Episode 30

My alarm rang but I wasn’t ready to answer it. I rolled on the bed and reached for it. I quickly put it off and covered myself with the blanket very well.

“Look at this girl oooo!” That was what I heard before a painful slap greeted me on my thighs.

“Jesus!” I shouted and sat up.

Susan was giving me a stern look. I had to call my driver to bring Tina when I woke up. But I wasn’t ready to leave this great woman of God, so I spent the night at my mentor’s house.

We talked and talked about alot of things till it became late. Joseph and Anthony shared the same room while I was so privileged to share the visitor’s room with Susan.

I was still looking at Susan when suddenly, it was getting dark. I drifted into another round of sleep while sitting up on the bed.

What woke me up was a hot slap on my thighs.

“Jesus!” I screamed.

“Call that name very well oooo! You have the guts to sleep abi?” Susan said angrily.

“Mummy! I’m sorry! I’m so tired right now!” I said, rubbing my hurting thighs to ease the pain.

“So tired? If this house was on fire, would you remain in bed claiming you’re tired? Won’t you jump out of your beauty sleep and look for a way out of the fire?” She asked.

I didn’t know if I answered her. All I knew was that I heard the question, but my heavy eyes did not allow me remember to give her an answer.

It was another slap on the same place on my thighs that brought me back.

“Mummy Susan!” I shouted as it landed on me.

“By the time I’m done with you! You’ll be shouting grandma Susan!” She said sarcastically and made to hit me again. I quickly ran out of the bed but fell on the floor.

“Get up!” She shouted as she rushed to meet me.

I quickly rose to my feet. My eyes were completely alert right now.

” I said, If this house was on fire, would you remain in bed claiming you’re tired? Won’t you jump out of your beauty sleep and look for a way out of the fire?” She asked.

“Yes ma! I would get up and escape from the fire!” I replied, still rubbing my thighs.

“Cris! Your destiny is under attack and you’re busy sleeping, telling yourself you’re tired! Cris! You’re lucky I’m in a good mood. Your mentor is very gentle! I would have beaten you so much that, anytime your alarm rings and you’re still in bed, it’s my face you’ll remember.

“I’m sorry mummy!” I apologized and bent my knees slightly.

“Where will the strength to get up and run for your life come from?” She asked.

“I’m sorry ma!”

“Listen to me! Tiredness is a thing of the mind! What did I say?”

“Tiredness is a thing of the mind!” I answered.

“If you allow the devil tell you that you’re tired, then you’ll be crippled by tiredness. But if you refused to agree with him and rise up to pray, then you’ll discover that those feelings were demonic schemes to keep you prayer less. Satan will always and never stop trying to make believers prayerless. Your destiny is under attack and you’re here sleeping. There’s a battle for your soul in the realm of the spirit and you’re sleeping.

What kind of demonic sleep is that? Who told you that you’re tired. An evil spirit is busy whispering into your ears to go back to sleep and you’re nodding in agreement. Cris! This is 3:30am. I want to come back here and meet you praying or studying the Bible or else! I will beat spiritual lukewarmness out of you this morning. You don’t want to be hot abi? We’ll force you to be hot! For your information, you cannot be cold! So start consoling your lukewarm nature. She’s in the wrong hands”, she said and walked out of the room.

I stood watching. Did Mummy Susan beat me up like a kid? At least, as a woman of God, she’s not supposed to cause me physical pain.

“I WOULD HAVE DONE MORE THAN THAT IF SHE HADN’T INTERVENED”.

“Ha! Lord I’m sorry! But she’s a woman of God na! She’s not supposed to treat me like this!”

“FOR THE LORD CHASTISES WHOM HE LOVES AND CORRECTS THEM THAT ARE SO DEAR TO HIM! DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION?”

I nodded.

“SO CAN WE START?”

“Yes sir!” I replied still rubbing my thighs.

“Nawa ooo! This woman of God slap dey pain ooo!” I said within me.

“NA HIM GOOD FOR YOU! SLEEPI SLEEPI!”

I wanted to laugh but witheld myself from doing so. I knew God as a God that meant complete business. I don’t think he has the time to watch me laugh when it was time for serious prayers. I need to act very serious if I must spend quality time with him or get his attention.

“CRIS! YOU CAN PRETEND WITH ANYONE OUT THERE, BUT NEVER TRY IT WITH ME! I CAN SEE YOUR THOUGHTS VERY WELL! WHO DO YOU WANT TO IMPRESS BY BONNING YOUR FACE?”

“Would you prefer me laughing when I’m in a battlefield?”I asked.

“STOP PRETENDING TO BE SPIRITUAL! LAUGHING, SMILING AND TALKING WHEN YOU’RE IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER IS NOT CARNALITY”.

Immediately, a scripture popped up in my mind.

“Psalms 16:11. Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore”.

“SO STOP THE PRETENCE AND HAVE FUN IN MY PRESENCE! SMILE LIKE YOU WOULD WHEN A FRIEND SAYS SOMETHING FUNNY. LAUGH WHEN SOMETHING TICKLES YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR. AND EXPRESS YOUR EXCITEMENT WHEN YOU’RE HAPPY!”

“Okay sir!” I replied and began with worship songs. Soon I found myself praying in tongues.

“NOW CARRY YOUR BIBLE!” Came the gentle whisper.

“Yes Lord!” I said and rounded up the prayers.

I looked at the clock on the wall and realized I had prayed for one hour. I was surprised. It had been long I was able to do so.

I sat down and opened the bible.

“Where Lord?” I asked, flipping the pages.

“OPEN TO SONGS OF SOLOMON! START FROM CHAPTER TWO”

I opened and arrived at the place and started reading.

“I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys.

Verse 2. As the lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.

Verse 3. As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

Verse 4. He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.

Verse 5. Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples: for I am sick of love.

Verse 6. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me”.

“CRIS YOUR ARE RUSHING THIS BIBLE! ARE YOU LATE FOR WORK?”

“No! I answered.

“THEN WHY ARE YOU RUSHING ME? CALM DOWN AND LET’S ENJOY THIS BREAD OF LIFE TOGETHER!”

