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The Worst Day Of My Life

A little guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."

"No, it's not that", says the little man. "Today is the worst day of my life. First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting. My boss was outraged and fired me. When I left the building to go to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing so I got a cab to return home. After I paid the cab driver and the cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab. I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener. I left home and came to this bar, And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Redneck Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer, were sent for.
Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said,"Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll 'im over."
So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body.
Gomer took a look at him and said "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll 'im over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "no, 'tain't Bubba." The mortician, whose curiosity had gotten the better of him asked, "How can you tell?"
Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes."
"What?" exclaimed the mortician. "He had two assholes?"
"Yup, ever'one in town knew he had two assholes.
Ever' time we went to town, folks would all say, "Here comes Bubba with them two assholes."

The Lost Chapter of Genesis

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion
and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,

and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make,
and she will not nag you.

She will always be the first to admit she was wrong
when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you!

She will bear your children,

and never ask you to get up
in the middle of the night to take care of them.

"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely
give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"



Of course the rest is history,