₦airaland Forum

I will need some opinions to be sure I do not blow the entire scenario out of proportion and take drastic action without justification. I will try to be as brief as possible. I married my wife, and she joined me in Netherlands where I was working. We have 2 kids, and we have had some struggles in the marriage in the past which I now attribute to family influence from Nigeria. My main concern now is that back in 2020, we had a serious argument, and she felt I was not giving her attention and that I maybe having affair outside. My conclusion at that point was that , she had too much time to chase shadows because she was not working. She has access to my phone, my social media account but that was not enough for her, at a point she was constantly suspecting who I talked to, what we talked about and so on. Then I decided to lock and privatize all my account because I felt she was only interested in finding what did not exist. I remember we once had an argument in which she said if I deprived her of sex she can go out and get it, she even said she was seeing someone. I took the statement seriously and it became a big problem my parents and her own parents back home got involved and they all concluded it was a statement out of anger. I did my investigation and found nothing and decided to let it go after she begged and apologized and claimed it was not true that she wanted to make sure I feel the pain if I was cheating. few years into our marriage after she joined me, we had a serious fight and within that period I saw she registered on a dating site, ( the profile show looking for men 30-50 in the area) I saw that screenshot the page and kept it aside and confronted her she denied that she did not know and that she just got email and thought it was like face book and she registered. That response was not adding up as she used her picture on the site. At that time, we already had our second child, after threatening to leave her, the problem escalated, and we finally settled. Even when I took it seriously at that time, I was convinced nothing has happened and we moved on.
Mid 2021 she started working as care giver, in Netherland, at the end of the year the company where she worked had a party for all staff. She attended and gave me gist of her experience and the drink and dancing etc. but never mentioned at that time about a Nigerian guy she met and was working in the same company. The same guy happens to be a junior from my school and was still a student at that time.
Knowingly or unknown to him that his colleague was my wife. The community where we leaved was quite small and I practically know 80% of the Nigerians there both student and workers. Late 2023 I got transferred to anther city in Netherland we relocated to my new city. I came across this guy just last month and he was now married with his own family and working in the same city. He was not my very close friend but someone I know. We got talking and he needed a book for research which I had and was not using. I obliged to give it to him. I sent him my address so that he can come pick it up but he was saying I can just take the book in my car so we can meet and he will collect it. After like a week he decided to come to my house for the book.

Before the guy came my wife asked who the guy I was expecting was, I showed her the guy pictured on WhatsApp and she claimed not to know the guy. She was asking if the guy was married. Unknown to her that I already saw the picture from the company party with the other colleague and the guy was boldly in the picture. (only 7 people were in the picture) I then told her the guy was also working as a caregiver in our previous city. It was at that point she said, “or is it the Nigerian guy I met at the company party that year?” I just kept quiet, knowing she was lying.
Finally, the guy came to my house, I expected he would come with his family, but he just parked outside with his family in the car and came in alone claiming they were in a hurry to meet up with another appointment. When my wife saw him, she claimed not to know him and was asking if he was at the company party, but the guy was acting confused and said he could not remember, in my presence. I gave him the book and escorted him outside and they left. Just less than 5 mins after they left my house the guy called me back that I should tell my wife that he can now remember that he was in the company party. My wife body language was not normal and she asked me who called I told her it was the guy and she was asking what did he say? I just told her something else. Throughout that day my wife was acting too nice, I could see she was trying to make everything normal. I was quiet and pretended that I did not know anything.
My main concern now is considering my wife’s statement and past attempts, did she have anything with this guy or was the guy asking her out at that time, because the guy claimed to be single at that point. Why was she lying about not knowing the guy, why was the guy so anxious to call me back to explain to me just 5 mins after leaving my house? There is something not adding up here. Is she cheating?