“I’m sorry Lord!”

“I NEED YOU TO READ JUST TWO VERSES. FIRST, READ VERSE ONE!”

“I am the rose of Sharon, and the lily of the valleys”.

“SOLOMON CALLED ME THE ROSE OF SHARON. WHAT NAME ARE YOU GOING TO CALL ME?”

I was dumbfounded. What was he referring to?

“CRIS! EVERY PERSON ON EARTH WHO SERVED ME HAD A SPECIAL NAME THEY CALLED ME. ABRAHAM CALLED ME JEHOVAH JIREH. JACOB CALLED ME EL ELOHE ISRAEL. SO WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHERE’S MY PET NAME?”

I was almost laughing, but held it again.

“WHO ARE YOU BONNING FACE FOR? WHY ARE YOU ACTING SPIRITUAL? WAIT OH! CRIS ARE YOU MORE SPIRITUAL THAN ME?”

“No ooo! How can I be more spiritual than God? God forbid!”

“SO WHERE’S MY PET NAME?”

“I don’t have any pet name in mind. I don’t have pet name for you! You are the Lord of the universe. Henceforth, I’ll call you Lord. Because you are the Lord of my life”, I replied.

“THAT’S TOO FORMAL! I WANT SOMETHING INTIMATE AND STIMULATING. SOMETHING THAT MAKES ME SMILE ONCE YOU MENTION IT”.

I was completely shocked by everything that was going on. Am I sure it’s God that is talking like a lover boy or is my mind playing tricks on me?

“SO YOU ARE STILL DOUBTING ME? YOU’RE STILL THINKING IT’S YOUR MIND THAT’S PLAYING TRICKS ON YOU? HA! CRIS KNEEL DOWN!”

I was more confused. Do you mean God was playing like this or what?

“I’M WAITING FOR YOU!”

“Lord I’m sorry!” I replied with a smile on my face.

“WOW! IS THAT MY BABY GIRL SMILING? YOU’RE LOOKING SO BEAUTIFUL! MY PRETTY EBONY!”

Oh my goodness! I was blushing right now. I have heard single ladies call God their boyfriend. I never knew it was real. I was feeling loved and on top of the world. No wonder he’s called a father to the fatherless, mother to the motherless and husband to the single lady.

Chai! Quiet time had never been this sweet before. I’m never going to miss it again.

“SO, DO YOU HAVE A PET NAME FOR ME?”

“Emmmm! Can I call you my Sweet Dad!”

“WHAT?” I heard and felt my stomach vibrating within me.

I could hear him laughing. They vibration in my stomach was so overwhelming. Wait do you mean God laughs? Hmmm! You cannot know all about him in one day. This is strange, but so exciting. I was just smiling like a girl in love.

“Do you like the name?” I asked within me.

“LIKE IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT! I LOVE THE NAME!”

I started giggling.

“MUMMY SUSAN WOULD SOON BE HERE!”

“Really?”

“YES! SHE ONLY WANTS TO CHECK ON YOU!”

“I’m not sure she’s coming. I don’t think anyone is coming here anytime soon!’ I was still trying to agree with that thought when the door flung open and Susan walked in.

I looked at her with a smile on my face. She smiled at me and nodded.

“You’ve started your love gist! Let me not interrupt your nice time”, she said and turned to leave.

“Mummy! I don’t understand! He’s talking to me as if he’s my boyfriend! Can God talk like that?”

“If that’s against his nature then why are you reading the songs of Solomon?”

I was shocked and looked at the bible on my laps. It was closed. So how did she know what I was reading?”

The shock was still on my face when she said,

“Rose of Sharon!”

“Mummy! How did you know what I was reading this morning?”

She smiled and turned to leave.

I stood up and ran after her. I knelt down and held her night gown.

“Mummy please! I need this anointing! I want to carry a double portion of your super powers and abilities!”

I had not finished talking but something told me I was going to be turned down. Actually, not something but my new boyfriend.

To be continued…..

One day in school, I was charging my phone and discovered my phone charger got bad. I was so unhappy because I knew I didn’t have money for a new one.

I was so worried, but daddy told me not to worry that he was going to get me a new charger.

This inner voice asked me how much I had left? I was left with 600 naira. He told me not to worry that I should go to the place where electronic devices were sold.

As I got there, he told me to enter a particular shop. I got there and asked for a charger. The one that was brought was one thousand, five hundred.

I was like, what should I do? He said I should give the lady the money with me and tell her that’s all I have. That was how I left with the charger

I was surprised beyond words. From that day on, I nicknamed him My invisible Daddy!

So what’s your nickname for God?

Abraham called him Jehovah Jireh when he provided a lamb for the burnt offering.

David called him the Lord of hosts, when he faced Goliath.

What about you?

Anyway Sha! By the time I’m done with Cris! She would be shouting grandma Susan.

Tiredness is a thing of the mind

Hmmm! I learnt that from my mentor. Believe me! Once you agree you’re tired. You’ll be tired.

But if you hump out of that blanket and tell yourself,

“Let the weak say I am strong!”

Numbers 14:28 Say unto them, As truly as I live, saith the LORD, as ye have spoken in mine ears, so will I do to you:

Episode 29

Susan stood up and started leaving.

“Ma where are you going?” I asked.

“He says he wants to be with you alone. He wants me to excuse you!” She said with a warm smile and left.

“Lord! What is it?” I asked the inner voice.

“GET YOUR BIBLE!”

“Hmmmmm! Cris! You’re speaking to yourself!” The thought came. But this time I understood the speaker.

Wow! So was this how the Devil had been cheating me? Each time I heard God, I concluded it was my mind talking. Thank God for this woman.

“Cris! Susan decieved you! you’re listening to the voice of a demon!” Came that arrogant and fearful voice.

“Are you telling me a demon would tell me to carry my Bible? You demon of doubt, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!” I said authoritatively and the voice went off.

I was wowed by the act. If it was a thought, how could I address it as a demon, command it and it obeyed me? I’ve seriously received a life transforming teaching today.

I opened my Bible and was listening to any instruction from the spirit within. Non came, so I continued flipping the pages.

