₦airaland Forum

this is the second week, still trying to carjol me into talking about no connection or whatever, i kept saying its the new work place, she does not seem to beleive and trying every possible means to get me to argue and then spill the bean, seems she's got a powerful lie she has assembled to defend herself, i am sometimes vulnerable and will open up, i pray this time, i will seal up and eventually win this battle. Its a life full of shit, sorrows and agony. But then a beautiful life also.

pappilo:
Guy come meet me for Escape or Starboy for Grays make I give u expo.

My story is very similar to yours but without the juju or violence part.

Na me Bleep up go dey fight side dude. I end up in crown court my bro. I get another paddy wey just dey go through him own. Him go beat up him live in non nigerian baby momma for that Basildon. Him case don dey on for almost 18 months now.

Which side u dey stay? I live in purfleet, I have been to starboy grill b4, dont know that escape, press me ur IG handle plz

I cant begin to quote all messages are they are way too much. I input it in my initial post that I could have put a surveillance down to track her movement and know her whereabout and who she is fucking, but I was at work that day, there is no way I could have done that, u see my pple u can call me a fool i understand, he get move wey u go make, no need to catch the woman again na to dey plan plan B, why i came here is to get idea of appropriate plan man fit explore or better still people wey dun go through this shit b4. The way I asked her the question, and the way she responded, she sef know sey i dun kana. No story, my being quieter about the whole thing has a good reason, i keep telling u guys if u are not in the Uk as a dependent with kids, u wont understand how hard it is to move like that. I have informed my mum and my sis, both are not even saying anything, they are just saying i should keep praying. Omo...

My kids are mine, done DNA years back, besides....

Wizywiz:
oga if u kpai children will move on....weak men everywhere, always tolerating what shouldn't be tolerated...

Plenty of una wey dey chat this never marry or have never had close siblings married going through something similar that has children and are in western world, when i say its not that easy to decide is because children are involved and also am a dependent under her. Am at great risk here na why i dey count my eggs b4 them hatch.

Jayboi:
Why do you end up saying no prob after all you started the convo. It's better you trash out things before you become guilty of the same thing you accuse her of. Talk with her. If you go leave the marriage, e better than to suffer in silence.

Exiting now is too soon, he better to suffer in silence sometimes while planning ahead.

TotoSuckker:
As you no gree nack your wife give am chance make another man nack am.

Are you happy that her to/tow is just there being underutilised?

Your wahala too much sef!

Thank you sir.

always247:
you know what to do.
brother skedadle before that woman kpai you.

Not always as easy as being said, when children dun involve.

Double0h7:
What did you find on top of the cupboard?
Did she go away for that weekend getaway?
Abeg! Finish this gist now so I can give you the steps to take. 🥹

Which weekend getaway? is that from my previous post? I have attached what I found up there.

Attached is the picture of what I saw, forgot to attach

Hello Nlanders

I will tel you guys something for sure, marriage is sweet, but the bitter part of it can affect a mans life even more than a woman. Episodes upon episodes have surfaced online regarding SOME men bringing in their wife to the western world and gradually seeing the demon crawl out of them. I have read many and heard of some within my community here in the UK. I always thought these episodes only happen to some people that it could never happen to me, bros and sis, he dey sup oo.

I don't want to delve into too many details, but I just want to share with you guys the most recent thing happening in my own, this is just to let u guys know that he unthinkable can happen to anyone whether or not you deserve it or not

So one day i decided to change the kitchen lights from the white one to the warmer bulbs, I had kept them right atop the kitchen cabinet which is a bit high. I climbed my chair and lo and behold I saw a paper neatly wrapped in a square shape, I took and opened it, lo and behold the attached is what I saw, I obviously don't know exactly what it is, so I called my mum, and the only thing she could tell me was to destroy it and up my spiritual game.

Overtime, I sort of react on situations with my wife, but I have changed ways. I politely and diplomatically approached her and asked if she knew anything about what I found, and she said, where is it, told her I have destroyed it but showed her a picture that I took. She sobbed and said she knows nothing about it, and I silently ended the convo.

A week later, I was assisting her to monitor the facebook ad that I have helped her with, a notification popped up on her computer saying ' finalize your hotel booking', which apparently popped out from bookings.com, I checked and saw that she pre-booked a hotel booking for 24th of Oct to 25th of Oct, I saw this 2 days prior to the 24th. I have had it in mind that I will not question her, set a trap and catch her red-handed, I know alot of you would say you should not have told her, she will now be smarter, I have my reasons and that's that. I left for work that day (24th), she was suppose to go for a house viewing as we are planning to move, I knew if for whatever reason, she might use that outing to go run things, that's if an actually plan was underway. On her wayback, we were talking while she was driving, then towards the end of the conversation, I asked her why she nor tell me sey she book hotel for me and her for Basildon, 24th to 25th two adults, she paused for like 6 seconds, and said which booking,then i gave her the lowdown, at first she was defensive, saying she does not want to further be asked questions, but that the pre-booking might have been done in error bla bla. I just ended it with no p, I thought I'd ask you.

