₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkie:
@OP, please note how this new submission directly contradicts previous claims made by this same person, so-called marriage counselor? Earlier, this same person had claimed that through your submission to hell in marriage(struggle-love), you could change your husband.

It is the same way they have managed to convince 10s of millions of Nigerian women, all over the world, that through their numerous prayers and endurance in toxic, unhealthy, unfulfilling marriages, they could elicit change in husbands that literally hate them. Year after year, many of these women go to their graves — many due to the toxicity in their marriages — never seeing any of the changes promised them by their religious gods of men.

This is why I tell people to seek out a professional marriage counseling and none of these religious frauds out there that what they do amounts to counseling. A professional counselor would not fill your brain with contradictory ideas— religion-filled biases, aka nonsense—, such as those this one has so far.

---

@OP, if you are intending to opt for separation, be sure to consult a lawyer to know what you might lose if you choose that route. Abroad, a married couple literally has almost everything joined together... bills, loans, etc. Even in separation, he remains your closest relative with legal access to your assets, your primary decision maker if anything happens, and so on. If during your separation, your husband takes out loans and all other things, you, as his wife, will have to have a part in paying back those bills. Talk to a lawyer before deciding on a separation alone.

Thanks so much.
I really appreciate and I am so logical, A very logical person as you are and everything you write, my head screams in agreement constantly, however life just doesn't work logically.
- It doesn't and shouldn't occur that trump would make a statement and stock market and all would react to only his voice and tumble down in some cases.
- It doesn't make sense that you are pulling a strong and another person just wont hold the other end for the both of you when it would benefit you both.

The Thing is husband even lost even the Nigeria job he is doing that was bringing about 340 USD monthly

- It now seems like he is willing to explore the other alternative i have been shouting that can bring additional 2500 USD today which I have been mentioning and begging and pleading in the last 9 months but of course its because he lost the other.

At least he asked me about it today

I watched marriage sermons a lot feeling all ready for marriage and all, sermons that tell what to look out for in courtship and all, but its funny how we end up ignoring this traits still courtship even with every knowledge we know, is it love that is blind or desperation or what? even me I dont know. I was ignoring it for a while but last minute, i knew i broke off the relationship, lost his contact and that of his family etc. But then my mum then called me and told me that she thinks he looks quiet and all and i should not spoil my relationship and all. I was allowing the devil use me. I broke off because at that moment I was asking him what value I am to him and he was like in the future I would be but he couldn't pinpoint now... sometimes i would be confused. even my friends can tell what value i bring so why cant he. I would wonder if he dont even understand what is saying? should I force a answer to that? am i being paranoid by feeling he should be able to mention with joy the value I add to him? Am I overdoing by asking all that, and having him give me an answer that shows no depth of care or love.

He would say "he didn't say I am of no value to him", and then I would say "but you never said i am of value to you either". and he would give an example of "how someone may not give much value now but can be in the future", so then i would be like maybe this guy doesn't know the gravity of what he is saying and all, maybe i am asking too many questions too that is making me get unnecessary answers.

Eventually now, I feel that if he really didn't see value in me even as a to joke, then just maybe it felt that way to him for real (that's he felt i have added nothing to him at that point, advise is no addition to him because he would never take it until things crash until they pursued him out of this job for example. so because he wont even take it, you are of no value in all you say. And maybe at that time, I hadn't even given him any millions or anything so what value can i be, he was only doing his visa to come join me then still I was of no value maybe because i wouldn't pay the air fair or told him to find who to borrow money for proof of funds from because he can't leave me to hustle that for him when he is busy telling me that he can't ask people or his friends himself), question is why proceed to marry a lady you can't state the value she adds. another question is even if you are joking, why would such a lady proceed to marry you too.

His mother rarely even calls me anyways, dropped calls for her but no response but she remembers to call her son. I am sha watching. Well, maybe I called her with the foreign line WhatsApp and she doesn't know its me though. because i have been off my Nigerian line WhatsApp a bit.

I have been a bit sick though, cant even read for my exams, it may be tied to him but not really though at this moment, its getting to winter and its so damn affecting my mood, making me a bit isolated. I might need to get some vitamin D

I really do appreciate every counsel here and dont take for granted.

I want to observe his reaction too now. would he work together for us to feed ourselves or what happens.

I dont even want to think of what extra blow the USD 340 job loss would be on the finance that doesn't even exist in the first place.

I may just take time to watch grey's anatomy and forget my sorrows..... because mehnnnnn...... its tough

thank you so much !!!!!!! i appreciate everybody. I am so grateful for time you took to type / advice etc . Its alot. dont take for granted

Hi,
Applying for NMCN verification
Please how do we get the HOD number and email for school of nursing, Vom, Plateau state. Its been a long time since graduation.
Help please

Hmmm......
Yesterday was down a bit sad..... useless all evening. Hoping to come out stronger and feel better. Some women are being beaten and injured yet they stay.

So if someone isn't just concerned about me or just cold or minding his business, I am still in a better condition. I think Ibukun Awosika mentioned something like that too, one of her sermons, A woman said something about having to do everything and her husband not being there, trust me its draining but of course, no one remembers your mental health in such condition. She said in that program that she should be happy he isn't stopping her from pursuing her goals and she should leave him. that so far he sha finds one work to do or something like that. that should be enough. That it could be worse, where he would even stop her. so she is in a good place.

I guess learning to live and be happy with someone without having all you want / basic support you shouldnt even be getting from outside is a skill one needs to learn.

Some of us, just grew not being able to lie to ourselves when thing arent right or tell our selves to pretend all is right and have to learn now.

Yesterday I complained of urges and at least he made use of his hand, he didn't just leave me. Thats a thing to be thankful for. I am not sure he is ready to Bleep me normal in his mind, even though the prick is rising.

Further more he painted an illusion that he thinks his brother's wife is advising me wrongly. cus d first day i went to visit the brother wife and the brother, i told her to tell me truth as her younger sister things i need to know. she mentioned they weren't grateful people even if you remove your liver and all etc., and my husband and another of his brother behaves like woman, and they gaslight (i didn't really even know what behave like a woman means).

