YoungandDepress:
I know the sins of my past are catching up with me. Karma is hitting me from all directions.
I see my mates riding nice cars, living in their rented apartment, I cry.
Most of my classmates I finished secondary school with are now responsible graduates and here I am, stuck in 200level.
I see them in the street and I hide myself in shame and disgrace because I can't answer the catching up questions.
I still ask 500 naira from my parents just to go out.
I stayed through out the month of June without earning even one thousand naira by myself.
Sometimes I curse the day I was born and why I came through a mid level family and not a rich family.
God has abandoned me. I can't remember the last time I prayed. Not that I even care now.
I am turning into an atheist because of my frustrations.
Sometimes I think why not just die and end it all, I mean we are all going to die one day so what is the point, but then I think of my family and the shame it will bring upon them and at the same time I think what if I die and heaven and hell is real. It's funny how the thought of hell keeps me going and trying to do good with my life when I don't really believe in God anymore.
Safe to say, my suicidal tendencies are very low to non existent but I hope I have the courage to keep pushing. I hope one day, I just don't loose it completely.
Even my phone I am using to type this has a damaged screen which I'm half managing but it is what it is, I have no funds to fix it and no relative to help.
I mean I'm just here watching the days go by, taking evening walks around the neighborhood and thinking how my life would have been if I didn't mess it up or did all these happen to me so I can be a testimony to others if life decides to smile on me?
I have no idea.
I'M JUST A YOUNG, BROKE, MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED MAN.
I PRAY MY SOUL FINDS THE PEACE THAT IT DESPERATELY SEEKS.
I just wanted to table my emotions here and vent out all the frustrations in my head because I have no one to talk deep with me. I hope to find little relief and seek solace in the peace of others.
It’s well dude just hang in there all will be well |
Family › Re: At 23 Years Old, I Have No Idea What I Am Doing With My Life by FredHosy: 11:58pm On Aug 06, 2020
