₦airaland Forum

Jesus Christ! U people sef!

lf u ever try it near my husband, he would say u are pretending!

Lol....

Chrisbenogor: Normally I would let things like this slide but this is totally wrong. Is that girl power just mush mushes the way ladies think or what?

Technically she took the kids out of the house without his consent. She walked away from the house.



Any charge and bail lawyer can bring this case to an end before it even starts. SMH

Its with his consent o.

When MIL called him to say that she came in and saw me taking my things and the kids, he asked her to let me go. What does that mean to u??

Severally, he had told me that if I want to leave, that I can leave with or without the kids. So I took the option of leaving with them.

baby124: Na wa o. What does he mean his love for his kids is dependent on how much love he has for their mother. Most people who have the capacity to love will love their kids more than their spouse sef. Though it should be the spouse that comes first. A real parent will fight tooth and nail for their child.

I am sorry but you have a man-child as a husband. This one will be petty and can totally cut off his kids to prove a point. He will also be very childish. My dear don't bother trying to understand his reasons because they are far below what a regular adult can comprehend. Just maintain your side and face your life. You guys should stop giving him attention and treat him like the child he is. He will come back to fight, that one is sure. Very dramatic person.

OP, you also took your power away when your husband can leave the house for 4 weeks over an argument and you accept it. Sometimes it does not pay to keep quiet on unacceptable things because they grow wings. You might ignore some things because you do now want to look troublesome, but those same things will be the end of your marriage if you don't put a stop to it. There is obviously a woman out there he is spending so much time with.

Don't worry, he seems to be someone with very frivolous attachments. That woman who thinks she is winning is in for a big shock. The day he gets bored of her, he will chase her away and on to his next interest. His type can't have love or loyalty to anyone so don't blame yourself.

I put up with a lot of things just so that I could keep my marriage.

If your hubby comes home everyday between 12 and 3 am, would u be obliged to make food for him, and massage his feet till he sleeps? Then wake up tomorrow afraid of what will happen next...

I thank God for everything.

Chrisbenogor: Well I agree with you that something is wrong somewhere. Just to ask a few more questions, was this quarrel another one off? were you guys already fighting before he left the house? Could you also throw more light as to the nature of your relationship with him prior to this recent fight and also what the fight was all about?

Asides from things becoming physical with his nephews which I think could have been avoided, I do not see running away from a problem as the solution. Thing is your position right now what purpose does it really serve? Technically, he did not send you out of the house. You have to find a way to get through to him, we cannot go back to the past but surely you know at what stage things in the marriage started to deteriorate.

No. We were good that day and was why I called him to tell him and was shocked that he didn't respond. My brother, the truth is that I'm at peace now. I don't have to worry about the next cause of fight.

The reason I left was because I had begged him severally to get a house where we would live since he was always complaining about his nephews and how wild and treacherous they are. Yet he refused.

chrisbenogor: @ OP
Seeing as no one asked, do you think three is anything you have done that contributed to this?
I am just saying because sometimes things like this do not just make sense to me. People do not get upset for no reason. I see it too often here that we only hear one side of the story. Unless you are going to admit to us that prior to getting married to him he was a total a***hole.

I am just mostly saying it takes two, or there is some other underlying factor.

My brother, I am not a saint and make mistakes too. But I thought that as I am able to accomodate his excesses, that he should be able to accomodate mine too. But one thing I know is that something is wrong somewhere.

The last time we quarrelled, his entire family said I wasn't leaving. If I were that bad, they would have supported him to chase me out.

In all, there's an underlying factor but I can't go into all that now.

Splendblex: Abasi! which kind man be that? well I believe they will not miss him much then.All the best sis, take care.

My daughter loves him silly. Between friday and sunday, she would just break down and cry. "I want my daddy to come back; I want my daddy to be a good man". It broke my heart but I had to do what I had to do. My parents spoke with her and since then, she hasn't shed one tear again.