And stupidly one happy day, I mentioned what she told me to him (I was mistakenly pushed to cus he asked how i enjoyed myself, what we jisted, blablabla, to say everything, nothing to hide, to trust him, whether good or bad whether its even me that insulted him i should sha be open its no judgment zone), apparently, he told his brother, told his mother etc. Since then his brother has been hurt, he said its a lie blablabla, but he wont want to spoil my relationship with her and he would stomach it.

i wondered why my husband told his brother, does he want to destroy their marriage?

when staying with my sister, i didn't necessarily like everything her husband used style to say to me but i just take it as normal or be like if me too don hustle, I wont be here hearing what i dont want to hear. but i know telling my sister can cause issues or at least cause fight of i dont like what you told my younger sister or something. so me too respect myself.

So over time if he did something or not pushing to support and I say cant you see how i am struggling, you dont pity me, i would later just say, umm let me strengthen my mind, dem don tell me say you no dey grateful before (call that one of my bad characters).

so he feels i am in constant communication with her and hinted again to the already angry brother that its like we are in conversation and his wife is still advising me wrongly. it was a joint call that day so i know for sure he repeated it again to his brother.

Anyways, i have messaged and called his wife since then twice, she isn't picking or responding not sure what her husband has finally gone to tell her.

its fine i take responsibility, me and my big mouth.

But i just wonder, if he would tell his brother such knowing it can damage their home, how devoted would he be to ours? the brother stomached this talk to keep his home but he keeps reminding him what his wife may be doing as if to make him vent finally.

He always told me he counsels marriage, he has no problem etc. May God bless you to date someone that can praise himself, and when ou enter you realize the hype is more than the reality.

I am asking him if his brother ever mentioned to him now that he spoke to his wife about this and he said he doesn't know.

she's not responding and since he came, he has even said he won't go to their house.

He has told me I am not God, that because sometimes i would say lets go back to Nigeria (he feels am threatening him), meanwhile i always worry that it wasn't this bad there and things may be better for us there. I think I am God because of the immigration thing and all. It would hurt so deep because never for one did I say even if we go back, you go back alone. talks like this still made me feel this guy isn't someone that knows how to count his blessings.

Because he wanted me to marry him before coming here sef and be processing the paper while he chills back home, then he would now come. Even here he would always tell me, I should not worry when his paper comes. Immediately he landed, he encouraged me to do the court wedding here within a month. I remember my sister and parents warning me to slow down. dont let anyone rush you.

It was right after I think he stopped being sweet and started complaining that i dance etc. etc. It was then I asked why we were so smooth one month before the court wedding. though he says I am lying, because I was like you didn't complain I did all these things in that one month.

At this point, I am not God, and I agree, Let God work out his papers using him himself or another person.

We have been in the house since yesterday its quiet as a graveyard. only basic comments, hello, wen i entered, and wont you come and sleep when I didn't see him come to bed and the time i told him i was Hot and he used his hand.

How do people find their peace, in this kind of environment.

I swear i didn't learn it before, how to sit somewhere and be having your peace when you know all is not well.

And now I need to learn it.

Thank you so much for counsel. At this point, I would just pray for God's will and watch the way he is watching.

Watching doesn't solve problem, Am just tired of trying to fix what another phlegmatic person's temperament doesn't even feel the need to work on to fix.

I would keep praying, do only the basics on my end too and wait for God's will

Obinna67:
You would have married someone that behave like you . I have almost the same attitude has your husband , but I like adventure, I like trying new things, I hate poverty that is why I'm trying to succeed in things I do , I like staying alone because it make me think better , I hate party . So I won't marry someone with different views from me , for my mental health. I think the fault is from you not your husband. Both of you are not compartable , you have to endure him , they said husband is endurance, you will soon become familiar with it.

i sincerely felt this was his own quiet

leksonltd:
It's unfortunate you are having these weird feelings, you need try look out for things he likes to do. Engage him in games like ludo, Scrabble, what cards etc. Try watch movies together, try to make him your gist partner. Sometimes, get novels read some chapters let him read some others. You engage him to explain those he read, while you also do the same. You may begin to notice what he likes and Vis versa. May God bless your marriage

movie? I try alot, did netflix......... he sleeps off 5 minutes into it, I found outing for friday last week, went to a lounge, he slept all through while other couples where dancing. I had to dance alone and was crying and cleaning my eyes. when I mentioned he said he didn't see it like that. he just thought following me there was enough. Games etc, I mentioned, of course, I would need to go to Temu to get it if not its forgotten project. Jist? is it not someone who watch tv, have friends etc that would have what to say or contribute? If I no on tv...story, I helped him follow interesting people on instagram so he can have content to even jist me, I have been begging in to go to the volleyball court downstairs and even play with some white friends and make one friend in 9 months.

Amen...Amen....Amen...Just need wisdom..strength...mental stability to manage things

billyG:
Why do most women talk before they think,u come nairaland come talk say yo husband gbola no dey work....na nairaland go make am work?

Ahhhhh
Its working, I didn't say it isn't. I only said we lacked techniques and he is not interested in spicing it up or researching how they do.......didn't I say even my vagina sef is not responding as should be. That i dont feel anything in penetrative sex? I am not here to make him look bad. this is just my realties and looking for way to pass through it while maintain my sanity.
I threw him my pant to sniff, he went to throw large volume of spit / vomit, it killed the mood, I later asked if he doesn't like me or how my pant and the vagina he enters would irritate him so. He told me he always have spit in his mouth...lol...one of those excuse that dont add up, and that I need to know he hasn't sniffed any woman's pant before and all that its only my own and all that talk.
So how do i know if he truly is just not game or doesn't love me hence why my pant would irritate by me. He did mouth action once and was pouring all the spit on me and said I gave him fever blister and he has never tried it again by mistake. So i am d only one without sense to be putting mouth on his prick

kbright2:
Your husband posses 70% of my character I don't just jealous but trust me the fact that your husband is jealous and don't want those people around you will give room for faster growth and better understanding in your home because it will create room for amendment and necessary corrections between you guys.

If you find someone you feel more comfortable when you're with, your home is fading off, sooner or later you will get emotionally attracted and that is a big fall out.

My wife reprogrammed me, she is a very playful person in fact she can carry me up while playing or her and the kids can just start wrestling with me just to set me up for play. Now I'm blending with her. We gist most of the times now unlike when we first got married then it was always me and my phone and laptop.

There's one assurance I can give you, you're married to one of the best and faithful husband out there because we don't womanize, can take care of the house and kids than you the wife.

Keep you head up, work together as a team, go to him for advice and contributions for your goals by so doing he will work on himself too in those areas to meet your demands.

