₦airaland Forum

budaatum:
Did they really teach you in "school that government has three arms — Executive, Legislature, Judiciary — each one meant to check the other so no single one has too much power"?

Did they not teach you that in a democracy, we the people are the ultimate check on every arm of government, and that if we don't like our government we can vote it out and elect another government at election time?

If they didn't, we better start learning ourselves!


The word "supposed" makes me think you live in lalaland.

Who did this supposing for you? Is it those who taught you the same nonsense above?

Do you seriously think some executive or legislative will run things for "average Nigerian" out of the kindness of their hearts, when even God said you must sweat from your own brow to eat?

If so, I am personally not surprised that "average Nigerian" starves, for that is what often happens to those who delegate the responsibility for themselves to others, especially to Nigerian executives and the legislature!

Hopefully, we shall learn better things.

I actually agree with one part of your comment:

citizens are the ultimate check in a democracy. But that doesn't erase the constitutional responsibilities of the Executive, Legislature, and Judiciary. Elections happen every four years; governance happens every day. Citizens should hold leaders accountable, but leaders also have a duty to govern transparently, uphold the law, and use public resources in the public interest. Those aren't acts of charity-they're the responsibilities of the offices they sought and swore to uphold.

Popular content creator Shank has stirred conversation online after posting a candid and rather uncomfortable opinion about the character of the average Nigerian, suggesting that the country's harsh conditions have deeply shaped how people treat one another.

In a post shared on X, he wrote, "An average Nigerian is not a good person. The environment don just wire everyone to 'survive.' Whichever way it takes or plays. It's sad, but that's the truth. An average Nigerian feels smart when they cheat the other person. "I use am for am" ahahah. Sad. God help us all. It's embedded in our subconscious. Everything be like war. The country don scar us. You don't have to hurt the next person to grow, or win."

What's your take on what Shank said?

Source: Legit.ng
Photo credit - shankcomics/Instagram

I don't know about you, but I'm genuinely worried about the direction this country is headed. We were taught in school that government has three arms — Executive, Legislature, Judiciary — each one meant to check the other so no single one has too much power. Nice theory. But look around you. Does it still work like that, or are we just watching three different groups take turns serving themselves?

The Executive is supposed to run things for our benefit. Instead, what we is borrowing and looting at different levels, contracts that vanish, projects that exist only on paper, and budgets that never quite reach the people they're meant for. Meanwhile the average Nigerian is struggling to feed, to commute, to survive.

The Legislature is supposed to represent us and watch how our money is spent. Yet somehow, they can always agree on increasing their own allowances, but when it comes to minimum wage or subsidy palliatives, suddenly there's "no money" and endless committee reports that go nowhere.

The Judiciary — the one place ordinary citizens are supposed to run to when the other two fail us — even that has lost its shine. Justice feels slower for the common man and suspiciously fast for those with money or connections.

I'm not writing this to insult anybody. I'm writing this because I'm tired, and I know I'm not the only one. We keep hoping the next administration will be different, the next set of lawmakers will listen, the next judge will be fair. But at what point do we stop hoping and start asking — genuinely — what it will take for these arms of government to actually work for us and not just exist for themselves?

I don't have all the answers. I just know something has to change, and it starts with us talking about it honestly instead of pretending everything is fine.

What do you all think — am I overreacting, or is this the reality we've just normalized?

saintopus:
You are very correct sir, it's not about the religion but dubious past leadership with the intent of slaving the people so they could ask for anything that is good.
The first thing these dubious leaders did is to stifle education by making it as if it's a Haram while they sent their own children to top class university.

The hypocrisy is hard to ignore. They preach one standard for the masses but choose a completely different future for their own children. Education empowers people, and empowered citizens are much harder to exploit.

jojothaiv:
Sadly enough, most Nigerian commercial banks management are sitting on this table, particularly when it bothers on the so called outsourced/contract staff, those staff do the majority of the work, sweat it out and earn little some banks don't even consider some of them worthy of the bank yearly profit sharing. A reason I don't blame those staff if they are not loyal.

Telecommunications, Supermarkets, FCMGs, Healthcare too are no where better too.

