₦airaland Forum

winner01:
I quite agree, You might also have to warn the boy to stay away from her and cease her phones too ....Since she seems stubborn, spanking is also a good option. It would break her a little and the hopefully she can show some remorse and listen to advise....

I am afraid that will not break her but rather push her closer to the guy. This girl is probably craving love and attention and also thinks it is cool to have a boyfriend and have sex at that age.

Now, there is something . For most young people, the more you tell them to stay away from something , the more alluring the thing is and they do it. They are risk takers who like to break the rules and be adventurous.
The girl should be asked to invite the boy over to the house and they should both be treated nicely. Of course the guardians can use that opportunity to understand the situation better and keep close tabs. You can talk about safe sex with both of them ( better to be on the safe side than be in denial, of course emphasis on the A).

Get closer to the girl and create an environment (it could be telling her about your own past relationship adventures or just general boy-girl gossip) that would allow her to confide in you and with time you gently slip in advice.

Make sure at this point you show that girl love and keep her close to you even if you disapprove what she is doing at the moment.
Otherwise you might loose that girl forever.

Try São Tomé. It will cost you about 300K for about 4-5 days. I will also suggest you let your girlfriend know once you have decided on a place so she some with a little spending cash as well . All the best.

thorpido:
Yes there will be moments of anger and frustrations on the part of both of you but you will keep developing and overcoming it.You both know you are working together which makes it easier.

@ thorpido thanks so much for the link. Been reading through various articles on there and it has empowered me to embrace my full healing. God bless you. And you too babyosisi for creating this thread. Marriage is challenging but very very sweet by Gods grace. Xx

thorpido:
Cyaa,you're in the process of healing already.Keep doing more of what you are doing now.It's a good thing you have a patient husband.
You can use the internet more and get to hear about the experiences of others and find support groups of those who have had similar experiences.

You can check this out: www.thehealingplace.info
Don't stop praying.

Thankyou very much for the support. I really thank God my husband is patient and I try not to take it for granted. The few times he gets angry I forgive him immediately because I also understand what he is going through. When we are making love and the devil wants to intrude I ask God to help me and he does. God has really equipped me with mad skills in bed and I sometimes look forward to seducing husbi.
It is tough but it is surmountable and I pray God continues to give me the grace to heal fully and take back what the devil is tryna steal from my marriage. I just see the chains falling.
I will check out that site and give you feedback.
God bless you

babyosisi:
That is it
Subconsciously there is this dislike for women because of what this girl did and if you don't deal with it now and get married ,you won't treat that woman right.

One of the ways I advise ,if you still know where that woman is ,would be to find her and go face to face to tell her she hurt you when you were a helpless little boy but now you are grown and able to defend yourself and you will not allow what she did to you control you any longer.If you don't do it face to face,get a phone number and call and say everything you wanted to say.
Many people confess that this is therapeutic and freeing.
If you can't find her write a letter as it were to her ,expressing all the bottled in anger and what it has done to you and how you will not allow it control you anymore from this day forward.
If you are a Christian,you pray about it too ,forgive her and release it and healing will come.

I will start a thread someday on sexual abuse and dealing with sexual abuse and it's effect
Some insecurities and problems adults have stem from the pain of sexual abuse
Many promiscuous girls were sexually abused
Many women haters and misogynists were also sexually abused
Many women who have a problem committing were also sexually abused
It is a big problem in our society that nobody wants to talk about because of the shame

You are so right. So so right. In my case at least. I was sexually abused as a child and also as a teenager by house workers and close relatives respectively and deep down inside I hated men. Of course I didn't tell my family. As you said- the shame, the shame.

But at the same time I loved them and had this urge to conquer them. I loved pre-intimacy but once things got too sexual I lost interest and sometimes cowered in fear or closed up completely. I was living a pseudo-promiscuous life were I loved to entice men sexually cos it gave me the feeling of being powerful, but I actually detested the actual act. Maybe you could explain.