Please, don't find someone out there to do things he can't do, this will cause a bridge in your relationship. God bless

i agree @ not womanize and all that. I am not lying but sometimes it gets so dull, so dull, not womanizing wont pay for food or rent and it begins to look like is it not better to have a responsible man that would cater for the family and house and weight and sleep around (with protection) since sex is an activity for men.

and i would print this out too for sure, but am just saying sometimes my head cant help but think what I asked above

ejieddy:
Marriage is always the sum of its parts. You have really complained about your husband. It's clear you resent him. You are not just worried or have these complaints about him. You resent him. I also feel there's someone or something you are comparing him to or wishing he would become, most probably a male figure. He has no chance with you and the most important thing about marriage for any man is acceptance. He doesn't have that with you, so I ask you, why did you marry him? If you wouldn't accept him, why commit to him? Yes he has all these great flaws you mentioned but he doesn't have the most important thing he needs from you. If you keep wishing he was someone else in your heart, what chance does he have?

hmmmmmm..........deeeeeeeeep! I agree acceptance. and you have pointed one thing that would end my issues honestly. and i think i did accept him back because i felt he would be faithful, he is a Christian and no much pressures back in nigeria

I would hold this because it is worddddd and you are so damn true. I know the truth when you tell me and I dont deny it

But over here, its like, if i just accept him, would it pay our debts? feed us? make me feel like a woman that needs love? protect me when some evil devils who pretend they know how to love start lurking around in the near future and I am sex starved for weeks?

Would this acceptance pay for all this?

which way forward

TenQ:
As a marriage counselor and a Christian, I will tell you that your problem is minor so, please wipe your eyes.

Yes, a number of things were wrong before you got married like you did not truly know him because you didn't discuss those areas of your lives.

The Solution
1. Stop feeling miserable!
Why? Your husband is not supposed to be the source of your joy, inspiration and future in your Marriage. You are entirely responsible for that!

2. Stop looking at his weaknesses and failures!
Why?!It is too late to change him now. This is who he is by nature. You cannot change him!

3. Stop comparing him with your dreams !
Why? He is different from what you hoped, accept him for what he is!

4. Begin to create the atmosphere you desire in your home by yourself. Don't expect him to do it. He is seriously PHLEGMATIC, nothing will move unless you move it! He will join you when you initiate prayers or call him up for church or Bible studies. Don't expect him to lead... you'd be wasting your time and you'll get frustrated.

5. Acceptance and Independence is your key: Of the situation knowing that it is a long sprint. You may be the one to run the household. You will be the one to get your land and house. You may be the one to go to your children's school. You may be the one to run the Family.

6. Pray for strength to Love him in spite of these obvious weaknesses and ask God help you carry your cross.

7. Don't expect Romance from a Phlegmatic like him. You will just hurt yourself if you do!

Note:
Be joyful in the fact that
1. He may never cheat on you
2. He may provide financially to the best of his ability
3. He would probably never lift his hands or mouth at you.


People like him need a strong Wife.
Every marriage is different!
Every marriage have their own problem.




If you have any questions, please feel free!

This is so deep! thank you so much. I wld print his and put in my bag everywhere, I also need to get books on dealing with a 150% phlegmatic man. I just dont know pls, I need help, after all this, how does a woman stay respectful, submissive in all this, because I feel like at the end i wont be able to especially after doing it all and still have to feed your ego as a man. How do i not build resentment 5 years down the line and be so angry, rude etc that i still dont use that same resentment to destroy the home?

We’ve been looking into counseling. We met one counsellor — a white man — and honestly, I didn’t mind. I really wanted to understand how a man thinks, to see if maybe I was the one not getting something. I even specifically asked for a male counselor.

So, we started the session, and part of what came up was this incident with a friend — someone I had introduced to my husband before that I feel this person knows road in this country ooo. we were even considering him to do best man for the wedding since my spouse dont know anybody here and had my spouse had even asked him already and they had discussed so that one was already feeling free . He had come to do a delivery nearby and asked if we were home, and I said yes. I honestly forgot to mention it to my husband because it was within 3 minutes that one showed, and I didn’t even know the guy was that close by and I needed to mention in three minutes.

The guy showed up, and my husband immediately said, “She didn’t tell me you were coming. If I don’t welcome you, how would you feel? So what are you here to discuss? the wedding right? or what? ” I almost died of embarrassment. That guy left awkwardly, and I felt like the ground should open and swallow me.

Yes, I know I was wrong for not mentioning it earlier but timing was short, but still — I couldn’t help but react. I told my husband, “Haba, this person just came to say hi. He’s someone you know and has asked to be your groom man and this is how you treat him?”

This same person was the sole person who encouraged me to go ahead with my relationship, to get my fiancé to come so we could get married, start a family, and grow together OR worse case go back home do court wedding and file for him to come if we are experiencing processing his coming without being married. He found contact for a court person in Nigeria incase I would need to go to Nigeria to do court wedding first, He even assisted in helping me look for the room and toilet me and hubby would stay when my husband arrived, because he knew surviving abroad alone as a woman isn’t easy. He told me to push my parents when they were taking too long to decide, because he genuinely wanted to see me happy and settled.

If I had useless people around me, would someone like that have done all that? Would he have encouraged me to start my family and supported me like that? Sometimes women can be friends with men, e.g. friendship like Eniola and Priscilla Ojo’s own that they have all over the internet. Being an engineer, I’ve always worked mostly around men — just two ladies to twenty men in my office and even back in school, the whole class were guys— I deal so easily with men, i have spoken to men all my life, in school, at my work in Nigeria for years, and just easier friendships for me. the female friend i had introduced her younger sister to my then boyfriend to try and steal him, the one we had in school said i was always mentioning that she went to stay in her own boyfriend's house anytime she tried to judge any Christian sister she heard do same. so i use to remind her then that Haba. I apologized but she never forgave me, women have been stabbers in my life, I dont have one Sef that I can confidently say is a friend, though I am beginning to try to make female friends after I married for peace and all.

So the counsellor guy said did it make sense to tell that to a total stranger? was being right better over what is good and healthy for the stranger and then for the union and all that............ the guy said we practise communicating with each other for few weeks and we are improved we would continue our sessions.

My guy is not even talking about going back now o. he said there is one Nigeria lady he thinks is very good, that we should use her. because that guy's line didnt o really well. said the guy wont understand our culture.

I am open and we would be meeting her, we would have to pay another NGN 600,000 charged to my credit card again because we simply cant figure ourselves out by ourselves.