Since 7 days now, she dey try seduce me, i nor gree Bleep, im just telling myself, what kind of fake life person wan dey live so, i am with a woman that at least i know she's effing someone, because she has not been caught red-handed its all 'lets continue our normal life' but me nor sabi pretend and the fear of contracting disease and also spiritual misfortune is now on the high for my mind. Winter dun come, who i wan dey nack, the depression just start now again.

Nlanders what would u do

Skj13777:
You never talk about her parents or family . Obviously your not able to satisfy her sexually or she is just an ex hookup lady. Which ever way your facing consequences of marrying her type as a wife. Tell us how you met and why you married her despite other ladies available at the time. It may help us understand you and your wife better. What in her attracted you? Was it her hips or boobs or her skin colour. Any red flags ?

Na yansh put me for wahala. Forget the sexual satisfaction, we are both satisified. We met and after two weeks of meeting she got pregnant, i didnt want to settle down then, but my parents forced me saying if i had a daughter and this same thing happened to her wiuld i allow aother guy to treat her the way i wanted to treat her? I was naive then, was just 31 years of age. Incompatibility still be part of wetin dey worry us like this. This UK come make the matter worse even more. Mind u shes not an ex hook up lady, lost her mum years ago, neer met her, dad have been battling cancer so i cant even tell the man anything.

Originalsly:
I hear you. I would not be surprised if she calmed down a whole lot too. Just saying ... she dashed out out because she got word that another woman was at her lover's house... rushed over .. had some sort of confrontation ... talked it over with her informer... and calmed herself before returning home five hours later. The weight loss? ....stress. Weight gain? Either she worked things out with the lover...or she came to her senses and made up her mind to stick with you and family. If the former ...then she would soon storming out the house again as before. If the latter... then no more tantrums and storming out of the house. Time will tell.

Lol....plenty assumptions up there. i can relate but cant relate at the same time.

Originalsly:
Bro ... the rights and dominance you have over a woman in Nigeria ... is what she has over you in the UK ...US etc. Women know this. If you're not good to them ... they will get back at you abroad. If you don't know them well ... they will use you to get abroad...then show their true colour.
In this case.... she packs up and leaves...sooo many times..but not once you mentioned anything about where she goes. Bro....she has another man ...she goes to his house. She has clothes there too...the reason she can only pick a few each time she leaves now. If you check...the few may be for party. I'm almost sure she picks fights on the day before her days off.....so she can spend the night and say off with her lover. If you do have sex.... she's not going to allow you the day before her day off...or the day she returns. Do I have to say why? She can report you for abuse and gave you kicked out the house but she hasn't. Why?... who's going to baby sit the kids? Your role is baby sitter.... she's now free to go sleepover whenever she gets the urge or whenever she gets that all. Why do you think when gone she can't talk?...only text? Do I need to say?
My advice to you is consider the marriage over....just play the role like she is . But most important ... run a DNA test on the kids.

No bro, the few times that I know where she went to, it was to that her female friends place, however I noticed that this last time she dashed out, her friend was at work, she still spent 5hours out there before she came back home. Funny thing is, the los tremendous amount of weight within 4 days during this wahala. After we reconciled, 2days later she dun add that same weight back. I am confused.

Up until now shes still bringing the issue of moving, i now noticed where she wants us to move to is the same location this her female friend and her family are planning to move to. This is something u guys need to take a very close attention to, female friends influencing your wife Guys keep watch.

emiye:
I am sorry you are going through all this, i live in the diaspora and between me and you, which normal guy if not a jerk will agree to go on a house lease in the UK with a married woman who he is aware to still be married? Only a complete jerk or someone carried away with the perks of friends with benefits. Do not confront the guy, but be more circumspect while you are in this, gather evidences as much as you can, mostly with out her knowledge. Evidences that can be validated and useful as posterity will serve your best interest. This sudden sharp change in behaviour is an adrenaline rush mostly from a new relationship or a big promise of one. She is foolishly feeling so wanted by a male that is not you. Do not appear so worried even if worried, that way she will let her guards down . I am deducing your personality the more i went through your posts and i can tell you seem to show you care more about the family than her and even your wife is not a spring chicken and may be closer to 40 or thereabout. When women start showing behaviors that suggest they are losing their head, they can do the unthinkable. Watch what you eat, drink e.t.c until you are sure she is on a uturn from a path of destruction. Dont get carried away with sex ooo. bug her phone and mail if you can. All the best.

