did you get this book cover from. This is for my next work.

UncleEnergy:
Boda Ola come and update plz.... I am loving this

OK bro... Dropping soon. Hope to crack your rib.

moseph:
Am loving this.
continue op

OK. Dropping soon. Hope you will enjoy.

Phinity318:
Can’t wait

OK bro. Dropping soon.

maxxy26:
Following Till End

Hi everyone. Thanks for love. The comments here gat me craving to post more works.
Dropping the next episode in a jiffy.

cubby4:
you kind of annoyed me by passing the night in their place after the embarrassment in the car...e be like say u na quiet person,God knows i can't take shit o

That's true bro... Don't wonna be rude. Thanks for the comment.

Phinity318:
No sire, But I don waka naija koro wella, from the plantain joint in ikot Ekpene to the Santana joint in Benin to the Amala joint for st Mathias utako, Local Man don waka small man. Just carry go ...

Oyah nah bro... Will soon drop new update. Sure you gonna enjoy it.

Nemesis0147:
why did you bring a lady into a house were you where welcomed?

and why didn't you live after finding out that things were not going well and you had cash on you

some people like embarrassment sha

No one is perfect bro. That was a mistake. I learnt my lessons.

Thanks for the comments. God bless you.

'You slapped me?' I said furiously.
Tawa was starring in surprise. She couldn't believe what was happening.

'Yes i do and i will slap you again'. She replied. 'You have the goths to bring in a prostitute to my house! Who do you think you her?' She added furiously.

'With due respect ma, I am not a prostitute'. Tawa altered.

'Will you keep shut your dirty stinky mouth! Now get out before i open my eyes'. She said closing her eyes.

Tawa walked out silently and i kept starring in shock. Still wondering if what was happening was real or a movie.

'Haa! I caused all this mess! I caused all this mess! What am i even doing here. What the Bleep am i doing here'. I said to myself aggressive.

'Oh! You better ask yourself very well so you go back to where you are coming from. Mtcheeew!' Instructively as when walked out of the scene.

I picked my phone and rushed outside the gate while i dial Tawa's number. She wasn't answering. I got outside and looked searched around while dialing her number again but she wasn't answering.

I then ran to the end of the street to see if i could meet up with her, but all was in vain.

I looked up, couldn't control the tears that was dropping out of my eyes. This is just the top height of embarrassment have ever experienced.

I walked back home in a sad mood. On my way back home, i saw my Uncle's wife driving down in her car.

'She actually came back just for me'. I thought. 'Definitely someone must have called her to gossip to her that i brought a stranger into the house'. I concluded.

She drove passed in speed raising dust with her moves. As i looked back and watch her fade.

When I got home, to my surprise, she locked the gate. Leaving me outside.

'It seems this women is once mad! Abi she is even mad now!' I said to myself.
I was left outside stranded.

'It was about 11a.m in the morning. It will get to evening before anyone can be back to the house'. I thought.

'I wasn't having any money on me. I was out with just my phone. I don't know anybody. I'm hungry. I'm a little bit pressed. I haven't taken my bath. I don't want to stay here any longer'. That was all what was roaming through my mind as i was frustrated.

I tried calling Tawa again, but this time. Her phone was switched off. I kept wondering what she might be having in mind towards me. I recalled how i was embarrassed in her presence.

I strolled down the street stranded. I walked around the whole area repeatedly, that got some residents starring at me and wondering maybe i came to steal. I began to feel low self esteem.

I later branched to a Chemist and sat on the bench outside with a man reading a football news paper. We later strike up a gist and i killed my boredom. I love watching football. I am a big fan of Manchester United. And when it comes to arguing about football, i am always at the top of my game. The man was a Chelsea fan. And you all know Man United and Chelsea fans are not best of friends. We argue against each other.

Its about 3pm. My eyes are rolling with hunger. Am feeling little Migraine. I am brutally hungry. I kept yawning every seconds. My eyes are turning red. Am looking depressed.

'Why did i embark on this journey at first, is it a crime to attend my cousins wedding?' I questioned myself.

I then locate my way back home. I missed my path couple of time. I asked a passer by to please direct me. I had to add please. We all know everyone is mad in this country, before he pours his aggression on me. Even when i know it's risky to do that because of the rate of Kidnapping in the West, but i have no choice. I have to go back home.

I finally got home. I found the gate closed without padlock. Definitely, someone must have returned. I knocked on the gate, but no one responded.

I knocked harder again. This time, someone responded.
'Hold on, am coming'. The person said.

'That was my Uncles voice'. I guessed as i waited anticipatively.

The gate made a loud noise as the person tries to open it. Then he opened and peeped out. It was my Uncle truly.

'Good afternoon sir'. I greeted him.

'How are you'. He responded as he went back inside.

'Am fine sir'. I answered as i lock the gate from behind, even when its shows vividly on my face that am not fine.

I then went inside the house. When i got inside, i went to the corner i kept my bag, brought out the bag, open it and brought out my sponge and a shirt as i planned to take my bath and as well use defecate.

After bathing and dressing up, i took some money from my bag and stepped out. Locate the restaurant and fed myself to the fullest.

