₦airaland Forum

She was never a bridesmaid
Episode One
Some ladies are not just cut out to be a bridesmaid, for some it could be that they weren't qualified, for others,it could be because they don't like the idea of being one, while for some they weren't given the opportunity. What category,do you think I fall into?

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My name is Munachi Okafor, a beautiful young lady in her early twenties. I am dark in complexion with an average height.I have a younger sister named Oluchi Okafor and we live with our parents in Onitsha.When I clocked 20, i have always dreamt that i will be a bridesmaid one day and did this ever happened?

I thought this could be my first opportunity but it never came.I have a friend named Ngozi,we are so close even though I am older than her with 2years. She came visiting and told me:
'Munachi,I am going to be among a bridal train,this is even my first time,can you beat that ?
When she mentioned first time,I felt bad because she could at least mention my name to the bride so that I could be included on the list.
'Whao,that's cool,what is the colour of the dress'?
'It is royal blue with a touch of champagne gold and a gold high heels'
Then I spoke up because I don't know how to hide my feelings about an issue
'Ngozi why didn't you mention my name to the bride ?
Munachi,I did but she has already chosen who she wants,I was just added to complete the list.
Besides,she isn't someone you know'
'Alright, I understand now'
I was happy for her and I wanted to see how she will be beautiful among the bridal train. On Saturday, I was at the venue, I saw Ngozi looking good with nice hair,dress,makeup and her lovely high heel.
'You look beautiful,Ngozi'
'Thank you Munachi,I wish you were among the train,it is bored without you,we would have looked beautiful together '
'Don't worry,we might get to be in another bridal train'.
We hugged ourselves and I went back to my sit to enjoy the ceremony.

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I graduated from Nnamdi Azikiwe university,studied sociology,when I was still in school, I never had the opportunity to be in a bridal train not to talk of being a bridesmaid. Well, my friends were still students and none got married while we were still in school. There was this particular aunty in my compound where I lived while in school, Aunty Chidera. She was someone I was close to while in school,but when she got married she didn't remember I could be among her bridal train or to be her bridesmaid.I was upset initially but I just told myself that everyone won't remember you for some things in life. I was even surprised that she invited me for the ceremony.


Episode Two

There is this feeling that I have about bridesmaids and those in the bridal train. The feeling is that they easily get boyfriends among the groomsmen because the ladies look good and it is so easy to get their contacts .On the other hand,the bridesmaids or any lady in the bridal train could like one of the groomsmen and the rest would be history. Well,what do I know ,it is only what I observe.

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One day ,my sister told me
' Munachi,I am going to be Chika's bridesmaid,I am going to be wearing a lialac cord lace gown and a silver high heels.'
'Wha--ooo,that's is sooo co--ol'
I was shocked that my sister would be a bridesmaid when I am dying to be one .I pretended as if I wasn't really touched about the announcement.
'So when is the wedding' ?,I asked
'On the 1st of September'
'That is three months from now '
'Yes..she saw me at the salon and told me about it,she said I was the idea person for the role '
'It is okay'.. I lied


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Let me tell you a little story about my sister,she is fair,taller than I am,she is a little bit fatter than I am. Sometimes, I used to feel she is more beautiful than I am . Some people will even make matter worse with sayings like:
' Your sister is more beautiful than you are'.
'She is even bigger than you'.
'Are you sure,this is your sister?,...she doesn't look like you'.
I will smile over such comments, but within,who cares? Even though we are sisters,we can't be the same
Sometimes, when we walk side by side,people tend to look at her more than they look at me . It gives me joy sometimes because I have this feeling that i have a beautiful sister but sometimes when the look becomes intense , I start feeling inferior. Well,with time,I learnt to appreciate me .


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One day a friend called that she wanted me to be her bridesmaid.
'Munachi,please I want you to be my bridesmaid,the lady that was supposed to be, called to inform me that she will be having her finally exams on that day. So I thought of who to call but it was you that came to my mind ,that is why I am calling to inform you about it on time '.
'Really'...in my mind , this is a dream come true .
'Yes,please,the color of the material is yellow and purple,you can come to my place to get it.It is just five thousand naira ,you could wear either a yellow shoes or a purple shoes,depending on how you want to sew it.
So if there wasn't a disappointment ,Uchechi wouldnt have asked me to be her bridesmaid. I was disappointment that she didn't remember me in her list of bridesmaids or bridal train.
'Uchechi,I am sorry ,I will not be able to be your bridesmaid. I have a seminar to attend on that day. It is work related ,the management has paid for it .It is a three day workshop. I am so sorry '.
'Alright Munachi , thanks for your time, I will have to look for someonelse.How is everyone at home '.
'We are fine '.
'How is preparation going on for the wedding'.
'We thank God,even though it hasn't been easy '
'Alright, goodbye'.
'Bye'...she ended the call
Gosh,this would I have been my opportunity to be a bridesmaid ,why now, why this seminar now when my dream was already coming true. I wished I could shift the wedding to the other Saturday but that was impossible.