This followed me into my marriage and almost caused issues in the beginning but by Gods grace my husband was very patient and I also made an effort to overcome it- through prayers, chatting with married women who had a great sex life, self-counseling and putting in an effort with all the exciting things sex has to offer. I felt I had been robbed long enough and didn't want my marriage to be destroyed too.

One key thing was I opened up to my husband about my past and explained how I had been affected psychologically and spiritually. Infact I offered so many explanations but the good thing was I was willing to work at it. The more my husband and I have sex, the more I feel I am being unchained and it is such a great feeling.

Of course there are days where he gets on top of me and just starts touching me and I feel I am being sexually molested and try so hard not to scream. Sometimes I can't control myself and I push him away and just lay there scared. Thankfully, no matter how upset he is, he manages to stay calm and we talk about it much later with me ensuring I make up for it that way we keep moving forward.

I would really love to know more about this topic as it might help me and many others in our quest for total restoration.

God bless us all

Sweetlemon:
You live in US right?
You started this thread like 7:30pm Nigerian time. That's like early afternoon US time. You stayed on till late US time. So madam you very much spent vals day on NL (chatting with strangers).
From the defensive way you replied me, I can see all is not just well somewhere. It's fine though that you are channeling your energy to advising others. Perhaps so they don't make the same mistakes you did?

It is well my dear.

ah ah now. What kind of witchcraft is this? How old are you? The only person that can open this kind of thread on Val's day is a selfless one with a passion for helping people and whose husband supports her every move irrespective of what people like you think.

That is it
Subconsciously there is this dislike for women because of what this girl did and if you don't deal with it now and get married ,you won't treat that woman right.

One of the ways I advise ,if you still know where that woman is ,would be to find her and go face to face to tell her she hurt you when you were a helpless little boy but now you are grown and able to defend yourself and you will not allow what she did to you control you any longer.If you don't do it face to face,get a phone number and call and say everything you wanted to say.
Many people confess that this is therapeutic and freeing.
If you can't find her write a letter as it were to her ,expressing all the bottled in anger and what it has done to you and how you will not allow it control you anymore from this day forward.
If you are a Christian,you pray about it too ,forgive her and release it and healing will come.

I will start a thread someday on sexual abuse and dealing with sexual abuse and it's effect
Some insecurities and problems adults have stem from the pain of sexual abuse
Many promiscuous girls were sexually abused
Many women haters and misogynists were also sexually abused
Many women who have a problem committing were also sexually abused
It is a big problem in our society that nobody wants to talk about because of the shame[/quote][quote author=babyosisi post=30790196]You are so right. So so right. In my case at least. I was sexually abused as a child and also as a teenager by house workers and close relatives respectively and deep down inside I hated men. Of course I didn't tell my family. As you said- the shame, the shame.

But at the same time I loved them and had this urge to conquer them. I loved pre-intimacy but once things got too sexual I lost interest and sometimes cowered in fear or closed up completely. I was living a pseudo-promiscuous life were I loved to entice men sexually cos it gave me the feeling of being powerful, but I actually detested the actual act. Maybe you could explain.

This followed me into my marriage and almost caused issues in the beginning but by Gods grace my husband was very patient and I also made an effort to overcome it- through prayers, chatting with married women who had a great sex life, self-counseling and putting in an effort with all the exciting things sex has to offer. I felt I had been robbed long enough and didn't want my marriage to be destroyed too.

One key thing was I opened up to my husband about my past and explained how I had been affected psychologically and spiritually. Infact I offered so many explanations but the good thing was I was willing to work at it. The more my husband and I have sex, the more I feel I am being unchained and it is such a great feeling.

Of course there are days where he gets on top of me and just starts touching me and I feel I am being sexually molested and try so hard not to scream. Sometimes I can't control myself and I push him away and just lay there scared. Thankfully, no matter how upset he is, he manages to stay calm and we talk about it much later with me ensuring I make up for it that way we keep moving forward.

I would really love to know more about this topic as it might help me and many others in our quest for total restoration.

God bless us all.