This is a reality across many sectors. When employees feel undervalued, underpaid, and excluded from the rewards of the value they help create, loyalty naturally declines. Respect, fair compensation, and opportunities for growth aren't just employee benefits-they're investments in a more committed and productive workforce.

SlavaUkraini:
https://dailypost.ng/2026/07/16/nigeria-has-no-business-with-poverty-shettima/

Nigeria has never lacked potential; we've lacked the leadership, institutions, and consistency to turn that potential into prosperity. We've been hearing "Nigeria has no business being poor" for decades, yet millions keep sinking deeper into poverty. The problem isn't identifying opportunities—it's creating an environment where people can actually invest, produce, and prosper without insecurity, policy inconsistency, corruption, and failing infrastructure getting in the way.

TheFreshVanilla:
If Nigerians can accept bad governance, what's insecurity?

That's the point. A society that normalizes bad governance eventually starts normalizing its consequences too. When people stop demanding accountability, insecurity, poverty, and corruption become the new normal. Our biggest problem isn't just bad leaders—it's a citizenry that has grown too comfortable with enduring what should never be acceptable.

Something else worth thinking about is how quickly we've accepted fear as part of everyday life. We now ask, "Is this road safe today?" instead of "Why has this road become unsafe in the first place?" That shift in mindset is worrying. No society should normalize planning its daily routine around insecurity. We shouldn't lose sight of the fact that safety is a basic expectation, not a luxury. What's one practical step you believe would make the biggest difference in improving security across Nigeria?

saintopus:
This is one of the fraud in Islamic religion. The almajiri system is meant to trigger off a poverty striken society so they can remain loyalty.

I'd argue the problem isn't Islam itself, but how the system has been allowed to operate — the Almajiri system as originally practiced in the Kanem-Borno and Sokoto Caliphates was genuine scholarly education, and countries like Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Sudan still run Quranic education today without producing street beggars. The difference is regulation and funding, not the religion itself.
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‎What Nigeria has is a governance failure, not a religious one. Colonial disruption gutted the old structures, and post-independence governments never rebuilt the integration between Quranic and formal schooling. Add decades of poverty and zero political will, and you get what we see today — kids begging, not because Islam requires it, but because nobody with power stepped in to fix a broken system.
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‎Even Sanusi II, a former Emir of Kano, has said this is fundamentally a poverty and social problem, not a religious one. If it were designed to "keep people loyal," you'd expect the elite to send their own kids through it too — instead they fly them off to Cairo or Riyadh, where the same religion is taught properly. That's the real scandal here, not the faith itself.

Let's have an honest conversation: how does a region produce governors, senators, and billionaires whose own children fly out to study in London, Cairo, or Dubai — while millions of children from the same region sleep under bridges begging for leftover food in the name of "Islamic education"?

The numbers that should embarrass every leader in the North

Nigeria has an estimated 18.3 million out-of-school children. Almajiri children make up roughly 72% to 81% of that figure. In Kano alone, over a million children beg daily. Nasarawa's governor recently revealed his state alone accounts for 430,000 out-of-school children — and that was just one governor, in one state, saying the quiet part out loud.

Tradition" that only the poor practice

Here's the part that gets me angry every single time this topic resurfaces: nobody is asking the Northern elite to abandon Islamic education. They're asking why the version practiced by the masses looks nothing like the version practiced by the rich. None of the countries the elite send their own children to for religious study — Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Sudan — allow children to beg in the streets as a method of learning. Over there, Quranic education is funded, regulated, and combined with regular schooling. Over here, it's been allowed to collapse into what one commentator recently called "a horror show" — because the people with the power to fix it don't send their own children through it.

When "sacred tradition" becomes a cover story

Every time reform is proposed, someone insists the Almajiri system is untouchable, too tied to culture and religion to criticize. But a peace-building group warned this year that Nigeria's insecurity will not be resolved unless the Almajiri system is dismantled within five years — or risk destabilizing all of West Africa. Researchers have traced Boko Haram's founder directly back to this same system, and confirm bandits and extremist factions are still actively recruiting these exact children today.

So which is it — sacred tradition, or a recruitment pipeline nobody with power wants to shut down because shutting it down means admitting decades of failure?

