₦airaland Forum

If anyone is interested.....turns out I don't need to be concerned about his wife and babies back home lol I figured I would sent a couple of his 'friends' on fb a message about what kind of guy he was because we were dating...both these women were from Canada, where he used to live. The first one said he was super sweet and helpful and to give it a shot. I got my hopes up! So I sent another girl a message....completely different reply!! Apparently he is dating her sister too! And he talked about the same 'furture' plans with her as he did me. She woman told her sister and her sister confronted him and he denied it so I sent them our texts to each other! He is one the same as the serpant that tempted and fooled Eve!! THANKS BE TO GOD for the clearest answer possible!!

gemale:
Dis wld b hard 2 say bt dt guy seems shady. U wld need 2 get more information abt him nt by questioning him bt by discussing wt his acquaintances. Those pple dt commented on him being married; start a conversation wt dem wt out 1st informing dem of ur relationship wt him. Find out more abt him 4rm Dem & if possible, u can obtain pics, numbers, contacts of any of his family members (preferably parents) 4rm any of dem. Try 2 Listen in when he's receiving a call 4rm Nigeria & suggest playfully if u cld discuss wt his funds or family members back home via Skype. Ask him 2 show u throwback pics of himself preferably wt family members. D key word 4 u nw is caution. U need 2 found out a lot of truth abt dis man so u wld know 4 real who he is. Don't get me wrong I'm nt saying he's lying 2 u abt his marital status & intentions. He might b who he says he is bt it's beta 2 err on d side of caution & find out who he really is 4 ur self.

Thank you for your advice! I appreciate it!! I plan on doing that for sure! Just a little difficult living so far away and not being able to see each other very often. But thank you, I will be very cautious!

Davidovinci:
@GodFearing....
How old is he/you? Trust me this important...

We are both 29

Lordprez:
@bolded

haba that's uncalled for

What does what was said mean? Was it bad?

jmaxjohn:
Then the twins!
Did he say they were his girlfriend's cousins?

The twins he said he found that picture online and put it on his fb page. He said if you google black babies they will show up.

Hunnydropps:
@GodFrearing...be careful, girl.



Ya know, tho .....I was thinking the same thing.

Personally, seeing FB posts about a 'wife' is a BIG red flag. I don't think people would post something about a wife if one didn't currently or at least "previously" exist.
Seeing that I don't even know if I'd take it slow. I'd prob turn and not gamble on that one.
But I too am curious to know his explanation. Is he divorced, widower, a 'baby daddy'...

He said he was never married and never had kids.... he said the picture he posted was of his girlfriend and saying he misses her and then people were saying he has a beautiful wife and he says thank you. He never said he has a wife on facebook. He just posted he missed her. And that it was just his girlfriend.

Michellla:
Some questions you could ask yourself in this area include: Have you ever seen where he lives, especially after dating for an extended time? Does he avoid talking about how he spends his personal time? Do certain facts he reveals about his life seem to be contradictory?
these are some questions you should ask yourself

He showed me his house already and said he wanted me to come visit him and his door is always open. No he doesn't really avoid talking about his personal time. He texts me all day throughout the day. We have video called a couple of times. Generally I have not found anything really to contradict him other than those pictures from 2011 or so. I asked him if I can come by whenever I want without having to call. He said yes his door is always open for me. And he said when he starts his course and gets a job he will give me a key to his place. I am not terribly concerned about him seeing other people here it is more of back home if he really has a wife and kids......

xpac01:
Do you know his tribal name? If yes, tell me, then I'll know how to advise properly.

No I don't know his tribal name....is it different than his name?

GAZZUZZ:
how did this brother explain that part? Please share.

He said the kids were random pictures he found on the internet and if I googled black babies they would show up. And the other one was a little girl he took a picture with at church. And the 'wife' he said that he just put a picture of his girlfriend up saying he misses her and people were calling her his wife and that she is pretty. These pictures are from 2011....so well before we knew each other. And he said I added you to facebook knowing I had these pictures and wouldn't I delete them before I added you, so I have nothing to hide. And he said how is he to know 100% sure I wasn't sleeping with my ex while we were together. It's the same thing, trust is needed both ways.