I didn’t hear a voice, but as soon as I arrived at a particular passage. I felt strongly in my spirit that it was the place I am to read.

So I began.

“Numbers 14:1. And all the congregation lifted up their voice, and cried; and the people wept that night.

Verse 2. And all the children of Israel murmured against Moses and against Aaron: and the whole congregation said unto them, Would God that we had died in the land of Egypt! or would God we had died in this wilderness!

Verse 3. And wherefore hath the LORD brought us unto this land, to fall by the sword, that our wives and our children should be a prey? were it not better for us to return into Egypt?

Verse 4. And they said one to another, Let us make a captain, and let us return into Egypt.

Verse 5. Then Moses and Aaron fell on their faces before all the assembly of the congregation of the children of Israel.

Verse 6. And Joshua the son of Nun, and Caleb the son of Jephunneh, which were of them that searched the land, rent their clothes:

Verse 7. And they spake unto all the company of the children of Israel, saying, The land, which we passed through to search it, is an exceeding good land.

Verse 8. If the LORD delight in us, then he will bring us into this land, and give it us; a land which floweth with milk and honey.

Verse 9. Only rebel not ye against the LORD, neither fear ye the people of the land; for they are bread for us: their defence is departed from them, and the LORD is with us: fear them not.

Verse 10. But all the congregation bade stone them with stones. And the glory of the LORD appeared in the tabernacle of the congregation before all the children of Israel”,

“STOP!” I heard from within my spirit.

I paused and asked.

“Lord! What are you saying?”

“CRIS! THE ENTIRE NATION OF ISRAEL WERE READY TO KILL MOSES AND AARON AND APPOINT A NEW LEADER. THEY WERE READY TO STONE THEM TO DEATH. OVER 6 HUNDRED THOUSAND MEN LEFT EGYPT FOR THE PROMISED LAND. ONLY TWO GOT THERE”.

“Hmmmmm! Lord what does that mean?” I asked as I brought out my jotter and began to jot down those words.

“IT MEANS WHEN IT COMES TO FULFILLING DESTINY AND PURPOSE, ONLY SO FEW IN NUMBER ACTUALLY PAY THE PRICE. CRIS! JUST LOOK AT THE AUDIENCE THAT DECIDED TO SPECTATORS? SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND MEN BESIDES WOMEN AND CHILDREN SAID THEY CANNOT FULFILL PURPOSE. ONLY TWO MEN OUT OF THE THOUSANDS OF MEN ON EARTH PAIR THE PRICE AND FULFILLED THEIR PURPOSE”.

I bowed my head and sighed. I remembered how I got scared when my mentor threatened I was going on a marathon fast for 3 days. And I knew very well that fasting to seek God’s face concerning my destiny is very important. Why was I scared of doing it? This thing would help my spiritual life, but that was what I dreaded the most. God why is it so difficult?

“THE ROAD TO HEAVEN WILL ALWAYS REMAIN A NARROW ROAD. I BELIEVE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THE WORD NARROW MEANS. IF YOU’RE NOT READY TO GO THE NARROW WAY, PLEASE ENJOY THE BROADWAY. ITS NOT A PLACE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT READY TO TAKE GOD SERIOUS. CRIS! THAT’S WHY THE BIBLE SAYS YOU DON’T FIND A CROWD THERE. YOU ONLY FIND A FEW DETERMINED PEOPLE THERE. PEOPLE WHO ARE READY TO GO THE EXTRA MILE. PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE CALEB.

“Lord! What made Caleb so different? What made Joshua and Caleb completely different from the crowd. Is it just their determination or was there something more to it?” I asked.

“CONTINUE FROM VERSE 20!”

“Numbers 14:20. And the LORD said, I have pardoned according to thy word:

Verse 21. But as truly as I live, all the earth shall be filled with the glory of the LORD.

Verse 22. Because all those men which have seen my glory, and my miracles, which I did in Egypt and in the wilderness, and have tempted me now these ten times, and have not hearkened to my voice;

Verse 23. Surely they shall not see the land which I sware unto their fathers, neither shall any of them that provoked me see it:

Verse 24. But my servant Caleb, because he had another spirit with him, and hath followed me fully, him will I bring into the land whereinto he went; and his seed shall possess it”.

I stopped and sighed. Then a scripture I had once read started replaying in my mind.

“Ezekiel 36:26. A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.

Verse 27. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.

Verse 28. And ye shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; and ye shall be my people, and I will be your God.

“CRIS! THERE WAS A DIFFERENT SPIRIT IN CALEB AND UNTIL THERE IS A DIFFERENT SPIRIT IN YOU! YOU WILL CONTINUE TO STRUGGLE TO DO MY WILL. BUT THERE’S A SECOND THING TO TAKE NOTE OF. BECAUSE YOU ALREADY HAVE A DIFFERENT SPIRIT IN YOU, WHICH IS MY HOLY SPIRIT. BUT DO YOU NOTICE THE SECOND INGREDIENT?”

“No sir!” I replied.

“READ VERSE 24!”

“But my servant Caleb, because he had another spirit with him, and hath followed me fully……”

“STOP!”

I quickly paused.

“HE FOLLOWED ME HOW?”

“He followed you fully!”

“CRIS! HE FOLLOWED ME HOW?”

“He followed you fully!”

“CRIS! CALEB FOLLOWED ME HOW?”

Tears prickled my eyes.

“Lord! He followed you with all his heart!”

“THAT WAS WHAT MADE THE DIFFERENCE. CRIS, MANY YEARS AGO, THERE WAS A SONG YOUR FATHERS IN THE FAITH USED TO SING.

I SURRENDER ALL
I SURRENDER ALL
ALL TO THEE MY BLESSED SAVIOUR
I SURRENDER ALL!

TODAY, YOUR GENERATION BY THEIR ATTITUDE TOWARDS ME, HAVE CONVERTED THAT SONG TO THIS!

I SURRENDER SOME
I SURRENDER SOME
SOME TO THEE MY BLESSED SAVIOUR
I SURRENDER SOME!”

I couldn’t control my tears anymore.

