₦airaland Forum

Everybody Can Cook, it just lies in interest. What if I told you that cooking is easier than you think it is, you just don't have the right teachers. From educating you to teaching you about food to downright food porn, these 5 youtube channels, if watched regularly would change your life and properly introduce you to the culinary world.

1. Binging with Babish(9/10) : I'm not trying to compare it with a culinary school but, religiously watching this self-taught cooks' video and following his recipes would make you cook almost as good as a chef. Almost!!!

2. Tasty (Buzzfeed)(6/10) : If you've never watched a BuzzFeed tasty video, quickly give yourself like 4 slaps. In a minute or less they'd teach you how to make anything. But their cooking videos are more for pros than beginners

3. Tipsy Bartender(10/10) : You've probably seen my cocktail videos, I learnt most of them from this channel and gave them an Ope Nigerian twist

4. Epicurious(7/10) : [/b]This channel teaches not only teaches you about food but explains the science behind it. From breaking down the types of wines to where each cheese comes from, you'd know everything you need

[b]5. Sorted Food(6/10) : A group of British dudes doing everything food related from food competitions to eating at fancy restaurants in London. Watching them be themselves would definitely inspire you to head to the kitchen

I'm Famakin Opeyemi, the Biggest Food Critic In Nigeria
Follow me on Instagram: Opeyemi Famakin ( https://www.instagram.com/opeyemifamakin/ )

I'm not even going to lie, I'm obsessed with food. Eating it, cooking it and most especially, studying it. Let me not bore you with all the semantics of my journey with food and whatnot, but, if you're on Netflix and you're a foodie and you haven't seen at least 3 of these series, are you really a foodie?

Below are my top 5 must-watch series for people who, like me, are obsessed with food

1. Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat: (8/10) My top pick, it's about an Iranian American chef travelling around the world and re-educating us on how we underuse simple ingredients like Salt, fat(oil), Acid(orange, yoghurt etc) and heat. She's the reason I subscribed to Netflix

2. The Final Table: (8.5/10) If you think 'Chopped' is awesome then this is the big brother of chopped. I'd recommend you watch it as it's thrilling and some of the dishes would educate and inspire you.

3. Chefs Table 'France': (7/10) This documentary series entails top French chefs telling their stories of how they started from the bottom and became Michelin star rated. If you're a chef or in the food industry, I highly recommend you watch this as it'll inspire you to do better and not give up.

4. Million Pound Menu: (6/10) It's a cooking competition in the U.K that looks for small-time cooks and hopes to make them rich by opening a classy restaurant for them.

5. Ugly Delicious: (5.5/10) James Beard Award-winning chef David Chang stars in this travelogue that sends him on a journey to culinary hot spots around the world.

For those who have seen all, which is your best and why?

I'm Famakin Opeyemi, The Biggest Food Critic In Nigeria
Follow me on Instagram: @OpeyemiFamakin ( https://www.instagram.com/opeyemifamakin/ )

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of female chefs in Nigeria and they are all queens in their own rights but, a few of them have caught my eyes and in ten years when they are talking about the female chefs in our generation who pioneered the Nigerian food industry into the next paradigm, these names would be mentioned.

1. Chef Zuhra: She hails from northern Nigeria and was trained in the U.S. This young chef in her own little way is introducing Nigerian dishes to the American community and her forte lies in turning Hausa Dishes into fine dining. From her personal renditioned Gurusa to her Tuwo da miyar Gyada, she's showing the international palate that there's more to Nigerian dishes than Jollof rice and zobo sorbets.

2. Soliat: "The Food Prodigy". While she might have not officially trained in a culinary academy, this food prodigy can battle most chefs pound for pound. Starting out as a professional dancer, she recently dropped her dancing shoes for cooking and relocated from the UK to Nigeria just to show our chefs how it's done

3. Chef Giggles: When fine dining is mentioned, the first things that pop into the mind of the average Nigerian foodie are 'Pretentious and Ambitious', but, Chef Giggles (the owner of Giggles Culinary Place) has shown that fine dining can be understandable, non-intimidating and even native. With her culinary academy, she's creating an army of new-age chefs who will disrupt the food space and give their renditions of what fine dining should be. It's estimated that a whopping 25% of future new age Nigerian chefs would hail from her academy and who knows, they might usher us into the third paradigm of the Nigerian food age as she's a force to reckon with in our current paradigm.