'I cannot come and kill myself'. I said to myself as i struggle with the meat from the ewedu soup i was eating after finishing three wraps of fufu.

Food in Ibadan are quite cheap as unlike food in Abuja. I spent just two hundred and fifty naira and i fed up to my satisfaction. In Abuja, we don't even think of feeding up, all we are concern about is eat something and qualify it as morning food. Before one can eat up to one's satisfaction, you have to spend up to five hundred. I mean when you are doing the Local side (mam put). If you feel you have the mind and you go to places like BluCabana, Nkoyo, Big Bites, Mama Cass and the rest of them, you will spend up to Two Thousand Naira for for a plate of food.

After eating, i rushed back home because i concluded going back to Abuja that night even when i have never gone through a night trip before.

When i got home, i packed my bag and my belongings. Then i went to my Uncle in the living room to inform him that i will be on my way that night.

'What do you mean. Don't you know it's risky to travel at night. Why can't you wait till tomorrow'. He questioned.

I kept silent and short of words to day as i sighed and looked down.

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Tnx for the encouragement. Dropping more soon.

Who is following?

tunjilomo:
I think the writer is building up to that part.

Yes. Thanks for that response. Dropping it soon.

kay29000:
The story is intersting, but I was thinking it will be a short story about suicide. Where is the attempted suicide part?

Thanks for reading. Am writing towards that. Keep reading. Thanks for being here.

I turned back and....

'Oh My God! Tawa!' I screamed with excitement as she ran to me and i embrace her.

'Kilo wa Se ni ibadan? (What do you come to do in ibadan)'. She asked in surprise.

I smiled with excitement and responded. 'Mo wa fun igbeyawo egbon mi kan ni o (I came to attend one of my cousins weddings)'. I responded with smiles.

'Do you live around here?' I asked folding my hands in surprise.

'No I live around iyano church'. She returned. 'You don get beards now o! You don turn to daddy. Ola!' She added jokingly as she touched my beards softly and smile.

'You still never change from this your bad mouth and those wahala wey you always dey give me that year'. I returned with joke.

'I be your aunty that year nah, you don forget ni?' She said as she hit my chest softly.

' see tawa wey i dey buy buns and zobo for that year o! Wey i dey escort go Assembly ground make dem no flog her for coming late'. I fired back with laugh.

'Idiot! Big head!' She replied with laugh and hitting my back jokingly.

'But ola i have actually missed you. I lost your contact so long ago and since then have been sending you messages on Facebook but you don't reply'. She complained.

'Am so so sorry dear, don't mind me, i don't check my inbox on Facebook. Chatting on facebook isn't fun to me, I prefer WhatsApp'. I apologized with alibi.

We continue and we talked for about two hours at the same spot . we exchanged each others contact as i promise to visit her at he resident in iyana church before heading to Abuja.
Then i escorted her for sometime till she got a bike man and drove off as we parted ways.

Now, thinking about my uncle's wife made me hiss every second as i walked down the street.
'Why am i even here?' I asked myself in frustration.
I cane down to ibadan with about twenty five thousand naira, now I'm left with just fourteen thousand naira only and i planned to stay one full week before going back. But with the way things are moving, i don't feel like staying any longer. Felt like going back to Abuja with the way am feeling rejected by my uncle and other relatives. I don't think i can cope.

Later that Sunday, i went back home after a long strolling. My uncle's wife prepared semovita and also serve me some. I received it and thank her, but was worried about the food. I was scared not to be poisoned.

'Can this woman poison me? No she dare not?' I argued with myself.
That night, i was allowed to sleep inside the house but in the living room.
'Atlease my body will rest from feeding ibadan mosquitoes. They don see Abuja pizza wey dem go dey chop". I said to myself as i played on the couch and slept off and slept off in a jiffy.

******

'Kukuruuku!' The cock crowed loudly consecutive times.
It's a new day. A morning at the same time. A day that everyone is looking too serious and busy for the day including those who doesn't have a job.

My uncle was already off for work. His wife was also off for her work at Lifeforte international school, one of the biggest school in ibadan as i was told. She was the Vice Principal of the school.

The children are off for school and the guests have all gone back to their various homes. Left in the house was just me and the Cat they called their pet. I actually don't like cats. They get me irritated. So the cat was always scared and far from me. Because if it does, I might just use it to play Badminton.

'Home alone, what am i supposed to do. I don't know of any PES 2 game shop around so i can go there and deal with all those ibadan Local Konami Champions'. I said to myself.

On thinking about my next move, my phone rang. Its was Tawa calling. I was surprised she called so early at about 9a.m. I stretched for my phone and answer the called.

'Hello Tawa baby, how are you doing?' I asked in a soft voice.

'Am fine and how was you too?' Sh returned.
'Am good too. How was your night, hope it was fine?' I responded.

' it was splendid dear. Hope you still around. Because am at your area.' She said.

'Haba nah! Am still around, can't just go like that without informing my baby nah'. I replied joking.

'OK, am at the front of that shop i picked a bike yesterday. Come and meet me there, am waiting'. She said.