Thank you so much, everyone. I've read a lot, and I've learned a lot, to be honest, from this. My plan was never, per se, that I'm looking for a divorce, no. I do know that we all operate at the level of the knowledge we have, and if he knew better, same way, of course, if I knew better with regards to how to manage some things, then maybe those things wouldn't even be issues, right? So it shows that there's a knowledge lacking on my part and on his part, and sometimes when there's familiarity between two people, it's hard to see or hear what they say. And that's why, when you hear things externally, you can see perspective better, and I understand when, like, I've read through some people saying it's his nature — even though that pertinence part is really crappy — but that's by the way.

I just know that if my mental health wasn't getting affected, there wouldn't be an issue. Like, for me, whether it's his nature to be laid back or not, bills have to be paid, and the bills don't know that it's his nature. The bills don't know that we need to look for something else doing while he waits. Yes, he works, I'm not even going to deny that, but of course, he's working remotely from Nigeria. The work he was doing for a while, I think they gave him to be able to do it till December. So he's working, but that's like, say, NGN 500,000 a month which in dollars is little. So how does that pay a house rent of NGN 1,400,000 every month? Ideally, I would expect that common sense would come together — okay, how can we work at getting something to do together? Considering that I know single people who do three jobs, who do two jobs, who do this, but it's like, I'm alone to even brainstorm common ideas, he has not one to offer, maybe doesn't want to task his brain. He wouldn’t even ask, “Oh, how was rent this month? Have we paid? what's our finances like this month?

It kind of makes me remember how we were dating, because apparently, he didn’t used to even say anything then. When I travelled, during the 11-12 months while we were dating long distance, I think it was during that period I was like, “Ah, guy, even if it’s only 10,000 naira that you’re sending, just show your love or commitment na. Do I need to ask?” So going back, it makes me feel like I’ve asked for everything, and it can be very confusing. I know some of you here are quiet and all, but it’s really confusing from a woman’s point of view — is this really his nature or is it just lack of love or care or concern for the person you claim you’re dating? He mentioned today that he thought the money would be too small even if he gave me anything that's why he never sent anything.

So it’s really hard for me. These bills don’t know it, and it has to be the person with the eyes who is seeing it that does something, right? Clearly, I’m the one more in tune with it at the moment. Being with someone who won’t even ask, “Hope we paid this month’s rent?” or “Have we paid?” — you know, just care or concern, genuine, like, about it — but you are just there, you sleep, you wake up, even unbothered when the only job we are both using to eat was ending, no support to apply while I read for exams and all, And he told me he had no other plan because I asked what would have happened if that job wasn't renewed. He said he was praying for me that they would renew it. And you happen to be the head of the home as a man. Ah, it’s killing, it’s killing for me. As a woman, I’m not even going to lie. Maybe because things are tough and combining school and everything at once, and a whole lot, I’m burnt out. That’s the problem — highly burnt out. I’m tired, I wake up, I cry every day. Resentment is building.

And that’s why, like, I had to come out. And in all of this, it’s painful that he has energy, but those energies are for being petty. Like, oh, you can’t go for your work party, and then he’ll be passive-aggressive about it. Then he’ll say, “It’s the way you said it that made me angry.” Or, “You can’t talk to this person or that person; I should be enough.” You should be enough, but even the things we should do together, you can’t out your mind to work. Wont I reach out to people around for ideas, or ways to move forward. Even to put in one single application a week is a big deal for you because you are working back home— the same work that cannot obviously meet our needs.

I am doing full time work, full time school with 4 course work (assignments, group work etc), still comeback to cook because he wont cook and wait for me, I have done four job certification exams and read for it all in this process to get a better job, still come back to trade which is where am able to get small $50 or $100, we use to offset some other things, so we can be comfortable. He would say he would learn all this things, its jst a process and taking no step at learning even one extra thing at the moment.

We can even sell stuff from a charity store near us, post on facebook market place and all that, just extra income to meet one or two needs. I have mentioned, but he would rahter die or wait for hen he finally blows. so should we die before then?

Like, how do you not stand up to the responsibility of home in what ever capacity you can at the moment? How do you not see the reality of things and contribute in what ever way you can at the moment? How do you not see that we’re drowning, and you’re supposed to lead, yet you sleep and wake up and always tell me you feel I have it covered?. He says I dont see that he walks me to the train station in the morning when going to work. And to me it makes me so sad because I wonder how the barest minimum is a sign of the greatest love. Is it that he just doesn't know how to show love to a woman? I dont even understand. I am seriously confused most times

I also tried to do my driving test because, at a point, I didn’t even mind doing deliveries or something on weekends so we could survive better. I planned the route I knew best for the driving test. I had a friend who has a car which i begged to help , even if it was to practice two or three days before the test and use the car for the test because we dont have the money to do practise and do test together it would cost around (NGN 600,000 at least). He agreed, and I told my husband. He said no problem, that we should just ensure to pay the person something even if it is NGN 200,000. I had introduced him to this person when he came.

Then the day of the test came. I told him that morning, “Let’s go together,” because I knew who I was dealing with. But he said he couldn’t go because I told him too late just that morning to join and, that he already had plans. Okay. I went alone. When I came back, he didn’t even ask, “How did it go?” Nothing. Just sulking, keeping to himself. So I was like, is it that you don’t want me to take the test and help our lives? Or is the issue that I practiced with the guy yuo approved and I told you to join us and you refused? You’re the one who said I should proceed and pay him, so why are you sulking? Why are you giving bad energy because I went for my test?

The body language and all made me cancel the next practice and I never did the test just to keep the peace of the home. I realized there are things I wont now achieve because he is insecure, places I would never be because he is scared of who I would meet there. And it’s not like, at the back end, he’s my surest nigga, ride or die, he wont think of anything, just to sleep right after, he has refuse to make one single friend here in 8 months, he stayed away from people I even introduced him that they can mingle with and you know expose him things around since they have been here longer. so It’s not like, at the back end, he WOULD BE ENOUGH OR DO ENOUGH. It’s not like I hear often how much he loves me. I can’t count if he has he’s told me he loves me in the last four months. Even the wedding day na face we squeeze take marry.

When you don’t feel supported, you don’t feel loved, you just feel like you’re on your own. So when people say, “If you’re divorced, you’ll feel alone,” I ask, what’s the difference? Even as I am, I feel so fucking alone. Everything is dead, and he doesn’t mind. He’s just fine.

