₦airaland Forum

i can only say thank u to everyone who has given their opinion on what they feel should happen - but to address a few points here.
I am not a confrontational person and do not believe in confronting my inlaws over any issue. and thats because before we got married, my husband said any issues i had with his people, i should relay it to him and he'll inturn deal with it accordingly and so based on such boundaries i cannot confront them even if i want to _ i hope that answers liquidmind's comment on submission because if i wasnt submissive i would not obey the rules laid down by my husband even when he hasnt fulfilled his own side of the bargain.
second reason why i cannot confront them is my mum has always said never start battles u cannot win - hence i see no reason in confronting them when i know my husband would not support me.
and as much as i aint happy with everything thats happening, i dont think i should fight for my marriage, i believe its OUR marriage and if any battles must be fought, they should be fought together as thats the only way there'll be a certainty of victory.
And yes, my MIL is staying with us over here so its really hard even at home
To the issue of i should've seen it coming, unfortunately, i never saw anything coming, u may say love is blind; well i dont know much about that - and to those who think i was desperate for marriage, well no i never was . I'm graduated at 19y, got married shortly before i turned 20yr, and definately was searching much more desperate for a husband nor did i marry due to pregnancy as none of such issues applied to me at the time.
I got married cos i felt it was the right thing to do at the time. I had graduated, i already had a job and was doing a PhD (PT) as well at the time. My Husband as well was equally comfortable and was more into the ''been married'' club that i was.
I would not consider myself a friendly nor snobbish person but would rather say 'm reserved and quiet, so there never was an issue of familiarity with my inlaws at least not to my knowledge.
The counselling i went for, i went alone and not to a regular counsellor but to a catholic counsellor cos i felt any guidance i seek should be Godly; to those who say i should pray, i cannot pray not because i dont believe in prayers but because i am tired of praying.
I still dont know what to do, i guess 've reached a point where 'm in a shutdown phase where even if any changes are made now, its not going to rectify the damage already done, the trust already lost, the hurts already caused.
I guess what it comes down to is that i feel i've been lied to by my husband, promises made broken, vows made not honoured.
But whatever happens, whatever steps i take from here i dont know, whatever suggestions added to this post will still be much appreciated as others - i will however keep u posted when i do arrive at my decision

thank u all for your replies. i have lost the will to make things work. i have lost the will to try. i dont even know if i have any feelings for my husband or not.
to bkplur: i've been a member of winners since when i was 6yrs old. my husband is equally a member though we did not have a church wedding cos i choose not to. - most importantly - we are in diaspora  but we do however watch the services online.
i believe it takes 2 people to get married but 1 to seperate. i cannot fight my husband or inlaws. I dont have the strength to. Mentally, physically and emotionally, i feel drained.
I am tired and God it's hard, but 'm just lost,  'm exhausted u know.
really tired. its nothing like i imagined it would be, nothing i anticipated

dont even know what to title this as - i wrote a while back about the issues i have with my inlaws; well things havent changed - the only difference is my sister in laws have become worse in their attitude to me but discreet about it hence only displaying it to me not my husband; and the other aspect is that my mother in law who used to be nice has become ''different'' to put it lightly.
I am a typical christian nigerian lady with strong views on divorce. I believe in making my marriage work and God knows i have tried to the best of my knowledge.
My home is more or less a house to me now, my husband more like a flatmate and as it stands, we have sex rather than make love.
I have prayed, cried, communicated, gone thru counselling and have reached the point where 'm not interested in communicating, nor praying nor crying nor hoping for a change.
My husband still says he loves me, i have not seen any evidence or have course to believe he cheats - but i feel like 'm been treated like a slave, like an outsider by his family and he doesnt see any thing wrong in their actions but rather says i complain too much and that 'm not tolerant.
I can only say he's been disrespectful to me in front of his family just as his family have been disrespectful to me in his front.
I am not a confrontational person; and every issue i have i speak to him on - but i've lost interest in the marriage, i've lost the will to make it work, and i guess 'm just buying time till 'm strong enough to walk and never look back.
I'm not sure what the future holds especially as our son is (only turned 2 yr few wks back) involved in this marriage that'll be 4 yrs by sept.
I dont know why 'm posting here either as 'm pretty sure a divorce is imminent though not sure my husband sees that coming. I guess 'm still seeking advise to be sure that 've tried all options without a solution before making a life changing decision

i honestly don't know how to fight when it comes to that: I am a person who would rather talk things thru or walk away.
And if i decide to fight now and perhaps win, how many fights 'm goin to be involved in? I cant keep fightin for the rest of my life: Besides, i dont want to fight or force my husband into agreein wit me. I want an honest decision that'll come from his heart. If he goes ahead wit his sister's plan and she eventually comes, then i'd know he's sister's wants is of uttermost importance to him than his marriage/family: that i cannot handle nor bear.

we thrashed this issue, calmly, romantically, spiritually, emotionally, maturely etc but my husband has made his stands known on the issue and i also made my stands known on the issue.
Mind u, my sister in law is married and has a hubby who supports her relocation idea.
Also we have a baby who's less than a year old. My husband finally admitted that he realised she never liked me but believes i should overlook her behaviour.
I only tot about the whole situatn and realised my husband had and will always take sides wit her ever since and i dont tink i can handle being a second fiddle in his life. He hasnt changed a bit and believe me I tink i have a life ahead of me and can start from the scratch if i walk away now rather than waitin for her to come and plot some tricks to break my home and leave me wit no strength to live my dreams.

my husband and i have been living in the Uk for a couple of years now. My husband has got 4 younger sisters, 2 of whom I have not been in good terms with. The immediate younger one 2 my husband never liked me from the onset, although i sensed it, my husband assured me it was notin. As time went on She began 2 display her unfriendly attitude 2wards me 2 which i told my husband and he said my mind was playin tricks on me. I tried on my part 2 make friends wit her, i'd call her, text her etc and she never responded nor replied. Finally i told my husband i would no longer call his sister 2 which he agreed: all this happened while we were courting (i was still in nigeria then).
She did sometin on my weddin day at the reception which made me really pissed, i was hurt n cried, still my husband took sides wit her. I then decided to stop talkin 2 her completely and becos of that, the younger siter also took offence and stopped talkin 2 me and began sayin alot of nasty things about me 2 my husband and parent inlaws which i later found out. The only people who took sides wit me were my parent inlaws n my husband's 2 younger sisters.
Well my 'weddin spoiler' then began 2 report me to everyone in the family that i was disrespectin her by not callin her, it carried on for a year wit several calls to my husband and my parent inlaws. Again, Everyone took sides wit her and urged me to call her. I succumbed and called her several times, she still never returned my calls. She said she was pregnant and told my husband she wants 2 relocate to the Uk 2 have her baby and also live wit us 2 which my husband was very excited and supportive .
I know she's trouble and have told my husband i've no problem with her relocatin 2 the UK, but livin wit us is impossible. I also told him, i would seperate from him if she comes.
Pls i need ur candid advice: I'm i been irrational or is it the right thing to do.