₦airaland Forum

chibuzor05:
Good day Brenda, sorry for the late reply. I was on transit and just arrived Lagos late this night

You blog is cool and unique. Unique in the sense that your style is rare. But try and check if your posts are not having some words that are restricted to adults alone.. If it is free from such, you can go ahead and apply.

Thanks

Thanks bro, I have been very careful with the kind of words I use... I do not use any vulgar language like sex etc.. rather if it requires I use it, I try to turn the words e.g,, $.e.x...

that's the only word I have used that I feel it may be considered vulgar and I changed its format.

Is it OK that way?

chibuzor05:
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Guy, you did justice to that article... So helpful. maybe you could review my blog www.Brendascouch.com

Nice write up..

Want to ask, do you know any app that can boost traffic?

While it’s not always an easy task to rekindle lost affection in your relationship when it is missing, it could also be fun to partners involved.

Around the middle of November, while at the office, I got a call from a lady who didn’t give her name and location, but the number stated it was a local call. She’d called me seeking for advice after coming across my blog.

Her problem was that her husband got hold of her phone and saw the Whatsapp chats she’d been having with one of her husband’s friends. She was honest enough to have acknowledged the fact that she made a mistake having such conversation with a friend of her husband. Yes, a $.e.x chat.

Before I go on on this, here are some important facts to note:

- According to her, the husband has a ”gold medal” for extramarital affairs with several women by his side and abandoning her at home of every love.

- Secondly, there was no affection between them even before she birthed her last child.

- While she felt bored, she needed attention, thus initiating a chat with her husband’s friend who kept her company but developed to $.e.x chats

- There was no exchange of nude pictures just chats.

It was her first time and nothing ”funny” had happened between them.
- Also, while she wasn’t proud of what she did, she’d tried to initiate a conversation with her husband just to state the reason she flirted online with his friend, the husband has refused talking to her.

- He has continued to provide for her and the kids, but he doesn’t speak to her at all: Strangers living as couple.

- Finally (in my opinion), here is a situation of an old pot calling a new kettle black.


While I couldn’t give her any advice because I was still in the office with much work in my hands, I’d promised to give her a call first thing the following morning around 9:00 am when she would be alone with the kids at home while we discussed about it. This didn’t happen anyway because she refused picking my call the next morning.


Read More on

http://brendascouch.com/how-to-rekindle-lost-affection-in-your-relationship/

There are actually simple ways to show appreciation and be grateful in life. In the words of Joshua Becker, showing gratitude opens the door to simplicity and any individual who is appreciative for the little things they own will care for them, enjoy them, and waste less energy seeking more.

They will experience fulfillment in the gifts they already possess rather than looking outside themselves for more.

I remember vividly a beautiful story my neighbour told to me sometimes this year. It was a story about his two sons aged 6 and 4 who wanted to outsmart him- they eventually did anyway!

They were in the car for a Sunday evening stroll with him (their father). While moving around, they came across a fast food outlet and the brothers in a lively mood asked their dad for ice-cream.

The father parked the car, got down, bought it and gave them, they took it from him gladly without saying thank you to him. As a father, he was actually concerned about this show of ungratefulness and didn’t want them to grow up this way. However, he kept it mind and they all went home happily.

Apparently, the dad who wanted to ‘teach’ them a lesson on how to be grateful in life no matter how little the favour is and how showing appreciation for something done can open more doors for you, knowingly took them out again some weeks later, taking the exact same route like the other day.

To read more....


http://brendascouch.com/how-to-be-grateful-and-happy-with-your-life/

Sibeal:
That's like asking me if I believe in flying pigs.

Hell No!

loooooool..... Funny you. But it could happen you know

EastGold:
But why are they like goat?

I knw a girl back then in school, the boyfriend will beat her like a criminal in the morning, but she will still come back in the evening.


Is it that he had an uncommon deek or what?

Truth is,most ladies are always like this..

