₦airaland Forum

breadtoaster:
No, I didn’t stay with him during courtship. We courted for 8 months together and were in a long-distance relationship for one year. He was quiet while we were dating, I agree, but to be honest, he wasn’t my go-to for ideas or when I needed a solution to something quickly. I had a friend who was 19 years older than me that I would always reach out to. He had become more of a brother, and my family knows him. He’s married with kids, and his wife and I have become like sisters. But he relocated out of the country in December last year.

So, I feel this never gave me time to see my husband’s creativity or all that. Life was always happening so fast. Or maybe, somewhere inside, I knew he wasn’t very solution-oriented, so I never asked him. But I never saw his quietness as a sign that he wouldn’t be social or wouldn’t know how to love a woman or anything like that.

I remember when he was about to propose, I asked if he wouldn’t give me a romantic proposal, and he said he didn’t know my ring size and couldn’t go and buy a ring that might not fit. He also said he didn’t know which of my family members to meet to run the package or surprise. I remember being hurt — that should have been the writing on the wall for me, though. He said I should follow him to the market to get it.

As an update, he told me this morning, after I was crying, that we are both adults and can decide what we want as a lasting solution on what to do with our relationship because he is tired of seeing me cry. All I needed was a soft feeling of care, even if it just meant holding me, because I am on my period same time and I’m just all over the place emotionally.

I just feel hungry — like when, as a woman, your emotions are not being cared for or attended to. If I’m unable to have sex once (I couldn’t because I was having serious period cramps), he won’t even bother to touch me again until whenever Jesus says it’s time. He wouldn’t care that I was in pain at that moment. He would just say that I’m refusing him, and if he doesn’t try again, then its my problem andfault. It just feels off — everything, the connection, etc. Its almost no existent. I am not even sure if its because maybe he doesnt love me or maybe he isnt experienced on how to show it (him not having relationships, sisters only brothers, him being a virgin, spiritual brother back then etc).

Today I went downstairs, picked up my phone, and wanted to call all my friends since I was really feeling sad and all. I had to leave him because he would still judge me if i call them in his front. As I was going down, he said he knows that’s why I’m crying — so I can “use style” to find my way out to go and talk on my phone. Before, I would feel guilt-tripped and sit down asking myself whether I don’t have right to use my phone. But I just ignored him and went down. I came back and he isn’t talking to me. Apparently, I’ve sinned and I know I would be punished with silence for as long as maybe two days or so for choosing to call others and smile with them. (he would say he is not punishing me, but he would keep silent).

Its more like i cant go anywhere or talk to anyone if he doesn't follow me. I had an office party and told him I wanted to go, he was already angry as it was going to be an evening party. I didn't get to go again because he had said to me, that me, I want to be living my life (all because I wana go to my office party).

The dynamics are just childish and tiring for me. Until when will I do this? I didn’t marry him for money, because at the moment I’m working in a better place, though we’re still praying for a better job for him so at least I can rest too. I don’t know if that insecurity eats at him as well. I’ve cut off a lot of people because of this marriage, and I don’t want to keep doing that continuously.

A friend of mine that I introduced to him came over one day, and he asked the person why the person came to our house and if it was right I forgot to mention (which OfCourse isn't right but to let the person know they arent welcome because i forgot to genuinely mention is huge).

That person has never stepped foot in my house again. He is insecure around my friends — maybe he thinks they are better than him, I’m not sure. As it is, I know I can’t share any friend I have with him because he’s always insecure around them, or he’ll say that I’ve told them one thing or another about him. But he knew I had friends while dating and acted normal. He would say once you just explain, its fine by me, I dont have any issue. Not once did he fight any.

I really regret telling him to come meet me abroad after I left Nigeria. I thought we would work together as one to do great things, have coule goals, be driven etc. even get a good house instead of this one room and toilet we’re managing, until he gets his papers. I even thought we can find two jobs to do and he would support with applying and then he can assit on the second one so we can do more together for now before his papers come. bu he wont even apply, just do his Nigerian work he is doing and sleep the rest of the day or lazy around.

He has told me that because I want to do papers, I think I am God. different talks that hurt. after he told me to find who I lost my virgintiy to as it wasn't him. I told him I had pictures of that night it happened because I know he can flip on me. Then he said it could be any picture of blood. then i told him i remembered to make a video in case he wants to say i sleep around or he dont trust me simply because i dont want live a graveyard live like he wants to. Isolated from information, ideas etc.

He said I always say we should go back to Nigeria since we’re not happy here, that i am threatening him and i should better give him his application money if I know i want us to go back. He always tells me that when his work permit is out, I will see how hardworking he is. He is still working in his office in Nigeria remotely though, and I’m managing a low-paying job here at least enough to pay for the room and toilet and feed and schooling at the same time, doing certifications and all, applying wickedly for better jobs, doing interviews, just to get higher. It’s just a lot sometimes.