“Lord we are sorry! Lord! We give you everything!” I said.

“STOP GIVING ME EVERYTHING! THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GIVING AND SURRENDER. A SOLDIER CAN GIVE YOU HIS WEAPON. BUT WHEN A SOLDIER SURRENDER HIS WEAPONS, THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE.

A SOLDIER CAN GIVE YOU HIS GUN, BUT HIDE A PISTOL IN HIS TROUSERS. BUT WHEN A SOLDIER SURRENDERS, HE WILLINGLY DROPS EVERY SINGLE WEAPON HE CARRYS

CRIS! A SOLDIER SURRENDERS WHEN HE KNOWS FULLY WELL THAT HE CANNOT DEFEAT THE PERSON HE’S FIGHTING AGAINST. HA! CRIS! FOR HOW LONG WILL YOU CONTINUE TO FIGHT AGAINST THE MIGHTY MAN OF WAR?”

I broke into tears and dropped to my knees.

“Lord I’m sorry!”

“SURRENDER CRIS! SURRENDER! DROP EVERY SINGLE WEAPON IN YOUR HANDS. I WANT EVERYTHING! DROP THAT DESIRE TO DO YOUR OWN WILL! DROP THAT LOVE FOR THE PLEASURES OF SIN! DROP THAT LYING TO GET WHAT YOU NEED! DROP THAT IMMORALITY! I WANT EVERYTHING!”

I laid prostrate on the floor and wept with all my strength.

“I never knew I was fighting against the God that has never lost a battle. I am so sorry Lord! I was a fool! Lord I surrender! Yes Lord! Pick anything you want in my life! Demand for anything you want from me! I’ll drop it in a jiffy! I want to be like Caleb, who followed you with all his heart. I don’t want to follow you because of the manna I eat everyday and the water I drink from the rock.

Please Lord! Give me a new heart and a new spirit. Uproot the heart of stone from within me and give me the heart of flesh. Give me the heart that cannot be hardened towards you. A heart that loves you genuinely!” I prayed and began to blast in tongues.

As I prayed, I sense goose bumps on my skin. I noticed a strong presence in the sitting room. My legs and hands began to shake on their own. They shook so violently that I found myself screaming. I rolled from one end of the to the other.

Soon, everyone in the house was with me in the sitting room.

“Yes Lord! Change her heart! This heart is too strong for you! Change her heart and make her just like you! Change her heart!” My mentor prayed.

I kept screaming as I felt a sharp pain in my chest. What was going on? The pain got so intense that I was becoming violent.

“Yes Lord! Circumcise her heart. Cut off the foreskin of her heart. Let there be a total transformation in her life today!” She prayed.

I didn’t know when I passed out.

To be continued…….

Lord I give you my heart
I give you my soul
I live for you alone
Every breath that I take
Every moment I’m awake
Lord have your way in me!

Can you go ahead and tell Jesus to have his way.

Enough struggling with this God! Surrender! Drop your weapons.

Sister, he has a better plan for you! Throw away your plans and follow him completely.

No man that ever gave his all to Jesus stood and announced to the world that he regretted it.

What makes you think you are going to regret it?

I wrote this episode with tears in my eyes.

It’s time for total surrender. Drop everything!

Episode 28

Susan smiled and looked at me without saying anything for about 3 minutes. I wondered what was happening.

Suddenly she clasped her hands and spoke.

“Hearing God’s voice is a topic that you cannot finish in one single day. But what I’ll do is to teach you the basics. I’ll teach you the principles to activating the voice of God. What are the first things to note about the voice of God?

Before we touch that, we want to talk about the human mind. That’s the place where all the hearing from God must first be addressed.

There are two powerful organs in your spirit man. The hearing organ and the speaking organ. That’s why from time to time, you would hear Jesus say. He that hath an ear let him hear what the spirit is saying. Note, he didn’t say ears, he said and ear.

That’s why it is written in Psalms 62:11. God hath spoken once; twice have I heard this; that power belongeth unto God.

Your spirit hears and talks. Now that’s for the spirit of man. That’s not where we are heading. But I want you to have that information at the back of your mind. Your spirit hears and your spirit talks.

Now the human mind is the center of all the work. The world and everything in it is the product of the ideas in a human mind. But can I shock you?” She asked.

I looked at her and gave a nod. I had no idea where she was headed.

“You are not a thinker! You are a listener! Do you understand what I just said?” She asked.

Of course I don’t understand. I don’t understand everything she’s saying.

“Listen! Every thought that comes to the heart of a human being is a product of the whispers of a spirit. You can never have a thought in your heart except it is being dropped in your heart by a spirit. No thought ever come to the heart of a man until a spirit being approached and begins to engage the man in a discussion”.

I was looking at her with shock written all over my face.

“Let me cite an example. A young man sits down here, probably waiting for a friend to come pick him up. Suddenly, a girl looking so seductive passes. As a Christian, he quickly turns his face or shuts his eyes to prevent his mind from registering her image in his heart. Suddenly, a thought comes telling him to turn and take a look at the seductive lady. Come on its just a glance. It won’t hurt. Just look at her one last time.

Excuse me! Who is whispering that thought into his heart?”

“The devil!” I answered. Shocked by the revelation I was finally getting.

“Good! There are only two sources of information in the realm of the spirit. It’s either you’re listening to the spirit of God or an unclean spirit. If the spirit giving you thoughts is not the Holy Spirit. Then, it is an unclean spirit. There are no two ways about it. It’s either one of them. Because while the young man is considering taking a look at the seductive lady. Another thought comes tell him that he’s a temple of the Holy Spirit. That he shouldn’t give the devil a chance. Excuse me, who is feeding his mind with that thought?”

“The Holy Spirit!” I answered smiling.

“That’s wonderful! So your thoughts are not a product of your mind. They are only a product of why your mind hears from a spirit. You don’t know this and that is why when God is talking we don’t realize it.

Have you ever experienced something like this? You were worried, you were thinking on what to do then one mind or something suddenly told me to do it like this! Have you ever made such a statement in your life before?” She asked.

“Yes!” I answered.