I knew a lady some years back who was one of my neighbours in the university. I became friends with her after we sat close to each other during a general course and we got chatty. Prior to this particular day, we only said ‘’hi’’ each time our paths crossed in the off campus neighbourhood we both lived. She was dating a fellow student whom I later got to know was in the habit of physically manhandling her at the slightest provocation.

One particular evening, precisely her birthday eve, she’d invited me on phone over to her room to assist her with the planning. In about 15 minutes or so, I’d arrived at her place with my other two friends, Ekin and Sirod. We noticed she had dark glasses on even though it was almost dark and there was no need for such.

After some exchange of pleasantries and inquiring how far she’d gone with the preparation, we discovered she hadn’t done much work because she got into some little misunderstandings earlier with her school’s boyfriend who descended on her heavily like a hungry Lion on its prey, leaving the left side of her eyes swollen and with a red spot. This derailed her pace with the preparation leaving her with no option than to seek for extra hands from me.

Hey, I think you are dating a psychopath. Who beats a lady on her birthday’s eve for goodness sake? I asked.

Before then, I have been hearing, reading people’s stories and watching films on how violent some people could be to their partners but never seen any. This was actually my first time. Anyway, after narrating to us what happened, we all asked her how long has it been going on, of which she said right from when they started dating.

And you have been enduring in silence? Is he the only guy in this school? What’s so special about him? My friend Ekin asked these questions in quick succession.

An evening meant for preparation turned out to be one for dashing and dishing out advice for her on the urgent need to leave that relationship immediately. This was the year 2008.

I bumped into her sometime in September this year and while discussing she opened up alot.


Read more here

http://brendascouch.com/how-to-heal-after-an-abusive-relationship/

As long as men and women work in close proximity, there will always be an opportunity to develop a romantic office flirting and start ”seeing each other” outside the work environment. Also, knowing those signs co-workers are dating secretly is a matter of time, investigation and patience to confirm your observations. As a hopeless romantic, that I have become. I do so love love.

While still working at my former place of work, there was this special affection or attachment my immediate superior had for this new staff who’d recently only joined the company.

I noticed some calculative movements they both made and how suddenly he stopped requesting for his lunch to be provided by one of the office janitors responsible for it but passed that role to ‘’his new found love’’ even when it wasn’t in her job’s description.

While he was (still is) married, she was single and had only recently before joining the company finished her compulsory one year National Youth Service Corps, NYSC. I knew then she couldn’t be more than 21 years of age and still very naive when it came to relationship (don’t know about now).

While I was trying to unravel the connection between them, another colleague who already understood ‘’the game being played’’ and had seen them in some uncompromising positions couple of times, hinted me how he’d been watching them and very convinced they had something going on (hey, I take my job seriously but sometimes there are side attractions around you which you can’t help but to take notice of).

Back to my story, one faithful Saturday however, another colleague from the I.T department who had been working tirelessly to upgrade some files in the company’s website, rushed down to his office and while working he heard some noises from the office above him which was my boss’s.


Read more on http://brendascouch.com/office-romance-signs-co-workers-are-dating-secretly/

Bisexuality in women and men is on the increase globally and reports have it that it is more common for most women to say they are bisexual than being lesbians.

Even though the constitution of my country (Nigeria) makes provision for a maximum of 14 years jail term for people found to have been engaged in any form of homosexual activities, there have been some reported cases of homosexual practices by the media and one among them is that of a recent beauty queen from the eastern part of Nigeria who was filmed in the act and the video shared online by people she perceived as witch hunters, and also that of Kogi State University located in central Nigeria.

I was watching a foreign documentary from a health station on female sexuality and signs a woman is attracted to another woman over the weekend where a female presenter went on the streets to meet random ladies with questions on their female sexual fantasy.

While she focused on teenagers, young ladies and older women not more than 55 years of age, I observed that all those who took part in the survey were so bold and eager to speak about it and express their sexual preferences openly.

Even though not all were liberal, most agreed to the fact that they ‘ve taken part in one way or the other in bi-dating or being bisexual just to explore their sexual fantasies.

