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Jokes Etc › Selling To Nigerians by ezephills(op): 1:19pm On May 05, 2010

Hello?

Hi, this is Raheema calling from Hollywood Hereafter Resources. I just wanted to let you know that your phone number was randomly selected in a drawing and we have reserved a free burial space for you at the New Island Cemetery in Bridge-

WHAT?!

If you would just give me your name and address. I want to send you a letter to confirm the free burial space we have reserved for you -

You reserved what for me, A grave?

A free burial space.

What's the difference?

Well, the word "grave" can be scary sir. You can disregard the letter if you don't want it. This is just a courtesy call to -

How interesting. So, as a Telemarketer, you pick up the phone and cold call people to pitch them with offers?

Well, yes sir. We always make sure it is something of potential interest to them -

Of course. Who wouldn't be interested in dying? I am definitely interested in a grave. I am. That is a very important decision to make before you die, right?

I agree with you sir. You're so open-minded about this. A lot of people don't understand why it is so important to hand-pick your final resting place before you pass on. It ensures you get the kind of burial you want for yourself.

I see say na you dem send come.

I'm sorry? Send, come?

Oh, they don't use the witchdoctor in the village anymore, right? They have gone nuclear and now are using Americans. Na you dem send come!

I'm sorry sir, but I don't know what you're talking about.

I get fillage too o! I be proper bush boy and my mama still dey kampe for waterside. Na one phone call e go take and she go run go fillage go get me Gold Circle condom protection, you hear. Una no dey here say e better for somebody? Why na so-so make una dey spoil person own una dey like?

I don't understand what you're saying -

You go understand by force. Na airmail I go take send winch to you, you hear. Una tink say una know winch just because una dey do halloween. You tink winch na dat abracadabra una dey do for America? You tink na to chant poetry and cook soup with lizard yansh and frog tongue be winch? I go show you where we dey use snake leg do ogbonge juju. Black winch, red winch, multi-color winch, For my fillage, na your eyes I go take flavor the juju. You go know betta winch when my own army land.

I do apologize to you if my phone call has offended you in any way -

You have not offended me. I am not offended. Do I sound offended? Why would I be offended because you - kind-hearted telemarketer that you are - reserved a grave for me? Do you know how old I am? 32. In my country, people don't die at 32. When they die so young, it is a major tragedy! My mother and father are still alive. You want me to die before them?

I didn't mean anything -

You people never mean anything when you make these stupid phone calls. How dare you wish me death -

No, that's not what -

I DON'T CARE! Do you know how many years I worked on getting a visa to come to America? 10 years. 10! Do you know how many laws I broke in so many countries before I found my way here? I have been here only 2 years. All the people who gave me loans to buy ticket and visa have not been paid. My mother and father are still waiting for me to perform the magic of Dollars for them in Nigeria. This telephone was just connected 2 months ago because I am just now able to afford a telephone because I cannot make good money due to my illegal alien status. And now, you want me to die before I can even begin to enjoy a little, Ah, your own don spoil o. I swear, e no go betta for you.

E no, what?

Na hand ya mama and papa go take bury you. And na there eyes dem go take cry for you for dat yeye grave wey you don reserve for yaself.

Are you cussing me sir?

Cuss you? Why should I? Why would I want to cuss someone who is offering me a grave? I am only reacting in my local English. That is how we behave when we are overwhelmed with joy in my country.

I just had a distinct feeling that you were not saying nice things about me.

See dis wowo wey craw-craw don chop him yansh finish, Look, just as an aside, are all the members of your family reserved space in your graveyard?

Some of them do have -

No, don't stop there. You should get everybody a plot. I go help you use juju finish all of dem make una dey go do whassup my dog for Hollywood, abi na where you dey call from.

I have to hang up now sir.

Before you hang up, would you by any chance know anything about a scam where telemarketers call people on the phone to assure them they have a free burial space, then try to get them to buy expensive mausoleums and crypts? What is it called? Bait and switch, right?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You get pickin?

Get picking? Picking what?

You get pickin? You don born bomboy? May you dash your pickin the grave now.

Dash picking, You're dissing me?

Diss? Dis one pass diss, agaracha. Dis one na K.I.S.S., kiss - serious kiss of death.

I have to hang up now sir.

No, please wait. Let me reserve the whole cemetery for your unborn children. I will also reserve a full page in the Daily Times obituary section -

That's mean! You can't talk to me like that just because I'm a telemarketer. We are people too.

Yes, bad people, People who call me at all kinds of hours to trick me into buying what I don't need.

I'm going to report you to the INS! You will be deported!

My juju go don finish you before you reach the place! Winch pass winch! You no go die betta, I tell you. I go make sure say dem give you craze first, make you waka enter K-Mart abi wetin una dey call market for dis side - before dem finish you! Shee reserve grave, Why you no take knife come kill me yaself? E no go betta for - Hello? You hang up? Why you no wait make I finish? Why you now wait? Oloshi! Na dead dog wey get rabies go chop the mouth you take talk to me.

www.laftaunlimited..com

Education › Knowledge Is Power? by ezephills(op): 4:35pm On May 03, 2010

The internet unknown to many is a goldmine. Now while most people are extravagant with their time surfing the net, you

could be more productive with your time and actually do things that would benefit you and those around you and also

make some money, legitimate money ( not much though ) and also save some of your expenditure on certain aspects of

your daily activities.

i am privileged to have lots of e-books in my stock that i have acquired, i have put them to use.

want to know more about these books

go here www.legityhyh..com

or

www.itvideotutor..com

Business › Re: What Do You Have To Sell by ezephills: 4:30pm On May 03, 2010

OK I AM ALSO INTO INFORMATION MARKETING. AND I GOT LOADS OF STUFF

TO SELL FROM ONLINE BUSINESSES E-BOOKS TO E-TEXTBOOKS ON SOME

IT COURSES LIKE CCNA, CORELDRAW.