4. Chef Obubu: While it seems like only the men are owning the 'celebrity' chef space in Nigeria, it's predicted that Christine Obute Otigba might be the next celebrity female chef in Nigeria. While she's currently a private chef, she's been a judge a cooking show and has been endorsed by a few notable brands. If she keeps the fire burning (and maybe adds a bit more gas to it), she might be the female face of the new age and hip food space.

5. Chef Zoey: A fresh alumni of one of the biggest culinary academies in Nigeria, this unapologetic chef isn't going the exotic route when it comes to her food. Her dishes are the epitome of 'Nigerian dishes that did their masters abroad' as they might look familiar, taste familiar but aren't the same level as your regular restaurant food. Her mentor 'Chef Stone' promises that she's going to take over the Nigerian food space as he believes she was arguably one of his most talented and dedicated students during her time in his academy. All eyes are on her as we wait to see what she brings to all our tables. Literally

I'm Famakin Opeyemi, the biggest Food Critic in Nigeria
Follow me on Instagram @OpeyemiFamakin ( https://www.instagram.com/opeyemifamakin/ )

The Food Industry in Nigeria is growing and becoming a billion Naira industry as consumers are willing to spend more on food. We're literally watching it grow before our eyes with the birth of fine dining restaurants, celebrity chefs and local dishes being refined and redefined

While we have celebrity Chefs who have left a mark in the food industry like Chef Fregz, Chef Stone and many more, below are the next gen chefs are predicted to be the next best thing and would usher us into the next phase

1. Chef Cupid: "The Star boy of Red Dish Chronicles", it's predicted that he's going to be the next celebrity chef of our generation as people are not only going to pay for his food but also his presence as he knows how to manipulate social media to do his bidding. An instructor at RDC and a pastry addict, this hipster chef has trained close to a 100 chefs and it's estimated that a whopping 35% of the new age Nigerian chefs would have learnt under him

2. Chef Elegbede: "The O.G Nigerian food ambassador". Trained in the U.S and having allegedly interned in a Michelin star restaurant, this young chef is on a goal to put Nigerian dishes on the international map. His mother was an international chef and that has been his biggest inspiration so far. He's been described as the Davido/Burna of the culinary world because while his counterparts are busy conquering Nigeria, he's busy conquering the world

3. Chef Seun: "The Pasta Chef". A protege of Chef Tiyan and Chef Benedict, he's a tutor at UCCA and has trained more than 60 chefs. Obsessed with pasta, he's found a way to marry Italy and Nigeria and their love children are his pasta recipes

4. Chef Sanni: "The Philanthropy Chef". The first chef in Nigeria to own a food truck thus inspiring others, his forte is redefining the everyday Nigerian dish as his dishes tend to reintroduce you to dishes that you think you know. Sources disclose that he spends most of his proceeds on feeding the kids in his immediate environment as he can't stomach seeing people starve

5. Chef Mide: "The new kid on the block". Trained in classic French cooking, this young Nigerian chef is based in Finland and is subtly reeling the hearts of the Finnish community by winning their pallets with Nigerian delicacies one plate at a time. When he's done conquering Europe he plans to return to Nigeria to disrupt the food scene.

I'm Famakin Opeyemi, the biggest food critic in Nigeria.
Follow me on Instagram @OpeyemiFamakin ( https://www.instagram.com/opeyemifamakin/ )

Ejebleje:
It's funny cos I was riding with my bros yesterday, and he just said he had the urge to take some snack. Incidentally, we were approaching a Mr Biggs outlet(which happened to be the only one within close proximity) and so we stopped by.

As we approached, the place looked desolate from outside and this was in broad daylight and it was very sunny. My bro wanted us to go back ostensibly because of the inactivity, but I urged him on. He offered to get me snack but I wasnt in the mood for junk food.

He managed to go in and came out shaking his head. He couldn't take the snack he bought because the counter was full of flies. He only took the soda he bought alongside.
We started to recount the days when Mr Biggs was the real deal.