After struggling with herself for over 10 years, a 38-year-old lady married to a man told the interviewer that she’d asked her self many times while growing up into the woman she is today the question, ”am I bisexual”? This she later discovered she is.

With her husband (though straight) knowing her preferences, doesn’t make an issue with it and allows her to ”hang out with her female friends”. In her words, ‘‘I experiment with both worlds”.

However, she concluded that at one time or the other, most straight women are attracted to other women.


While with four other young ladies who appeared to be friends and hanging out in a local bar, one among the four being interviewed made a remark that straight women don’t exist in her dictionary.

I was taken aback by her statement and it got the interviewer also more interested in hearing from her in particular among the four ladies she was talking to.

”It’s either a lady is bisexual or a lesbian and that most women are never straight. Also, most women are easily attracted to women unlike the male folks who are either on one side of the sexual fence or the other but hardly in the middle”, she concluded.



Read more on http://brendascouch.com/sexual-identity-why-bisexuality-in-women-higher-than-men/

No doubt, relationships and marriages are tough and complicated sometimes, this we all know. While there could be no one single and encompassing way to assess every relationship due to our diversities as humans, there are many ways to know if you are with the wrong partner or the right one.

Most times, situations in the course of dating someone pop up from time to time which may give some green light or indications that you could either be in a wrong relationship or with the right person, but sadly to say, most times we fail to ignore these indications.

Whenever you are trying to check if someone is good for you or not, never let your selfishness and ego judge your decision.

If or when you come to the realization that you are not in the right relationship, you do not need anyone to tell you, that’s the last thing you need because only you can figure that out. Your intuition knows for sure exactly what is right for you even when you try to disagree or fight with it for being right.

I remember vividly when one pastor while delivering his Sunday message had said that ‘’in everything you do or venture into, honesty must come play’’. This include in your business that provides your daily meal for your family and in your relationship with your partner.

In this ar[url][/http://brendascouch.com/things-that-kill-any-relationship-quickly/] , I’d written where a marriage of almost 35 years came to an end just because of display of dishonesty from the part of the husband and father.

There is nothing as frustrating as coming to know you have been dating or had gotten married to the wrong person. Leaving such a relationship while dating could be better than if already married, the pain is usually ‘’out of this world’’ during such moment.

I have read many times here in Nigeria where even after a lady discovers she’d had been in the wrong relationship or marriage all this while, she usually wouldn’t want to leave that union blaming it on the already produced kids. To me, I find this absolutely so ridiculous on the part of the woman- why manage an already bad marriage?

Mistakes are common in the lives of humans and one made in choosing a partner is one of the most painful and terrible ones. Thus, if you are in a relationship or marriage you feel, think or have come to the realization that it’s not the right one, you probably shouldn’t try so hard to make it “work”. Sometimes the right thing to do is to pull the plug and simply walk away.

I know it sounds so easy to spew out from the pen’s mouth, but you could be doing yourself a whole lot of good. Truth is, no relationship is worth sacrificing your happiness for, none!

Many times people tend to blame their partners for being the problem or the wrong one in the relationship forgetting to take some blames or even dare to self-examine themselves to know if they are actually the right person for their partners.

What I am trying to explain here is that, sometimes while you sit down thinking your partner could be the wrong one for you, don’t be shocked that you could as well be the wrong person for him or her. It’s a two way thing analyses.

Thus, while there are visible signs you’re in the right relationship and partner, there are also signs you’re with wrong the one.

Ways to know if you are with the wrong partner or soul mate.

When your partner has no listening ears during communication.

Communication between partners is one ingredient that gives or adds colour to any relationship. It is the main driving force in any relationship. While the absence of it could be a problem, the presence of it could also be the solution to solving a whole lot of issues.

A relationship with low communication is a dwindling relationship waiting to pack up.

Also, in the process of communication and one partner notices that the other lacks listening ears during conversation or always the one doing most of the talking, such traits may get the other partner infuriated and ‘’thinking’’.