YOU CAN FIND OUT MORE HERE

www.legityhyh..com or

www.itvideotutor..com

Jokes Etc › Pontious The Pilot by ezephills(op): 10:07am On May 02, 2010

As a way to find out how much of the class her students understood and remembered, a Bible School teacher asked her pupils to each draw a picture of any story in the Bible they liked.

As she walked around the class to see each drawing, she was fascinated by little Kunle's drawing and wondered which story he was interpreting.

Following is the conversation that took place.

Teacher: Kunle, That is very interesting. What's your drawing about ?

Little Kunle: An airoplane {airplane}, 3 persons and a baby.

Teacher: O.K. Kunle, Very Good. Where in the bible is that story ?

LIttle Kunle: The flight to Egypt!

Teacher: Ah, I see, That's baby Jesus, Joseph, Mary,, emmm, and who is the last person?

Little Kunle: That's Pontius The Pilot! {Pontius Pilate}

www.laftaunlimited..com

Jokes Etc › Re: Our Superstar Beyonce Lol Pictures by ezephills: 9:59am On May 02, 2010

Y'ALL BEEFIN MY GURL DATS ALL. GIVE IT TO HER, SHES BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY! BESIDES SHES GOT AFRICAN ROOTS SO ALL HAIL MY QUEEN B.

YOU GO GURL!

Computers › Become Proficient In Information Technology by ezephills(op): 8:31am On Apr 30, 2010

IT VIDEO TUTOR!
i have a VIDEO TUTOR on select IT courses like

MCDBA
WIRELESS
CISCO
LINUX
WEB DEVELOPMENT
PROJECT MGT
MICROSOFT OFFICE e.t.c,

and they have really helped me out in areas i didnt know at all.

i can proudly say i am very good now with some packages, thanks to this video tutor.

and thats why i would like to give it to anyone who would appreciate its usefulness so

thay can study at their own convenience.

if you are interested, call me up and i will install the package in your system because its

quite large.

Interested?

call

phill 08030551492

or send an email

monelleze@gmail.com

www.itvideotutor..com

Certification And Training Adverts › You Need This: by ezephills(op): 8:19am On Apr 30, 2010

Programming › Learn Java On Your Own Plus by ezephills(op): 8:15am On Apr 30, 2010

Education › Learn These I.t Programmes On Your Own by ezephills(op): 8:13am On Apr 30, 2010

Computers › I Have Something For You: by ezephills(op): 1:35pm On Apr 29, 2010

IT VIDEO TUTOR!

i have a VIDEO TUTOR on select IT courses like,

MCDBA
WIRELESS
CISCO
LINUX
WEB DEVELOPMENT
PROJECT MGT
MICROSOFT OFFICE e.t.c,

and they have really helped me out in areas i didnt know at all.

i can proudly say i am very good now with some packages, thanks to this video tutor.

and thats why i would like to give it to anyone who would appreciate its usefulness so

thay can study at their own convenience.

if you are interested, call me up and i will install the package in your system because its

quite large.

Interested?

call

phill 08030551492

or send an email to

monelleze@gmail.com

or visit

www.itvideotutor..com

Art, Graphics & Video › You Just Have To Read This by ezephills(op): 1:34pm On Apr 29, 2010

Adverts › Learn Web Development On Your Own by ezephills(op): 1:33pm On Apr 29, 2010

Certification And Training Adverts › Self Trained Programmer: How? by ezephills(op): 1:32pm On Apr 29, 2010

IT VIDEO TUTOR!

i have a VIDEO TUTOR on select IT courses like,

JAVA
MCDBA
WIRELESS
CISCO
LINUX
WEB DEVELOPMENT
PROJECT MGT
MICROSOFT OFFICE e.t.c,

and they have really helped me out in areas i didnt know at all.

i can proudly say i am very good now with some packages, thanks to this video tutor.

and thats why i would like to give it to anyone who would appreciate its usefulness so

thay can study at their own convenience.

if you are interested, call me up and i will install the package in your system because its

quite large.

Interested?

call

phill 08030551492

or send an email to

monelleze@gmail.com

or visit

www.itvideotutor..com

Education › Study At Home Video Tutor On I.t Courses by ezephills(op): 1:29pm On Apr 29, 2010

Webmasters › Learn Web Desgning On Your Own With The Aid Of This Video Tutor by ezephills(op): 1:28pm On Apr 29, 2010

Certification And Training Adverts › Become An I.t Specialist On Your Own With This Video Tutor by ezephills(op): 1:26pm On Apr 29, 2010

Certification And Training Adverts › Study I.t At Home! by ezephills(op): 1:21pm On Apr 29, 2010

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