“You keep telling yourself that you’re the one thinking. You conclude you’re giving yourself a lecture or something. No! You’re actually listening to the voice of either God or the devil. Your thoughts are only whispers. Your spirit only listens to whatever they are saying.

Have you ever experienced this? A thought suddenly drops in your heart that your sister would soon be here! While you are still arguing with that thought God gave you, your sister walks in. That’s how it operates. But one thing I want you to know is this, you’re not a thinker, you’re only a listener.

When this is at the back of your mind, you wouldn’t joke with your thoughts. You would pay close attention to it. Your job I’d to identify who is speaking and trust me, the speaker is not always difficult to be identified.

You would know when you’re listening to Satan and you would also know when God is the one talking. How? God always have this kind of peace that follows whatever he says. You would not be able to deny it’s his voice. There’s this knowing in your spirit that cannot be explained. You don’t know how, but you know.

That’s why you can be deep in thoughts and then, the Holy Spirit would tell you to open a particular bible verse. Was that your own doing. Remember this scripture.
John 15:5b, for without me ye can do nothing.

That’s true with your thoughts. Even the sinner needs to listen to the Holy Spirit to get convicted of his sins and repent. And all these communication take place in the inner man. That’s the inner voice sis.

It looks as if someone is there speaking to you, but not with an audible voice. You can’t hear it with your ears, but you hear with your mind. You don’t hear this voice with your ears. Although it grows from that realm to a realm where you can hear it physically, but that’s the starting point.

How do you hear the voice of God? You start by asking questions. Rebecca was pregnant with twins and every time the babies fought with each other in her womb. The bible said, she asked God what was going on. And God gave her a response. The best way to hear from God is to ask him questions.

As you read the bible, you don’t understand what you read. Just use your spiritual vocal cords to ask within you. What is the meaning of this passage? Immediately, you start hearing a response from within. It’s not you talking to yourself. It’s the Holy Spirit talking to you. Through that inner voice. All you have to do is listen.

Sometimes you ask and you don’t get a response. There are two reasons behind it. One is that you’re scared. Fear is a powerful weapon in the hands of the devil. He uses it to defeat his victim even before the battle starts. Don’t be scared. Am I sure this is God? Looks like Susan is decieving me. Or probably I’m listening to the voice of a demon?

You don’t need to entertain that thought. They are Satan’s schemes to block you from hearing from God. Whenever you don’t do anything with faith backing it up, God is not happy. Because the bible says, without faith, it is impossible to make God happy. That’s in the book of Hebrews.

Do you remember how you got baptized in the Holy Ghost? I always desired to be baptized in the Holy Ghost, but I never knew I was the one blocking it from happening.

Why? I was expecting the Holy Spirit to descend on me as I prayed. I was expecting him to suddenly force my mouth open and I’ll start speaking in tongues. I was expecting him to suddenly push me on the floor so I’ll start rolling and blasting in tongues.

I would kneel down and ask God to baptize me with the Holy Spirit. I would keep praying and praying and nothing happens. Why? As I was praying, I was hearing in my spirit, ‘open your mouth and speak!’. I was wondering what I was going to say. As I prayed, I could hear tongues in my spirit. That inner voice was already speaking in tongues within me. The Holy Spirit wanted it to pass from my spirit to the physical. I was scared that was not how it’s supposed to be. I’m making it up myself. Those tongues are probably something I’ve heard somewhere and was only reciting them. I could hear the tongues within me, but I thought it was my mind playing tricks on me.

I continued to struggle untill one day, a scripture confronted me. Open thy mouth and I will fill it. I decided to give it a try and began the lines. I never knew all I needed to do was to start. He took over completely.

I don’t know how the lines kept coming. As I’m done with what I’m saying, another line of spiritual vocabulary pops up in my mind. That’s how I discovered I had been the one doubting God when he had been there all along. God had been communicating with me, but I didn’t understand. That’s exactly what you have been doing.

He has been speaking with you, but you have not been paying attention. And why? You conclude it’s your mind doing the thinking. I want us to try something right now. Are you ready?” She asked me.

“I’m ready!” I said and nodded.

“I want you to do a little practical right now. Ask the Holy Spirit a question using that inner voice. Ask him, do you love me? Immediately, you’ll hear him replying you. Stop thinking it’s your mind talking. A man cannot receive anything on earth except it is been give from above. So go ahead and say it. Do you love me? Tell me whatever he tells you “, she said and bowed her head.

I looked at her and knew she meant what she was saying. She shut my eyes also and asked within myself.

“Lord! Do you love me?”

Instantly, I could hear that gentle whisper. That whisper I had always heard and called my imagination. That voice that whispered peace onto my soul. That voice that made me know when I was doing something wrong. That voice that gave me instructions several times and I ignored, thinking it was all my imagination.

“Cris! I’ve always loved you. I love you so much that I didn’t give up on you all these while. You wanted your own way and chose the path to destruction, but I rescued you out of love. You don’t know how much you mean to me! I love you Cris and I’m ready to teach you all you need to know to fulfill your purpose.

Walk with me! Obey me! Don’t run away from me because of the rigours that confronts you. I’ll give you grace, sufficient grace to overcome all the hardships. I’ll give you the grace to deny yourself and carry your cross. You’re not the worst Christin on earth! You’re my one and only Cristina! And I love you so much!”

I couldn’t explain what I was feeling. I felt peace and joy within me. I knew this was not my mind consoling me. It was the person of the Holy Spirit communicating with me through my spirit within me.

“So what did he say?” Susan asked.

I smiled.

To be continued……

Romans 8:16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:

That’s the communication channel between your spirit and the spirit of God.

This was one of my greatest desire when I got born again. I want God to speak to me audibly. I kept telling those around to show me how. Untill a particular brother taught me how to listen to the inaudible voice of the Holy Spirit.

We would be learning alot through the life of Christiana, so get ready to put everything you learn into practice.

Christian Eriksen’s first half by numbers vs. Bournemouth:

92% pass accuracy
16 final third passes
7 ball recoveries
3/3 long balls completed
2 ground duels won
1/1 aerial duels won
1/1 dribble completed
1 key pass

Luke Shaw completed 50 passes in the first half against Bournemouth, that’s more than any other player.