The commission built to fix it became a joke

If anyone thought government was serious, the 2026 budget settled that. The National Commission for Almajiri and Out-of-School Children Education — the one agency that exists specifically to solve this — was handed N8.4 billion not for schools, not for feeding programs, but for road construction in states that have nothing to do with its mandate. Fiscal watchdogs called it exactly what it looks like: an education emergency turned into a patronage slush fund.

Not everyone agrees where the blame sits

To be fair, not every voice frames this as elite hypocrisy alone. Former Emir of Kano Sanusi II has argued the real driver is poverty and lack of opportunity — a social and economic failure, not simply a moral one committed by the rich. Under that reading, the anger shouldn't stop at "hypocritical elites" — it has to extend to the entire economic system that leaves poor families with no alternative but to hand their sons over to a Mallam and hope for the best.

So Nairaland, I ask you honestly

If Almajiri education is genuinely sacred and valuable — why does nobody with money and power choose it for their own children? And if it isn't, why does anyone with the power to end it keep calling it untouchable?

Somalia will be better than Nigeria - Nnamdi Kanu

FlamingBulb:
This morning, I saw my 4 years old son holding a 20 Naira note as he was getting ready for school.

Curious, I asked, "Where did you get that from?"
"It's mine," he replied confidently.

I smiled and asked, "Oh really? What work did you do to earn it?

Without hesitation, he said, "Mummy gave it to me.

Trying to tease him a little, I said, "So you're taking it to school to buy some goodies and enjoy yourself?

He looked at me and calmly replied, "It cannot buy anything.

That one sentence stopped me in my tracks.
I looked at the 20 Naira note over and over again, trying to think of what it could buy here in Ikeja, Lagos.

The truth hit me hard almost nothing. For a moment, I felt overwhelmed with emotion.
Then my mind traveled back to the 1990s.

Back then, the same 20 Naira was enough for my father to leave us money for breakfast. We could buy pap, akara, and sugar, or even share cooked rice sold for 5 naira per plate among four of us.

In those days, if a student was caught with 20 naira in school between 1993 and 1995, it was considered a lot of money.
The principal would probably want to know where it came from, and your parents might be invited to explain.

I also remembered attending a government school in Northern Nigeria. After graduation, when I went to collect my testimonial, the fee was just 15 naira.

Today, 20 naira can barely buy anything.
It's amazing and heartbreaking how much the value of money has changed within a single generation.

What was once enough to feed a family breakfast is now almost insignificant.

Sometimes, it takes the innocent words of a child to remind us just how much the world has changed.

It's both heartbreaking and eye-opening. Inflation has quietly turned what was once real money into almost a symbolic note. Many of us grew up seeing ₦20 as enough for breakfast or school snacks, but today's children see it as something that "cannot buy anything." It's a reminder of how much the cost of living has changed and why so many families are working harder just to maintain the same standard of living. I only hope the next generation gets to experience a stronger economy than the one we're leaving them.

I saw a comment recently that stopped me — someone said "we've normalized checking Twitter before traveling by road, the same way people check weather forecasts." And it's true. Insecurity has become such a constant backdrop to daily life here that we've built entire routines around avoiding it, instead of actually expecting it to be solved.

Let's talk about it honestly.

Insecurity now touches almost every region, differently

Banditry and kidnapping in the Northwest. Herder-farmer clashes across the Middle Belt. Insurgency still lingering in parts of the Southeast. Kidnapping-for-ransom along major highways nationwide. Cult clashes and armed robbery in various urban centers. It's not one crisis — it's several, running simultaneously, each with its own root causes, and that's part of why it feels so overwhelming to solve.

The government's response often feels reactive, not preventive

A tragic incident happens, gets attention (sometimes only because it trends), officials issue statements, security is "beefed up" temporarily in that specific area, and then attention moves elsewhere until the next incident. Communities often say the same thing — help arrives after the damage is done, rarely before.

Underfunded, under-equipped security forces are part of the story

To be fair to those on the ground, a lot of security personnel are working with limited equipment, low morale, and are massively outnumbered in some regions relative to the terrain they're expected to cover. This isn't just a "government doesn't care" issue — it's also a genuine capacity and resource problem that's been building for years.

