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FREEDOM IN LOVE
Calm way of living in cruel environment of residence; with hungry looking humans� fore sighting with hope of surviving the cruelty of humans. I am just a survival in the race of humans; living my life in hope and planning for prominent outcome. Doing this can be tiring and full of lost hopes a times, but living in faith of God (our creator) provide with strength of moving on. Many obstacles rises; strength of moving on drained and hope lost, but the world of humans creates satisfactions in it ways. This is my love chapter in the page of humans.
I was just a secondary school student; making exorbitant expectations in the family of six (including father and mother). Life isn�t tough for me; I am always making up good grades to satisfy my family. I always had big plans for fun after achievements; but I never actually got one good fun, just only moments of truthfulness and counseling. I didn�t care about these things; I actually got my swelling outcome, I guess that should be my thoughts then.
I had few girls on my tail but most girls on our side (including my two close friends); I fell in the so called love thing with a girl in another world entirely, a rich kind of human without worries except fears and scary expectations. She did loved me and so did I; I can�t even imagine myself sacrificing things for her; never once did I let her felt alone and she also did the same thing without expectations of anything in return except been a good companion.
Fortunately, we dated for two years; in which it was only known to few. I never for once betrayed her or let her felt insecure and paranoid; she appreciated my efforts and kindness because I guess I could be her first love. Strange things happen in human race; it can be right or wrong and it can be good or bad. I guess I was giving a bad experience this rotation of time; she broke up with me and left me hanging with no reason and no cause. I tried to get every possible reasons; but I get to found out she was dating two of us at a time and she needs to let one hanging.
Cruelty of humans struck me; I tried getting over the fact that I don�t need to be down but to show her am a man and I can be stronger than her expectations. Later on; I found out that I was left because she thinks the other male human is higher and richer than I am, but I knew I was smarter and higher than him (in terms of instincts and intuitive; she kept me because of that before). I broke down and was lost out of human race for three months without any idea that I am also upgrading in wickedness and coldness. A human; who is jovial and socially active, now became cold and wicked.
I decided to get back at all female humans; in compensation for what one did to me, it was actually a great deal and accomplishment. I did many things without consent of what my family has to offer; I break so many female humans heart without looking back to check the suffering they will all go through. I told myself that been a male human is not by what you have, but by how many heart you can let go without conscience of who and what will come back in history. I deprived myself from sleeping with them; but did more than to sleep with; I never wanted any form of pregnancy (which makes me whole till date).
Nevertheless, I was always satisfied and comfortable with what I did. During my mission of winning; I met a female human who was more than what I guess, she was exceptionally beautiful, attractive and presentable. She was refreshing; starting from the day I knew her and talk with her, I always feel refreshed and relieved. I knew something was about to go wrong but I gave myself confidence and courage to get my mission done; later on we got together and started to make our history, without conscience I decided to play with her and just enjoy human life cycle.
Unfortunately for me, I started trying to please her and been a good companion with trust and self satisfaction; never touch anything of hers. I realized am about repeat history again; but by now I am losing my coldness little by little and giving thoughts to my family. I decided to stay away from her and just left her hanging without conscience like I was once suffered; surprisingly she waited for me every moment I decided to stay away. Then I knew it�s was my time to strike and let her go; since I knew she really cares about me, but I never did. If I try to do it; I will still find excuse for myself to get back with her.
Unknowingly, I am falling and caring for her; also I listened to my family and knew my problems. She indeed was always there for me; I diverted from her at times but drifted back again. I never knew why and what had happen to my principles; she indeed became my light and thoughts every day of my life. I knew I really care about her and can�t do without her; I was already attached in which I can�t act on again.
Time flies, but no one can change who you are or what you worth in every moment and minutes of human�s life cycle. My family problems increase and decrease with time; the problem is that the faults of these problems are always unpredictable and countless. I tried to ignore them; but I can�t resist what I am living inside and experience. While this goes on I became unfaithful and untrustworthy to my female companion; I really like my family so I am fighting for them but how can I be there for two companions.
Nevertheless, I will always keep trying and giving hope to them; but I don�t want to make promises in which I won�t keep. Avoiding these things was hard; but I was keeping up with my difficulties. But the moment of life is now on me and it is killing me. I always wish death; every new day of my human life cycle, I will always wish for my non-existence and disappearance from human race. I may not be older than expected but my experience was ages over me; I may be better than some but am still the low class human.
Many obstacles rises; strength of moving on drained and hope lost, but the world of humans creates satisfactions in it ways. I am just a survival in the race of humans; I made my decision while it was too late. I realized that whenever I care about any female humans; my life becomes known to me, and then I wasn�t going to repeat my mistake but to correct it. my decision can be cruel but I would be the best choice; I asked her to break up with me( in which I can�t survive it but I needed to do this) if she is meant for then nothing can take her away before I comes back.
Fighting ones problems might be a long journey but focus on the sweetness at the end of road (don�t worry about the shadow, I means there is a light nearby). If she did; I will focus on one thing and make sure I survive it for her. Now she is my anchor in achieving my goals and success; if she breaks up I would suffer but she wouldn�t, if am right with my deductions. I really care about her; can�t stop my feelings for her but I can try to stop hers. I guess that would be the best way; so many things happened in my life, not because I wanted them to but they just did and am always helpless.
Problems can be a male human�s weakness; but one�s anchor should be strong too. God is my heavenly anchor and father while she is my earthly anchor and love. I am really sorry to her and thankful at the same time. Life isn�t like we imagine sometimes in dreams and hope for the future. Gentle breeze and hunting atmosphere, you could see dreams rising and hope rising also dreams crumbling and hope falling. Whatever happens in a male human�s life is a little added experience to becoming a real male human.
I love you and care about you; not for now but I will forever with all my human strength to fight for you. And also I am sorry for hurting you couples of times without reasons and what�s going on; I am indecisive also lacks communication. Talk to you soon TIMA!!



Omotayo victor..22/09/2014
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