The last time we had a disagreement, (that was last year) he left the house for 4 weeks. In those 4 weeks, he spoke with our daughter twice!

Splendblex: You are indeed a strong woman.I believe your kids will soon get over daddy too.But was he nice to your kids? just curious.

Nice? Yes. Well, he was hardly ever home early. He comes home between 12 and 3 a.m., by then my 3yr old would have gone to bed asking whether dad was coming home that night.

He buys stuff for them and makes sure they never lack anything. But whenever we have issues, he distances himself entirely from them. And even stops bringing money for their feeding.

On one occassion, he was talking to a newly wed couple and said that he loves his kids to death but that the love he has for them flows from the love he has for me and that anyday I piss him off, that he would completely forget me and by extension, my children...

Amhappy: Thunder fire devil. Years later he will come back to say na jazz. The Lord is you strenght sis. Just keep it clean,no abortion,informed him about preg. Make him go bring in that thing wey dey shack am from outside. He go hear nwiiii.

Lol...

I know something is wrong somewhere sha but I don't want to stay around to find out o. Let him sort himself out.

subzidi: @ Op: Girl you have such a determined spirit! Even with all the heat you still manage to comport yourself in well scripted lines. I sympathize with your situation. It is also a good start with the business you are doing now. Try and be strong for your kids, since you have always yearned to work i guess this is the right time to start distributing your cvs. Volunteer to work in organizations you are interested in even without pay.

I wish you the very best and hoping the Lord comforts you in the way he knows best how to do! {huggggs}

Nne, the determination comes from many years of suffering and smiling. Physical and emotional abuse. I was sceptical of what people would say.

But I thank God...

maclatunji: Your husband is likely to come back in the not-too-distant future. What will you do then? Tell him about the pregnancy 100%.

No Mac, he wont come back. My dad called him today which was only natural to say "I saw ur wife and kids here. What's going on?" But he refused to pick up.

If he comes back, I aint going nowhere!

^^^^^ thanks a lot.

No... aborting this baby is a no no for me. I've moved on but I'm keeping this innocent soul...

These kids are all I have now.

Kanwulia: You should tell him about the pregnancy.
Just for the records!
Nothing more!
You go understand say MAN FIT GIF WOMAN BELLE. . . . but only woman dey CARRY BELLE!!!!
Your mama nor reasssssh you all dat wan?

This is your business ONLY!
The marriage was rocky and you kept PHOCKING him?
He insisted you stayed at home WHILE DISREPECTING YOU CONSTANTLY?

Please, don't let me add insult to your injury.

Your misery has only begun and I pity you.

You are a TYPICAL passive-aggressive NIGERIAN WOMAN.
The MOST unfortunate circumstance.

You have made your mat. . . . Please, roll it and take refuge under the nearest bridge.
You are in for A ROUGH RIDE!
All the best. . . .

My sister, I don take my fate as I see am o.

Greyworld: 1st & foremost i say sorry 2 yu 4 yur grief. Although leavin yur marital home isn't smtin 2 b proud of but believe mi yur life was worth saving and d only way that guarantees yur safety was leaving.

However, I stil dont wanna believe dat a 21st century woman who is "lucky" 2 marry a rich man wont av a dime in her account.
Anyway sha, i tink our yunger gals cud learn 4rm dis, dont be a HOUSE WIFE cux its so out dated. Making moni isn't a sole responsibility of the man cux we don't live in caves no mur but mansions. Am not sayin yu shud steal yur husbands' moni o but believe mi he wud luv, respect and honour yu mur wen u are able 2 do smtin. My candid opinion anyway.

U best believe it o.

He makes the money remember and brings out money for baby food and clothes and expects everything to be accounted for kobo by kobo. The house keeping money is given to MIL because she does the shopping for house food and stuff...

If u know the problems that have arisen because I was itching to work? He wouldn't even allow me to do the minutest thing saying he's not complaining and that I should concentrate on the kids...