Episode 27

“Mummy! First of all I want to apologize to you. I’m deeply sorry for all the struggles I’ve put you through! I’m not what you think I am. I am a filthy bag, filled with lies. I have so many cockroaches hidden in my cupboard. So many secrets I’ve kept from you”, I began.

She sighed and looked at me.

“Go on! I’m listening!”

I began my story from how I committed the sin against the body with Chris. How I lied he was born again and cooked up the dream that formed his convictions.

I had to pause to see the expression on her face. She wasn’t looking angry or sad either. Maybe she’s hiding her feelings.

I continued and narrated how I lied to her about my quiet time and proceeded to how she believed my lies.

For 35 seconds, she said nothing which got me scared.

“Is that all?” She asked.

“Yes! All ma! I’m truly sorry I decieved you!” I apologized.

“Cris! I had already forgiven you before you asked. I’m your mother for goodness sake. You are my daughter. Just because the child fell in the mud and got herself messed up doesn’t mean she’s going to lose her mother. A good Mom would get a bucket of water and clean up her child. She would wash her and change her clothes.

Just because the child got messed up in mid is not the end the the mother and daughter relationship! It’s even a great opportunity to show how much the mother cares for the child.

So knock it off Cris! I just don’t want to be a mother to you. I want to be the best mum in the world. I love you no matter what and I’ll always trust you! I know you’re thinking I’ll start suspecting every information you give me, whether it’s true or not! Rubbish!

Cris, you need to know what the bible calls unconditional love. I mean love that doesn’t have condition. You don’t need to be a good girl to receive it. You don’t need to lie to get a false impression and receive it. You receive it because the lover has chosen to love you no matter what”.

I bowed my head and wept. My mentor pulled out of the street and parked beside the road. Unbuckling her seat belt, she turned and faced me.

“Cris! You don’t earn unconditional love. You don’t behave yourself to receive it. You don’t have to be a good girl to have it. It’s grace! Unconditional love is well displayed when the person being loved goes astray. Cris! I didn’t love you because you are a good mentee. A faithful mentee or a mentee so easy to talk to. I love you because it is first a command from God and I must obey God whether my flesh likes it or not.

It’s just as your sister says. Love is spiritual! Love is more than emotions. Love is all about sacrifice”, she said and placed her hand on my shoulder tenderly.

“I’m so sorry!” I said admist tears.

“You never owed me an apology! Cris I have forgiven you long before now. So whatever confession you have is just to free your conscience. You don’t have to impress me with false quiet time reports to earn my love. I chose to love you no matter what”.

She pulled me to herself and leaned my head on her chest. She patted my back gently as I wept.

“It’s okay dear! I have one goal in my heart. One vision! One dream! And that is to see you feeding that crowd in your dream with the bread of life. I want to be there watching as you dish out that bread of life to your hungry generation. I want to be there watching you as you fulfill your destiny. I will never give up on you until God accomplish that in your life”.

Was this the woman I had been scared of opening up to? Was this what I had been scared of doing all these while? Look at how the Devil had enslaved me through fear? No this was purely wickedness. Satan had seriously wrecked my life. What was my offence? What did I do to the devil to deserve all these series of attacks?

“Your mission here on earth is enough to provoke him. Every person with a bright future on earth faced the same thing. Ask Moses what was his offence that Pharaoh was ready to kill all the Hebrew babies”.

“Hmmm! Cris you have started talking to yourself again!” I replied.

I drew out of my mentor’s grip and looked into her eyes.

“Mummy! I promise you one thing. You’ll be there to see it!” I said, eyes aglow with determination.

She smiled and nodded.

“Do you know how to achieve what you’ve just said?” She asked.

“I may not know how, but I won’t stop until what God had shown me becomes a reality”, I replied.

She smiled and nodded.

“I hope you’re not trying to impress me, because beginning from tomorrow you’ll start a 3 days marathon fast!”

I raised my eye brows in surprise.

“I was only joking!” She replied and burst into laughter.

I heaved a sigh of relief and smiled. But why did the word fasting, frighten me? Wasn’t I the one telling my mentor I was going to fulfill my destiny? Fasting to seek the face of God was one of the ways of accomplishing it. Why wasn’t I ready to do what it takes and fulfill my destiny as I had promised? Hmmm! When am l going to surrender to God completely?

She turned on the ignition and drove. I was completely silent all through the ride home. My mentor was also silent but soon, we arrived at the house.

We entered the house and met a lady seated comfortably on the sofa, a boy beside her. He should be in his early twenties. I saw their resemblance and noticed he was her son. He was a male version of his mother.

My mentor ran and hugged her. They started talking aloud, cheerfully. From they way they talked, I knew they had known each other from childhood.

“Oh before I forget! Please meet my daughter! One of my mentees! Christiana Kolapo!” She turned and pulled me closer.

“Cris! This is Mrs Susan George Oluwagbade. This is her son Anthony Oluwagbade!”

“Hi! Miss Cristina!” Anthony said and waved at me.

I wanted to respond but I quickly paused as I realized something. My mentor introduced me to them as Christiana. How did he know my real name? Or was that a mistake?

“Cristina! Is something wrong?” Mrs Oluwagbade asked as my expression wasn’t hidden.

“Nothing ma!” I quickly replied and looked at her, still wearing the same expression.

She also called me Cristina. Did I hear her wrongly or what? Who was this Susan of a woman? And who was her son?

“Come on girl! I know what nothing means. You have something to say but you can’t say it, so you say it’s nothing. But don’t worry, you are free to keep it to yourself!” She replied and turned to my mentor.

“I would love to see Sharona Tunde as well before I leave!” She said.

My mentor looked at her with the same shock on my face. Now it was clear what I was seeing was not made up. Who are these people?

“Who’s Sharona?” My mentor asked her.

“The lady who taught you those things you wrote down in your jotter some minutes ago”, she answered.

“Oh! You mean Sharon! Her name is Sharon!” My mentor answered.

“Ask her big sis!” She said and turned to resume her seat on the sofa.