Chicken republic should NOT be on the list , intact they're the most patronised fast food outlet in Lagos here.They offer comparatively cheaper food.

I think the reason for the gradual decline of patronage for fast food outlets is the growing acceptance of conventional food e.g people will rather have amala and ogunfe in nice , clean bukas , or eat ofada with a lot of variety than just jollof .

This is where the likes of The Place and co trumps all the others.

very apt review

There's no such thing as 'The Best Bread' in Lagos. Bread is bread. But, there are some bakeries that have mastered the art of making artisan bread that it's close to impossible to ignore their loafs, they are

1. Eric Kayser: If there was a world bread competition and Nigeria needed a representative, I'd nominate Eric Kayser. Then again, it's a French restaurant and we all know the French perfected the art of bread baking

2. Chocolat Royal: They are number two on this list because when it comes to varieties of bread they wear the crown as you'd be spoiled with choices

3. Breadish Bakery: The new kid on the block, they seem to be owning the mainland space and their baker is a 'mad' chef who has bizarre but delicious bread recipes eg, their Chicken Bread. Didn't think a chicken bread was going to work but surprisingly, it did. So good even Sisi Yemmie had to do a Youtube video on it

4. Sparr: Also the new kid on the block and they seem to be dominating the island space. Their sardine bread always stands out and for some reason, I think their wheat bread might be the best I've had this year (As most bakeries are notorious for adding regular flour to their wheat bread)

5. Shoprite: They started out awesome but now they are just OK, but, the one-eyed man is the king of the blind. But, I can defend their baguette any day

6. Oasis Bakery: Known as Ostrich Bakery in northern Nigeria, if we'd do a list of the best bread in Nigeria based on sales they'd unarguably be number one. I dare you to taste their cake bread and say bad things about it. But, for some reason, they don't give a rats ass about owning Lagos as the market here seems to be over saturated

Bonus
.
7. Bread Lounge: I've not had their bread before but I've had their other pastries and I'd tag it sinfully delicious. For this reason I'll assume their bread would also be good. But then again, when they were new their doughnuts WERE THE BEST in Lagos and after just 7 months I noticed the quality began to reduce
.
.
Which bakery do you feel deserves to be on this list and why?

I'm Famakin Opeyemi, the biggest food critic in Nigeria.
Follow me on Instagram @OpeyemiFamakin ( https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Uts7Wg1B9/ )

I remember the days when only the rich use to go to these restaurants and it was bragging rights to mention that you grabbed a quick lunch at these eateries. In 2019, it's considered shameful going on a date in any of these restaurants and even if you have picture evidence of people eating in these restaurants they'd deny ever eating there.

Just like U.I, these 5 restaurants are living on past glory.

1. Mr Biggs: No need to say too much, the moment they franchised they shot themselves in the leg. But we have to admit, they once had the best cakes and jam doughnuts in Nigeria. Quote me anywhere.

2. Tantalizers: Just like married people who let themselves go and stop making efforts to look pretty, tantalizers stopped making efforts. No rebranding, no new product, same old dog doing the same old tricks.

3. White House: Once the best Amala (swallow) joint in Lagos, people traveled far and wide and waited in long lines just to get a plate of their Amala. They still exist but now, they seem like a rickety restaurant on life support.

4. Sweet Sensation: No idea why this restaurant was ever popular but apparently, people went there. Mr Biggs opened the door for fast food restaurants and Sweet sensation was smart enough to jump on the trend and just like Tantalizers, it failed to rebrand and give us new products.

5. TFC or Chicken Republic, which of these restaurants do you think should be number 5?


If anything, these restaurants should rebrand and use gimmicks to sell as it's working for other new age alte restaurants. Who knows, maybe selling a N3,500 Agonyi bread and writing "we're all mad here" on their walls is what'll save them.

Which other restaurants did I miss?

