₦airaland Forum

Amidst the staccato(ol boy i dey speak English sha!) of machine gunfire and the booming of warships lay two young men(who we shall refer to as militants from now) taking cover in the bush,
Militant 1:Black scorpion,which one be all dis na?dem no tell us say we go fight na.dem say we go just dey thief oil.once in a while we go wear mask,carry gun,dey dance for boat and dem go film us.Nobody talk say we go dey dodge all these aboki soldier bullet.All these soldiers sef!no be their fault sha,na condition cause am,dem no even get manner of approach!
Militant 2:Viper,why we dey hide for bush,make we go fight.
Militant 1:my friend,sit down there!
LOUD EXPLOSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Militants in unison:YE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Militant 1:black scorpion,wait now,no leave me for here.
Militant 2:Guy,who be black scorpion?My name na Ejiro.ol'boy me i don kawa,we go dey see for Warri!

Yeah,I'm getting there,that dreaded approaching 30 phase of life.You know now,that phase where its not cool to be broke anymore,when you cant hang out with your fellas 5 nights in a week cos honestly you ought to have been knocked out by work during the day and more bitchily,that phase when every girl you meet is thinking of bells and a priest!
So,if like me,marriage is still as far as Victoria Island to Lekki(believe me i know what I'm saying,have you been in one of those holdups lately,gangstar!),then these simple tips might earn you a few extra years out of jail.
1)Never date a lady older than 26.Yep!or else you are going to end up as one of those 'we only dated for six months' stories.
2)Never fall in love.This might sound a Lil' bit nasty but trust me,once the L word comes into the equation and you're both alone on a rain soaked Friday night cuddling under the sheets and you're staring at her with your love filled droopy mugu eyes,the next words that might come out of your stinker cant be good for your independence.
3)Wear a condom,Brother!
P.S:i guess y'all knew this was coming and i was going to say how wonderful and right marriage is but what i really want to say is I just discovered how great Indomie tastes with some butter in it!

Na for only Warri where you go see two guys dey kpouns security guard for bank.When you ask them say wetin happen?One of them go talk say 'oh bobs,i no know,i just dey pass when i see this security dey beat my bros,no be say i wan fight cos as you see me so i no like wahala.i just say make i branch apply bottle for the guy head but as I apply the first one,gbim,
the guy no fall,i apply the second one,gboa,nothing happen,i come shook am,shook am everywhere,the guy no still gree,na that time i talk say i kuku wan fight!'
Na for only Warri where if person wan give you direction,the gist goes thus,'when you reach the next turning,the third house very close to Akpos mama house,you suppose know Akpos now?Akpos wey dey do oil bunkering!Okay!!!!!!!!!!!black Akpos?Uhn Uhn,no be black Akpos wey dey thief,dat one house still dey down the street!
N a for only Warri you go chop the sweetest peppered kpomo with cold beer,meet guys who can speak pidgin at a million words per minute,and laugh till your heart stops beating.
Na for only Warri!
P.S:this goes to the guys who took me to Warri for the first time in my life,Oniovu Bekibele One a.k.a Oghenepuffy,Omilinkus a.k.a Papi and the only Indian man to come from from Delta State,Abel a.k.a Acha Nehi Baba.
Hope you guys are doing well.Big ups!!!!!

''When I grow up I want to be an aeronautical engineer!''Sounds familiar?Growing up that was the in-thing,everybody wanted to be an aeronautic engineer.Now I'm all grown and I'm wondering to myself,WHAT THE HELL IS AN AERONAUTIC ENGINEER?I mean,WHAT THE HELL DO THEY DO?We all had lofty dreams growing up, well I'm guessing we all did.I had a friend who's life ambition was to be a footballer,we all begged and pleaded with him but Akin refused to budge,I wonder who is laughing now?Actually he is,I saw the the bloke last Xmas and we cruised round town in his custom made 7series on our way to his house in Lekki, but that's a story for another day!
So what,if you had dreams of being a doctor and finding the cure to A.I.D.S and saving the world only to find yourself in one run down private hospital at Abule-Egba(No disrespect to my Abule-Egba peeps,ya'll know i love you!).
So what,if you wanted to work for NASA and, i cant even think of a suitable comparison in naija!
So what,if you're stuck at a desk at some bank in Lagos doing an unbelievably boring and monotonous job.
So what,when you google your name the only thing that comes out is ADEDAYO ESAN IS ON FACEBOOK!
SO BLOODY WHAT!
Always be thankful for where and what you are in life cos there are a million people out there who are worse off than you.
P.S:REALLY,WHO THE HELL IS AN AERONAUTIC ENGINEER?