We go out somewhere — how do you even go to a lounge and sleep all through? Then I have to dance by myself. Obviously, I’m married; I can’t dance with anyone else, right? He won’t even like that — he’ll get angry. In fact, he’s just there to monitor me there, not to actually have fun with me. So yesit means he has energy, yes, but it’s all for being petty and the wrong reasons. not the rigt ones

How does that help the situation? How does that take us forward? That’s why sometimes I feel like I should quit my job and see what he’ll do. I feel like he’ll chicken out and say he’s going back to Nigeria or something. So is that what true leadership is?

Does it mean that because I said yes to this relationship, I have to live this way? No. I thought you were a spiritual brother — that we’d do well in prayers and everything. But you can’t even pray with me because, according to you, I don’t wake up very early enough. I would say but haba, cant we can pray at other times, like in the evening after work, after all we find time to eat then, but he wont, he would be busy praying alone. So is that enrgy towards building? So is it a case of wanting to be right over wanting to build. Even in the spirituality, I did not get the benefit. I don’t get it. Maybe he’s used to doing things alone, and that’s why he finds it hard to even pray with me.


Sometimes i feel once his paper is out, he would find an excuse and leave.... if he doesnt trust me and tells me he only trusts me 60%, why should I trust hm too


And even sex — like I said before — It was twice i two months, the first sex and the one after in the next month, then he brought the need to sleep with me with condom, which was when I called the brother and his brother gave him some tips on what he should do or could do better, only then, it seemed like there was a little more energy in him wanting to research and improve things. As it is we dont even know how to align the prick to enter from the back talkless of changing style. I dont even feel anything during penetrative sex, maybe its common to women though, I dont know. Even for him to research how to enter from that back (doggy), If i havent found video and put in his front, its not intuitive for him to try and research and then practise it or " say oh the one i watched, the guy did like this or like that, lets try". Usually, a woman would say, “At least he knows how to Bleep even if he no send me in any other area,” you get? But there is nothing for me to hold onto, and it is very painful for me.


But now, it’s been like another three weeks since we last had sex, and I feel it’s having an impact again. The environment is tense. I am feeling more frustrated And if I’m not the one to notice that maybe it’s because we haven’t had sex that things are even feeling worse, he’ll never realize it or initiate it. He just won’t.

So I don’t know. How do people handle relationships where you have to be the brain as a woman and still be respectful, still hold things together? I know people have done it, but it feels hard. Really hard. And I didn’t bargain for this. Maybe I saw the signs, but I didn’t think it would get this deep. I just thought, oh, he’s quiet.

Ishilove:
O ga o. Didn't you people date?! What is the meaning of all these complaints in a new marriage!!?

We dated, but I think the pressures here are quite different from back home in Nigeria. Back then, we weren’t struggling to survive — we were both doing okay. I had a good job, and he was also working. I was renting my own place, and he had his. We didn’t really live together, but we’d spend evenings together a few times a week.

I had an older friend who usually drove me to work and helped me with errands — things like going to the market and driving me home afterward. So most things were already sorted out in my life. When I saw my husband in the evenings, it was mostly just “How was your day?” and light conversations.

I also had my mum’s house help staying with me at the time (she was continuing her schooling after my mum traveled), so she helped with light meals like rice, indomie, or pap during the week (evenings after work). I usually cooked on weekends when I was fully home — things like swallow and soup, stew, fried rice etc. (any heavy cooking for the week that we would keep in the freezer).

Basically, I was taking care of myself. I didn’t depend on him for money or anything. If he gave, I appreciated it, but I never asked.

Now things are different. Here, we have to really work together to survive — bills don’t wait for anyone. Rent alone is about NGN 1, 400,000 for just a room and bathroom in a shared house where we share kitchen with 3 other people. We are barely surviving, I have so much on my credit card already. So to me, teamwork just makes sense; it should come naturally.

I never imagined being with someone who could see that the only contract job that I am doing, that we are both using to survive which barely covers the rent — and with the contract ending as at then — did not feel moved to do more in our quest to find a better job or even just another job if that contract was never renewed. He slept peacefully every single day. It was share luck it was renewed. Someone quit and left to another company because my boss had told me earlier to start looking for work as she wasn't sure it would be renewed by management. The complacency sometimes kills me.

Sometimes I honestly feel like quitting that job myself just to see what happens or what he would do. Maybe he’d just go to his brother’s place and live with his brother and his wife and then tell me to go to my sister's house in another far location to stay or what? I would just go to her house and help her take care of her kids. I was there before, it was because of him I moved out, put this weight of rent on my head because of marriage feeling we were a team and would work tooth and nail together to figure it out.

But his focus is different, his focus is on who I called, controlling who I talk to, he even makes reference to who I may have had time to speak to at work, things he thinks he heard outside from one or two random people which of Course I would always be the culprit for, not even telling me he loves me, me begging for non-condom sex, he telling me that we are adults who can decide if the relationship would work or not and move on if we know it wont from now so we dont waste our time (though he says he only says that when I say i am tired or if he is leaving everything to me, what's the point of being two when it still feels like its only me), him sleeping peacefully like we have no real problems, reading those junk emails that enter your laptop in large amount everyday, ensuring I dont go for outings etc.

I just know he is waiting for his papers and he tells me when it comes out, I would know how hardworking he is.

I really feel like going out to pay for a lie detector test, i think I researched and it cost about NGN 600,000. I just really want to know if he ever loved me or should I say, if he genuinely loves me or it's a thing of convenience.

Because as I read all the messages here, I tend to remember things that I took casually that may have been strong signals if I was calm enough. I also kind of feel maybe I was a bit desperate maybe. Maybe I should have waited for someone with drive for living and growth. I knew him first in 2017 and when we were coming back together to date, my worry was that it was the same place / state/ level I left him in that he still was when we met again, which I told him was an issue for me. He then told me he did a lot of investments that failed, crypto, uber business where the driver based the car and all.

I know that we all dont have it covered and life is not always easy for us all (it was a bit easier for me back home as compared to here and now), so we are a product of the information we get access to and the people that advise us to go for greatness. So I then felt that if we could work as a team together, share materials that would make us grow, I can sharpen him and he too sharpen me where needed etc. I am just not sure if i am the only one in the team at the moment.

.

Mariangeles:
Are new born babies taught how to latch onto their mothers' breasts and suckle?