I'm Famakin Opeyemi, the biggest food critic in Nigeria.
Follow me on Instagram @OpeyemiFamakin (https://www.instagram.com/opeyemifamakin/)

Moboj:
You're a Food Critic
That's very nice,I just hope you give social verbal credits to the ones you found really salivating
You should try MOBOJ'S PEPPERED SNAIL'S
But it's deliveries we do
I think you would have something awesome to say about our peppered snail's and our grilled snail's.

send me a dm on IG. let's talk

I'd give it a 6.5/10

Not as creamy as I'd want it to be but it does everything I need a strawberry wafer to do. Not too nauseatingly sugary, nice texture, creamy enough, the strawberry flavour doesn't taste poor. Might be my best new flavour. Funny thing is I wrote pure bliss off when the quality of their products started dropping and the sugar started to increase

Have you tried this before?

Which pure bliss product is your best and which is your worst?

I'm Famakin Opeyemi, the biggest Food Critic in Nigeria.
Follow me on Instagram: @OpeyemiFamakin ( https://www.instagram.com/opeyemifamakin/ )

Mariangeles:
Out of curiosity, I checked out your page...some followers you've got there
You're quite brutal too .

Please don't go about ruining businesses.

I have some questions to ask:

How did you start ?
Was it out of passion or you were just being mischievous?
Do you make money out of it ?

How did i start: I've always been a foodie who loves cooking and visiting restaurants. I randomly did a restaurant review and people asked for more reviews, so, i continues

Do i make money out of it: No. I didn't do it for money and if i don't ever get paid, i wont stop.

Was it out of passion: Yes. I'm a foodie first and food critic second. I praise restaurants that are good and call out restaurants that are not up to parr.

Hope you followed me on instagram

If I'd rank from best to least favourite it'll be .


1. Indomie .

2.Chikki

3. Minimie(I thought it was Miemie noodles?)

4. Golden penny

5. Honeywell

6. Dangote

7. Cherie

Which is your top 3 and why? I'd like to know .

I'm Famakin Opeyemi, the biggest Food Critic In Nigeria.
Follow me on Instagram: @OpeyemiFamakin ( https://www.instagram.com/opeyemifamakin/ )

#noodles #ramen #ramenNoodles #indomie

I won't be rating them over ten because they all deserve their own accolades.. .

In the order of the pictures, they are .

1. The Harvest Lagos
2. Cactus
3. Johnny Rockets
4. Burg
5. Hard Rock Cafe
6. Bungalow restaurant
7. BBQ craving

Which burger place on this list is your fav? .

I'm Famakin Opeyemi, the biggest food critic in Nigeria.
Follow me on Instagram: @OpeyemiFamakin ( https://www.instagram.com/opeyemifamakin/ )

#Burger #lagosBurger #foodie #LagosFoodie #foodieNigeria #LagosChef #NigerianChef #NigerianFoodie #Burgers #AbujaFoodie

Dominos?
Debonairs?
Pizzahut?

Apart from the cheese, what else do you like about the pizza you chose as the winner?

The price? Taste? Texture? Size? Variety? I'm all ears.

We need to end this pizza war today.

#pizza #dominospizza #debonairspizza #pizzahut #debonairs #dominos #LagosFoodie #foodieNigeria

If we're being honest, 95% of all the alleged best restaurants are on the island and If we're being real, they sell you an experience and a beautiful interior with average tasting but overpriced dishes.
In my opinion, these are my fav dating spots in Lagos.. And I'd try to spread it across the whole of Lagos and not restrict it to only Lagos island.

In the order of the pictures

1. Noir (on the island, I'd consider it a semi fine dining restaurant with nice dishes and awesome cocktails. Just let your Wallet be a bit chubby)

2. Ofada Boy (its ironic that I gave them a bad review when I went there but they still made it to my list. Ofadaboy is the restaurant you'd take a white person who wants to have a taste of authentic Nigerian dishes to. No gimmicks, no BS menu, authentic AF, and its located in SuruLere)

3. Dominos/Pinkberry/Coldstone (the three in one restaurant in Ikoyi awolowo road. The choices would overwhelm you, and no need to break the bank)

4. Erik Kayser (also on the island. Very classy, looks very expensive but their menu caters to everyone's wallet. Till date, I've never tasted a baguette that outdid theirs)

5. Eko Hotel Buffet (go on a Sunday. Its like 12k and the buffet comes with unlimited champagne and Chapman. To me, this is my BEST restaurant in Lagos cuz it serves all the food all the restaurants on this list serves and you serve yourself and eat till you drop)

6. Oceans basket (I've been the the one in Ikeja a few times. Their seafood game is fire and to enjoy yourself you might spend more than 10k)

7. Jevinik Restaurant (not a fine dining restaurant but I also call it no a BS restaurant. The portions of their dishes are for giants and very affordable. They major mostly in swallow. I hear there's one on the island but its the Ikeja one I've been to)

I'd probably do a part 2 (island/fine dining), a part 3 (mainland), and a part 4 (Coded Restaurants you must visit)

Mention your top 3 fav Lagos restaurants. Let me visit them and review them to see if they are good enough.

