₦airaland Forum

Mrslarissa98:
Hello everyone, I need your advice please.
I am half Nigerian. I am married and currently living in another African country with my husband and our two children. Our first child is 4 years old and the youngest is 9 months old.

I was born and raised in Nigeria to a Nigerian father. When I was 13 years old, my parents divorced. My mother took me, my younger brother, and my elder sister from her previous relationship back to her country. Since we left, I have not seen or spoken to my father.

Unfortunately, my mother passed away two years later when I was only 15. Life was very difficult for us because my mother’s family treated us badly, but that is not really what I am looking for advice about, so I will keep the story short.

I got married 5 years ago, and 3 years ago my husband and I relocated to a different African country. We are both involved in business. I run a hair salon while also taking care of my duties as a wife and mother.

When I started my business, my daughter was already 2 years old and attending school, so it was easier to manage both my business and my responsibilities at home. But when I became pregnant with my son, I knew it would not be easy anymore because I would need someone to help take care of him while I worked. I stayed home for about 3 months after he was born, and when I was preparing to return to work, I asked my pastor’s wife to help me find someone to assist me. She had helped other people find help before, and she introduced us to a 19-year-old girl who came to live with us.

At first, everything was going well. She took very good care of my baby. My daughter’s school was close to my shop, so I was the one dropping her off and picking her up. We had planned that the following year we would move her to a school closer to the house so the girl could help with picking her up.

Let me also add that while I was on maternity leave, my husband used to come home around 1 p.m. to eat lunch. But when I returned to work, I asked him not to come home during the day anymore and to start taking food to work instead, which he did.

When my baby was about 5 months old, we left for work as usual. Around 10 a.m., my phone rang. It was my husband saying he was at the hospital with the maid and the baby. I panicked and asked what happened and if my baby was okay. He said the baby was fine, but the maid was the one who was not well.

He told me that he was at work, but he suddenly felt very uneasy, like something was telling him to go home and check on the baby. When he got home, he heard the baby crying inside the room where the maid shared with our daughter. At first, he ignored it, thinking maybe she was changing the baby. But the crying became worse, and he heard a loud bump. He called the maid’s name, but there was no response. When he entered the room, he found her lying on the floor naked, and the baby was next to her crying. He picked up the baby and called the neighbors, who helped cover her and put her in his car. One male neighbor followed them to help with the baby while they went to the hospital.

The girl was unconscious at first, but later she recovered. After she was discharged, I was wondering what could have happened. I asked her if she had any history of seizures or something similar, but she said no. She explained that she could not clearly remember what happened that day. She said that after putting the baby to sleep, she rushed to take a bath, and after coming out of the bathroom she could not remember anything else until she woke up in the hospital.

During the following days, I allowed her to rest as much as possible, and I started taking my baby with me to my shop. It was not easy, but I wanted her to recover.

One day, I came back home and found the house empty. She was nowhere to be found. I panicked and called her number, but it was switched off. I called our pastor’s wife, but she said she had not seen her. She was already aware of what had happened at the hospital. We were all worried and tried to reach her without success. Our pastor’s wife even sent someone to her aunt’s house to check if she was there, but she was not.
After a few days, we found out that she was staying with her elder sister in another town. We felt some relief knowing she was at least with family. We tried to contact her to ask why she left suddenly, but she would not pick up our calls.
Four months later, she came back to the church and informed our pastor that the reason she left my house was because, according to her, ever since she started living with us, my husband had been making advances toward her. She said she always refused him. She claimed that on the day of the incident, my husband came home and met her in the room while she was dressing, forced himself on her, beat her, and she passed out.
The pastor called us, and the girl repeated this in front of everyone. My husband could not deny it and started begging for forgiveness. I was completely shattered. Although the pastor and his wife counseled us and tried to reconcile us, and my husband has been begging for forgiveness, I am still heartbroken. I am no longer interested in this marriage. I feel anger and pain whenever I look at him.

Now I feel like taking my children and going back to my home country. I cry every day and feel very depressed. I really need advice, please help me.

Madam, you're not serious!

How can you allow a full grown girl of 19 to come to your house as a maid and expect nothing to happen between she and your husband?

Like I said you're not serious. If you were serious you would have gotten a nanny from 55years and above or even 60yrs

After God created Nigeria, when went back and laughed.

Tinubu said Jos airport doesn't have light and will be leaving in the 10mins. So who come be this governor?

Women no really get spec.

Just guide and package yourself very well and of course, always lie to them and promise them heaven and earth and watch how you'll be swimming in their oceans non stop 🛑

These are what bad guys use to get women back to back. Most importantly, always dress neatly and smartly with good deodorant!

NinjaMetahuman:
And the sanction is supposed to help whom?

Why is America being governed by retards.

The people that are sponsoring terrorism will never be affected by any sanction.

It still gonna affect common man in Nigeria.

Americans are 🤡

What will sanctions do to the leaders?

Lol. They're not serious

seunmsg:
Is the airport in Jos or Abuja?

I used to think you have sense

I used to take Donald Trump America serious but right now I don't.

