₦airaland Forum

well thank you all for ur reply, i really appreciate it. i hate the idea of going to my parents cuz i have tried to keep them as far as possible from my relationship (cuz once you involve family, they will feel free to come in anytime they like) i do not want that. i am thinking let everything go, i have prayed about it and i could not sleep, thinking of how i was gonna explain it to my parents. part of me feels like i should walk away from it all, and a little part says stay bcoz of the baby, but why put myself through this hell, and stay with a man who doesn't even care about me, there is no reason to put up with all that shit. but one thing i do know, whether this works out or not I am never getting married again, its hell and really not a bed of roses, especially married to a nigerian man. (no offense)

I need help, i have been married for almost 2 years and its been a bittersweet experience, most of the times i regret getting married and when things are good i enjoy being married until lately, in the past couple of weeks, we hadn't spoken alot, and i found out i was pregnant, i told him and the next thing he said was "u've gotten what u wanted" and it was a shocker, since i found out i was pregnant my husband hasn't for one day asked me if i was okay, i wake up every morning very sick (morning sickness) but i have to get enough rest because i have to go to work inorder to pay the bills. and after about 5 days of not speaking to me and me minding my business and weighing my options, if i want to be in a loveless marriage, my husband came up to me and started accusing me of disrespecting him, and i am like, u haven't spoken to me in 5 days so where did all the disrespecting come from, and he says its my attitude, and i asked him if he understand what i am going through, my body is changing, i wake up every morning sick, which last through out the day, i do not have the time to disrespect him (because he is not currently working). but imagine this few days after i said i was pregnant, he told me i need to lose weight and that was like a blow to my self, (apparently all he care about is how much i weigh- since i got married to him its been lose weight lose weight and i have lost over 40lbs- but b4 we got married he never asked me to lose weight), my doctor said i should not lose weight but try not to gain as much weight.
well it all blew up with him calling me names, saying i am a witch, i am a bad person, i am hindering his progress and that the baby is not even his, and it just came to me that this man does not love me at all, so i went on my knees and begged him in the name of God, to please leave me, if i am a witch and a bad person and i am not carrying his baby then he should go, cuz i have tried being in a marriage where he doesn't love me at all, and calling me names that my parents have never called me s unacceptable, i regretted not listening to my dad when he told me not to marry him, now how do i tell my dad i no longer want to be married to my husband (my parents call and ask me if my husband is treating me fine, i lie and say yes), i don't know how to tell them and how they will react.

thank you all for your advice,

if he didn't have the money he could have just said i don't have it and i would not hold anything against him, everything seems to be going okay living with his sister, i never wanted to do that in the first place but he insisted and i didn't want to argue. i'm all for making my marriage work but that doesn't mean i should be treated badly cuz i do not deserve it. the thing is i never ask him for money or anything even though he is my husband, so it takes alot away from me to ask, he knows that.

@sisterwoman
i know i built him up in my parents eyes so that they would respect him, and i cannot tell my family about it cuz it would suck.

Ezinwannem:
@calibabe , I see, hez in Toronto ehhh, what ethnic group is he? if hez Igbo, dere a greater chance that i might know him

he's Edo

izeek:
i'll tell u what,
sometimes we might be quick to jump into our own conclusions when we don't seem to have the right answers to our troubles.
he might or might not be cheating, but then again u have to give him that trust that holds a marriage.
i will hate to see these thing fall apart so soon, xspecially when it sounds like a marriage that came to be despite all odds.
wait till he gets his papers, and don't be in Aa hurry to find your own place.
prob u should ask him why he doesnt want you taking a place for yourself(seems to me thats his plan) and then if he insist on u waititng till he comes, then so be it.
don't do things u might regret later on.
am sure he loves you too, and him not able to get an entry visa might be part of his problem.
relax and talk tins tru, i know it would work.

the thing is he was the one that suggested i get an apartment cuz he didn't want his family to think he could not take care of his wife, cuz i wanted to wait until he is in the states, i have ran alot of senarios through my head, like what i would do if everything comes crashing down, and its not like i do not trust him, i do. i would hate to hear my dad say i told you so.

Ezinwannem:
This is a very sad story. I am really sorry for what you are going through. Hoe long did you guys date? Since he lives in Canada and u in the US, visiting once in a while and calling everyday shouldnt be a problem to either of you but he aint doing his job. What can be the problem? Might it be that he is fustrated that you 2 are not togeda. Did he agree moving to the US rather than you moving to Canada, Canadian Immigration is much beta than that of US. Who among you 2 have a better paying job? What part of Canada is he?

we dated for like a year and everything went fine, we use to visit atleast once a month while dating but since we got married he wanted me to stay in the U.S and not canada cuz he wants to move, and he can't visit since we already started the immigration process and i cannot leave my job becuase i just got it (real hard to get a good job now in the u.s), if he is frustrated then atleast let me know, is it so hard to let me know how he feels, i am his wife. he is in toronto. i am not sure how much he makes cuz i make my own money and since i never ask him for anything, i didn't bother but i know he makes more than me.

I and my husband (both nigerians) just recently got married and i haven't seen him in 4 months because i am trying to get him to become a U.S citizen, he is a canadian citizen, so the entire process has been a whole mess, but lately he has been acting really weird, he doesn't call me, he doesn't pick my calls when he does he always says something to piss me off, though i do most of the calling i try to call him everyday just to make sure he is okay and you know keep the lines of comunication open cuz sometimes out of site can be out of mind so speaking to him everyday is the next best thing.
anyway i am here in the states trying to get everything ready for him so when he comes over he has a place to stay and kinda adjust cuz right now i am staying with his sister (i hate staying with in-laws you have to watch your every step), like i was saying he hasn't called me to find out if everything is going fine, i currently work and is planning to get a 2nd degree in nursing, i already have a bsc and masters in computer sci. so i am not some dumb person. i recently called him to ask him for some money to complete the rent since i was planning to move out soon, i explained to him why i needed the money it was just to complete the money i already have saved up before i get my next paycheck (the thing is i never ask him for anything, so when i do it means i really need it) i asked him for $300 but he just ignored me and was asking what i did with my money, i explained everything to him he refused to give it to me so i told him i'll ask someone else. its crazy because his sister was broke and asked him for some money and he sent it to her and hell i am his wife, what pisses me off is that it took alot from me to ask him for something, and its not about the money because when he was broke i was there for him, i sent him money to get his feet back up, so its not like i want his money cuz i make mine, it kills me because i have built my life around him, i care about him and if i wanted to marry for money i would have married someone else and hell i come from a rich home.
i have done everything for him, i have lied to my parents cuz my dad doesn't really like him, made him out to be the best husband possible in my parents eyes, been there for him when he was broke, i have respected him, i was a virgin when we met so he is the first man i have ever been with, i will never cheat on him, so i do not deserve to be treated this way.
so i do not know if he is cheating on me, cuz if he is the entire marriage is over and i do not know what i am gonna tell my parents cuz i have no one to talk to, i can't talk to my friends cuz they'll always use something you tell them against you, i have comtemplated divorcing him but i can't cuz God hates divorce, i pray for him everyday hoping everything will be fine with him, so i do not know what has gone wrong, everything use to be fine, we were happy.

so i do not know what to do, i want to call him and ask him if he is cheating or still wants to be married to me, cuz i do not want to waste my life with a man who is not serious, by the way he is 32 and i am 25. so please help

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