I'm Opeyemi Famakin, the biggest food critic in Nigeria
Follow me on Instagram @OpeyemiFamakin

#Foodie #LagosFoodie #lagosrestaurant #Lagos #FoodieNigeria

A 2009 survey showed that when people pay higher for a meal, they convince themselves that the meal tastes awesome

Lagos restaurants have cracked the code to making people flock to them which is, make the restaurant look as beautiful as possible and plate the food to look fancy so people can take pictures for Instagram .
Here's my list of 5 Lagos restaurant who use these gimmicks

1. Ile Eros: Remember that chef that put Jollof rice in wine glass that trended, yup, that was the owner of Ile Eros, Chef Eros. He has a gift, he can make a N200 plate of Jollof rice look like its worth 7k and after he's done plating it, you're going to eat it, take a picture and post on the gram convincing yourself you enjoyed it. Ironically, I feel his restaurant is the only fine dining restaurant in Nigeria as his dishes focuses more on looks than taste. I've also visited his bakery cookie jar(don't know if it still exists), same, beautiful looking doughnuts overpriced doughnuts that taste Just OK

2. Danfo Bistro: I don't need to say much. Half a loaf of agege bread with agonyi beans that doesn't taste like agonyi for N3,500? Are you mad bruv? The ONLY reason you know them is because they paid your influencers to heavily market them

3. Krispy Kreme: I still don't understand why people go there. I get that you want to affiliate yourself with an "American brand", but, ALL their doughnuts taste the same.. Sugar and flour

4. Hard Rock Cafe: TBH I can't insult their food, but, it's JUST THERE and the pricing isn't. Eating at Hard rock cafe is like drinking in a club, paying 500k for a bottle of moet that costs 8k. But its an international brand and everyone wants to be affiliated. Notice how everyone ONLY takes a picture with their logo .

5. As for number 5, I had Shiro in mind but I've never been there so I can't judge. But, all my fellow foodies who have been there said the food was OK but it was all gimmicks and hype. .

So, I'll let you guys decide my number 5 for me.. Mention/Tag the Lagos restaurant(s) that everyone hypes but deep down, they're nothing more than beautiful interior serving OK food.

written by: Famakin Opeyemi , The biggest food critic in Nigeria
Ig: @OpeyemiFamakin

I’m sure you’ve probably come across one of those people who always brag about their ability not to fall in love and them having a stone heart and blablabla. Well I am one of those people, I pride myself in the fact that no matter how hot or lovely a girl is I can NEVER catch feelings for her. I might like the babe or be physically attracted but to catch feelings...mba, that’s not in my dictionary. Well all that changed when I got to Kaduna.


Being a male youth corper in another state the aim is always to explore the spices(girls) the land has to offer, and being posted to the north I was quite sad cuz I assumed all the girls in the north are dead, and to an extent that’s true. Almost every weekend I go on dates with different babes in Kaduna hoping to find one that I can manage, it’s either they cant speak good English(i cant be dating someone who kills people with her grammer), or they are too local, or they repeat clothes, or something sha. The last straw was with one 19 year old Yoruba Hausa chick I invited on a date, it was obvious this girl liked me but her shyness was on another level. There’s the cute kinda shyness and there’s the ‘WTF is this bitch’s problem’ kinda shy. After going on the horrible date with the stupid 19 year old I decided to call it quits, I’m not one to settle for a random babe all in the name of having a girl friend. I decided to just stick to being single, so far I’ve been single and it’s been working out fine. Then that night I decided to do my usual round of stalking random people(babes) on Instagram and stumbled across the account of one random hausa looking babe. I mistakenly liked one of her old pictures and so as not to seem like a stalker I just liked 3 other random pictures and told her to follow back.