I just wish I felt like I had a partner — a ride or die. I kept myself so well and didn’t mess up; I don’t know why it ended up this way. I even cried on the wedding day because apparently, he was with my sister’s friends and they said they met him unhappy in the corridor. When they asked why, he said, “Whatever his family does is not enough.” I was confused because I was wondering what that meant. That was the first time his family was showing up, which was for the wedding. The last time they came was a year ago when they came to meet my parents for the marriage, and my parents kind of slowed the wedding down because they said they weren't very aware of our relationship and wanted to observe themselves and pray.

Since then both parents have only spoken on phone and greeted each other once in two months or three months until the day they showed up the night of the wedding.

So I don’t know. We have fought so much, even in front of my family / parents . We’d go to their house and still end up fighting / shouting on each other. As it is now, he says my mum and my sister have offended him. Only my dad and my sister’s husband haven’t offended him.

I called his brother a few weeks back, saying I couldn’t do it anymore, that I was tired — especially after my husband kept saying he never wanted to come here in the first place, that it was their elder brother who made him come and that he would only sleep with me now using condom and doesnt want to sleep with me unprotected till he finds work. I started to wonder what is this guy's plan? does he want to get paper and then not have child with me and use that period to then escape? or what. He said he wanted to take responsibility.

He is just too serious. I’m playful. No dirty words during sex, no knowledge of any position — only missionary. His brother even had to teach us how to have sex on the phone after I called him that time and he sent some traditional drugs that can help with sex. It’s just been so much.

Madam, just get a divorce and rest. You'd realise the grass is not greener on the other side.

They had to bring in amala into the lie. imagine a government official talking like an illiterate. I wish the man speedy recovery though.

cocoxs:
I studied and lived in Sweden for 6 years.
its not easy getting a job but there are jobs he can get easily, tell him to look for paper distribution it is callked ''Reklam'' in sweden. Reklam is very easy to get but doesnt pay very well and almost all international student from Africa does it.
He doesn't have to wait until 3 months to work, as a student he can work immediately he gets his social security number called ''personnummer'' in sweden, He can get that in a day. He can also start importing things from China and selling on the swedish equivalent of Ebay, it is called ''www.tradera.com''
I did that when i was in sweden and was able to live a very good life and even bought a car from it.

Let me know if you have anymore questions, you can also get any info you want on live in sweden by going to the swedish migration bord website.
https://www.migrationsverket.se/en/you-want-to-apply/study.html

Are you still in Sweden?

HelloWorld80011:
When I was much younger, I used to believe everything is in my control and I can influence what I grow up to become.
Now I realised some things are beyond our control. Maybe it's the country, maybe it's the people themselves or maybe it's the opportunities that that are scarce, or maybe you have to beat the law to become successful.
I am starting to believe no one has ever become successful by following the laws of land.

If you live in sane countries like Denmark, Norway or Switzerland you won't be saying this. Nigeria is hell on Earth.

Sundaymessi:
The question should be what did Isreal achieve apart from the hostage release?
Isreal is facing global isolation!
Netanyahu has been declared a war criminal!
Land grabbers are now told to pull back!
So many countries are now officially recognising Palestine something unheard of since 1948!
So many Palestinians in Isrealis jails will now be released in a jail swap arrangements!
So what exactly did Isreal achieve with this war?

What did Hamas achieve?

Borrow2222:
https://punchng.com/carpenter-remanded-for-raping-killing-grandma/

I think Sodom and Gomorah deserves an apology from God. The kind of things happening nowadays even Sodom no do reach am, I swear. Kai !!! Kill and sleep with your own grandma.

Arostar2023:
Must I watch the video? Nothing about what the gang driver revealed is written here...just a video. You guys want to make money from the lady's unfortunate death. This is unbecoming of Nairaland.

I was about saying this.

2cribz:
Which kind cctv be this one.
Abegi
She jumped to her death
She shud rot in hell

Seun, his mods and spambot won't see comments like this ban, instead it's harmless comments they always go after. E no Tay again, una eyes go soon clear!

FreeSpirited:
I can never understand why anyone will volunteer to join Naija army as a recruit and sacrifice his life to fight for this yeye country that is ruled by liars and wicked leaders.
I will rather become a POS operator working day and night than join Naija army and be fighting bokoharam fight..... Waste of life and destiny.... I believe doing car wash is far better than joining Naija army as a recruit. U are just an ordinary canon fodder of foooolish war

It's just the security of earning a monthly salary that prompts many youths , particularly from the north to join the army.

ednut1:
Davido is finished musically. Wizkid still has some juice left

The reverse is the case. Bbbbggghhjjjcvg

The last time they went on strike for a year they almost died of hunger. Some of them developed stroke while the lucky ones managed to japa. I thought they would have gotten wiser, but it's clear they haven't learnt any lesson.