I have not even made a move for sex for now sef, na she dey use style dey wan touch me for night, but seriously my libido for her seems a bit low. You are right, she can sacrifice her family for her happiness, she nor too send like that. If na man matter dey worry am, i go wait and see to her looseguard. She is 42 years of age. I have evidences of domestic abuse and emotional abuse, am prepared for the unexpected. Plan B sure for me, but I just have to execute it at the right time with enough resources.

emiye:
There is a romantic interest male third party involved, it could be ongoing or potential, this may be from Nigeria, ex, her school or work place. It may even be the husband of the friend you claimed she goes to stay.

i am imagining a lady about 25-31years, but her emotional intelligence is like that of a 16 year old. She is cheating emotionally at the very least, although she may be cheating physically too, what you said now confirms my fear. You have to be firm but less talk, less raising of voice. Let her know she is approaching the final busstop. Prepare for life without her as your wife. Your story suggest a wife not just weak emotionally, but other forms of intelligence is not her strength. Males friend information as her partner to book a house how did you get to know that information ? what sort of male friend is that? if this story is not cooked up, something suggest to me you are also weak .

If you read through my last post you will see my explanation there. I for one suspected a third party, but unsure of what the third party is or where he/she might be located. She keeps claiming she wants a happy home and that if we cant phantom archeiving that, its best we part ways, she and she have been on this rampage of separation in the last couple of months, its sickening to see that happen when now in the UK. I have also checked out of this in my mind too, but the kids are just going to be the ones to suffer this, though so many people would say the kids have their own life to live, you have to look after yourself, but then its easier said than done. How I got to find out that she used her male friends info to book the property. I called her from work a day after the brouhaha, I wanted to ask her where she went to after she stumped out and came back 6 hours later which eventually resulted to her new mercedes benz stop on the road for it to be removed from the road by towing service, am a very traditional person, my mind was telling me her waka nor pure na why her car spoil for road, but something told me not to bother asking that if she thought I suspected her movement, she would then still use the same pattern in the future to get my mind wandering where she is at, so i told her not to bother, that i will ask her later. So it seems she thought I knew already, cos she knows my capability, so she was the one that called my attention to it. Firstly asked me what I wanted to tell her, I said she should not bother, she now said oh well, I used (name) as my partner for the booking of the house since she knew i wont agree to it, so she decided to ask him to help get it done, that how how I knew. The guy is a male friend at her work place, married guy oo, but na small boy of like 33, he is also married and his wife works in the same place with my madam as well. Omo its complicated. I wanted to confront this guy from wayback, but most times its always not good to make this sort of approach, but then, what do I know.

Mentholated:
Your story is beginning to sound unreal but I still believe you are telling the truth out of courtesy.

Your wife and her colleague rented another apartment in another town 🤣🤣🤣🤣

MOVE ON!!!!!!!

You didnt follow my posts well, when she cooled off after stumping off the house for 6 hours, she then sent her friends husband to beg me, I wanted to listen but i was at work and could not talk, told him i will call back. But it seemed she took it the other way round that I didnt want to accept apology is why i discharged his friends wife, so therefore if am not fighting for her or not reconciling at her own time it then means i dont love her so she want to relocate to another location cheaper for housing, but since she know sey i wont drop my reference for housing agency for us to collect the house, she decided to ask her male friend to form as partner to submit his details to get the house, but as we dun slowly resolve things, the plan faltered, but she told me after that she took that step, said wont be nice if i found out eventually and she didnt tell me. Life

Its been a rollercoaster ride, the bottom line of her own point is that, when she tried to walked out, why didnt i stop her, fight for her not to stump out, that it shows that i dont love her and if i dont, why then are we still together, I just weak sey which kind old manipulation be this when the FM dun cast. She went as using her males friend information as her partner to book for a house in another town where she claimed she wanted to move to, now shes saying we should work things out, the rollercoaster continues, and winter has just started. It is just well.

bigl:
Eeya ... pele ...

One of the ways to exonerate yourself is to have hidden cameras all over the house so u can have evidence of her hitting u or else, bros, na muritala u go appear one of these days ...

If she wan go, make she go ... atleast, no lose your hard earned properties

I have no property yet. I have few evidences of the domestic abuse.

Kobojunkie:
Well, she made the move first, so you should get yourself a lawyer to fight for shared custody at least. With shared custody, you can see your kids at least 2 weeks a month, as opposed to you depending on her to make time for you to see the kids on her schedule.

All these ones wey she dey talk cant work, we came here cos of the kids, but with the event of things i noticed she wanted us here for our own advantage. Caring for kids here in the UK no be beans, i only went for 9days and motor clear my child under ur care, i understand anything ca happen to anyone at anytime, but that incident rang a bell of awareness. However if it gets to a level where she feels it can work out without me being in the picture, God will take control. The repetition of proposing a mutual separation almost all the time when issues arise is just something that is such a mystery to me.

