₦airaland Forum

BluePearls:
@OP, give him time to think it through, if he truly loves you, he's going to come around. Very few ladies will take that bold step to come out and I must really commend you for doing that. I especially like that you are making serious efforts to be at peace with yourself and with God. What you did was in the past (hopefully so), but things like that have a funny way of coming back to haunt us. Give him time to get over his hurt and disappointment, he'll surely get over it and when he understands the kind of courage and maturity it took you to reveal such dirty past, he's going to learn to trust you again and love you even more. Good luck dear

Thank you very much. I appreciate your counsel,thanks.

Soyedele1:
You know this confession will destroy your relationship, yet you told him. I commend you for that!

My only concern now is that even if he accepts you, you might have had affairs wt someone close to him or one of his family members during those days.

I'm happy to knw you repented and God has forgiven you.

It is well with you.

Nah,I knew he wouldn't take it easily but I had no idea it will destroy my r/ship although I would do d same if I knew it will because the intensity of the need to tell him about it was fierce... Nah,I'm sure not none close/related to him.Thank u

100Cents:
Your sincerity will be rewarded.

It is past, if he is matured enough, I don't see the big deall on dealing with your past. Unless his love for you is not complete.

Nothing conquers true love. If he quits, then he was not meant for you.. Though I know how hard it is coming across godly men.

God will provide..

Thank u

stanconnect:
I agree so much with this my brother..dear every one have got flaws....it's only God that we owe such apology and not man cos u know y? Man can never understand like God...Man will never forgive like God...Man will always xhibit those characters and qualities that makes him a Man..I will even advice you never to go ahead with marrying him even if he later comes back to propose...psychologically it will be a hale kind of marriage for you and u know...marriage is never a relationship...it's for better and for worse...he will always make reference to ur past if u eventually do marry him...he will h8 u @ a certain point...the law of diminishing returns will take over him and he will tend to h8 everything abt u..I think the best thing should be to wish him well and move on with ur life...get more close to God and understand him better...he 'll definitely locate u with ur supposed. Man..goodluck!

Yea,I ve thought about all these,they're my greatest fears... Thank u very much for your counsel.

Thank you very much @Agapecharis

prettyjo:
learn to live with whatever decision he makes.And besides never beg a man to love or date you.the one who will accept your past is on the way.cheers!!!

Thank u

hollandis:
Every guy always ask for your past,if he cannot handle it,he should go and die.Is he a virgin? Ask him why he has screwed girls in the past.
Infact you are too good for my liking .gerrout

Funny

ronald4lif:
I am trying too hard in restraining myself not to use foul words on you and I hope I achieve this. Without mincing words you destroy your relationship, you unbeknown or ignorantly drove your man away and shut the door on him. I mean who tell their potential spouse such things about their past? Everyone has that thing that we may never want our prince/princess charming to know about us. It was completely irrelevant to tell, there was no pressure whatsoever to do so. I mean men marry non-virgins everyday and never cared who and who they had f*cked, if the brides keeps telling their suitors who they had f*cked many weddings will be called off. Its nothing to do with you f*cking married men, his reaction would have been same even if you had told him there were your fellow students you flirted with. Men knows chances are high that their women may have had a dirty past but would rather not hear about it, once they know it never gets off their mind especially when making love to her. My advice to you is not to bother him, whichever decision he takes is what you deserve. But just so you know be ready to always have him rub it on your face the rest of your life at any given little misunderstanding, that's if he goes ahead with the wedding plans. I am sorry no sympathy for you. An igbo adage says ife onye ara melu onwe ya kariri ife omelu ummune ya which translates as what a mad fellow does to himself its worst than whatever he does (shame wise) to his relatives. I am not in any way referring to you as being mad but your actions was a mad stuff. All the best anyways!

He wanted to know every single thing about my past. Others don't bother about all that but he did,to him its a sign of loyalty and a way of building trust. Oh well... Thank u for contributing reasonably

brainzdh:
Give him time to heal, it's only natural for him to act way. I'm sure u weren't expecting a thumbs up after ur revelation; he seem to be a 'nice guy' like u've described.

Let him know you had to get it off your chest so that it won't affect ur rship wit him. Though you have to earn his trust, and hope he'll forgive u.

Thank you

tosyne2much:
One thing I know is, if the truth will jeopardize your relationship pls always say it just to know who truly will stay.. Sometimes the reason why a lady has to tell her partner about our past is not only to clear all guilty conscience but to enable her know if the dude will stay or not (tho there's a limit to the past every man can take)


If he insists he wants to hear from the Holy spirit b4 taking an further step, then relax your mind and wait while it lasts


My advice
My dear, at this point, I think you have to be very careful of the man you call your fiance.. You told him your past and he's now drifting away making you regret your deeds.. It's now that you finally told him your past that he knows he wants to consult the Holy spirit.. So the Holy spirit never needed consultation when you haven't told him ur past abi ? **smh**


I think this should have given you an insight and foresight of the kind of person you want to marry

He prays about everything,he never sidelines God in any decision he wants to take,he always seeks God. He prayed for a 'woman',d kind that will help him to have a fulfilled life as they grow together in the course of the future. Its understandable that he's consultating the Holy spirit,probably asking "Is this the kind of woman that will help me achieve my dreams/visions?". Thank u for ur counsel.

Applaner:
op, DAT young boy is a Virgin and wants to marry a virgin.



2) he is angry DAT u didn't tell him wen he asked u.
it look as if u just committed de acts .

