₦airaland Forum

davidylan:
he doesnt see you as someone he has a future with. Its as plain as day.
You're good for a fling but not for a committed relationship . . . sorry, you have to cut your loses and find someone else.

Isnt this what dudes call a booty call? He says he doesnt want to lose you? Of course who wants to lose free sex no strings attached?

Lol, I hear what you're saying but its not quite that cut and dry. Our relationship has not been based on sex, he doesnt just call me over for sex, bang and then I leave lol. We've spent far more time doing things together, hanging out and him taking me out with no sex involved at all, than we've spent being intimate. This is why its complicated and I'm asking for advice on leaving or staying.

@ Romeo4real

Thank you so much! Lots of good advice you gave. Lol, no I am not getting frisky with h2o! Was just kidding around with him. And oh my goodness, I would never go visit his fam unless there was a proposal behind it. I was just telling 190 that I plan to go to Africa someday, whether I'm still talking to him or not.

I love him dearly but deep down know that I deserve so much better. We have talked recently about this issue but not in depth like we need to. I plan to see him soon so I'm gonna sit him down and get everything that I need to say to him out.

Thanks again for your input!

Olowojeje:
TRY TO DIFFERENCIATE BETWEEN " he doesnt need a relationship now " and " he doesnt need you" IF HE NEEDS YOU AND FOR ONE REASON OR THE OTHER DOESNT NEED A RELATIONSHIP NOW, then you can hang around because eventually he WILL have a relationship with you later BUT IF HE DOESNT NEED YOU better find your way now!! because he may never have a relationship with you. All in all, try to have a good discussion with him, tell him how you feel and let him honestly tell you his mind then you can draw your inference from there.
GOOD LUCK.

Thank you for the advice, very helpful. I never really looked at it this way.

C2H5OH:
Yeah then it wouldn't be "nice" of you to put me in that position. Thanks for letting me know.

No, it wouldn't be and I'm a nice person so I wouldn't want to do that to anyone. No problem at all.

Thanks for all of your advice and friendly conversation :-)

@ C2H5OH

Well I'm definitely serious minded, as for the rebound thing, I think I'm in that category right now, not as the actual rebound but that's the position I would be putting someone else in, considering my situation

C2H5OH:
Nothing is sure. I can only sell myself. The last bit is left to dcide what is/isn't going to work for you.

Well you should be able to tell from my original post what is/isn't going to work for me. No time for playing around :-)

C2H5OH:
Hey what about me ? I am a nice new guy lol

Lol, how can I be sure of that?

@poster
pls sex has notin 2 do wit it
Just continue playin ur cards well
dnt worry he wud come around
trust me,he;s benin and i know dem well

[quote][/quote]Thanks again for your advice
You're gonna make it hard for me to turn away! :-)

@ C2H5OH

Thanks so much, I know I deserve better. And I will not be scared to date a Naija man after this but will definitely be smarter about it.

Its hard but I will get over it and him.

And will be on the look out for a nice NEW guy :-)

@ ievbuomw

I dont feel that it will work out either, just wanted more opinions so I could be clear on my decision

And no I havent met any family, they all live in Africa except 2 siblings and they both live in London but I have met all the friends, sometimes hang with them by myself or go out with them while he is working or home sleeping. Not saying that this means anything but thats as far as its gone.

@ C2H5OH

Thank you, I am definitely going to get myself out of this, not only am I a good girl but also beautiful and very smart. I have been told by many :-)
I just made the mistake of catching feelings before I knew his intentions and what he wanted from me.

No I am African American

ievbuomw:
You will get over it. Anyone who stays because of fear of the unknown is not living life. Suck it up and get it over with now before you are in too deep.

cold:
I smell a sad end a mile away,run,ruN,RUN!!!

I have heard you both, thank you for the advice

@ C2H5OH

I appreciate all of your advice, however, I feel like you have the wrong impression of me. Im not saying that some women dont do what you just said but this is not a routine of mine, I dont just fall in love over and over and sleep with men. This is only the second time I have been in love with someone and the first time with an African. And I have done FAR more than sex to show him that I love him.

These are genuine feelings, not just something random. But please believe lesson has been learned. This will not happen with another man.

@ treetop

Thank you for your advice I greatly appreciate it

190:
@poster
and have u bothered cumin 2 benin 2 check him out
personally!
by payin his family a visit
benin guys are very sharp men!

No I have never been to Benin City but I plan to go someday. He lives here in America.

So Ive heard

@ 190

Yes he is an Edo boy and so are his friends.

And yup, yall are definitely a handful! :-)

@ FL Gators

Thank you for your insight, very mature and realistic advice, I really appreciate it.

@ tope5000

That's the way I see it also, I guess I just wanted to hear it from you guys.

He is from Benin City and he told me the tribe is udo?? I may be spelling that wrong.

I'm 25, he is 29

He didn't tell me that he didn't want a relationship until we had already been seeing each other for about 5 months and after we had already become involved sexually.

@ tope5000

That would just be awful if he was. He recently went to Nigeria to visit for the first time since he came to America. I talked to him the whole while he was there and watched videos that he brought back of him and his family so if he is married he's very slick with it.

Because I care about him so much. I know it probably doesn't matter since it's already been done but I've stopped the physical involvement.

@tope5000

He says because he has too many things going on in his life right now and that he wouldn't be able to give a relationship 100%. I know he doesn't tell me everything but some of this includes him working trying to build himself financially and helping his family in Nigeria. And he'll say to me that he's on a mission to meet a certain goal, that's his focus and he's not gonna let anything get in the way of that.

And yes we are physically involved

Lol now my question is are u hot?!

Thank you all so very much for your responses, it is helping me put things into perspective.


@ C2H5OH
lol, I like to think so!

What I mean by that is that I will be unhappy if I leave and unhappy with staying so idk which to choose,

Hello everyone

This is my first time posting to Nairaland so please bear with me, I will try to make this as brief as possible,

I have been talking to this Nigerian guy for almost a year, hes very kind, attractive, treats me and my friends with ultimate respect, just an all-around nice guy, my problem with him is that he says that he is not ready for a relationship (for numerous reasons), which I respect, but I dont know if I should leave him alone or continue this thing we have, because either way I am and will be unhappy. (does that make sense?) He tells me that he never wants to lose contact with me because I am a good girl and that I have been there for him. Sooo, my question is, what advice would you give? Leave or stay?

P.S. Yes I am in love with him

P.S.S. I have read people's replies to some postings and you guys can be pretty harsh, please dont be mean, thanks