My mentor turned to me with a questioning look.

“That’s her full name”, I answered.

She smiled and looked at her friend.

I looked at the boy and gave him the questioning look too.

He smiled and shrugged.

“How did you know my real name?” I asked.

“It’s on your forehead!” He said and turned to join his mother on the sofa.

I quickly touched my forehead to be sure I would find stains of chalk or marker on my hands.

My mentor started laughing at me.

“What?” I asked.

“I expect you to understand what is going on right now!” She replied.

“What is going on?” I asked.

She shook her head and turned to her friend.

“Tony, let’s go say hi to Joseph in his room. Susan! She’s all yours!” She said and took the boy by the hand and they both left.

I stood, eyes fixed on this strange woman. She looked at me and smiled.

“Please sit!” She said.

I quickly sat down, not taking my eyes off her.

“Did my mentor tell you about me?” I asked.

I was curious to know what was going on. How did she get to know about my sister and my real name.

“No! She only told me she was bringing one of her mentees to see me. And I told her to go ahead. That was all”, she answered.

Now I was more confused. Who is this woman? Was she a Prophetess or something?

“Cris! You’re sitting before a great general of the faith. A woman that conquered battles and won territories for God!” The inner voice said.

“Cris you have started again!” I said within me.

“Started what?”

“Talking to yourself!”

“Who told you that you are talking to yourself?” Came the gentle whisper.

“Please! I know I’m a great thinker. So don’t try to trick me!” I replied myself.

“Cris! That dream you spoke to your mentor about in the car is a great and demanding one”, she said.

My heart almost flew out of my chest. What’s going on here? Is this another Jesus telling me like the Samaritan woman everything I ever did? Please can someone help me? Who is Susan?

“Stop being scared! I know Sharona would be going back today so whatever message I have for her, I’ll send through you”, she said to my utmost surprise.

“Ma! Please don’t be offended. Who are you? Are you a prophet or something?” I asked.

She smiled and adjusted herself on the sofa.

“I’m Susan Oluwagbade. I’m a friend of your mentor. I guess that’s enough introduction”.

“Please ma! Are you a minister? Like a woman of God?” I asked.

“Cris! Whatever you think about me is yours. All you need to do is to ask God who I am!” She replied.

I looked at her with a confused look on my face.

“I don’t know how to hear from God!” I replied.

“I don’t understand! Don’t you speak with God one on one, chat with him like a friend chatting his or her bestie?” She asked.

“No!” I said and shook my head.

“Cris! But the Holy Spirit lives in you. You know that right?” She asked.

“Yes! Please ma! How do I hear the voice of God? I want to be talking with God the way you just said. Please help me! How can I hear the voice of God and know it is God talking?” I asked.

Susan smiled.

“I’ll teach you”.

To be continued………

Hmmm! Susan is back guys!

Honestly I wasn’t sure she would be back this early. I was expecting her to be back in THE GATEKEEPER, but the Lord instructed me to bring her into this story 😁😁😁😁

If you remember, Juliet and Robert, were among those who visited Susan after she gave birth to Anthony in the story SUSAN’S REVENGE.

That was in the last episode of the story

The question has been coming to my table alot.

How can I hear the voice of God?

Can God truely interact with man just like it happens in your stories?

Yes he can! Because that’s my daily experience.

So I brought Susan to teach us how to achieve this.

I really want that kind of relationship with God Susan has. I want to be interacting with God in a conversation.

Get ready
Grab your pen and jotter!

Episode 26


“Be looking at me ooo! Do you think you must have one big title before God can use you?” My mentor asked me as I watched her writing down some of the things my younger sister said.

“Because me and my husband teach alot of people doesn’t mean we are Mr and Mrs know it all. I’m not ashamed to learn from anyone. Pride is not a character in Jesus. It must never be found in us”

I nodded in affirmation and stood up to go and get something to write with. I came back and sat down.

“Please this information is not something to throw away. God is opening my eyes right now to how to make my marriage more sweeter. Please Sharon, go ahead and tell us. What is the opposite of Love according to the language of the spirit?”

After a brief silence, my sister looked at us and answered.

“Lust!”



I was surprised. How does lust have anything to do with the opposite of Love? At least if you don’t love someone, you hate the person. That’s how the world operates.

“Listen! Lust is a bigger opposite because it is a combination of both love and hate mixed together”.

“Wow!” My mentor exclaimed and wrote down a few words.

“When there’s no love in the family, what replaces it is lust. Lust is what will make a woman marry a man she doesn’t love and call it love. She doesn’t know that what’s going on there is she’s taking advantage of the man.


The same goes for a lot of boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. The guy wants to sleep with the girl and that’s all he cares about. He doesn’t love her, but lusts after her beauty. So everything he does to her, the sugar coated words, the night calls, the declaration of how much he loves her and the spending of money is all with one purpose. To get her on his bed. Once that is achieved, you discover a different character in the boy. Mission accomplished.

That’s the same thing with a lot of Christians today. They give their lives to Christ, but they don’t love him. They don’t obey whatever he tells them to do. And God being merciful doesn’t cast them away. He still shows his love to them by granting them their requests whenever they pray. Such people whenever they need something from God, the first thing they do is to confess their sins. Because they believe it would be an hindrance to their prayers or request from God.

They sometimes make promises to God which the Bible call flattery. They flatter God with a lot of promises to live better lives once God gives them what they want. Maybe they need money or a job or a promotion at the place of work or they want to go to school. They start telling God a lot of things about how they would live once they get what they’re asking from him.

Psalms 78:36 to 37. Nevertheless they did flatter him with their mouth, and they lied unto him with their tongues.

For their heart was not right with him, neither were they stedfast in his covenant.

They lust after God because of the benefits he offers. They don’t love him by their actions of obedience to his word. They disobey his command and whenever they repent, it’s only to be a good boy and get chocolate from daddy.

Their repentance doesn’t last. They don’t surrender completely to God. Half of them wants what the world has to offer, while the other half wants God. So instead of surrendering to one master, they want both masters.

