₦airaland Forum

@ Mutter,
Thanks for your advises, but den U said “take her, fix a date, and get married” how do I do this when her family (esp her mum) wld nt bulge to that without my family being there?

On informing me they'd (my dad and other siblings) not be comin for the engagement anymore, I started investigating what was actually going on, why every1 (but my only sis) decided they’d boycott my happy day all of a sudden, only to find out my mum had threatened everybody about attending with curses. I now really wonder why she has to go that far, if it was about me dying young or any other, den that’s quite extreme, it shld be me, others are quite innocent. I don’t know how u guys see this, but she could have spoken to me. If I may here add that my mother had not said a word to me directly on this issue since inception over three years ago, she wld just mention it to pple, & then I get to hear. I’d sat her down personally to tell me why she really doesn’t want her (my fiancée), her response despite my persistence was “Nothing, I just don’t like her”, at one point she even said I shld go ahead but she’d not be going to be thre. Tell me with this kind of response I’m suppsed to just leave someone I cherish? She’s the one making all the fuss, talking to every other person bt me, this “dying” thing and all other issues, I got to hear from my brothers or uncle or sis or aunty etc, I mean! If she cld tell everybody, why not me!

I love my mother so much, I hate that I have to be the 1 having all ds issues with her, so since the day my dad told me he wasn’t goin to come, I’ve being sendin SMS to her (my mother) every nite with this words “I love u mum, goodnight”. I thnk a reason wld be cos I’m tryin not to dislike her; she calls but I don’t pick up, and today she sends me SMS “Peace” whatever that means

BTW, my dad and mum aren’t separated, they’ve been together for abt 37yrs now, only had a brief stint for 3yrs or thereabout (happens to be the most important 3 yrs of my life).

Mutter, SMOOTH, Tewmuch, DELTA, UjuJ, every1
I really appreciate all u've posted, I now kinda wished i'd been on NL family section before now, guess I had other concerns or trying to blot out my actual concerns until it now exploded in my face.

@Breathless,
That there really took my breath away, but if only wishes were horses,

I've read this thread over and over the last few days; still wondering, so much wisdom and experience. Thgh every1 with varied opinions, yet all made good sense. To those who thnk if I was a "real man" I shld not be asking what to do, well I really pray u don't find yourself in a situation like mine, cos only then can u quantify the gravity of this happenings.

TewMuch:
@OP
You know your parents better than any of us and they and God made you the person you are. No one else. Without the opportunities they gave you, you will not be who you are. Do not listen to anyone insulting or victimizing your parents. Your GF definitely saw your potential and she may be desperate to marry you no matter what. All this prayer and fasting trick has been played numerous times, it is when you finally get married you will see true colors. Your mother is talking from experience and there are things she will see that you won't see. You also desperately need your family, do not cut them off for any human being. They are the only ones that will always be there for you, your wife can run tomorrow if all fails for you. Some decisions in life are hard to make, but respect your parents and move on. There is someone out there for you. The girl obviously does not respect herself or your parents, and it shows how she may face them in future. If they do not approve, you guys should go your separate ways. You are who you are because of your hardwork and God given talents, not anyones aura. A bad marriage can take all that away in an instant. As you are so in love, there are things you will not see that other's will see. It may take a while but it will get better.

U have really said well here, I have also tot about this quite a lot. I'd also played the mind thing of going all out against her, & wrong as it may sound, I’d given her tests which she’d passed. I'm some1 that believe so much in prayers, thgh I go to church and pay my tithe regularly, I don't have any particular pastor or spiritualist I go to (maybe I shld), I've had and still have the faith that I don't need any1 to see the future for me, I prefer to go directly to my God and if he has been able to bring me this far witout any direct intercessory sessions, I applied it to marrying this lady; I went ahead & prayed severally for God to show me in one way or the other why I shldnt be with her, and till date, none. (Aside the parents’ thing thgh, and I'd say this is not the 1st time I'm having issues with my mum regarding my major life’s decision)

BTW, thgh I’m open to your opinions, I’m not confused abt being wt my fiancée, had a strong conviction that I’d be wt her b4 I proposed to her, I also believe my family wld come arnd someday (maybe long). I just want pple wit experience/knowledge of situations like this to help out. Her family wld nt give her out wtout my family present, her mother understands and had requested we keep praying, I was only able to tell them my family’s stand yestday (THANKS 2 NL).
It took me 2 years to try convince my family abt her, now I’m back 2 square one. My mother never bulged, guess she’s been able to get to the others now including my dad again! And she on her part is lik a demigod in her family, no1 can talk 2 her.

