₦airaland Forum

majorbravo:
Have you thought of the fact that Op may have married her to get a green card? In such a marriage who do you think is most likely to wear the pants? He may be living in her house. There is even a tendency she has threatened to throw him out for daring to speak back when she talks, or perhaps even send him back to the jungles of Africa if he wouldn't live by her own terms. In such case, even the Lion would become a mere cat.

The woman I literraly sponsored through university ?

johnson232:
op na weak man jor...
how can your wife shout u down for questioning her about about a man u are suspicious about? & your next move was to come to nairaland?

In the state of north Carolina, once the cops are around , they don't ask what the matter is, the simply ask the man to leave. The next time you can see your family is in court.

mikkyphp:
wrong attitude, i kind of like you, and would love to see you grow some balls. It is not too late to enforce your will in your home. Let your head do the thinking at this moment and be very logical. be stern, and resist her manipulative plots with her anger. dont back down. if it doesnt work, den take a walk. you will be better 4 it. unhealthy relationships are a silent killer.

Thanks bro I really appreciate

proffemi:
"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings."

I don't want to comment on the issue of your wife and her friend, but scanning through this thread, it is obvious (IMO) that you need to look inwards first. You sound weak-willed, and basically invite your woman to ride rough-shod over you. I'd be less concerned about confronting your wife's friend (childish idea, that...) and address the issue at the source: RESPECT. Love feeds on respect. You wife does not seem to respect you, and I'm going to blame you for that. You need to work on earning her respect. Any other thing you do (surveillance, confrontation...whatever) will either hasten the demise of your marriage, or push your BP up a few points. As you yourself observed, she's apparently past caring at this stage.

Good luck dude.

Hmmm Nigerians are just too intelligent, majority of you have described my personality.and the things happening in my house

majorbravo:
Op can you throw more light on this bolded statement? Before I give my advice. But what I can say for now is that its pointless calling the guy up because he already knows your wife is married (from her statement on the phone asking him if he doesn't understand she is married). Telling him would only make them be more cautious about hiding their affair if indeed they are seeing each other. I would tell you what to do only if you answer the above question sincerely.

the bolded means she did not initiate the conversation, it was the guy

Now that she is not willing to listen, SHOULD I CALL HER MOTHER AND LET HER KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON ?

Ayanfeoluwaoba:
Let me start by saying that whatever anybody tells you on Social media concerning marriage and you don't think through carefully before taking action will cause you more harm than good.

Every marriage has its own formulae all you need do is find yours!!!!.

Now to the issue, I think you sounded more confrontational when you approached her hence the reason for her reaction. Until u have an undeniable evidence, you don't go confrontational with your spouse when it comes issues in marriage.

Like I said find a formulae on how to resolve issues in your marriage and you will be surprised how many equations will be solved.

#myopinionthough.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

Jaabioro:
Stay calm and be watchful, have your enough evidence before spin the beans.. What you gave us was just a preamble to the port.. The is more to it.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

DukeNija:
This is the best advice. Mr Op please you need to focus on your marriage cos your wife is obviously unhappy and shes probably taking it out on you. Be a better husband to that woman and all the others will disappear.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

segzie2012:
His not right ooo... Marriage can be funny atimes "TRUST"

Dey have not had anytin together as far as I am concern because you have no evidence "u've got only conversation trails- d guy can be a free talker and your wife might just response because she need someone to " trust your wife 1st...

my advise is you give your wife more time - give her all the attention she needs,chat,call,take her out, do romoe & juliet - she will not see any reason to call the guy for anything. Best of luck guy

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

ManTiger:
Brasilia, since when have you been married?
Do you married her officially, like church or registry?
Did you have a long relationship lets say 5 - 7 yrs before you married her officially?

Bro, this could be the beginning if care is not taken.

married but traditional and church, nice wedding, dated for 5years, been married for 6 years

Ayanfeoluwaoba:
Let me start by saying that whatever anybody tells you on Social media concerning marriage and you don't think through carefully before taking action will cause you more harm than good.