I know its to enter the vagina and it couldnt enter. thats basic knowledge na

We all not perfect, I can state some of the obvious ones he had issue with

When we came together, I was a loud person. I liked to express myself openly, even during arguments, so I would talk loudly. He, on the other hand, is very quiet. That was different for me, so I had to learn how to express my anger calmly — which feels weird because there’s no energy in it. How do you show happiness or unhappiness without life? How do you just stay passive, as if the issue doesn’t exist, and feel comfortable going through it without feeling anything in your body or the need to actively do something to change it. We were somewhere were a lady as talking passionately in a group sort of, the next thing i saw my husband ask sorry do you have an issue with me? because the way you are talking? this lady was just talking, I didn't honestly notice any energy directed at him but he cant just stand high energy sort of (maybe his nature i dont know). it was so embarrassing to everyone there and he didnt even know what he did was wrong. Since then, I am scared to have him attend any social thing that would be in a group setting because I dont know what low self esteem attitude he would potray or antisocial attitude.

I’m also a blunt person. I tend to say things as they are. For example, I might say, “Haba, you’re not even assisting us to do better. It’s been months now, how many times have you applied?” instead of saying, “Please dont forget to apply for something for us today.” then tomorrow " pls apply for something today", then tomorrow continue again. That's too much energy, I dont even have it, I have so many conflicting priorities, assignment, group work, full time job, full time school to handle. How do I baby a grown adult to do what they’re supposed to do when they should do it?

I’ve always been that person who doesn’t need to be pushed to act. I’m not the most diplomatic person honestly.

For example, when he said if he doesn’t use a condom, there’ll be no sex because he doesn’t have a job here and he clearly isn’t applying, I felt hurt. Why should I be treated that way, after having only two sexual experiences in my entire life, you arent even looking for a work and I keep begging, when we can find two jobs , do together and it would be our money? So I told him, “Let’s just go back home to Nigeria where you have a job, so you can be able to knack me appropriately. But I’m not having condom-based sex for months, which means we won’t have sex again until we’re in Nigeria.”

That annoyed him because he felt I was threatening him by saying he should go back — meanwhile, that statement included me too, not just him.

Diplomacy at that point would have been to just agree, look sexy, and maybe hope and pray that during a knack session, he’d throw the condom away and want it raw.

But honestly. I’m wired logically — all that “arrangement above” feels like too much mental work. Thinking about how to “trick” someone to get my way doesn’t come naturally to me. Yet it seems most people don’t like the plain truth — they prefer to be “tricked”.

For me, it’s the opposite. I get angry when someone tries to trick me into doing something. I hate it with my life. I feel manipulated. I prefer you to sit down and talk about issues with me, reason them out logically, and find a middle ground. If that middle ground isn’t working, I’d want to comeback and say, “This ground has shifted o, I’m not feeling this middle ground anymore,” and then we talk again until we find another way.

Another thing I do — I might innocently say, “Ah, so-and-so just started this new side hustle o, what can we also do?” I don’t realize it sounds like comparison to him. But I’m genuinely only trying to share something that inspired me, to start a conversation about how we can improve our lives. He gets upset, saying I’m comparing him, while I’m just thinking about survival and progress.

When he wasn’t applying or doing anything on this our hustle to survive, I told him at one point, “This is becoming too much. Between school, work, and trying to study for certification exams, I’m stretched. When I come back from work, maybe you can help us with cooking since you’re not applying for jobs. If you were applying, I’d gladly cook for hours after work. But I can’t keep doing everything. This is a contract job — what if they don’t renew it? We should be putting in serious effort.

Yet, he never applied or showed concern. He’d just casually apply once in say two weeks. And I kept wondering how he really thinks we’ll survive. So I decided I won’t cook, since he’s not taking responsibility — I’d rather focus on the priorities of finding a better job so we can take care of our needs and I wont keep living on credit, because any credit we end up taking is in my name and in my credit card so I have the loan on my end consciously or subconsciously.

Oh, and I also talk to my friends on the phone. It’s not like I’m doing bad things — I just want to learn, share ideas, and stay sane. He, on the other hand, doesn’t really have friends — not here, not even back in Nigeria. Maybe some people from school, but no close friends or anyone I know. Just living alone. I used to think that was strength, but I didn’t realize that lack of social interaction could haunt me.

So now, he expects me to also live that way. But abroad is already lonely and depressing — how do I survive without talking to people? I need communication for my mental health.

Kobojunkie:
Red flag #3! Aggression and lashing out... definitely not good signs. Was this some sort of arranged marriage?

2. You obviously thought wrong since humans aren't judged by their silence but by their actions. Most of us have known this since we were kids, so why did you choose to go against common sense in these things?

3. Why did you marry this person again?

For once, I think I followed spiritual preachings where they say it's better to marry someone who fears God first. Spirituality is sometimes so different from compatibility especially when reality sets and it feels like you living with a room mate.

No, I didn’t stay with him during courtship. We courted for 8 months together and were in a long-distance relationship for one year. He was quiet while we were dating, I agree, but to be honest, he wasn’t my go-to for ideas or when I needed a solution to something quickly. I had a friend who was 19 years older than me that I would always reach out to. He had become more of a brother, and my family knows him. He’s married with kids, and his wife and I have become like sisters. But he relocated out of the country in December last year.

So, I feel this never gave me time to see my husband’s creativity or all that. Life was always happening so fast. Or maybe, somewhere inside, I knew he wasn’t very solution-oriented, so I never asked him. But I never saw his quietness as a sign that he wouldn’t be social or wouldn’t know how to love a woman or anything like that.

I remember when he was about to propose, I asked if he wouldn’t give me a romantic proposal, and he said he didn’t know my ring size and couldn’t go and buy a ring that might not fit. He also said he didn’t know which of my family members to meet to run the package or surprise. I remember being hurt — that should have been the writing on the wall for me, though. He said I should follow him to the market to get it.

As an update, he told me this morning, after I was crying, that we are both adults and can decide what we want as a lasting solution on what to do with our relationship because he is tired of seeing me cry. All I needed was a soft feeling of care, even if it just meant holding me, because I am on my period same time and I’m just all over the place emotionally.