Goldrosewine:
So my friend came around and I just wanted to show her around the yard and our very small veggie garden. Saw this thing on the ground, near perfect camouflage but the slittering movements gave it away.

You need to see the way my friend jumped and screamed.🤦 But all these Nairaland snake killers have been giving me morals lately😋 removed one of the boots (my dad always emphasized on wearing rubber boots when going into our garden) and smashed it with it.

Dada came running out but I had already finished the job. My kid sister tryna downplay my achievement said it's too tiny🤣 But Dada just kept on blushing and said I did a good job cux no snake is too tiny.
We burned the demon🔥🔥🫢

Last picture is me, pretty face but I am now a certified snake killer🤣 I dedicate this achievement to falseprophet1

Beware of falseprophet1, he has 3 wives and I suspect he is trying to make you the 4th. 😄😄😄😄

Some people never learn, even if you teach them over and over, they never learn.

SmartPolician:
I don't know if this is related to the topic, but I just want to share it.

I recently had an interview with a US company that has a juicy pay package. The interview was between an HR AI system and myself. You will just be conversing with your computer and your video interview will be recorded. I didn't see that coming. The AI was throwing questions at me and I was answering them. Afterwards, it told me to ask it a tough question in my field. I did and it answered it correctly.

In my view, with the way things are going in today's world, we need to start telling people we know not to bother studying HRM at the university anymore because they don't have a job anymore 🫣. That company I interviewed with was an AI development company. The moment they fully commercialize that AI tool, many HR people will be jobless as AI will start doing their job. Believe it or not, this is the future of recruitment.

Bro, did you eventually get the job?

Bigchris01:
Alaye nor Dey whine yourself nothing has been stabilized so far same way they give you fake news about stabilizing economy same way they did in security stop playing

Don't mind the dude you quoted. That's how they keep deceiving people. The economy is even getting worse by the day.

whytediamond:

Pressure everywhere

If you no dey happy with your present life condition, go and expand your knowledge and get a high paying skill.

No go dey copy celebrity lifestyle come go put hand for bad thing. You will cry walahi.

Life no hard. Na you no want work.

Pls can you suggest 3 high paying skills for me? 15 more characters needed.

marlow1962:
It will not be well with Liverpool for what they did to me yesterday, my 7m stake just go like that

If you want to succeed in betting, avoid staking on away teams to win. Just an advice.

Nigeria happened to her. A beautiful and promising young life lost just like that.
Sommie, in your next life (if there's any) may you not be a Nigerian.

The only change we have is for South Africa to loose a match while we win our remaining two matches with good results.

We lost the world cup ticket when we drew with Zimbabwe here in our own backyard. By now we would have been on 13 points.

Foodqueen:
How are you sure that man isn't the father of her child.

No be awa/erivin kill your brother so

What's your tribe.

You just made a point here.

agadez007:
Osun state is the most developed state in the South West

Tell me you're joking.

tensazangetsu20:
I wanted to go to Brazil first. That was back In 2020. Luckily I got a job and changed my mind to chile. Stayed in Nigeria saved and learnt Spanish before making my move. My life here is exactly how I dreamt it to be.

If you see Chile as home then I'd suggest you try and get citizenship. Nigeria is a dream killer, I swear. Any country that offers you a good life is worth calling home.

Afodot0022:
I remembered when I went to the barracks where she works to check up on my children,I discovered that she dumped the children at her father's place just because she is dating another man.this woman embarrassed me and ridicule me to her colleagues. Me the father of her kids, someone I paid her bride price treating me like that, even her colleagues where angry at her and was begging me.I even received a phone call from one male colleague and I was even threatened that if I set my foot in the barracks again, I will be lock up in prison. Can't you imagine a woman treating the father of her kids like that. Ever since then I stop any form of communication with her and just focus on my life. All these she was doing are all in support of her family. So now that the man is dead, they now want me to come and discuss what pls.

You have no role to play whatsoever in your ex father-in-law's burial. Though I'd suggest you visit the family to hear what they want to tell you. If it's about reconciliation with your ex or trying to force you to contribute financially, don't accept.

zarathustra:
Thank you all for the inputs. Well I just hope they are not trying to use this man death to enter me or try to reconcile with my ex. Someone that cheated and wasn't even remorse about it. To be honest, I can't just stand her presence due to the anger am feeling towards her. The hurt is still there and this is what is making it difficult for me. This is the woman that have the gut to introduce me to the man she is having an affair unknowingly to her I know they are dating. All this enough has caused me heartbreak and emotional trauma. I can't even stand her that's it. Her presence aggravate my spirit knowing how she betrayed and hurt me. If it's you, can you still honor the invite. Pls be honest.

Guy you have to act maturely over this cos of tomorrow. This is not about you and your ex but about you, your children and their grandfather.
I still advise that you play any role that is expected of grandchildren. It is not about you but about your children. Don't extent your anger to them.

He has no role to play in the burial because he is not married to their daughter anymore.