Every marriage has its own formulae all you need do is find yours!!!!.

Now to the issue, I think you sounded more confrontational when you approached her hence the reason for her reaction. Until u have an undeniable evidence, you don't go confrontational with your spouse when it comes issues in marriage.

Like I said find a formulae on how to resolve issues in your marriage and you will be surprised how many equations will be solved.

#myopinionthough.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

Charly68:
Wait ooo! Moreover she does not care;I think your wife is dancing around fire,naveity or overconfidence may put her into trouble..I don't support a married woman playing emotional game..it can be suicidal ..You can't tell he might be her ex.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

MicroBox:
Brother, women are very cunny but not too smart. Before suspicion will ruin your marriage, tell her to let go anything with the so called family friend to avoid unnecessary suspicion because you are becoming not too comfortable with the guy.
A good and reasonable wife will understand and save her marriage.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

bobolizim:
This is somehow complicated , I've so many things running through my mind concernin this issue ..

. Questions like , when you were in relationship would she rather tell you to think whatever you want to think in such matter ? Cause seriously issues like this occur sometimes in relationship ...

From all that I can deduce here , it's more like you're not really authoritative over her , are you guys of the same age or she's older than you're ? Though age is not a barrier but it can be issue sometimes ... Is your wife a kind of person that keeps guys as friends?

However, it will depicts how immature you may be calling a guy you don't share any relationship with concerning issue like this , like what if nothing's really wrong between them ?

In all,i think the problem here is your wife , if one should learn anything about relationships with the opposite gender then it's setting boundary , does she even value your marriage ? Hope it's not like you forced yourself on her oo , it's evident to the deaf and glaring to the blind that "there're many males but few husbands" . A good wife would listen and decipher even the unspoken words of her husband,ultimately keeping his man .

By and large , I think the most effective thing is communication , try and talk to her in a mature way and let's her know your view about it as a man , she should understand you ! My cent !

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

Vizzim:
For me it better u deal with ur marriage that what important than confronting the guy.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

Oyind17:
Screenshot their conversation. She may not be cheating you know

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

bakynes:
She may not be cheating yet in the romantic way but the guy is definitely making advances at her and she is having a second thought on accepting him. So you can say she is cheating emotionally because she is not allowed to even have such feelings for another man besides her husband.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

dingbang:
Why not catch her in the act first

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

AntiWailer:
Don't over react yet.

You need to get facts first. If not, you will look stupeed despite the fact that she cheated on you.

You might even apologize for her sharing it.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

bakynes:
She may not be cheating yet in the romantic way but the guy is definitely making advances at her and she is having a second thought on accepting him. So you can say she is cheating emotionally because she is not allowed to even have such feelings for another man besides her husband.

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

oforij:
I

Sorry sir, I just want to know if you're a phlegmatic

I can do anything for peace to reign

sexy74:
My brother you just hit the nail gbam and it should enter ones into the OP head.
No time for dulling.

I live in the states, you can not throw any person out like that

Psoul:
Bro, pls never confront the guy whether physically or through phone call. If you do and something goes wrong u will forever have urslf to blame. If u do and did not get any positive result by either of them confessing that u are right, that wil be a big failure. Your wife will always refer to it in other occasions u will confront her on such issue. She will say, "Ehhhh...dat was the way u were accusing me the other time over our family friend and at the end of the day u found out u were making empty accusation", and this will weaken u.

If you are desperate to find out what she is doing, you can do the following. But it is illegal even in law court.

(1) Install Call Recorder in her phone without her knowing. Play her call records whenever u have access to her phone. You can also forward them to your phone and listen to them at ur convenient time.

(2) Install Buddy Tracker in her phone. This will show in ur phone wherever she is at any time, the name of the place, the distance from where u r and it can direct u on how to get to the place. It uses GPS.