Distrust runs in both directions

Communities sometimes hesitate to share information with security forces due to fear of leaks or complicity by bad actors within the system. Meanwhile, security forces sometimes struggle to build trust in communities that have historically felt neglected or even mistreated by state actors. That mutual distrust makes coordinated solutions harder to build.

Poverty and insecurity feed each other

A lot of recruitment into banditry and violent groups is tied to poverty, unemployment, and lack of opportunity, especially among young men in already neglected regions. Without addressing the economic drivers alongside the security response, it becomes a cycle — more poverty, more recruitment into criminality, more insecurity, less investment, more poverty again.

Citizens have started adapting, quietly, on their own

Convoy travel instead of solo road trips. Avoiding certain routes at certain times. Community vigilante groups filling gaps left by formal security. Private security spending increasing for those who can afford it. All of this reflects citizens essentially building their own safety nets because they don't fully trust the system to protect them.

Politicization makes honest conversation harder

Every security failure often gets filtered through a political lens — used to attack opposing parties, downplayed by those in power, or turned into ethnic/religious blame games — rather than approached as a shared national problem requiring shared solutions across administrations, regions, and political lines.

This isn't a simple "government is doing nothing" story either

There have been operations, task forces, and interventions in various regions over the years, some with real (if partial) success. The honest picture is complicated — some progress in specific areas, persistent failure in others, and an overall sense among many citizens that the pace of improvement doesn't match the scale of the problem.

I think part of moving forward starts with holding this conversation without reducing it to simple slogans either way — it's not as simple as "government doesn't care" nor is it fair to say "nothing is being done at all." The reality sits somewhere in the difficult middle, and pretending otherwise doesn't help solve it.

How has insecurity personally changed the way you or your family live day-to-day? And do you think the situation is genuinely improving, staying the same, or getting worse where you are? 👇

Boxnaijatv:
We've all done it. Saw the sign clear as day, felt that small alarm go off somewhere in our chest, and still convinced ourselves "maybe it's not that deep" or "people can change." Then months (or years) later, we're sitting there like "ah ah, but I saw this coming now."
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‎Let me start us off honestly:
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‎For me, it was someone who talked badly about every single one of their exes — like every single one was "crazy," "toxic," or "the problem." At the time I thought "ah, this person has just had bad luck with people." Fast forward into the relationship myself, and guess who eventually became "the crazy ex" in somebody else's story? Should have picked up on that pattern immediately — when everyone before you is "the problem," you're just next in line, not the exception.
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‎Some common ones I've seen people mention over time:
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‎🚩 "I don't really have close friends" — and thinking it makes them more focused on you, when really it can mean isolation later
‎🚩 Love bombing early — excessive attention, gifts, "I've never felt this way before" within the first few weeks
‎🚩 Getting weirdly upset over small things very early — a preview of how conflict will actually be handled later
‎🚩 Money inconsistencies — vague about income, spending habits, or debt, brushed off as "we'll figure it out"
‎🚩 Watching how they treat waiters, drivers, or people who "can't do anything for them"
‎🚩 Jealousy disguised as "I just love you too much"
‎🚩 Anger issues explained away as "I'm just passionate" or "that's just how I am"
‎🚩 They talk about family in a way that quietly foreshadows exactly how they'll eventually treat you
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‎The scary part isn't that we don't see these signs. Most of us do. We just talk ourselves out of taking them seriously — "maybe I'm overthinking," "nobody's perfect," "the good outweighs the bad right now." And by the time the red flag fully reveals itself, we're already emotionally invested, sometimes years deep, sometimes with kids or finances tied in.
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‎So let's hear it — what red flag did YOU see clearly, ignore anyway, and later regret not taking seriously? Doesn't have to be dramatic, even the "small" ones that turned out to matter a lot. Let's help someone reading this recognize theirs before it's too late 👇

Mine was poor communication. Anytime there was an issue, they would either go completely silent or avoid the conversation until I was the one apologizing just to restore peace. I dismissed it as "they just need space." Later, I realized you can't build a healthy relationship with someone who refuses to communicate. Problems don't disappear because they're ignored—they only grow bigger. That was a red flag I wish I had taken seriously from the beginning.

