₦airaland Forum

i had to get this new account in order to continue posting!

thank you cyberfreak for the compliment. nicely put.

ok, so here goes

We strode into the place. I was feeling slightly awkward. I was still obsessed with her size somewhat. I tried to make light conversation. That didn’t work out too well. It was almost as if she had bumped into me cos she kept looking around as though she were searching for somebody else. I joined her in looking around. By the time we had seen everything there was to see, I calmly suggested we get something to drink.
We went upstairs to an eatery I had spied earlier on and she requested for ice-cream. She did this while complaining about her weight. I thought that was strange. Personally, I don’t take stuff like that so I paid a hefty 500bucks for one flimsy cup of ice-cream that looked like it contained more raw sugar than cream. Of course they gave the thing an exotic name. Something with a v.
We took a seat and made small talk while she ate the thing. I mentally counted how many spoonfuls were in that cup to warrant my 500 bucks. I didn’t get up to fifteen. Let me give you an idea of how it went
“This thing is too sugary”, she remarked while talking a mouthful.
I acted as though this were some incredible bit of info
“Really? What are ice-creams turning to these days?”
I took a good look at her while saying these. She had fat arms. They looked liked branches from a water bed, she being the waterbed, of course.
“I think am too fat”
“I swear, I don’t think so”
“Really. I want to slim down, so am watching what I eat”
If watching what she ate meant she could inhale this ice-cream with no restraints I wondered what she ate before, live pigs and a jug of groundnut oil?
“You are not that fat, just rubbery”. I said the latter under my breath.
“wot?!” she had heard. Crap. shud ave realised fat made for more efficient inner ear vibration. Had to think fast
“I said, you are just slightly chubby”
“Oh.so wot are you doing now?”
“am preparing to graduate”
“So you are a graduate!”
I shook my head mentally and nodded visibly.
just then, two dudes from school passed by.damn! I said hello. they replied and looked with curiosity at the girl. maybe they actually thought I was crazy to be talking to the chair. I couldn’t blame them, the chair was fat. i hoped nobody I knew would see me here.
she had been shades all along, so I made a request to see her eyes. she began removing them. I am quite happy to say that she had the most beautiful eyes I had yet seen. you know those cat-eye thing that was familiar to the Egyptians, she had them naturally. I was impressed, this might actually work.
the rest of the conversation breezed. beneath all that layer of solid oil was a wonderful girl, I ‘d prob like to know her better.
“am done”, she said, putting down the cup on the table.i glanced at it.
it was still half full.
270naira.
plus the price of the cup.
This girl is a robber.
i resisted the urge to climb over the tacle and strangle her while screaming, ”do you know what I went through to borrow that money you just burnt!.do you?. you shall pay for this with your life, you whale-sized piece of female humanity(had a convo today with sewa. she said she didn’t like the B word. please fit it in at your convenience)”
a sense of civilisation prevented me. I smiled while my brain boiled.
“Ok, Then. You didn’t finish your ice-cream”.
“it’s too sugary”, she replied. I smiled, the angel of perfect understanding.there was prob a halo around my head. the devil would have been proud.
I slid out of the couch and stood up while I guided her out of hers. didn’t want to take any chances. she might fall and spill. didn’t have money or type to take someone to the clinic downstairs. it prob cost an arm and a leg for bandages alone.
we took a leisurely walk about the complex till we got to the elevator. I had never been in one before and I forthrightly told her so.
she called me a bush man,