₦airaland Forum

you guys should at least commend b4 u condemn shoooo. ok access this one na


A SHARP LAWYER


A lawyer defending a man accused of theft tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few small items. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. And, with his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked

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Two men were trekking through the bush when they spotted a lion who looked both hungry and fast. One of the men reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of canvas. His friend looked at him.

''Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that lion?''

''I don't have to run faster than that lion,'' his friend replied. ''I just have to run faster than you.''


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Joseph comes up to the Cotonou border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The Customs official stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Garri," answered Joseph.

The Customs official says, "We'll just see about that get off the bike." The Customs official takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but garri.

He detains Joseph overnight and has the garri analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure garri in the bags.

The Customs official releases Joseph, puts the garri into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The Customs Official asks, "What have you got?"

"garri," says Joseph.

The Customs official does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but garri. He gives the garri back to Joseph, and Joseph crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Joseph doesn't show up one day and the Customs official meets him in a beer palour in Cotonou.

"Hey, my friend," says the Customs official, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about, I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Joseph sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."


www.legityhyh..com

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side, You know what?"

"What dear?" She asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."

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Three Pastors an Indian, an American and a Nigerian, were engaged in
a discussion as to how they share the proceeds from offerings they
recieved after each sunday service.

I draw a big circle on the floor and toss all the money in the air",
said the Indian Pastor "the notes and coins that fall within the circle is for God and the ones that fall outside it are mine"

The American Pastor said "Well, I draw a long line on the floor. The
notes and coins that fall on the line are for God and the ones that fall out of the line are mine"

"Well in my own case" the Nigerian Pastor said, "I simply toss all the notes and coins in the air. The ones that God catches are his and the one's He allows to fall back to earth, He leaves for my own welfare!"


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An areaboy once took 20,000 nairia in a bag to a canteen where he went to eat. After a while he went to the toilet forgetting his money on the table where he ate.

He came back to his seat and found out his bag was missing, then it happened, he shouted- "make una return my money before wetin happen for Oshodi happen here again oh,

People were scared seeing how vicious the area boy was looking, he shouted again "if una no want wetin happen for oshodi happen again, make una return my money".

After a while he saw his bag in the corner of the room, obviously drooped by the culprit.

Later , the people now asked him what happened in Oshodi, thinking he killed someone there, to their surprise he said "the last time wey dey steal my money for Oshodi, na waka i waka from Oshodi reach Yaba!"

get more here www.laftaunlimited..com

get more laffables here at my blod

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u could get more at my blog

[url]www.laftaunlimited..com[url]

* Windows
* Security
* Exchange
* Cisco
* CompTIA
* Web Develop
* Project Mgt
* Citrix
* MCDBA
* Programming
* MS Office
* Wireless
* Linux


well thanx a video tutor on all of these

find out more here www.itvideotutor..com

or call 08030551492

monelleze@gmail.com

www.legityhyh..com

* Windows
* Security
* Exchange
* Cisco
* CompTIA
* Web Develop
* Project Mgt
* Citrix
* MCDBA
* Programming
* MS Office
* Wireless
* Linux


well thanx a video tutor on all of these

find out more here www.itvideotutor..com

or call 08030551492

monelleze@gmail.com

* Windows
* Security
* Exchange
* Cisco
* CompTIA
* Web Develop
* Project Mgt
* Citrix
* MCDBA
* Programming
* MS Office
* Wireless
* Linux


well thanx a video tutor on all of these

find out more here www.itvideotutor..com

or call 08030551492

monelleze@gmail.com

* Windows
* Security
* Exchange
* Cisco
* CompTIA
* Web Develop
* Project Mgt
* Citrix
* MCDBA
* Programming
* MS Office
* Wireless
* Linux


well thanx a video tutor on all of these

find out more here www.itvideotutor..com

or call 08030551492

monelleze@gmail.com

The internet unknown to many is a goldmine. Now while most people are extravagant with their time surfing the net,

you could be more productive with your time and actually do things that would benefit you and those around you and

also make some money ( not much though ) and also save some of your expenditure on certain aspects of your daily

activities.


I have lots of e-books in my collection which i would be giving out

please check them out here www.legityhyh..com

or get a video tutor on I.T here www.itvideotutor..com

The internet unknown to many is a goldmine. Now while most people are extravagant with their time surfing the net,

you could be more productive with your time and actually do things that would benefit you and those around you and

also make some money ( not much though ) and also save some of your expenditure on certain aspects of your daily

activities.


I have lots of e-books in my collection which i would be giving out

please check them out here www.legityhyh..com

or get a video tutor on I.T here www.itvideotutor..com

A young girl missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"You'll sleep with her again!"

Little Diepriye came into the kitchen where his mother
was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a
good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Priye was
a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Priye's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Priye, of course, thought he did.

Priye's mother wanted Priye to reflect on his behavior
over the last year.
"Go to your room, Priye, and think about how you have
behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you
deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Priye stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like
a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Priye

Priye knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a
very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Priye. I have been a good boy this
year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Priye

Priye knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore
up the letter and started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would
really like a bike for my birthday.
Priye

Priye knew he could not send this letter to God
either. So, Priye wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very
sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please!
Thank you,
Priye

Priye knew, even if it was true, this letter was not
going to get him a bike.

Now, Priye was very upset. He went downstairs and told
his mom that he wanted to go to church. Priye's mother thought her
plan had worked, as Priye looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Priye's mother told
him.


Priye walked down the street to the church on the
corner. Little Priye went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Priye bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Priye began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER
AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!

The hit man.

Diepriye

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Sipho gets married and on his wedding night he calls his Father for some tips on what to do, since he has never been with a woman before.

"So what do I do first?"

His father: "Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed."

5 minutes later Sipho's on the phone again. "She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?"

His father can't believe what he is hearing, "Take your d*mn clothes off and get into bed with her."

After another 5 minutes poor Sipho is on the phone again.

"Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?"

His dad's patience is now running thin so he says,

"Sh$t son, do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night!!!"

Just when the old man starts snoring, His son is on the phone once again.

"Ok Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do next?"

"DROWN YOURSELF YOU BLOODY IDIOT!"