And then she did, I was surprised. Then the holy spirit ministered to me and told me to DM her and I did and in less than 5 minutes she gave me the line all boys in the dm zone pray to hear ‘’Im not feeling this dm, this is my number lets chat on whatsapp”. I was like TF just happened, that was damn fast but who am I to complain. To cut the long story short in less than 30 minutes her and I agreed that we would hang out the next day in any venue of my choosing. I was fucking surprised, to confirm this babe wasn’t a guy in disguise I called her number and I heard a girls voice with abutty hausa accent. Twas then I relaxed.


Fast forward to the next day which was the D day I was indifferent. I assumed this would be another random date that would end in a disaster, I went through her instagram pictures again and rated her looks 5/10. I didn’t expect much from the date, I just hoped to use her to kill my boredom. I went to the bar(not beer parlour) we agreed to meet at exactly 5pm and chose one coded dark corner(just incase) and waited. As usual she came late (typical naija babe), she called 20 minutes later and said she had gotten to the place and was about to enter, lo and behold I saw a tall FUCKING HOT chick with a smile that could melt the heart of a thousand men. Her instagram pics lied, she was a Solid 8. I don’t recall ever falling for a dark skinned babe but for me to call a babe with the same skin colour as Lupita whatever her surname is Hot then trust me, she’s a fucking 8. I became nervous and started Hyperventilating then I reminded myself “Ope, You’re a Lagos boy who has dated Americans and Britons, why the Bleep are you scared over a darkskinned Hausa girl, calm the Bleep down and comport yourself” and I did exactly that. I comported myself, went over and hugged her, offered her a sit and we started chatting. Her English was flawless with the butty hausa intonation, her dressing was poise and she had light make up on so I know I wasn’t being catfished. She was skinny, just the way I liked, had curves in the right places and tall enough for me to kiss while standing without bending my head. Apparently I was falling, I don’t know if we were flirting or having a deep conversation but I knew with every minute that passed I was falling for this babe. Like me she also loved travelling and was into an online business, what a match made in heaven. Ope was in love, I’d smile to myself and she’d ask why I was smiling. I was smiling thanking God for finally sending me EXACTLY the kinda girl I wanted, I would have preferred if she was igbo and light skinned but fuvk it, darkskinned Hausa was good enough for me.


Then it happened, Devil decided to pour sand in my Garri. I don’t know what happened but she sha mentioned that she had a boyfriend, and my whole world started to crumble. WHY? Who did I offend, why didn’t she tell me this while we were chatting on the phone. Anyways the mood changed on my side, I became quiet. The battle was lost, it was fun while it lasted. Then I remembered that I’m not a quitter, this was the first toosh butty Lagos standard babe I’ve seen in Kaduna since I’ve been here for two month, when next would I see another girl that would meet this babes standard. So I went back to normal and continued chatting and I insisted that I wanted to see her again and she suggested we saw upper week, my face changed. Why upper week, I didn’t hide my displeasure so she said maybe we saw the next day and I was elated. It was time to leave and I escorted her out of the bar and gave her a hug. When I got home we spoke on the Phone and had another nice conversation, then I teased her about coming late and she did something, she laughed and jokingly said “why would you be angry I cam late, not like you’re my bf or we are dating, we are just friends nah, friends don’t get angry with each other”, at that moment I could feel my soul leave my body. So this is the famous Friendzone everyone has been talking about. I just smiled and quickly changed the topic.


I want to use this medium to apologise to any girl I’ve offended in the past, this isn’t a joking stuff anymore. I feel maybe I used someone and the person carried my name to a babalawo or maybe I once jilted an ogbanje and she reported me to her people. I swear I’m sorry for what I did, I’ve changed my ways, Please nullify whatever you did to me because I’m not finding it funny anymore. Or you know what, FUVK you. I’ll go to MFM church this Sunday, there’s nothing 7 days dry fasting cant solve.

DISCLAIMER: This article eez jurst a jorking sturvs, for all you know it could be a pigment of my imagination. Don’t take it too seriously.

www.Opeyemifamakin..com

Famakin Opeyemi O.