I hope this is lite enuff, open to any other thng any1 has to ask, cos need to clear this up. I’d say God gave me very good gifts of intelligence and brilliance, whch has taken me to where I am today, I even take huge decisions on behalf of my company and it works out fine, also can give sound and endearing advise on major issues to/amongst colleagues and friends, but here I am, perplexed.

@Delta007
Yes we have talked severally on this issue, her marrying into my family with the whole mother thing, we even went ahead to separate a few times, telling ourselves we cld do it, but we eventually found ourselves together agn, I recently also asked her to think it thru, but she was always able to convince me and had faith that my mother would come around smeday. She earlier refused to do anthng formal with me until my mum accepts her, but my dad urged us on, only for him to back out nw.

@ SMOOTH
u are quite rite u knw, abt the adage of youthfulness and our elders, I'm from that school of thought as well. But I tell you 1 thing though, I would be the one to live with her not them; therefore I went ahead based on my findings. My mother, a great woman who has always been there for us growing up, even was our backbone us when our dad was misbehaving; her issue started by her wanting me to be with a different lady (my ex, now married), there-unto she moved to the spiritual aspects (abt me dying young if I marry my fiancée). I must say, I didn't handle the issue well in the beginning; I and my mother were always arguing and quarrelling over and over. That was years back, I soon realized I wasn't going abt it properly, I succumbed and have apologized to her severally, but I guess she still carries the grudge in her as she never ceases to remind.
Before now, my dad hadn't been agnst the union, he had even urged me on several occasions to do what I have to do and stop waiting for my mum to come around, if only I did then. My fiancée and dad have/had a good r/ship, they'd often talk on phone and my dad would tell me whenever we speak to take good care of her, he'd even go ahead to advice me on marriage issues, really nw wonder wre his “vision” was then.
Abt her (my fiancée), I really wish all was just in love, I love her so much; but though never been married myself, maturity and other life experiences had tot me not to marry only cos u love. Ever since I met her, I'd gradually transformed from a man who hates to commit to 1 who nw preaches commitment to his peers. I've had reasons to go to God before meeting her, but she had actually drawn me closer to him. Things have really turned around for me generally, though strtd work with a good job, I'd moved from success to success (just not psychologically), changing jobs whenever I so desire. I can afford to get things as soon as I start thinking about them, no matter the cost. All these might have been destined to happen to me with or witout her but as a traditional man, I jst feel she has a good aura around her that makes things work.
She  (my fiancée) is  a likable person, with a vision as same as mine, she’s also a planner which is what I desire most in a woman, I love planning but then I sometimes derail, she has actually been able to keep me on track. She’s a Christian, we ddnt use to attend same church but we sometime go together (due to the nature of my job, I travel a lot); she often urges us to pray, she’d request for us to fast, I be to 12 or 3pm, she’d be to 6pm, all qualities I need in a woman. Won’t say she’s perfect thgh, 1 thng is I hv to often force her before she talks abt an issue wen we have quarrels, that’s all, quite terrible but I thnk I can live with that.
I'd here add also that she from the east and I western part of Nigeria, not saying that's an issue with my mum (she'd never mentioned it) cos we the kids had our early years in the eastern part of Nigeria, we all hv also lived in the northern part before I moved to where I am presently, so I can't really say my mother’s a tribally biased person, can never tell still.

[b]Dear Reader,
Thanks so much for visiting this page, U can neva tell, u mite actually be saving a life or 2 for just opening this link.