Thank you all...

Initially, I was pained by the fact that my daughter kept breaking down, asking for her daddy whom she had severally asked me in the past why he keeps going to work and wouldn't return.

Thank God that she has gotten over it now.

egopersonified: Op, if you must go back, it shd be based on courting him and finding out if he has changed(if he comes begging). He shd get a place for u and d kids. Start looking for a job now or start a bizness, dont just stay idle waiting for him.
My fear for you is that when his family sees u are adamant, they might come after the kids. If they are in sch and this issue is not resolved by sept, pls change their sch and instruct them never to release them to anyone else but you. Make sure everyone in your family also follow this instruction when the kids are at home. Becos if he hasnt called days after and he knows you are with your family then he has no respect for them, so he might not even bother to settle thru family meeting.

I moved from his state to mine and hopefully, the kids would start school in the estate where my folks stay. I know he's capable of doing that so I'm not slacking.

Stay idle waiting for whom Hmm.. I left with no dime in my account. How on earth would I stay idle waiting for him? I'm already selling some things my sister sent from abroad.

baby124: He has empowered those nephews to do that. My dear, this guy has always told you he did not give a damn about you. It is time for you to start giving a damn about yourself and your kids. dont worry, even if all is not well in your time, all will be well with your kids and their future. At least you have the comfort of your parents home. Just focus on your next move for now, and watch your kids closely.

Take it easy. Am sure after all the battery and years of abuse, you have come to a place where you are indifferent about him anyway. So this is not a fresh or one time occurrence. Your bitterness may be because of all the years you spent with such a man. You knew you should have left a long time ago, but he helped/forced you with that decision. Accept the decision, and start planning your future. Dont even waste one more minute on him. Your unborn child will be a blessing to you. I suggest you tell him you are pregnant. Not because you want to get back into the house, but so that the child will not be called a bastard in future

God bless you for your kind words...

Thank u.

pickabeau1: Sad...

You may need to start preparing for life without him

I have o...hmmm.

aisha2: No abortion PLEASSSSSEEEEE.
Stay with your parents stay calm. Think of what you want to do, enroll in some online classes, learn a skill keep busy.
Let him make the moves. Dont contact him. He will just believe you want him to "pity" you hence you are making up the baby story. If he comes to your people they will tell him

Toh...

But he won't contact my folks. I know him. A friend of mine said I should send him an sms to tell him just for the records. Not that i'm expecting anything from him.

pickabeau1: What if he makes changes

- Apologises to you and your parents and undertakes never to do such?

- Starts Marriage counselling

- Gets a place for you and the kids

Who??!!

His middle name is EGO.

He would do none of the above. When I was moving my things, MIL called him and he said she should allow me to go!

Who does that??

thorpido: Perhaps,it was why the marriage took place.

No, it wasn't.

pickabeau1: If i were to read between the lines, i will hazard a guess that your hubby is physically abusive
Now it has been extended to your inlaws who now have the liberty to pounce on you.. you are onshaky ground

Your hubby may even have encouraged them to do it

To your post: What do I do

Luckily you have supportive parents
You will need to seperate to really know how seious your husband is
On the new pregnancy..inform him and hear what he has to say but on no accord should you go back until he has shown remorse and made certain changes

if he does not after a while (depending on you),prepare for divorce

Going back to him is out of the question.

aisha2: Na wa oh, so what exactly is the issue again? You want to go back or you want tips on making him "come back to you?" if he was the way you have been describing then you should be happy moving on

I'm only concerned about this pregnancy. I hate abortion...

