being:

For clarity
1. So after this, did her resentment reduce or go?
2. B4 this incident, did she use to careless about /ignore you when she is angry with you?

Her resentment actually died. At least we have gone past having physical fights in our marriage. The only thing is that she lacks enthusiasm in making the marriage work.

Before we settled after that incident, she was asked both by our Pastors and by my elder brother and his wife, if she wanted to continue with the marriage, and she affirmed yes. I just don't know why she is not ready to put in the work to make it work.

Personally, I wouldn't feel bad if my marriage collapses now, because I have done my best. And unlike last year, when I took full responsibility for our marital problems, because I knew I was largely the cause, that is not the case today, because God knows I have done my best.

Biglittlelois:



You know, I really need to start checking out people's profile before commenting on their threads, they will come here to form saint with no blemish, paint their wives or females generally as evil, I was already feeling pity for Op if not for your comment I saw that made me check his other thread,

Op is an upcoming pervert with pedo tendencies, I give the wife huge kudos for continuously living under the same roof with him.

All I have to say is that you don't know me. I will end it there. Don't be quick to judge people, we have all had struggles at one time of our life or the other.

pocohantas:
The problem I have with men is they are experts at claiming victim. No matter how different or logical you think the one you are with is, break up with him first and you will most likely see a petty victim-playing human you never knew existed.

You are here acting like you are perfect and unaware of where it went wrong, but as a woman who has gone from 100 to 0 with a man in seconds, I knew something changed and I clicked on your profile. The answer was right there and you acknowledged when the HATRED started.

You know what you did. Fix it or keep whining like men that have toed this part before you.

Pocohantas, you're a very popular moniker here, so I know you very well. And I will take my time to respond to you. This is also my alternate moniker, which I created last year while my marriage was on the verge of collapsing.

You read my thread and I don't blame you for making the assumptions that you made.

March 22, 2022, is a day I will never forget in my life. On that fateful day, my wife and I had a fight and she pulled five kitchen knives on me, that she will kill me, kill herself and then call our parents to come take our baby. Unknowingly, to me, my wife whom I married had become filled with so much resentment for me. She literarily saw me as a filthy person, because of my bad habits then. I was consumed in lust and masturbation, I wake up in the mornings then and the first thing I do is to start surfing Instagram admiring all manner of women with big butts. Slowly, I became obsessed with soft porn (At the time I told myself I wasn't doing pornography because I don't watch pornstars have sex).
Thankfully, after I shared my ordeal here last year, I got to know that I was actually doing soft porn.

After the fight last year, I left my house to go live with my elder brother. I actually stayed there for about 3 weeks, before the issue was resolved and I returned back home. It took interventions from 2 of our pastors and my elder brother and his wife to resolve the issue. My wife is a sensitive person, and I didn't know she had hacked my phone and was seeing everything I was doing on the internet. She literarily knew the names of the handles, I loved visiting. This caused her to hate me so much! She didn't see the other good things I was doing. Well, I didn't really blame her for that.

After that terrible incident, I blamed myself for everything that happened. I still remember, how I wept in my elder brother's...I kept on calling my name and telling myself that see how I had allowed lust and pervasion to ruin my home. I was broken, and I cried to God to help me overcome those bad habits and restore my home. Thankfully, God help me. The first thing I had to do was to come out clean! I confessed to my pastors and my elder brother the real problem in my home.

As a Christian, I have come to know that the only way to be free from such secret and destructive sin as pornography and masturbation is by coming out publicly.

Aside from coming out publicly, I took some drastic steps. I deleted all my social media accounts (Instagram, Facebook, and even WhatsApp). I also did away with using and having a smartphone, I used torchlight for a very long time just to avoid stumbling on my triggers on the internet. Just to add, that it was also quite easy for me to overcome those bad habits of mine because I was not really an addict as my wife thought. I started masturbating when I was already a full-grown man, I loved looking at beautiful women and that was actually the part that I struggled with. But thankfully, God helped me and even now I can boldly share my story anywhere I was once trapped in the web of soft pornography, but God helped me to overcome it.

I really didn't owe you this explanation, but I saw the need to clear you on this that what you read in my thread last year, is an old me.

As I stated in my original post in this thread, I still believe my wife's background is what is chiefly affecting her. And she is not the type that listens to advice, if not she probably would have improved. I still remember the battles we had to fight both physically and spiritually before we could get married. Her family practically did not want her to get married.

JeffreyJunior:
Just 2years into your marriage, you guys are already having all these issues.

Why the heck did you marry who wasn't into you or will you swear you didn't see the warning signs?

Oga when the kitchen becomes too hot, a wise person knows the best choice is to leave.

Leave the marriage or get a sidechick mek everybody rest.