This my chronicle that started about 4 yrs ago I'd try to summarise as much as possible so as not to take too much of your time.

I'm in my very early 30s, an Engineer with a well paying job, at least amongst my peers I'd say the good lord has done really well for me financially, yet I'm a very sad man, not been for a good while now (lik they say, mny can't buy you happiness). When I felt I'd gotten to a marraigeable age, I saw this nice, loving and God-fearing lady (a student then), I went after her with all good intent for about 7months before we eventually started dating, after 1.6yrs of being with her, during which we'd come to grow to love each other so much, I proposed to marry her.
My Mother, at every opportunity she gets, had never ceased to show her objection to the r/ship ever since she heard about or even before meeting her, my dad and other siblings had been quite supportive (until lately).

My dad and brothers concluded that instead I keep waiting for my mother to come around (which mite be never) I should start with the introduction and possibly engagement, which they will attend. I went ahead to fix a date with them and then communicated it to my fiancee's family, we then went ahead to start involving ONLY immediate family members (mostly hers, since her dad's late) abt a week aftrwards,  my dad called that he was no more in support of me marrying the lady giving reasons he saw a vision in conjunction with what my uncle's pastor had told him. That my-wife-to-be can't be my wife cos if I marry her, I'd die young & some other similar stories lik that.

Believe me I'd had a few downs in my life, but I'd never been this devasted before. Right now I feel like the only man on earth, this has taken a terrible toll on my work as well, as I rarely concentrate anymore at work. My boss who had been really happy with my work and sometimes leave high-level responsibilities and decisions to me is starting to notice.

Pls what do i do, i really love this lady, never tot of spending my life with any-other ever since I met her. Moreso she'd gone thru so much bitterness in the hands of my mum, and ther's only 1 way I can make up for all we've been thru 2gether, that's by marrying her. Any kind hearted/concerned/God-fearing person in the house pls take your time to review this.

Thanks[/b]

[b]Dear Reader,
Thanks so much for visiting this page, U can neva tell, u mite actually be saving a life or 2 for just opening this link.

This my chronicle that started about 4 yrs ago I'd try to summarise as much as possible so as not to take too much of your time.

I'm in my very early 30s, an Engineer with a well paying job, at least amongst my peers I'd say the good lord has done really well for me financially, yet I'm a very sad man, not been for a good while now (lik they say, mny can't buy you happiness). When I felt I'd gotten to a marraigeable age, I saw this nice, loving and God-fearing lady (a student then), I went after her with all good intent for about 7months before we eventually started dating, after 1.6yrs of being with her, during which we'd come to grow to love each other so much, I proposed to marry her.
My Mother, at every opportunity she gets, had never ceased to show her objection to the r/ship ever since she heard about or even before meeting her, my dad and other siblings had been quite supportive (until lately).

My dad and brothers concluded that instead I keep waiting for my mother to come around (which mite be never, and I'm not growing any younger eihter) I should start with the introduction and possibly engagement, which they will attend. I went ahead to fix a date with them and then communicated it to my fiancee's family, we then went ahead to start involving ONLY immediate family members (mostly hers, since her dad's late) abt a week aftrwards,  my dad called that he was no more in support of me marrying the lady giving reasons he saw a vision in conjunction with what my uncle's pastor had told him. That my-wife-to-be can't be my wife cos if I marry her, I'd die young & some other similar stories lik that.

Believe me I'd had a few downs in my life, but I'd never been this devasted before. Right now I feel like the only man on earth, this has taken a terrible toll on my work as well, as I rarely concentrate anymore at work. My boss who had been really happy with my work and sometimes leave high-level responsibilities and decisions to me is starting to notice.

Pls what do i do, i really love this lady, never tot of spending my life with any-other ever since I met her. Moreso she'd gone thru so much bitterness in the hands of my mum, and ther's only 1 way I can make up for all we've been thru 2gether, that's by marrying her. Any kind hearted/concerned/God-fearing person in the house pls take your time to review this.

Thanks[/b]