It is one of those evenings when you feel bone-weary and dead tired. The evening when you wonder why schooling was compulsory. Evenings when you felt like going ahead and quitting school. Yes, I was that tired. I just finished lectures for the day, and was already looking forward to the weekend. Who ever drew up my time table for me is really a sadist. 8am-6pm lectures virtually everyday and I have only one hour of break daily. Damn, my school is just ‘weird’ like that. Well, maybe it’s because I’m a fresher and, I was not really expecting this.

I’m the last-born of my mother and I was born with a silver spoon. But, I was neither over-pampered nor spoilt. I gained admission immediately after college, so I feel I’m of the privileged ones. I thought I was going to a private university, but my dad wanted me to experience the real university life. I’m not regretting it though, because I’m enjoying this place except for the rather too hectic academic schedule. Physically, I can say I’m beautiful. And, that has not made me lack suitors.

I just had my bath, and I am lying down on my bed, reading a paperback novel. Not my choice though, I’m hungry and someone is using my hot-plate to cook. Before I go further, let me explain that I reside on-campus, in my School Hostel. It’s divided into male and female hostel, with six students per room or eight students per room depending on how much you pay. My room is the 6-students per room type and the occupants are a mixture of all levels. 2 freshers, 1 sophomore, one 300-level, one 400l and one 500l.
My room is a community on its own. There are three types of roommates, the church going ones, the ‘runs’ and party ones and those in between. I fall in-between, because I know that, I create time to attend church service, and I tend to party, but not too much. My closest roommate and my best friend in school is my bunk mate who is also a fresher. Her name is Dunni, but I always call her ‘Bunkie’- a common nickname for bunkmates. She’s beautiful, tall with nice carriage, in her 1st year, and we are in the same department- Microbiology.

My Bunkie is in the next room gisting or rather, gossiping. My remaining four roommates were all inside the room. Two of them are dressing up, awaiting their boyfriend to pick them up and the remaining two, preparing for night vigil. Going to church is also on my mind, but I know that going for night vigil, without eating is suicidal. I could just faint during service and they would think I was in the ‘spirit’.
Deeply engrossed in the novel I was reading, the door suddenly flew open and my Bunkie came rushing into the room. She scooted straight to my side, excitement was clearly written on her face.
“Helen, Helen”. She said breathlessly. By now, I was really getting annoyed; hunger combined with tiredness is not a state in which I love suspense on any kind.
“Catch your breath and talk when you are balanced.” I went back to reading my novel. She plucked it out of my hands and said “Tunji called me.” I was like ‘so’? “He called you, so what? ”
Tunji is a very popular guy in school, a classic example of TDH. So, I was only trying to dampen her mood because I really had the hots for him. Curiosity took the best part of me.
“What did he say?”
“He just wanted to greet me. And he wished me a happy weekend”.
“Just that? By the way, how did he get your number?”
She looked confused, then she shrugged “I don’t know. Obviously, he went a long way to get it.”
My other roommate in 500l, Oyinda, looked at her with concern clearly written on her face. “You better stay clear of that guy. He is a womanizer, and he breaks hearts for fun.”
Dunni retorted, “is it just that, or were you hoping he would one day ask you out?”
I gasped, “Haba, bunkieee!!!!”
Oyinda simply shook her head and went about preparing for church.
My bunkiee was clearly angry and she beckoned on me to follow her outside. Sighing, I dropped the novel, adjusted the bum short I was wearing, wore a slippers and I followed her outside half-willingly.
“Can you imagine what she said? I knew she never liked me, but to speak evil about someone you never met, haba. May God forgive us”. I kept mute and we passed through the corridor in silence. We got outside and she turned to me. “Tunji said he is coming to take me out and I said ok”.
I turned in surprise, now my turn to get angry, “Why did you say he just called to greet you? Why did you lie?”
She looked at me with sorry eyes “I did not mean to, I did not want to say it in the room”.
Nodding without understanding anything, I paused and asked, “Ok, where are you going to and are you coming back tonight?”
“It all depends on him, he only told me to get dressed.” I looked at her, considering the implications. I told her “are you sure you are safe with him, remembering that you don’t even know him.”
She replied “Since you will be with me, he wouldn’t try anything funny.”
Looking surprised, “Who said anything about following you? What makes you think I don’t have plans?”
She looked at me with pleading eyes. “Please, just this once. And I will be indebted to you”.
“Ok, I will follow you. But, next time consult me before scheduling anything for me.”
“Thanks.”

