₦airaland Forum

THERE are so many things to be pissed off with about this entity called Nigeria, especially for
people of my generation and the generation before us. We have steadily moved from pipe- borne water to borehole water. We have moved from the days of heavily subsidized
food in university cafeteria to what; no
cafeteria, no light, no security, strike-infested tertiary institutions where nobody graduates on time? We have moved from great public schools to private primary, secondary and
universities that charge such fees that
encourage parents to steal from their
employers, private or public. The power issues and the resultant generator-powered powerless economy need no description. The health sector? I think that one has been
relocated to Dubai, Israel, Germany and India.
We are all shamelessly having our babies in America, Ireland and Canada so we can save the next generation from the pains of being Nigerians.
Even as we try to keep our heads above the water threatening to sweep us away, there are the greedy, the powerful all over the place stealing our life jackets. Those ones figure that
if millions of us sink, we will provide the foothold to stand on so the few can continue to live well.
So, they rob and kill and explain it all away with graph and evil terminologies and percentages.
The summary of it today is the weak are weaker, the powerful are more powerful and the future looks bleaker than ever.
If you are in my age bracket, you grew up seeing teachers buying brand-new cars; Volkswagen Rio, Igalla, Beetle, Datsun 120Y, 160B and 180k. Now teachers sit in the ‘owner’s corner’ of Keke-NAPEP. We are all afraid of kid­
nappers. Graduates of Engineering are
teaching in Nursery Schools and those who read Economics and Business Administration are riding ‘okada.’
So, what’s there not to be angry about? Go on Facebook and see the army of angry men and women. We have our different ways of expressing our frustration. Not much different
are we now from frustrated wives. While one frustrated wife will just call a moving van and leave quietly, another will lace the man’s food
with ‘otapiapia’ and another will stay and suffer in silence waiting for the day her children will rescue her.
In the last few months, the noise of cessation has gotten louder and louder. Two sections of the country want to go. They are tired of this
marriage. They have endured and endured and now they have run out of endurance. They just want out of this union. Can’t blame them, can you? When the touch and smell of your
husband makes you want to throw up, all you want to do is go somewhere else, be with someone else. All you can see is the greener pasture on the other side.
Quitting, however, always hide its downside until the quitter fully quits. That’s when the sad wife knows that there is an ‘Association of
Lonely Wives’ out there and that cold nights are mean nights.
Unless you have it all figured out, you should not confront the man who killed your father.
I was just wondering what the implication will be for Yoruba parents like me if the South West secedes from Nigeria. My children will become international students and pay higher fees than Nigerians if their schools were in Abuja or Port Harcourt. Come to think of it, flights from Lagos to Kano or Owerri will become
international flights, even if the flight is 55
minutes cruising at 33,000 feet above sea level. And my Glo, Etisalat and MTN lines will have to be roamed for them to function outside ‘Oduduwa Republic.’ Are you following me, my
Yoruba people who want to secede because criminal cattle rearers are abducting royal fathers?
If the ‘Biafra Republic’ becomes a reality, travelling by ‘Young Shall Grow’ and ‘Ekene Dili Chukwu’ will become international trips. And Lagos can even decide to put difficult border policies in place. What about citizens of ‘Biafra
Republic’ in Ogun, Kaduna and Kwara civil service, won’t they need work permit? And will Lagos and Sokoto states be obliged to keep non-Nigerians in their employment at the
detriment of their own citizens? Did you scream ‘Osanobua’? Me too.
I don’t know exactly how secession works but I know how Ghana and Nigeria relate as two
sovereign countries. I know you cannot carry the green passport unless you are a Nigerian and that the currencies differ. I also know the sources of income of Ghana cannot be merged
with Nigeria’s which is why we have threatened Ghana with gas cut if they don’t pay what they owe. Sooooo? Monthly allocation will no longer
be available to be shared in Abuja by seceding states. All new sovereign states will have to
fend for themselves. If Oduduwa Republic has only 50 oil wells and one oil producing state, it
will have to make do with income from that, to pay salaries, build roads, its own Aso Rock and National Assembly (pay the lawmakers too), fund its own elections and…..the list is frighteningly long. Indeed, there will be refineries and power plants to be built. Oduduwa Republic police, army, navy, to be
formed and equipped. What will happen to the banks?
I’m imagining Alaba and Ladipo markets in Lagos without my Igbo friends because they will have to go to their country, get new passports, visa and return as foreigners. Even
Steve Nwosu will become an expatriate. And if I go to Biafra Republic, they will have to pay me
in hard currency.
You will need visa to move a patient from Owerri to UCH, Ibadan and an air ambulance to move a patient from Akure to UNN Teaching Hospital. Lagos actors will need visas to go on
location in Enugu and vice versa. And all Lagos axis newspapers will have to be sold locally because freighting to Aba will be expensive and
cover price will have to be different.
Are you seeing what I’m seeing? We really need to give these things serious second and third thoughts. As it is, no Nigerian state is viable. Not a single one can pay its civil servants
without bailout. How will any republic survive outside Nigeria, now or in 50 years? But then what do I know?
Maybe we should even give it a try.
Meanwhile, let’s all join this conversation. If any part decides to go, what are the changes it
should expect? What are the realities of a new sovereign state? Send in your bit and let’s make it light-hearted.
Author: Anonymous