I just feel hungry — like when, as a woman, your emotions are not being cared for or attended to. If I’m unable to have sex once (I couldn’t because I was having serious period cramps), he won’t even bother to touch me again until whenever Jesus says it’s time. He wouldn’t care that I was in pain at that moment. He would just say that I’m refusing him, and if he doesn’t try again, then its my problem andfault. It just feels off — everything, the connection, etc. Its almost no existent. I am not even sure if its because maybe he doesnt love me or maybe he isnt experienced on how to show it (him not having relationships, sisters only brothers, him being a virgin, spiritual brother back then etc).

Today I went downstairs, picked up my phone, and wanted to call all my friends since I was really feeling sad and all. I had to leave him because he would still judge me if i call them in his front. As I was going down, he said he knows that’s why I’m crying — so I can “use style” to find my way out to go and talk on my phone. Before, I would feel guilt-tripped and sit down asking myself whether I don’t have right to use my phone. But I just ignored him and went down. I came back and he isn’t talking to me. Apparently, I’ve sinned and I know I would be punished with silence for as long as maybe two days or so for choosing to call others and smile with them. (he would say he is not punishing me, but he would keep silent).

Its more like i cant go anywhere or talk to anyone if he doesn't follow me. I had an office party and told him I wanted to go, he was already angry as it was going to be an evening party. I didn't get to go again because he had said to me, that me, I want to be living my life (all because I wana go to my office party).

The dynamics are just childish and tiring for me. Until when will I do this? I didn’t marry him for money, because at the moment I’m working in a better place, though we’re still praying for a better job for him so at least I can rest too. I don’t know if that insecurity eats at him as well. I’ve cut off a lot of people because of this marriage, and I don’t want to keep doing that continuously.

A friend of mine that I introduced to him came over one day, and he asked the person why the person came to our house and if it was right I forgot to mention (which OfCourse isn't right but to let the person know they arent welcome because i forgot to genuinely mention is huge).

That person has never stepped foot in my house again. He is insecure around my friends — maybe he thinks they are better than him, I’m not sure. As it is, I know I can’t share any friend I have with him because he’s always insecure around them, or he’ll say that I’ve told them one thing or another about him. But he knew I had friends while dating and acted normal. He would say once you just explain, its fine by me, I dont have any issue. Not once did he fight any.

I really regret telling him to come meet me abroad after I left Nigeria. I thought we would work together as one to do great things, have coule goals, be driven etc. even get a good house instead of this one room and toilet we’re managing, until he gets his papers. I even thought we can find two jobs to do and he would support with applying and then he can assit on the second one so we can do more together for now before his papers come. bu he wont even apply, just do his Nigerian work he is doing and sleep the rest of the day or lazy around.

He has told me that because I want to do papers, I think I am God. different talks that hurt. after he told me to find who I lost my virgintiy to as it wasn't him. I told him I had pictures of that night it happened because I know he can flip on me. Then he said it could be any picture of blood. then i told him i remembered to make a video in case he wants to say i sleep around or he dont trust me simply because i dont want live a graveyard live like he wants to. Isolated from information, ideas etc.

He said I always say we should go back to Nigeria since we’re not happy here, that i am threatening him and i should better give him his application money if I know i want us to go back. He always tells me that when his work permit is out, I will see how hardworking he is. He is still working in his office in Nigeria remotely though, and I’m managing a low-paying job here at least enough to pay for the room and toilet and feed and schooling at the same time, doing certifications and all, applying wickedly for better jobs, doing interviews, just to get higher. It’s just a lot sometimes.

I just wish I felt like I had a partner — a ride or die. I kept myself so well and didn’t mess up; I don’t know why it ended up this way. I even cried on the wedding day because apparently, he was with my sister’s friends and they said they met him unhappy in the corridor. When they asked why, he said, “Whatever his family does is not enough.” I was confused because I was wondering what that meant. That was the first time his family was showing up, which was for the wedding. The last time they came was a year ago when they came to meet my parents for the marriage, and my parents kind of slowed the wedding down because they said they weren't very aware of our relationship and wanted to observe themselves and pray.

Since then both parents have only spoken on phone and greeted each other once in two months or three months until the day they showed up the night of the wedding.

So I don’t know. We have fought so much, even in front of my family / parents . We’d go to their house and still end up fighting / shouting on each other. As it is now, he says my mum and my sister have offended him. Only my dad and my sister’s husband haven’t offended him.

I called his brother a few weeks back, saying I couldn’t do it anymore, that I was tired — especially after my husband kept saying he never wanted to come here in the first place, that it was their elder brother who made him come and that he would only sleep with me now using condom and doesnt want to sleep with me unprotected till he finds work. I started to wonder what is this guy's plan? does he want to get paper and then not have child with me and use that period to then escape? or what. He said he wanted to take responsibility.

He is just too serious. I’m playful. No dirty words during sex, no knowledge of any position — only missionary. His brother even had to teach us how to have sex on the phone after I called him that time and he sent some traditional drugs that can help with sex. It’s just been so much.

Please, those of you who are married — how do you cope?

I am married to someone I don’t think is my friend. We dated before marriage, but during that time, I had a very senior friend whom I always went to for advice, help with decisions, and assistance with things that required initiative or “manly” effort.

My husband, on the other hand, is very quiet. Living with him feels like living in a graveyard — no TV, no outings, nothing lively. It’s not that he isn’t intelligent (trust me, he is), but he’s too lazy to put his mind to work sometimes. By 9 p.m., he’s already asleep. He eats, goes to work, and that’s all. He has no drive for more. Whenever I talk about progress or goals, he says, “It’s a process; it’ll take years to come to fruition,” but he never thinks of ways to get things done efficiently or on time.

So in terms of ambition or drive for achievement, I’m suffering living with him. I feel alone. I’m scared that his lack of motivation and his slow, passive lifestyle will kill my own drive. I’m not even extremely driven myself, but I know I want to achieve greatness. That desire pushes me, but I’m afraid that living with him will make me too relaxed and unmotivated — and I don’t want that.

Before marriage, I had friends — both male and female — with whom I shared advice and ideas. I’ve always had male friends because they tend to be driven. From them, I learned about crypto, stocks, business ideas — they inspired me. But my husband doesn’t trust them or me around them. Since we got married, I can’t talk to most of these friends at home unless I’m at work. It’s affecting me mentally. I’m scared that my circle for growth and greatness is being trimmed down, and soon I might start behaving like him — with no ambition or hunger for achievement.

Women, how do you handle such relationship dynamics?
How do I keep my drive while being married to such a man?