We went inside to have our bath and change our clothes. In the bathroom, I looked at the mirror and told myself “I hope this turns out for good.” I changed into a tank top and a jeans. Applying little make up, so as not to over-shadow Dunni in terms of beauty, after all, it was her date. I was barely through when Dunni came into the room and told me Tunji is around.
We both went out, met Tunji by the car and I was surprised to see that he came with a friend. My brain started thinking up some possibilities, but I ignored it and exchanged pleasantries, Dunni said, “Hello Tunji, meet my friend Helen”. We shook hands and he introduces me to his friend. “Helen,Dunni, meet my friend Mayowa.” Shaking hands again, we exchanged small talks to lighten the mood. Then, Tunji asked “Are we all set to go?”
I answered. “Please give us a minute.” Pulling my Bunkie away, I asked her “Did you know he was coming with a friend? And, did he ask you to come with a friend?” Looking fugitively, she nodded and said “I’m sorry. I did not know how to tell you. Please don’t be angry.”
I shook my head and we both went back to meet them. We trooped into the car.
I looked out the window and saw array of lights as we passed by Tunji drove the car while Dunni sat at the passenger side. Mayowa & I were sitting in the back. My mind kept wondering the hell am I doing here I should be back at my hostel eating dinner or lying on my bed reading a very nice novel but here I am; in a car with two guys I hardly know.
“What’s up” Mayowa said snapping me back to the present. I turn to look at Mayowa. I can say am surprised it took him this long to talk to me because the two in front already hit it the moment we entered into the car. “I’m good” was my instant reply to him. I looked at him and I said to my self “He really is good looking, nice chiseled face with nice teeth and a lovely dimple.”
“Don’t worry we will soon get there” He said in a low voice out of the corner of my eyes. I saw Dunni laughing heartily without any care in the world. I turned my face back to face the windows. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t notice that the car was slowing down. The car finally stopped at the front of a club that seemed to be bubbling since it was a Friday.

“A club seriously” that was the first thought that came to my mind now I know I wouldn’t eat again today.
We all came down from the car and advanced towards the club Tunji paid for our tickets as we entered the club. Mayowa held my hand and I felt the warmth exuding from him. The club was really banging people were dancing frantically to the latest club banger my eyes were automatically scanning for the safest place to be because I don’t want to be boxed in a bad place I looked at my room mate who was totally oblivious of my predicament and was literally fawning all over Tunji. I left her alone and making my way to where I think is safe enough for me. Mayowa didn’t hesitate before he followed me.
“Hope you are comfortable?” I nodded my head and he asked “what should I get for you?”
“Smirnoff Ice.” He left for some few minutes and he returned with a Smirnoff Ice can in his hand. “Are you not taking anything?”
“No, I don’t drink alcohol.”
I was surprised. My curiosity kicked in, I started probing. “Are you a Muslim?”
He said “No.”
“So why don’t you take alcohol”?
“Nothing really, I just don’t really fancy it.”
Whispering, he said “don’t tell people. Most guys make fun of me because of it.” I laughed and told him “I don’t gossip, so, I can’t tell anyone.” In my mind, I was wondering if that ‘anyone’ included my Bunkie.
I felt dizzy a little bit, but I continued drinking thinking it would steady me. I looked around for Tunji and Dunni, but they were nowhere to be found. I let the thought of what might be happening ease off my mind and I continued enjoying myself.
He asked me to dance and I obliged willingly. After about half an hour of dancing, I felt real weak and I begged off. We went back to sit.
I had a nauseating feeling, and next thing, I literally saw stars. Everywhere was going around in kaleidoscope and I had this feeling of moving in and out of time. I held on to Mayowa and it was then I lost consciousness.
I woke up in a room, on a bed. My mouth tasted bitter and I started having hazy recollections of what happened. It was at that point that I noticed that I had nothing on me. I was stark naked!

Watch out for part 2 at our next edition