lilyheaven:
Before, I married my husband 10years ago, he wouldn’t touch me, when I asked him why? He said he was not coming for sex but marriage, I viewed it as a respect.
Then we got married, established coitus, had our first child after one year I took in again, and that was it,,, we didn’t have it anymore until 6 years after it happened again and I took in, one day I told him I would like to go for family planning, he replied me straight, that they won’t be need for it because they won’t be sex again.
I got dumped, this is one year already, not even a hug.
I feel like the house nanny, every night I feel hurt, I have begged, but he said I should reserve my energy. That he doesn’t want to kill me with sex, I don’t even know what that sentence means.

This goes far beyond a low sex drive. The bigger issue is the complete lack of intimacy, communication, and concern for how it's affecting you. Marriage isn't just about living under the same roof or raising children—it's also about emotional and physical connection.

You shouldn't have to beg for affection or feel like a housekeeper in your own marriage. Since this has gone on for years, it's important to have an honest conversation and, if he's willing, seek professional marriage counseling together. If he refuses to engage or explain what's really going on, you deserve clarity. No one should be left feeling rejected and alone in their own marriage. I hope you both can get to the root of the issue rather than continue suffering in silence.

mirrael68:
Quite interesting view here. Thank you.
However, the problem is not that marriage is hard, the problem is that people are naturally selfish and think they can succeed in marriage unchanged, for marriage requires lots of sacrifice. It's in sowing into your spouse that you reap. As simple as that.
God designed the marriage institution basically for companionship so the couple can share in his love together as one and provide the model environment to raise children when he gifts them. And also show case his love to their world.
These days people think they can plant corn and harvest big big tubers of yam. Impossible! For a marriage to work you must make your spouse your priority above your family, friends, culture, work, etc. Two of you must act as a single unit. Of course even emotional infidelity should never be mentioned near any of you.
Marriage can be sweet and even blissful but that will depend on the couple or on one spouse who understands that even he/she can pay the price, sometimes for years to turn the home around. .
Every living thing responds to love, eventually. So who Is ready to keep giving? Love is not only a feeling, love is a decision to keep to the marriage covenant come what may. And that's not easy. Only God can help one.
Also Christian marriage is for life! Should your life be threatened by an abusive or violent partner you can separate and live single, but there is no divorce ( read Matt. 19) and you can't remarry while the other spouse is still alife.
So you see, you must think deeply and prayerfully before you take the plunge.
Still no matter what to find, if you are ready to slug it out in prayers with God, He will show you how to thrive but you must be sincere, faithful ( even to an unfaithful spouse) and be ready to make lots of sacrifices which involves suffering, but Jesus will help you carry the yoke.
Marriage is beautiful and it's from a beautiful, merciful God.
So let's get it right. Failures by many couples can't be the determinant that marriage is difficult and people are just enduring. There are more marriages doing well everywhere.
You can make yours one of such.
Greetings to all married couples.
It can be sweet. It is sweet.

Thanks for sharing your perspective. I agree that marriage requires sacrifice, commitment, forgiveness, and putting your spouse first. Those qualities are essential for a healthy relationship.

That said, I also think sacrifice should be mutual. One person cannot keep giving indefinitely while the other keeps taking. Love thrives where there's respect, accountability, and effort from both partners. Faith and prayer are important for many couples, but they shouldn't be used to excuse abuse, manipulation, or persistent neglect.

Marriage can indeed be beautiful, but it works best when both husband and wife are equally committed to building it together.

Pandora16:
Being married doesn't mean your social life has to end.

Sometimes all you need is a circle of mature people who truly understand the joys and challenges of marriage.

We have an active WhatsApp community exclusively for married adults, where members:

😄 Share jokes and laugh together
🎮 Play fun games
💬 Gist and tease each other respectfully
💍 Discuss marriage and family life
💼 Talk about business, careers, and personal growth
🤝 Build genuine friendships with like-minded people

To keep the group safe and authentic, only married people are admitted, and you may be asked to verify your marital status before joining.