Every Friday night, he’s already asleep. One time, I dragged him to a lounge on a Friday night, and he was dozing off there. I ended up dancing alone while other couples danced together. If there’s something important we’re supposed to do, he won’t take initiative or push for it.

For example, I suggested we start going to church regularly to build our spiritual life. One Sunday, he woke up first and went to bathe. When he finished, he didn’t wake me up, and by the time I opened my eyes, it was already late. When I asked why he didn’t tell me, he said he called me but I didn’t answer. For me, I wouldn’t act that way — especially when it’s something that helps build our faith together.

We also planned to pray as a family. We did it for two days, and then he forgot — and honestly, I’m struggling to remember too. I don’t know if our marriage is under spiritual attack or if it’s just his personality, but my mental health is suffering. I’m not happy. I don’t genuinely smile anymore.

He doesn’t know how to pamper me or show warmth. If I complain about something, he just lashes out. He didn’t date much before marriage; he was one of those “spiritual brothers.” I was spiritual too, but I thought quiet men were more romantic or deep inside. I was wrong. I feel like he’s choking the life out of me.

At home, I can’t even make calls freely — he gets unknowingly aggressive if I’m on the phone and says things like, “Don’t you have things to do?” So I can’t talk to the people I’d love to.

After our marriage, he had issues going to my family, claiming I blackmailed him because of earlier arguments. He would get upset about small things, like me dancing to Afrobeat music. He’d say I shouldn’t, then later deny he said it. Or if we go out to eat, he’ll say we should leave early or that the place will soon close, even when I just want to relax and enjoy being outside.

I feel alone, yet married. I miss home. I’m not sure what to do.

It even took us one month after the wedding to consummate our marriage. We were both virgins, but his manhood wasn’t functioning well, and we had so many arguments that our emotional connection broke down. I felt it literally fall apart. Now I feel like I’m just living with someone.

He often says, “We’re not aligned,” or that he trusts me only 60%. If I go out, he sometimes gets angry or accuses me of lying about where I went. I can’t stay indoors all day like him — I’d just die inside.

I need help. I feel like I’m losing myself. When I visit home, my mother’s voice feels loud or too much, my friends when i talk to them, it feels like they are talking too much — not because they are talking too much, but because I’ve been living in such silence that I’ve lost touch with voice, morelike in a graveyard.

I am even crying as I type this, and he is sitting somewhere on the other side asking me if my head is swelling or what is making me cry.

I’m just… tired. feeling so strongly emotionally starved tooo.

Please, those of you who are married — how do you cope?

I am married to someone I don’t think is my friend. We dated before marriage, but during that time, I had a very senior friend whom I always went to for advice, help with decisions, and assistance with things that required initiative or “manly” effort.

My husband, on the other hand, is very quiet. Living with him feels like living in a graveyard — no TV, no outings, nothing lively. It’s not that he isn’t intelligent (trust me, he is), but he’s too lazy to put his mind to work sometimes. By 9 p.m., he’s already asleep. He eats, goes to work, and that’s all. He has no drive for more. Whenever I talk about progress or goals, he says, “It’s a process; it’ll take years to come to fruition,” but he never thinks of ways to get things done efficiently or on time.

So in terms of ambition or drive for achievement, I’m suffering living with him. I feel alone. I’m scared that his lack of motivation and his slow, passive lifestyle will kill my own drive. I’m not even extremely driven myself, but I know I want to achieve greatness. That desire pushes me, but I’m afraid that living with him will make me too relaxed and unmotivated — and I don’t want that.

Before marriage, I had friends — both male and female — with whom I shared advice and ideas. I’ve always had male friends because they tend to be driven. From them, I learned about crypto, stocks, business ideas — they inspired me. But my husband doesn’t trust them or me around them. Since we got married, I can’t talk to most of these friends at home unless I’m at work. It’s affecting me mentally. I’m scared that my circle for growth and greatness is being trimmed down, and soon I might start behaving like him — with no ambition or hunger for achievement.

Women, how do you handle such relationship dynamics?
How do I keep my drive while being married to such a man?

Every Friday night, he’s already asleep. One time, I dragged him to a lounge on a Friday night, and he was dozing off there. I ended up dancing alone while other couples danced together. If there’s something important we’re supposed to do, he won’t take initiative or push for it.

For example, I suggested we start going to church regularly to build our spiritual life. One Sunday, he woke up first and went to bathe. When he finished, he didn’t wake me up, and by the time I opened my eyes, it was already late. When I asked why he didn’t tell me, he said he called me but I didn’t answer. For me, I wouldn’t act that way — especially when it’s something that helps build our faith together.

We also planned to pray as a family. We did it for two days, and then he forgot — and honestly, I’m struggling to remember too. I don’t know if our marriage is under spiritual attack or if it’s just his personality, but my mental health is suffering. I’m not happy. I don’t genuinely smile anymore.

He doesn’t know how to pamper me or show warmth. If I complain about something, he just lashes out. He didn’t date much before marriage; he was one of those “spiritual brothers.” I was spiritual too, but I thought quiet men were more romantic or deep inside. I was wrong. I feel like he’s choking the life out of me.

At home, I can’t even make calls freely — he gets unknowingly aggressive if I’m on the phone and says things like, “Don’t you have things to do?” So I can’t talk to the people I’d love to.

After our marriage, he had issues going to my family, claiming I blackmailed him because of earlier arguments. He would get upset about small things, like me dancing to Afrobeat music. He’d say I shouldn’t, then later deny he said it. Or if we go out to eat, he’ll say we should leave early or that the place will soon close, even when I just want to relax and enjoy being outside.

I feel alone, yet married. I miss home. I’m not sure what to do.

It even took us one month after the wedding to consummate our marriage. We were both virgins, but his manhood wasn’t functioning well, and we had so many arguments that our emotional connection broke down. I felt it literally fall apart. Now I feel like I’m just living with someone.

He often says, “We’re not aligned,” or that he trusts me only 60%. If I go out, he sometimes gets angry or accuses me of lying about where I went. I can’t stay indoors all day like him — I’d just die inside.

I need help. I feel like I’m losing myself. When I visit home, my mother’s voice feels loud or too much, my friends when i talk to them, it feels like they are talking too much — not because they are talking too much, but because I’ve been living in such silence that I’ve lost touch with voice, morelike in a graveyard.

I am even crying as I type this, and he is sitting somewhere on the other side asking me if my head is swelling or what is making me cry.

I’m just… tired. feeling so strongly emotionally starved tooo.