So they don’t actually love God.
They only want he has to offer. That’s the same thing a marriage where God isn’t looks like. The husband and the wife are just together because of one benefit the relationship has to offer. Maybe the man needs financial support and the woman offers it perfectly. So he had to pretend to love her when he knows fully well he doesn’t. Or the woman needs the man for the influential name he bears. The wife of a popular man. So she pretends to respect him, all for the benefits the relationship has to offer.

Without God in us, all we have is a counterfeit of what God had to offer.. Lust is not all about emotions for the opposite gender. Lust is more of selfishness. It is note focused on self satisfaction than satisfying the need of others. If at all lust would do anything that would benefit others, it’s because of the benefits it would bring on him.

That’s why Jesus said when you give, don’t give expecting something in return as a lot of people do. They give to the rich so that they can get something bigger from him when the time comes.

Take for example the politicians. When they are about to go for election, you’ll see how they start acting nice. They buy things and distribute them to the people. They supply the people in rural areas with social amenities. Electricity, water, Education and good roads. All these to convince them into voting them into power. But as soon as they enter the seat of power, they turn back to doing what was on their minds at the beginning. That’s how Lust operates.

It is selfish and it’s all about taking advantage of someone else. Nobody really hates God. Deep within us, we want him in our lives. This just that some lust for him and others love him genuinely”, my sister said.

I felt guilty of this. My relationship with God has been more of exploiting him. I was mentally ill and went to him for the healing he offers. All I wanted was for him to heal me so I can be on my way. Return to my old life and continue with the way things were before. But when I discovered he wanted something more than a mere transaction. When I saw he wanted a relationship with me, I got rebellious. That was not what I wanted. I saw his demands as a burden. If I truly loved him, I would have given him everything he wanted like a woman in love is supposed to. I would have said yes to everything he asked me to surrender.


I only needed God in my life for what he could give or do for me. While I remained the boss of my life, telling him what I wanted and at the snap of my fingers, he gives me.

“Lord! I’m so sorry!” I said within me.

“Don’t tell me you’re sorry! Do what I asked you to do! That’s when you’re truly sorry!” Came the gentle whisper.

“Cris! You have started talking to yourself again!” I said in whispers.

“That’s the end of the class friends!” My sister announced.

“God bless you sister Sharon!” My mentor said.

“Amen!”

Just then my mentor’s phone started ringing. She picked it up and placed it on her ear.

“Yes! What! ” She asked with a broad grin on her face.

“You mean she’s here with her son? I’m coming right now!” She said and stood up.

“Girls! I need to be on my way now. I have someone I need to meet right now!” She announced and took her bag.

“Cris!” She called me.

“Please can you come with me?” She asked.

I looked at my sister and then back to her.

“I haven’t seen Tunde in a while now. I am also waiting for him”, I replied.

Going with her on a ride wouldn’t be such a good idea.

“My baby girl! Please!” She said and made those puppy eyes.

Why was she begging me to go with her? If she wanted me to follow her all she needed was order me to do so. Or does she have something else in mind? I remembered when my eyes met with hers during our discussion. I noticed she saw my mood swing. Or did she played along and made me think I fooled her?

Something tells me this ride home is more than just a ride.

“Even if it is, wouldn’t that be a perfect opportunity to open up to her? Came the gentle whisper.

I sighed and looked up.

“Please baby girl!” She pleaded with an American intonation.

“Okay!”

“Yay!” She shouted and punched the air with her fists.

“I really want you to meet this woman. That’s why I needed to drag you along. Sorry I was too demanding!” She apologized.

“Oh! A woman!”

“Yes! A great woman of God! She’s a …. I don’t want to go into details. Please hurry up let’s go!” She said and headed for the door

I turned to my sister.

“Say hi to Tunde for me. I’m going to meet this woman of God!” I told her and followed my mentor.

“Why are you walking behind me?” She asked and pulled me to her side.

“Let’s walk together!” She said and placed her left arm around my shoulders.

I felt loved, but each time I wanted to enjoy the feeling, guilt sprang up. I had to release these secrets I had locked up in my heart and be free. Yes, I would confess to my mentor on the way.

Tina was still lost in her conversation with the gateman.

My mentor opened the car and told me to take my seat. I opened the back door and sat at the back. I knew Tina would join us and that meant one thing. My confession had to wait.

My mentor met Tina and spoke with her. For the sake of distance, I couldn’t hear what she was saying but by the time she was done, she came back alone, leaving her with the gateman.

The gateman quickly rose up to his duty and opened the gate, but Tina remained on her seat.

My mentor sat down at the driver’s seat and turned to me.

“Get over here Cris! I told Tina that your driver would bring her to the house when she was ready, so he can also take you back. She told me she’s not done talking with your gateman”.

I was amazed. That means I had not lost my opportunity. I came out of the vehicle and sat with my mentor at the front.

She turned on the ignition and drove out of the garage. We waved at Tina and the gateman as we left the building.

Soon we were on the streets, on our way to my mentor’s house.

“So Cris! Are you ready to tell me that thing bordering you?” She asked.

My heart started pounding heavily.

Do I tell her the truth or tell her something else?

To be continued……

You people should tell Cris to stop this nonsense ooo!

I don’t know if they would flog her 39 strokes of the cane if she tells the truth.

Satan is not ready to lose the battle. He still believes he can get her.

How many of us today follow God because of the benefits he has to offer?

Have you truly surrendered to his Lordship? Do your actions show to him how much you love him? Or is it only your mouth that announces to the world ‘I love Jesus?’

Do you Love him or lust after him?

I want to really appreciate you all for your prayers.

Someone asked me recently, how are you able to write all these? Do you see them on a dream or what.

Honestly, I don’t know how. But these stories come as I pray, observing my quiet time.

Sometimes I don’t know what to write, but as soon as I pick up my phone and start, a door just opens and the whole episode drops

Since I began this story last month I’ve been typing every single day non-stop.

Please, I want to solicit for your prayers for me. And your comments also.

Please be praying for me! I thank God for some of you who have been doing that, but please do more.

Everyday I type and type with my phone. It’s not been easy for me. Please support me with your prayers and comments

Don’t be a Ghost reader! Please!

God bless you