That is basically his reasoning....

andromida:
You've known yourself all your life, you know you have you and your child's best interest at heart so trust yourself take things slow don't allow him rush you into anything be it s.ex or a committed relationship. Those pictures you saw on face book don't dismiss them at same time don't nag him just observe and take it slow.

Thank you!! I greatly appreciate your advice!!

Michellla:
reading...

Sorry so long, but had to make sure I gave all the information lol

RexKex:
You taking someOne you met on a Dating Site serious gives me the Infallible impression that you might be A shallow Person.

Don't you get approached by "Real" Men? Why seek solace on a dating site WHERE people claim to be what they aren't? People you meet on Dating Sites are Hardly ever serious. The guy probably wants to "Pop your Cherry" & Then take the Exist OR He just wants you to be a Means of getting what he wants which is Pretty Obvious BUT you're refusing to See It.

If You don't want to Get Hurt again, Let That Guy Go ASAP!

I think I am the farthest thing from a shallow person.....I treat everyone with kindness and respect no matter who they are!! I think everyone is beautiful and has something amazing about them!! Yes every single person!

No I do not get approached by men in 'real life' because I am not a skinny blonde! I am thick and have curves which not too many guys care for unfortunately. I use a dating site because where I am from the population is only about 2000 people and I am related to most of them. So in order for me to meet anyone who is of dating age, I have to use alternative ways to meet people!

If I was 'too blind to see it' would I really have confronted him or would I be seeking advice from here? No I would think nothing of it!

I have no problem ending it if he is infact using me, but I don't want to end it before it really starts because it could just be some culture differences I don't know!

olihilistic:
treat him like him like he is the best thing that ever happened to you he cares for you nothing more

Currently I am!! And so far he has been....I just can't set myself up for hurt...it's not just me who will be hurt.

I am a Canadian who just recently got into a relationship with an Nigerian man. We met on a dating website. He lives only 3 hours from me right now.

I was wondering if how he is acting is typical and he cares or he is planning on using me because he thinks I am desperate? He says he really really really really likes me....he has told me already that he wants to take me to Nigeria to meet his family and wants to go places with his friends.

I have a very complicated home life right now which he isn't too thrilled about but understands. I have a special needs child who's father still stays and helps out with him a few days a week.

But the first day we saw each other we went for coffee and during his talking he said 'his sister is a doctor who is planning on coming to Canada next year and if we are still together you can meet her'. He wanted to see more of me, so we met up for a movie that same night. When we were leaving the theatre we ran into a group of his Nigerian friends and they talked for a few seconds as we were walking out and he put his arm around me and sped up almost to get away from them. He wanted to see me again before I left home, so we went for lunch the next day. Then I had to do some shopping. So we went out shopping together to get my stuff. Throughout our 2 days spent together at coffee he paid even took the cups back to the counter when we were done, helped put in my shoe I was trying on when I was having trouble, wouldn't let me lift the heavy things into or out of the cart, paid for our outings without me asking or saying anything. He said he was raised to treat women right and take care of them. He held my hand and hugged me often. He has been nothing but sweet. He is in Canada on a student visa though, and starts his program in a few months. I told him he had better not use me to get citizenship and he told me how he was planning on applying when he was finished school. He seems to come from a well off family, his dad is a dr his mom is a principle. I told him I don't want sex for awhile because I have been used before. And he said he was fine with that but kept talking about and mentioning sex, but now after I got mad at him about some stuff on facebook he said he did think of sex with me next time I was down but now no sex until I am ready.

But he just added me to facebook and I saw some pictures which bothered me. They were comments saying he has a beautiful wife and his daughter and his twins. There were no pictures of him with his wife and kids together just a picture of one or the other seperately. so I got mad and confronted him. He was calm about it and explained everything....and he deleted the pictures. But not sure if he is just saying that or if he really does have a wife and kids back home. When we were talking when we were out shopping we passed a couple that had twins, and he was like aww look twins and really seemed to like the kids we came upon.

Please some advice or suggestions or ideas. He is the first Nigerian I have dated and I understand culture and ways of life are different. Just wanting some insight if this is 'normal' or I should be concerned.

Thank you!!
God Bless!!