'Why not pick a bike from and come down to my side. Am the only one at home. Tell the bike man you are going to fame House behind Redeem Church, i will be waiting for you outside.' I returned.

'OK, i know there, will meet you soon'. She said and dropped the call.

I then, went outside the gate to wait for her.

It wasn't up to a minute when i sighted her on the bike with a bike man. I was somehow excited with smiles on my face when the bike got to my front. She dropped and hugged me. I paid her transport to the bike man and he zoomed off.

'Tawa Tawa baby'. I said as we exchange pleasantries. Showed her way to the gate and we both went inside. I then showed her the way to the living room and make her feel at home.

'Wow! Your uncle's house is nice'. She said as she looked round in excitement.

'Thank you'. I replied with smile.

I then asked her to wait for me that i will be with her in a jiffy. I rushed outside to get her a chilled Amstel Malt and meat pie from a shop close by. I got back in a jiffy and served her in a small tray. She thanked me and planted a peck on my cheek.
'You are such a darling'. she said.

Then we started strike up a gist and we started talking. We were talking and laughing when i heard a car horn outside the gate. Then i rushed out to see who it might be. I got to the gate and opened it. To my surprise, it was my uncles wife. 'What made her come back so quick'. I thought.

Then i opened the gate wide for her to drive in. Then close it after she drove in. Still in surprise and thinking about what might have brought her back.
She parked and dropped from the car.

'Welcome Ma'. I greeted her.

' Thank You'. She responded frowning as she walked into the house with her hand bag.
'Which kind forming be this one, madam i no be your gateman o'. I said in my mind as i joined her inside.

She walked into the living room and saw Tawa sited d with a bottle of Amtel Malt on the glass table in her front.

'Good Morning Ma'. Tawa stood up and greeted her bending slightly.

'Good Morning'. She responded furiously. 'Olamide who is she and what is she doing here'. She added interrogatively.

'Yes ma, she is my wayback secondary school mate who relocated from Abuja to........ 'OH MY GOD! Was that a slap on my face?' I asked my self as i feel my cheek. She just slapped me. I was shocked she did. Wasn't expecting that........



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Phinity318:
Baba fire on! I familiar with this environment wey Yuu Dey describe Wella...No sha forget dem Akara joint for night ...Make the story bam

My brother.... You school for Bida ni?

Eminya:
That was harsh, seems your parents didn't have a good relationship with them. Nevertheless, Your Uncle is the worst of them all.

True sis... May God help us all.

Mehn! Can't believe I just heard that. Emi no ni ye o (that's me she is referring to o!) I said in my mind.

Deep inside me, am already crying and angry at the same time. Felt like telling them to drop me so I can find my way, but I controlled my aggression. I didn't say anything till we got home. I didn't even engage in the funny conversation held in the car as everybody laughed and laughed till we got home.

When we got home, I got down from the car and opened the gate wide for my uncle to drive into the compound. As he drives in, i then close the gate and joined them inside.

That night, I was able to carve out a space for myself to sleep in the compound. I looked for a big carton, spread it on the ground as i fold myself on it without forgetting to put my phone inside my boxers as the mosquitoes fed on me till the next morning.

The day is bright again, its another day, everyone is up and busy on how to bath, get dressed and go back to their various destination.

The big pots and the dishes used in cooking and serving guest in the wedding were soaked with water and some of female guest living around gathered to wash them.

I was sitting on the carton i lay on throughout the night, watching everyone until my uncle's wife called me up. "Yes ma", i answered.
Join the women and help them in washing the dishes to make the work faster. I was shocked hearing that. I just answered "OK" and she went back inside.

"Is this not wrong? washing plates with this women while your children are inside their room with their friends having fun?". I asked myself. I have no choice than to join them not to rise any misunderstanding.

After washing, i was brutally hungry. I yawn loudly every second this time. I haven't eaten anything this the previous day. Couldn't believe i can still stay alive till that time. I walked out of the gate to see if i can get snacks from any shops around. Unfortunately for me, it was a Sunday, all the shops around are closed.

I couldn't bear the hunger anymore, i have to gather courage and ask my Uncle's Wife if i can get food to eat. Could you believe what she said? She said " please shift abeg, it's too early to start talking about food".
11:30a.m! Too late to start talking about food? "Haa! Wait O! Abi this one thought i came to ask for money from her husband? This one she is just giving me attitude". I told myself.

Couldn't control the anger plus the hungry this time. I reacted with unpleasant expression, then walked out on her and also out of the compound.

I kept walking without destination in annoyance and anger. Pekele pekele arugbo je gbese, tani o san! (Soliloquizing as i walked along the street.) I walked and walked furiously until i came across a Meshai Shop (bread and tea spot). I branched and ordered for bread and tea. Sat there and fed up to my satisfaction.
After relaxing for sometime, i paid the aboki man and continued my strolling.

While on my strolling, suddenly i heard someone called my name. "Olamide!", said the voice. Who could that be?



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daddio:
I will surely ask them to stop the car for me to get down. Radarada and seasonings.

Abi bro....