Interested? Kindly send me a private message (PM). Please don't post your phone number publicly for your own privacy.

Looking forward to welcoming new friends into the family! 😊

I want join the group, how do I join?

wonder233:
I was looking for a house and the agent out the landlord on the phone to talk to me. The first thing the man asked me was my tribe, I asked him what that has got to do with the house? Like most Nigerians, he started getting defensive and angry.
I just cut the phone.

There's also hypocrisy of them wanting to make sure you're married. Yet yahoo boys are all over the place carrying girls, doing vices. It is you the decent looking hardworking man they want to police with a false sense of morality.
Immediately they see a yahoo boy, they drop those useless questions and "standards" and simply collect the money.

You're right. A tenant should be judged by their character, ability to pay rent, and respect for the property—not by their tribe or marital status. Unfortunately, stereotypes and discrimination still influence many landlords' decisions. If the same standards were applied consistently to everyone, it would be more understandable, but selective enforcement only makes the process feel unfair.

I remember getting my result for an exam I'd worked really hard on, told my mother, and her exact response was: "Ehen, that's good, have you eaten?" No "well done," no "I'm proud of you," nothing. Just straight into whether I'd eaten food. And honestly, that's not even unusual — that's basically the standard Nigerian parent response format.

It got me thinking about why this is so common across almost every household, regardless of tribe, religion, or background.

Love was shown through provision, not words

For a lot of our parents, "I'm proud of you" was never really the language they grew up hearing either. Their parents showed love by making sure there was food, school fees, clothes, a roof — actions, not verbal affirmations. So naturally, that's the only language they learned to pass down. Provision became the love language, and praise got left out entirely.

Praise was seen as something that "spoils" children

There's this deep-rooted belief that if you praise a child too much, they'll become proud, complacent, or stop trying hard. So even when parents are genuinely proud, some deliberately hold it back, thinking it's "for your own good," not realizing the silence can be interpreted as indifference instead.

Vulnerability wasn't modeled to them either

A lot of our parents grew up in homes where emotional expression, especially from father figures, was seen as weakness. So expressing pride, which requires a certain emotional openness, simply wasn't practiced or normalized in their own upbringing — you can't give what was never given to you.

Achievements get treated as "expected," not exceptional

In many homes, doing well isn't celebrated as an accomplishment, it's treated as the bare minimum expectation. So instead of "I'm proud of you," you get "good, don't relax" or immediately hear about the next thing you should be working toward, as if celebrating the moment might make you comfortable.

The comparison habit undercuts genuine achievement

Even in moments that should be celebratory, comparison sneaks in — "so-and-so's child did even better," or "your cousin got this same result last year too." It quietly steals the moment instead of allowing the achievement to just be acknowledged on its own.

The effects show up later, quietly

A lot of adults today are still chasing validation they never got as children — some in careers, some in relationships, some just generally struggling to believe they're "enough" without external achievement constantly proving it. And many don't even realize where that need is actually coming from.

It's not that our parents don't love us — many clearly do, deeply

The thing is that pride and love got expressed through sacrifice and provision instead of words, and a lot of us grew up needing to hear things that were only ever shown, never actually said.

I think a lot of us in this generation are trying to consciously break that cycle — actually saying it out loud to our own kids, siblings, or even to our parents themselves, even when it feels a little awkward at first.

Has anyone here ever actually heard "I'm proud of you" directly from a Nigerian parent? And if you're a parent yourself now, are you consciously trying to do this differently with your own kids? 👇

I need to get something off my chest, because I think a lot of us have normalized something that genuinely shouldn't be normal.

A friend of mine — university graduate, skilled, works in a demanding role — recently told me her monthly salary. I won't put the exact figure here, but let's just say it was embarrassingly low for the amount of work, hours, and stress involved. When I asked why she hasn't pushed back or looked elsewhere, her answer was simple: "at least I have a job."

That sentence alone tells you everything about the power employers hold in this country right now.

"At least you have a job" has become an excuse for exploitation

Because unemployment is so high, employers know they don't have to pay fairly — there's always somebody desperate enough to accept whatever is offered. So salaries stay stagnant, workloads increase, and the moment you complain, you're quietly reminded that ten other people would gladly take your position at half the stress tolerance.