You're wrong sir. My wife was very much into me before our wedding. She literally made me marry her, because at some point I began to develop cold feet. She did everything to please me, showed me love and care, and pretended to be a good girl. I would not force, cajole or entice a woman into marrying me. This is why I am asking myself if I should continue in this marriage if truly she doesn't care about me anymore. I strongly believe marriage should be between two people who are genuinely interested in being together and if it is obvious she is tired of us being together, I would be the first to excuse myself from the marriage. I just don't want to make a hasty decision, so I will still wait and be sure I am not overthinking things.

Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***

Kobojunkie it is obvious you read but don't comprehend! I would have been perfectly fine if my wife is not much into sex but she makes up in other areas. Personally, I think I am quite an objective person. For example, if my wife shows little or no interest in sex, but she respects me, (she is mindful of how she treats and talks to me when she is upset), genuinely cares for me (whether we are in good terms or having a fight) and most especially supports me in prayers, I wouldn't complain. Having sex once in a week has been a problem for me (most men will consider this too little a time to have sexual intercourse with their wife), the major problem I have and I have always had is the lack of value and commitment she places on things that concern me and our marriage.

It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.

MrRemedyAlagbo:
There's nothing wrong with you than for you to stop any form of pornography,masturbation and lusting around on IG....what you need is self control to stop those habits,and let your erection be for your wife anyday anytime

Thanks boss, the resolve is strong and I trust God to purge me completely of these bad habits.

Zdalmano:
What you need to is quit watching porn (and yes, porn INCLUDES inta women and any other images you look at for sexual pleasure).

Your sexual tastes are being trained by your rewards system. You are training yourself to like things that you previously didn't. This is how people become perverse. But rejoice! It doesn't mean you are a pervert it means you are infected by perversion. Like any sickness there is a treatment to destroy the aliment.

https://easypeasymethod.org/ - this website has a book that explains how to quit pornography. I suggest you give it a read.

When you quit porn and looking at insta girls your sexual tastes will go back to normal as your rewards system is no longer being overstimulated.

Thanks boss, I've decided to completely quit anything porn including instagram and God is helping me.

thorpido:
Soft porn, that's what you're doing.
You're on the right path though.Deleting your Instagram and keeping away from nude pictures will help you a lot.
You're a normal man,you just need to let the right things and right thoughts occupy your mind.

Thanks boss....I have always deceived myself that I don't do porn, not knowing I was drenched in soft porn. Thanks for the encouragement.

thorpido:
Pornography...... that's the simple cause of your issues.

Well, that could be the cause. But I never really did porn as in watching people having sex. I did more of looking at half naked women especially those with curvy figure on Instagram.

How can I be free from this irregular erections? I have deleted my instagram accounts and I have also stopped going to search for such women to lust after them. I made a firm resolution to stop masturbation this year, and God has helped me to overcome that bad habit.

I am a man of 31 years. I was very timid as a young boy and so I barely mingled with the opposite sex. As a teenager, I could barely talk to girls, I was only able to admire them from a far without being able to express myself to them. I developed the habit of saving pictures of girls I had a crush on, on my phone and later progressed to looking and lusting after girls; particularly girls with big butt on Instagram.

I am from a very religious background and I did not want to defy myself physically by engaging in physical sex but I did other sexual immoralities just as guilty as fornication. Like I said earlier, I began to lust after girls with big butts on Instagram and when I became very Hot, I masturbated to relieve myself.

This bad habit of mine continued until I decided to get married. Shortly, before my wedding I decided to stop masturbation. It was quite easy for me because I hated the act and always felt very dirty after I had done it. But I continued feeding my eyes with all sorts of big booty women on Instagram and lusting after them, but I never masturbated again.

After my wedding, my wife moved into my house. She saw pictures of different girls on my phone (girls I had had a crush on at one time or the other, note I did not lust after the girls nor use their pictures to masturbate, I just enjoy looking at beautiful women) and she even became more furious when she stumbled on my Instagram account. She was disappointed and she began to develop feelings of hatred for me. That is a story for another day. But my wife actually thinks I am abnormal sexually, she actually thinks I am a pervert.

Another disturbing thing is that I easily get erections, sometime with or without sexual thoughts. For instance, I get hard sometimes when a baby rests directly on my penis (this happens when I am wearing boxer shots). I will have to adjust myself and the baby before the erection will come down. Note I do not have any sexual thoughts whatsoever, it just happens.

I am not a pervert, I have never sexually abused any woman before, my wife is the only woman I have slept with. I do not look after teenagers or children lustfully. I fear God and I just cannot imagine myself doing any of such.

Please medical practitioners in the house, what could be the cause of my overly sensitive manhood and random erections even without sexual thoughts.