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'Munachi,I am getting married next month. So I am inviting you,would you care to buy my asoebi. It is just five thousand naira with the headgear,you can come to my house to get it'
'Whao ,congratulations Chikodi,happy to hear that .I will come to your house and get it '.
'How is work and everyone at home '.
'They are fine '...she ended the call.
Another wedding again,she didn't even call to ask if I wanted to be her bridesmaid or even among her bridal train.
She wants me to buy her asoebi , hmmmm, so I wasn't qualified for either of the role .I wanted to start dating ,so that when I want to marry I will choose who will be among my bridal train.Infact I had the names of those who will be in my train in my head . It was just my thought ,then I smiled .

Chikodi was supposed to put me in her bridal train because,we attended the same lesson when we were still in secondary school, we visited each other .We were friends in our fellowship .She was someone I could tell my worries .She was like an older sister to me .We would talk about guys and how they disappointed us. She was a close confidant.Even when we relocated from our former place ,chikodi and I still chatted almost everyday,so I was kind of disappointed that I wasnt in her train .

When I had the chance, I went to her house to get the material for the wedding. I attended the wedding ,she was so happy to see me.
'Munachi, I thought you won't come ,since we all know how busy you are .Thanks for coming '
'I had the chance that is why I came and besides you called to invite me .I am wishing you a happy married life'.
'Thank you so much'.

After the wedding ,Chikodi and I still kept in touch,even though sometimes I tend to give her space because she is now a married woman.

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'Chikodi, I saw ebere's wedding pictures on the internet.'
'She is married ,didn't she tell you about it?
'No...she didn't '
'You know sometimes ,such skip some people's mind,so please don't blame her'.
'No..I am not blaming her....it happens like that sometimes.. I would just send her congratulatory messages '.
'Good then ..take care and have a nice day '.
'You too,bye '.

I sent ebere messages and she was surprised that I knew about it .
'Munachi, please I am sorry that I didn't remember to invite you, lot of things on my mind then' .
'No problem about that ,I understand.'
'How is work and everything,what about your sister'?
'Everything going on smoothly,my sister is fine'
'How is your husband' ?
'He is fine' .
'Alright'.
'Bye'.
'Bye '.

****
All my friends are already married and so it would be difficult for me to even be their bridesmaid .I thought about my sister, that cant be possible.I am older,she is even supposed to be my maid of honour.I attended weddings without wanting to be anyone's bridesmaid or among the bridal train.I guess as I grew older my priorities changed . I was interested in making myself better,having my own family and being good at what I love doing best....my job.


Episode Three

Two years later,I started dating Chidubem,he was all I wanted in a man.He was caring,loving and patient with me and my work .We met when I went for a one week workshop training at Umuahia.We had done a lot of training together and in the process we had fallen in love with each other.He is from Abia state ,we just started our relationship and so our parents weren't involved yet .

My sister on the other had started dating before I started dating. She met Nnamdi in her 400level in University of Nigeria, Nssuka. Nnamdi is an assistant lecturer in the department of geology in the University of Nigeria. They had known themselves for one year before I started dating Chidubem. She had introduced Nnamdi to the family and he visits regularly when he had the time .

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After dating for 1year and 6months, Oluchi and Nnamdi got married . I was the chief organizer,I was not bothered that my younger sister was getting married before me . My parents were really involved in the wedding preparation. This time , I know I can't be a bridesmaid or among the bridal train. She got the list of those who will be among the bridal train,who the bridesmaid would be ,the materials to be used and other things .

She did her traditional marriage with paying of the bride price, the husband and his people did what they ought to do. It was an interesting ceremony. On saturday, she did her white wedding, becoming officially a Mrs Nwoye.
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Chidubem and I continued dating ,he made it official by proposing to me in the presence of friends and family .It was a 'Yes' for me .......
Prior to this time,I had introduced Chidubem to my family and they had supported our relationship. In the next six months,we were making plans for our traditional wedding. We didn't want to do a white wedding . After dating for 1year and 8months. We went to the registry to seal our marriage legally and then on Saturday we did our traditional marriage in my father's compound .

There are times, that we dont get to have what we desire,but being patient will enable us reap a better reward . Though,I never became a bridesmaid. I surely became a bride .

Written by Queen Ekaete

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A Poem: An African Man A man with a difference Wields so much prowess Possesses power with variance Chiseled with agility and permanence Works day and night even in recess Handsome, Oh! the work of art Shines even in darkness You respect him,he chooses you to be his preference Knows what he wants and gets it without deterrence Brings laughter and brightness Walks with confidence and patience Protects his essence Because he takes pride in conquest An African Man ,Oh My African Man By Ekaete

A Poem: An African Man

A Poem: An African Man
A man with a difference
Wields so much prowess
Possesses power with variance
Chiseled with agility and permanence
Works day and night even in recess
Handsome, Oh! the work of art
Shines even in darkness
You respect him,he chooses you to be his preference
Knows what he wants and gets it without deterrence
Brings laughter and brightness
Walks with confidence and patience
Protects his essence
Because he takes pride in conquest
An African Man ,Oh My African Man
By Ekaete