I am happier now than I've ever been in the past 3 yrs. And for me to have taken the step of leaving that house, I am not going back!!!

rolled: If I were you I would go for an abortion asap
With this kind of depressing life you are living,you still want to add another baby?
That man doesn't give a damn about you.what kind of a husband doesn't return home for the day?
The siblings sef have no single respect for you,because of the way their brother has finished you in the presence

I'm sure he put them up to it and that was why he didnt come home to address it.I expected that he would at least come home and reprimand the kids.

pickabeau1: Do you have a source of income

Are you legally married to your husband

What has your husband said since you left the house

What is the advice from your parents

No

Yes

Nothing

They are supportive.

aisha2: Okay, Good thing you left, (however, I know you will run back for more)

Why did he say you are a "bad" wife?
What caused the problem with his Nephews?
What reason did he give for not caring about the kids?
Why are you talking so much about his worth and finances?

Me! Run back.for what?

1. It shocked me to hear he said that because he has severally told me that he boasts to his friends that he married a good woman. That he is blessed. So I was.shocked when I heard what he said. He comes back home from 12am-3am and I don't nag. I serve him fresh food and even massage his feet just so that he would be happy.

2. The boys are naturally wild but whenever their uncle comes back from work, the pretence starts. I just corrected one of them on leaving the living room door open and that was it. He raised his voice at me asking what I'd do and that was it.

3. I don't know.

4.I just want to make understand that I dont know why he refused to get us our own house cos money clearly isnt his problem.

teeo: My advice to women, don't ever marry a man living with his mother no matter how comfortable he is. You would always be treated as an outsider. Ask him to rent an apartment or no marriage but I forgot all these ladies are so desperate for marriage they see the signs but they fall to ignore them.
Op, all I can say Is Pele.

He wasn't living with his mum when we met. He had just relocated from u.k. but he kept saying he hadn't decided if he wanted to stay in the east
Or Abuja. When he eventually decided to stay in the east, we moved to his home in the village. We stayed there for almost 2 yrs before MIL rented an apartment in town and he asked me to stay with her. All the while we were there, he kept claiminf that he had paid for a house and was furnishing it. Each time I asked him to show me the house, he would either pretend to be busy and come home late or pick a fight.

aisha2: Why did you marry him?
How was it when you were dating?
Were you forced on him? Did you get pregnant and so he had to marry you?
A real marriage is a partnership from start to end, it seems you are not a part of that marriage just a tool. Like I said rebuild your life and move on, stop acting as if your life would stop without him.

Take charge of your own life.

I loved him.
We dated for two years and it was one issue after another. He wooed me for a long time o. I wasn't pregnant before getting married.

The last part that shocked me was when he threatened his account officer never to tell me his acct details that I'm a bad wife who intends to kill him and take away his wealth.

Hian!

Btw, the house is my MIL'S house and I have lived with her for almost three years now.

We don't have financial troubles because hubby is rich. Severally, I asked him to get my kids and I a home but he said he had a plan. What plan?? He didn't disclose to me.

I am in my early 30's, married with two kids. Living with my MIL and two of my husband's nephews... (btw, I am a stay-at-home mum at the insistence of my husband..

My husband and I have always had issues but the basis of my story isn't the constant battery, emotional and psychological assault.

On thursday night, I had a minor misunderstanding with one of my husband's nephews and it resulted into a fight where the two boys pounced on me and beat me up. Hubby was not at home at the time so I called him but the phone went off after I mentioned what happened ..I called him severally but he refused to answer so I called my folks who advised that I should wait for him to come back.

That night, he didn't come baick but from the telephone conversations I heard, he was calling and speaking with MIL and his nephews.

On friday, I called him and spoke with him briefly. I was already fed up with the marriage and had decided that if he makes it back home that friday night that i'd tell him that since he was clearly unhappy in the marriage and constantly reminded me that he made a mistake marrying me that we should separate for sometime. He didn't come back that night and also didn't take my calls.

So on saturday, I packed my things and left with my kids for my parent's house.

On sunday, I did a test and found out that I was pregnant. I haven't called him and he hasn't called us either because he always made it clear that he didn't care about me or the kids.

I want to send him an sms and tell him about the pregnancy. What do I do?