₦airaland Forum

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.
Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Three Nigerian women who are friends met and when their discussions got round to their innermost problems; this was what ensued:

First woman: My problem is kleptomania, I steal a lot, Do you know that the last time I went to the Arinzes,I stole the wifes underwear,as if that isn,t enough I stole Iyabos cellphone from her purse when she wasnt looking last week Tuesday,in fact I need help with this problem.Please you pppl know this is a secret

Third woman: You no get problem na only the three of us dey here.

Second Woman to the first woman: My dear you do not even have any problem,You know I am happily married,but my greatest problem is that I sleep with any thing that calls itself a man.

Third and second woman in unison: Really?

Third Woman: How bad is it?

Second woman: Hmmn, Do not tell my Husband sha but I have slept with all his brothers including his father,I have slept with Mustapha our neighbours gateman,I have even slept with John my Sons best friend.

First woman: Ol girl you get problem o

Second Woman: Abi,I need help joo,So wetin be you problem(To the third woman)

Third woman: Abeg una no get problem at all at all,My own problem is so complex that it has gotten me into trouble so much, that Ive grown to accept it Because after all the deliverances by various pastors I cannot get myself to stop it.

First and second woman in unison: Tell us now, maybe we can help you

Third woman: Well I be Professional Amebo, Nothing wey I hear wey I no de broadcast.like now wey una dey talk, I just dey plan how I go broadcast all this tory and I can never be satisfied until I do my work.

Why do men die first?

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there's never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's affirmative action.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're gay.
If you like a woman to shave her legs, wear sexy lingerie and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't,you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.
If you aren't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're over sexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
So why do men die first? Because they want to.

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's N30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."
At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put N20,000 into the envelope because I needed N10,000 for a new baptistery."
"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put N10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost N20,000."
The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full N30,000."

Any body has any idea as to where to get this mineral "CHROMIUM CRYSTAL SANDS". Please contact me.

Stars dont struggle to shine, Rivers dont struggle to flow,also you will never struggle to excel in life, because you deserve the best, hold on to your dream and it shall be well with you, Amen.

WHY I CEASED VISITING RICH PEOPLE.
BELOW WAS AN ENCOUNTER WITH A RICH FRIEND DURING A VISIT TO HIS HOUSE SOMETIME IN 1999.
Question: "What would you like to have , Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?"
Answer: "Tea please."
Question: "Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Iced tea or green tea?"
Answer: "Ceylon tea."
Question: "How would you like it? black or white?"
Answer: "White."
Question: "Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?"
Answer: "With milk."
Question: "Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk?"
Answer: "With cow milk please.
Question: “Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?"
Answer: "Um, I'll take it black."
Question: "Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?"
Answer: "With sugar."
Question: "Beet sugar or cane sugar?"
Answer: "Cane sugar."
Question: “White, brown or yellow sugar?"
Answer: "Ooh, Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead."
Question: "Mineral water or still water?"
Answer: "Mineral water."
Question: "Flavoured or non-flavoured?"
Answer: "Leave it I'm OK".

I simply got up and left.

SEE WHAT I MEAN/

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What is the difference between men and women?
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women
somehow deteriorate during the night.
3. A man will pay N2,000 for a N1,000 item he wants. A woman will pay N 1,000 for
a N2,000 item that she doesn't want.
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A
man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before
and after marriage.
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man
never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and
not try to understand her at all.
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing!
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men
look at a wedding as the ending of romance.

Steel and glass furniture. made in nigeria

Freelance, i definetly agree with you. Even in the bible, the woman with the last barrel of oil in her house started with what she had which eventually kept her and her child alive. Also moses was asked by God to show him what he had in his hand at the burning bush (his rod) which was eventually what god used to perform miracles through moses in egypt. So, lets start with what we all have in our hands, no matter how small.

Hi Nairalanders, i need information on how to recruit freelance marketers for my products.