When you think the $.e.x is too good and you are afraid you may not get such from another.

While listening to a radio talk show one night about 11 pm, a lady had written to the OAP/presenter of the program requesting for advice on what to do about her relationship. She was tired of it and was so confused or let me say to pull the plug due to the good $.e.x she receives from her boyfriend of 3 years.

From this lady’s point of view, I concluded that she is a $exually active person who probably had been in other relationships in which the $.e.x was not up to her standard and her current boyfriend had been very good in that department, hence the confusion and fear of not meeting someone as good as her boyfriend has consumed her person.

But like what some people would always say, ‘’where one road ends, that’s where another begins’’.

There is always better $.e.x out there and where or when you think you’ve seen it all, there are a million and one people out there with better skills.

That is the best explanation for people with this problem of fear.

When you doubt yourself of what you are doing in the relationship.

While this may sound funny or strange, many people especially women are in relationships where they keep doubting themselves if they are supposed to be in it or not. If what you want in a relationship is not what is reasonable or not what is generally acceptable, then give it up.

Anyone who is not convinced about the relationship he or she is into, definitely it’s a sign you are in the wrong relationship, with the wrong person or probably in a relationship at the wrong time.

You are with the wrong person who still thinks about the ex.

Some people find it extremely difficult to move on after their last relationship. They make it worse for themselves and their new partners when they constantly think of their ex. Truth is, they’re not over their ex, and they fail to see that.

If someone is not over with the last person they were with, you’d find them always referring to their ex in discussions that doesn’t relate to them. They are quick to bring them up. This is sickening!

When you are with this kind of person, the sad truth of the matter is most likely that you are just a rebound for such person. The right thing to do is simply walking away from that relationship.

You do not deserve to be a rebound to anyone, never!

When your partner’s phone is always locked with a password which you don’t know

Partners whose phones are always locked with a password surely have something they could be hiding from their partners. Also, those whose phone passwords are frequently changed could be up to something.

If you are dating such a person, there is a greater percentage your partner is cheating. This is one good sign to know if you are in a relationship with the wrong partner or someone who is already cheating. A clear conscience has nothing to hide


Read more on

http://brendascouch.com/simple-ways-to-know-if-you-are-with-the-wrong-partner/

December 1st every year is World AIDS Day and we stand in solidarity with everyone living with the virus.

I recall the first time I heard about AIDS. I was just about 8 years old. A neighbour was ill and was progressively growing slimmer and some weird bumps were growing on his skin. He was always coughing and deserted.

I noticed his aged mother was the only one who got closer and took care of him. I innocently asked my dad why uncle Emeka‘d suddenly looked like a dried fish. He looked like a skeleton. Will he get well?

My dad told me bluntly No, that uncle Emeka is dying of AIDS. I asked what AIDS was and if it kills little kids too.

My dad smiled and said no it only kills grown up who lived wrongly. I was contented with his answer. Uncle Emeka was taken to the village and I soon forgot about him and the AIDS ailment until the news got to us some 3 months later that he’d died from his sickness.

We later got to know he had been living with the illness for quite sometimes without treatment. This was in the 90’s, the period in which much was not known about HIV/AIDS and anti-retro-viral drugs weren’t easy to get hold of or very expensive when gotten.

It was also the era where there was no marked differentiation between HIV and AIDS, and anyone perceived to have the HIV virus was automatically categorised as having AIDS.

As I grew older, I learnt children and infants also can get the aids virus.

AIDS is Acquired Immuno Deficiency Virus. HIV is that virus that causes Aids. The HIV virus attacks the immune system. Immune system is refer to the body defence or protective system made of white blood cell (refer to as soldiers).

Let’s talk about HIV. HIV is Human Immuno Deficiency Virus, it is specific type of virus called a retrovirus. HIV invades the blood cells to replicate itself. It attacks the cd4 lymphocytes responsible for coordinating the immune system.