Salary secrecy protects the employer, not the employee

Most Nigerian workplaces treat salary information like classified government intelligence. You're often not even allowed to know what your colleague doing the same job earns. This secrecy benefits nobody but the company — because if people knew how unevenly (and sometimes unfairly) pay is distributed internally, there would be real pushback.

"Experience" is used as payment

Especially for young graduates — companies dangle "exposure" and "experience" as if it should replace an actual living wage. Meanwhile rent, transport, and food don't accept "experience" as payment.

Job hopping gets frowned upon, but staying loyal rarely gets rewarded either

Stay too long without much salary movement, and you're seen as complacent. Leave for better pay elsewhere, and you're labeled "not loyal" or "job-hopper." Employees can't win either way, while employers benefit from both the guilt-tripping and the underpayment.

Skilled workers are undervalued until they leave the country

Funny enough, the same skills that earn "we can't afford to pay you well" here suddenly become worth 5-10x more the moment someone relocates abroad. That alone tells you the issue was never really about the value of the skill — it's about what employers can get away with paying, locally.

This isn't about entitlement, it's about fairness

Working hard should reasonably translate to being paid what your labor is actually worth, not just enough to survive while a company profits comfortably off your underpayment.

I think a big part of shifting this starts with us actually talking about pay more openly instead of treating it as a taboo topic, and being willing to walk away from roles that don't value us — as difficult as that is in this economy.

What's the most underpaid you've ever been for the amount of work you were doing? And do you think Nigerians will ever get more comfortable discussing salaries openly with each other? 👇

Premiumbuy:
Premium peace Be Unto You

Just like Gerrard59 said regulation will only lead to increase and what need to be done is government should build more houses and inter state railway so that people staying in Ogun, and Oyo state can have easy access to Lagos.

I agree. The real problem is a shortage of affordable housing, not just rent prices. If the government increases housing supply and improves transport infrastructure like fast inter-state rail, more people can comfortably live in Ogun or Oyo and commute to Lagos. That would reduce pressure on Lagos housing and let market forces naturally stabilize rents instead of relying on regulations that may have unintended consequences.

I've sat with enough married people — family, friends, people who trusted me enough to talk honestly — to notice something a lot of us don't say out loud: many marriages that look "solid" from the outside are just two people who've quietly stopped expecting happiness from it, and learned to function anyway.

Let's talk about why.

Divorce is still treated like a personal failure, not an option

In a lot of homes, divorce isn't seen as "this marriage didn't work," it's seen as "you failed as a wife/husband," or worse, "you brought shame to the family." So people stay, not because things are okay, but because leaving costs more socially than staying ever will — regardless of how unhappy staying makes them.

"What will people say?" runs deeper than people admit

Extended family, church members, neighbors, "society" — there's this constant awareness of being watched and judged. A woman who leaves an unhappy marriage risks being labeled difficult, proud, or "the reason it didn't work," even in situations where she wasn't the problem at all. A man who leaves risks being seen as irresponsible or incapable of "managing his home." So a lot of people just... stay, and perform.

Marriage is treated as the finish line, not an ongoing thing

Once the wedding happens, so much of the pressure and attention disappears. Nobody's checking in on whether the couple is actually thriving — just whether they're still together. "Are you guys still married?" becomes the only metric of success, completely separate from "are you guys actually happy?"

Children become the glue, whether they should be or not

So many people stay "for the kids," believing that an unhappy but intact home is automatically better than kids growing up in two happy separate homes. Sometimes that's true. Often, kids can feel the tension anyway — they just grow up thinking that's what marriage normally looks like: two people coexisting, not necessarily two people in love.

Financial dependence quietly traps people

For a lot of women especially, leaving isn't just an emotional decision, it's a financial one. If she's not financially independent, walking away can mean starting completely from zero, sometimes with children in tow. That reality alone keeps a lot of people in marriages they'd otherwise have left long ago.

Emotional needs get replaced with duty

Over time, some couples stop expecting romance, connection, or genuine partnership, and settle into a business-like arrangement — bills split, roles assigned, house running smoothly, but emotional distance quietly widening in the background. From the outside it looks stable. From the inside, it can feel like living with a very polite roommate.