After the installation, hide it in her phone so she wont see it. You can also password the App and protect it from bn uninstalled. Wt this u can monitor her movements and calls. (For more details inbox me)

But from ur post, i can see that ur wife is a kinda stubborn type or seems not to "fear" u or very loyal to u.
She behaves this way based on two assumptions
1. She makes more money than you make
2. Two of u makes money but she beliv that u love her more than she loves u. So whatever she does, u must come back to her

Thank, you, but how do i meet you please

I thank all of you for your kind contributions, some have said that I should wait to have concrete evidence. Well about a year ago, she was on phone with somebody and all of sudden she was asking the guy dont you know I am married, I asked what was the problem, she refused to answer me, we quarreled and I let go, because I never knew what they were saying. The only I thing I gather was that the person was her church member, so that was how I banned her from ever attending that same church again. It was only of recent that I discovered that it was this same guy that I am talking about now.

lytech1:
at first,i suspect you have lost the control as a husband over your wife....


You questioning her on the issue..


She should be answering with some element of fear... We are talking of cheating here..,how on earth will she be mad at you for taking a step over a suspicious act.


Comfronting the guy shows some act of immaturity....


2ndly,u shldnt have questioned your wife about it..you shld have been calm and watch her a while probly you could cut her red handedly..


Solution:tell her you are nt comfortable with her relationship with the guy..... Biko

it was an old phone, this chat was like 6 months ago

HARDDON:


Wow! Wify having the temerity to shout down husby? N husby put his tails inbtw his legs like a drenched dog, go to one corner of the room n lick his bruised ego injuries? O heavens!

THE MAN, EVEN THOUGH CARRIES D PHYSICAL BALLS, IS THE WOMAN IN D FAMILY!

She deprive u of her body doesnt she? U r losing it aint u? Even feel like u r not man enuf sometimes dont u?

If u didnt know, she uses her anger to manipulate u! Control u. N u cant just see tru it.

If that is her old phone, why dont u get hold of her new phone n see America wonders? Sure u have d heart for that?
If u do, all d answers u seek r right in there.
Since she is a daring woman who knows u cant touch her phone.......



But it didnt start today.

You must be a wizard, how do you know all these things, you live with us, my God. you are very right

dealslip:
@brasilia,have you cheated on her before? where a woman doesn't give a rat ass about how you feel in the face of a possible adultery suspicion is not a good sign. She is definitely enjoying this guys attention or affections. When a wife is in that position,she is definitely not impressed by you.

capital nooooo

AngelicBeing:
If l am in your shoes, l will not call the guy, no point in my own opinion, l will deal with the serpent l have inside my house first that wants to bite me, it is the serpent indoors that shows the serpent outdoors the crack to get inside your garden to bite you, close the cracks in your wall, or use anti-venom on the serpent you have indoors to prevent further harm on you and others living with you.

Brilliant, but the thing is this, when I confronted my wife, she said she can not control what the guy was typing, and sending, then I asked her why did she not caution the guy, instead all she said to the guy was that 'my husband is here ' . My brother wen I told her that she got really angry, that I should do wstever I like, after all she was not the one that started it.

bakynes:
Don't confront him physically you might fight him and this may further push your wife away from you but get his number and warn him.

I have thought of that as well, but calling him may appear cowardice.

Acidosis:
Her anger shows something is not right about your marriage.


Deal with that thing first, before you discuss the issue of cheating

OK thanks, yes we have been having issues, but she is not open to reconciliation, I beg even if she is wrong or I am wrong. Anytime I dare try to express displeasure on anything she gets very very angry...

AngelicBeing:
Na wao, super-story on Nairaland all the time, my take is this, l think the woman is cheating already >>> emotionally, do you miss me?.. take me some where?.....husband asked his wife and the wife gets angry and says think whatever you want to think, haba, what evidence does the guy need again, it is possible, the woman is been shagged >>> emotionally by the guy and the ultimate will be to shag her physically if they have not codedly done it already, abeg, next story, na today

Thanks for your thoughts on the matter, you might be right,