Normal cd4 count is between 500 to 1500. Once infected with HIV, a person is referred to as HIV positive and sadly it has no cure (for now). We pray science gets a cure soon.

AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) on the other hand is caused by the HIV virus. It takes years to develop. This disease limits the body ability to fight infections. The AIDS virus makes the body prone to infections and tumors that it are powerless to fight.

STATISTICS

About 78 million people are living with the HIV virus worldwide
The sub-Saharan region having the highest burden.
About 35 million others have died from AIDS-related illness since the first cases were reported.
Records have it that about 14 million people have lost at least one parents due to HIV.
More than half of the new infections occurs among women.

Transmission of HIV

HIV can be transmitted through the following:

Bodily fluids,
Blood,
Sharing of needles,
Syringes,
Breast milk,
Unprotected $.e.x.
Through sexual inter course can be oral, anal or digital (using of the finger digits with open sores).

There is also the mother to child transmission. This can happen before birth if the woman is ignorant of her status. During birth (if she decides to birth virginally without proper supervision by trained medical personnel or after birth through breasts feeding.

STAGES OF HIV

There are four stages of the HIV.

Stage 1
This stage lasts for 2 to 6 weeks after infection. It is characterized by short flu like illnesses, no symptoms. Infected person can still go around spreading the virus. Please note that HIV doesn’t show on faces

Stage 2
(Asymptomatic) acts for an average of 10years. The person is free from symptoms. There might be swollen glands. HIV antibodies can be detected in the blood stream although it is still very low.

Stage 3
(Symptomatic) thus stage is characterized by mild symptoms. The immune system deteriorates. There is emergent of opportunistic infections like tuberculosis, Kaposi, influenza etc.

Stage 4
At this stage, the system of an individual is weakened completely. Illness becomes severe leading to AIDS.

AIDS/HIV is characterized by clinical stage 4 or a Cd4 cell count equal to or below 200/mm2. Severe infections and also tumors are signs of HIV/aids infection.

[b]HIV COUNSELLING & TESTING (HCT) POINTS IN NIGER[/b]IA

There are HIV counseling and testing points in all government hospitals in Nigeria. People are assured of their privacy been protected because such HCT centers are guided by the 3Cs principles of:

Confidentiality
Consent
Counseling & posttest services and support.
The founding goals of HCT centers are:

Prevention of HIV infections.
Provision of entry points to comprehensive HIV/aids care and support service.
Furthermore, the benefits of HCT centers to HIV positive individuals cannot be over emphasis. Some of which are:

Easy access to care
Emotional support and better ability to cope with HIV
Awareness of safety methods
Promotion of faithfulness among couples
Improves health and productivity of PLHW as a result of utilization of care, support and ART services (anti-retroviral therapy)
Empower women to negotiate sex.
Hope is restored with proper medication an HIV infected person can still live a normal life. He /she needs to commence HAART (highly active anti-retroviral therapy)
An HIV infected person has to also monitor his/her viral load and CD 4 count first and repeat very three to four months.

HOW TO BE PART OF WORLD AIDS DAY

World AIDS Day is an opportunity to show support to and solidarity with the millions of people living with HIV. Wearing a red ribbon is one simple way to do this.

World AIDS Day is also a great opportunity to raise money for NAT (National AIDS Trust) and show your support for people living with HIV. If you feel inspired to hold an event, such as a bake sale, or simply sell red ribbons, visit this fundraising page.

As we commemorate World AIDS Day, we stand with all those living with the virus.

My personal message to all those living with the HIV Virus

I just want let you all know that the world is a much more beautiful and better place with you in it.
I understand the fact that you all go through a lot and I personally respect you all for that.
You are brave, awesome, beautiful and strong
You have so much to be loved for.


Finally, please do not discriminate against people living with HIV/AIDS virus.

Discrimination kills faster than the virus. Let’s love each other.



Source: Notes from the Lagos State Health Volunteer Scheme, 2011.



Thank you…..

www.Brendascouch.com

Brenda.