Faith and tradition sometimes get used to silence complaints

"Marriage is not by force to enjoy, endure it," "pray about it," "no marriage is perfect" — all valid in some contexts, but sometimes used to shut down real conversations people need to have about genuine unhappiness, instead of helping them address it.

The performance becomes exhausting

Smiling in family pictures, posting anniversary posts, showing up as "the perfect couple" publicly, while privately feeling unseen or unfulfilled — that gap between the public image and the private reality is where a lot of quiet suffering lives.

This isn't an argument for or against staying

Some couples genuinely work through hard seasons and come out stronger — that's real too. This is more about acknowledging that a lot of marriages that look successful on paper are being held together by fear of judgment, financial survival, or duty, more than actual happiness. And that's worth being honest about, at least privately, even if nothing changes as a result.

Have you noticed this in marriages around you? And for the married people here — honestly, do you think happiness is still the priority for most couples, or has "staying together" quietly become the actual goal? 👇

‎I need to share this while the annoyance is still fresh, because I don't think I've fully recovered.
‎
‎So I started looking for a new apartment about two months ago. Simple request — 2 bedroom, decent area, nothing crazy. I thought "okay, this should take a week or two max." Fast forward two months later, and I have officially aged.
‎
‎Agent Number 1 — The Ghost
‎
‎First agent I contacted seemed very serious on the phone. "Oga no worry, I get better house for you, very affordable." We agreed to meet by 10am on a Saturday. I got there by 9:45am like a responsible adult. Man didn't pick his calls until past 12pm. When he finally answered, "Ah sorry oga, wahala dey my side, make we do tomorrow." Tomorrow never came. I never heard from him again. To this day I don't know what "wahala" caught him.
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‎Agent Number 2 — The One Who Showed Me A Completely Different House From The Pictures
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‎This one sent me beautiful pictures on WhatsApp — tiled floor, POP ceiling, nice kitchen cabinets, the whole vibe. I was already mentally moving my furniture in. Got there in person... my brother, it was a different house entirely. No tiles, no POP, kitchen "cabinet" was one shelf nailed to the wall. When I asked him about the pictures he showed me, he said with a straight face, "ah that one na sample, make you see the potential." Potential ke? I wanted to see an apartment, not attend a vision-casting service.
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‎Agent Number 3 — Inspection Fee Wahala
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‎This one wanted inspection fee upfront before even confirming the house still dey available. I paid ₦5k "just to be sure," only for him to now say "ah sorry oga that particular house don dey taken since last week." So why did you collect my inspection fee for a house that's not available again? He then tried to hook me up with "another better one" like nothing happened. I collected my legs and left.
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‎Agent Number 4 — The Landlord Interrogation
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‎Finally found a place that looked promising. Nice area, decent price, agent seemed straightforward. Then I met the landlord. This man interviewed me like I was applying for a Central Bank governor position. Marital status, church, what I do for a living, my parents' occupation, whether I "party" (his words), how many people will be "coming in and out" of the apartment. At some point I nearly asked if he needed my BVN and blood type too.
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‎Agent Number 5 — The Agreement Fee Trauma
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‎Almost secured a place with another agent. Agreed on rent, agreed on the apartment, everything looking good. Then agreement time reached, and suddenly: agency fee, legal fee, caution fee, "association" fee, and one more mysterious fee that nobody could properly explain what it was even for. By the time I calculated everything, I realized I was basically paying almost double the actual rent just in "fees" alone. I calmly thanked them and walked away with what remained of my sanity (and my money).
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‎Where I finally landed
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‎Eventually found a place through a friend of a friend — no agent wahala, no mysterious fees, landlord was normal and didn't ask me about my church affiliation. Just straightforward negotiation and I moved in within a week. All that stress for two months, and the solution was right there through personal connection the whole time.
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‎Anyway, I'm still recovering emotionally from this whole experience. House hunting in this country should genuinely come with hazard pay.
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‎Who else has house-agent horror stories? I know I'm not the only one that has suffered for this country 😩👇

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