No,he's not a virgin but he's a decent person,yes.
Yea,I understand that. He feels I may b unfaithful to him. Thanx

3cycle:
Repented runs gal

Yea,perhaps... Whatever happened then was a phase in my life,I was materialistic,I lacked a strong-will and spiritual sensitivity,I never in my life thought I'd go that deep in sin,no one does right? But mine was different,I used to preach decency and morality(I stressed virginity),I wrote articles about these. When I saw how much I'd failed myself and God after involving myself with married men,I stopped doing all the good work(writing 'n all) cos I felt like a liar for every word... I ve repented sincerely n I know God has taken me back #prodigal daughter#

Fabdedon:
@ClumsyPsychiq
Like mesoade said too since the Holy spirit directed you to tell himm just pray and dont panic..

I think his aware of what his doing his taking time to consider things... If not he could have informed his family about you since you are close to the Family...

Just pray about the situation and still show him and give him reasons you have changed....His a gentle man he will surely understand..it might even give him reasons to trust you in the future

Thank you very much Fabdedon,you all have no idea how much your words mean to me. I really hope he can trust me,trust matters alot. Sure,I'll keep praying. Thank you

mesoade:
There's nothing to be worried about the holy spirit told you to be honest and you were honest . . He's the God-fearing type,if he prays the holy spirit will surely direct him to you . . But if that doesn't happen,then you were never meant to be married . .

Thank you very much. I hope we are meant to be,I really love him. He's been a great encouragement to me,he literally held me by the hand and led me to God. I knew God but from a distance,he brought me closer,built my faith and spiritual sensitivity. I appreciate your words,they mean so much to me. Thank u

Fabdedon:
i feel the pains ur passing tru....
Talk to him.. Get the chance to meet him not phone calls... Maybe dats where d mistake started... Meet him physically..talk to him..
Try explain to him that due to u have changed frm ur ways n wouldnt want anytin to appen to d relationship in future dats why ur telling him...
U said ur close to d Family.. Look for who he understands better and try confide in d person to try explain better ...its goona be hard but dats a clue..
Just try make him calm down and understand you.. Since its a six month relationship..u guys could have learnt to understand you self...
Wish you luck in Advance

Thank you very much for not making me feel worse. My problem when relationships become long-distance is that I'm still very dependent and can't go off to visit someone out of town. You may ask how I managed d 'dirty' relationship in d past,I was in school then,I soo regret all that... I'm thru with sch nw... Ha! Confiding in someone is not an option especially not a member of the family,they're so pious and religious,I think it'd b d easiest way to end the relationship.. Yea,we do understand each other,I told him this for trust reasons but its almost costing me 'him'. I appreciate ur counsel,thank you very much

iceberylin:
Try not to involve holy spirit for this matter

I'm not being a hypocrite,I'm no longer the person I used to be. I now know better.

There are alot of things in my past I regret today because of the pain and loss they've caused me but since its my past and there's nothing I can do to change it,I just lived with the regrets and wished I'd done things differently. I asked God to forgive me for my past mistakes and I believe he has,because I felt a reassuring peace I never had before,when I was lost in the world.
I met this really nice guy,we've been dating for over six months. He's a serious-minded person and he's responsible too. He made his intentions clear from the start,he's interested in me for marriage. I've met his parents and his mom really likes me,plus the entire family has been nice to me... Right from the start,he always asked me about my life,my past,any major things I need to tell him about myself...whenever the topic came up,I never had the courage to say anything,I'd just reassure him there's nothing. Himself,he's 'perfect',brought up in a spiritually-active home,he's God-fearing,humble 'n morally upright(sex is not a priority for him)... Some weeks ago,something reminded me of my past in a very disturbing way,I was restless,I lost my appetite,I was depressed. I decided to pray to God again for purification of my sins,this time I prayed vehemently,then the Holy spirit made me realise that I had not been completely honest with my bf,that he needed to know. This made me more ill at ease because he is currently out of town. I thought about it for a long time,finally I called him and told him I'd something to tell him that couldn't wait,I told him I'd had affairs with married men in my past,I explained it was in the past and I would never think of doing such ever in my life again. He asked if they were more than one,I agreed,there were two of them,he said we would talk about it later and ended d call.
I sent him a mail,explaining and apologising,afterwards I called again and he was pissed that I was apologising to him after the harm I'd caused other people,families... Since then,he has been very cold,he never calls,I call all the time,he picks when he wants to,gives me one-word replies and ends the calls even though I was d one who called. We had a long discussion after my confession and his conclusion was that he had not made a decision about our relationship yet,that somethings are beyond him,what I understand by this is that he's seeking God's face about the situation,if to continue or end the relationship. I love him so much and he loves me too or loved me before this whole thing came up. Now my mind keeps telling me that even if he decides to continue the relationship,he will resent me and I'll just end up having an unhappy married life because he'll keep seeing the wh*re I "was". Considering the kind of dreams/visions he has(ministering God's word),he won't see me as d perfect person to help him fulfil those dreams and he may end up living an unfulfilled life if he decides we go on with the relationship and get married afterwards... Its been very difficult for me and I believe for him too. Here is where I need your advice,should I encourage him to end the relationship so we go our separate ways? Besides his seeking God's counsel,I believe he's finding it difficult to come to a decision because he would be thinking about his family/friends,how to break the news to them and what to tell the is the reason for our break-up. My encouraging him won't ease all the inconveniences but what do you think?
Thank you for ur helpful contributions

@alutacontinua,thanx alot. Its quite surprising i neva really considered dis. I ought 2 ve done so. Thank u