Kobojunkie:
She will take full custody of the kids or she will share custody with you? If she takes full custody, I hope you know that you will have no reason then to complain that she is the one denying you access to your kids, right?

Abeg, tell that woman make she come on Nairaland abi na Reddit come tell us her side of the story, abeg!

She wants to take full custody the way she's talking, however it just wont work out now, the kids are top priority, so i will never walk away from them no matter what.

Right as I type, early this afternoon, she kept sending messages that she wants to move to another location if her place of work branch will give her hours, sey she dont mind to pay the rest herself taking custody of the kids sey make we end this thing amicably . I just maintained my silence and did not say a word. Today will be the 3rd day am sleeping in the living room. My spirit in a certain way feels more safer away for a while.

The few times i found out where she goes to is her friends house, shes married too but they are best of friends, and shes one of those that advises my woman on certain decision she has made in the past, i dont accept her as a known person because I have heard everything she has been talking behind my back, my madam listens to this person more than I do. Life here bro, most men dey feel this heat, plenty nor dey talk. Funny thing is, after she dashes out, hours later she go come wan use style dey beg, i cant imagine her sending her friends husband to come and beg me, person wey i nor too dey relate with. Marriage is high standard and it is also a high set up.

Since we moved to the UK from Nigeria, its been a total change in situation. Whenever my wife and I have an argument, 3 ouf ot 5 times she will quickly pack her boxes and leave the house and then we resolve issue then comes back home or she comes back herself after her begging. Overtime now, she will just take few clothes and then drive off. Moreso its when we moved here that she started being domestically violent, using omo rogun, pestle to hit me, or slap me with left hand, or bite any part of my body. After we did marriage therapy session, I discussed all of these things, and she promised it will stop, but I just knew it in my heart that for her to have started to those traits, she wont stop. 2 days ago, we had an argument about her going to drop the kids at school without wearing pant and what she wore was a bit transparent, these are things we have talked about over and over again but she will end up doing it and tell me she feels comfortable without wearing pant.

A call came from my Nija friend, while talking i could overhear his gf grumbling in the background and some sort of argument started, he was now complaining to me about how his gf does not listen to him, shes always like a rebel, na him i dey advise am sey make she nor go marry nija girl now ooo, unless sey him dey sure, sey make him try to go other nationalities, this my woman dun dey back door dey hear me na so she show just push me comot for road, as i hold her hand na him she sey are u trying to hit me, omo na so she run enter room remove some clothes then drove out in her car, i come lock door based on sey as she dash out, she left the door wide open, i come go lock door with key, next thing i just see sey person enter house, all the way from where, from the back room window, she climb through window enter house, i try talk to her she slam door on me, she sha kuku drive out, i call her after 25mins, she nor pick, send whatsapp sey make i text am, i asked where the door key is, omo she ignore and didnt reply me. I left for work, 10mins after kids close school, my son called me and said mummy said i should call u to ask if ur at home or at work, i asked her why that is, she said to ask if i can pick them up. That day was my work day and her off day,in which na so we dey rotate am, but because she left the house she could not make it to pick the kids, the serious issue behind the above am talking about his, 3 weeks ago i was in nija for just 10 days, and the 9th day, my son was hit by her a car after school hours when she went to pick them, na barb i dey bard hair when she called me on video call laying down on a busy road that car has hit our daughter, i was calm and had faith, after taking her to the hospital all test came back good and was discharged same day, and after the traume she went through and myself and also the kids, cos my daughter who is my second witnessed this all scenario, madam promised she will never allow them walk home again, and i did same, but because of argument, she left the house and could not make it up while i was at work stating she went to fix her car. The parol enter my marrow, i come see sey since the kids nor even really matter to her, wetin come remain for the union, guys guys girls...take care.

I knack around 7am, she worry me for living room. I dun give am 2rounds already.

My guys I just wanted to know if this is normal for a man. I travelled to Nija for 10 days to see my mum after two years and my father inlaw who has just survived cancer. During my time away, when konji kicks in, i will call my wife on video call so we can do normal for video, show me yansh i go touch myself till i throway, when it comes to her turn to throway, she go sey she dey alright, that shes going to wait until i come back. This happened twice. I got back yesternight, I missed her so much, she had showered after coming back from work all fresh, and me sey make i make move, madam told me lets cuddle, that she dont want to have sex...omo if she really did miss me, will cuddle overtake intimacy in this context? I Woke up around 5am could not sleep well because I needed that intimacy to also weaken body so i can rest properly. Now she woke up beside me trying to seduce me to have sex, but because of that initial rejection, i am finding it hard to reconnect easily, rejection for me damages me, does it happen to any other person? Just asking, I need enlightenment.


Editing post....

she came to meet me in the living room now where i dey on my laptop, she said she rejected me just so in wont seem like its all about the sex, after 13years of uncountable sexual intimacy and two kids. Omo this statement is surprising.