The USA talks too much without action! What's stopping Mr Trump to invade and take over Nigeria with his boys? Is he waiting until Fulanis eliminates everyone in Jos?

AguluLiar:
Crimes no dey tire una to dey commit.

Are you Mentally unstable?

Felabrity:
These countries no rate Nigeria

Imagine if it an american citizen who died in their custody, it won't happen in the first place

Indians can't even arrest America citizen in the first place

Emdi1914:
There is no hanging around man,"you withdraw and move on with your life, your passions". You aren't seeking for her to come around, you pursue the life you love to lead.

And we don't just approach women..,we approach women we love,and that can be 1 in a hundred thousand.
And if we are "her second option", second option that brings about lots of love, RESPECT and no gold digging,no drama, peace of mind..,man,I want to be more of that second option

Good luck.

I'll stick with a virgin wife instead. Not a second option for someone looking to retire from her active membership of fun days.

Kalulu44:
I'm not disputing this your claim, but it doesn't happen all the time. I can even say this particular girl has seen something in you that she thinks she can gain from.
Maybe how you package yourself and all that or you might have approach her with a car parked by the side or thru your spending around where she was.

Exactly!

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

But there are some girls even with all your packaging, car, how you spend around where she was etc, she still doesn't want you. What would you do in such situation? Give her more time when she clearly told you that she isn't interested? That's my point!

It's wisdom to respect yourself and move on, Instead of waiting and hoping she'll change her mind. A girl who's interested won't play hard to get! From the way she constantly makes effort to reach out to you, you'll know she's interested and invested in you. Other ones with pride and ego, leave them alone and move on

iLegendd:
You're their bestie. The disadvantage is, you'll know too many secrets and you'll never trust anything a woman says cuz they'll lie in front of you when their main guys call. With this, you'll be so scared to be any woman's main guy.

I don't think I'll ever get married in this life.

These girls are literally on my bed billing their boyfriends and collect money from them back to back. Some tells their bf that they're in the market rn and wants money to buy a particular thing meanwhile my hard rock in side their forbidden fruits throughout those calls.

I weep for my fellow men, esp those ones who usually take a girl serious. The ones always screaming my baby, my girlfriend this and that, I weep for them

iLegendd:
If the sex is great or the best she has ever had during that period, she knows you have options, you're not bother or needy when it comes to women, but two of you fell apart cuz you found a red flag and drifted without discussing it, she'll still come back to you for regular knacking even though she's now in a new relationship.

It seems women have found out men are using this format cuz I watched Tiktok videos of women complaining about men doing it. 😂

You know the game very well.

I am just the knacking guy in a girl's life, meanwhile they all have serious boyfriends.

Emdi1914:
I absolutely disagree with you sir, speaking from experience.
I had a girl I approached, she didn't welcome my approach, so I withdrew.
She later came around and she was the one in charge, she was giving the love and I was the receiver.

What amazed me was that she doesn't want my gifts or money,I tried giving her things but most times she would reject.
I didn't approach her for her body, but she was the one always asking for sex.

The thing is,when a woman rejects you, don't be angry with her, just move on with your life, she might come around.

She might consider you when the other guys she wants are done with her.

You were her second option. That's the whole point!

Men with standards don't hang around waiting for a woman to choose them. This is where the bad guys come in

Kalulu44:
So a woman doesn't know you from Adam will just be interested in you once you woe her. My friend most of this things takes some little time

You don't know women!

This is a girl I met 2 days ago and we were supposed to meet yesterday but I was busy and she couldn't reach me. Today just this afternoon, she texted me again asking when will I be chanced because she wants to come over to my place.

Dude, you don't know women! Women are 2x lustful far more than men. If a woman finds you attractive, that is when you'll know all these "it takes time" is completely trash. Women play games and extend it for men they don't want. Hence the statement it takes time. That same girl will see a guy she finds hot and attractive and will quickly want to visit him asap. Meanwhile you're there waiting and hoping because in your mind, you believe it'll take time.

Don't be a finished man

RollinTNDA:
What many of you guys fail to understand is that Women are not to be taken seriously.

That is the secret OGs like me know that many men don't know.

A woman's NO is not direct like a man NO

Women are like the weather
There are times when the cloud looks like heavy rain want to fall then in couple mins sun comes out and shine
That is how women are. Just like the weather

When she says No
1. You meet her at the wrong moment
Maybe she is having a shitty day
Having menstutal cramps
She is very nervous or shy
Or she feels sad that day.

As little as these things may seem
They play a huge role in her reply

That is why real OGs try agiian I'm a different setting. And if the reply is the same then move on.

You just don't give up on the first NO
You have to do a 2 factor authentication
The first No can be nervousness
The second No is the final straw.

If you know how many girls that swore to never do anything with me if they visit.
Still they come and infact na them come knack pass me.

So in summary, A woman NO depends on many factors.

If you meet her during ovulation
She is more likely to say YES

Hormones control women like mad
Today she will like you
Tomorrow she will dislike you lol

A girl coming to visit a girl definitely wants knacking nau. Everyone knows this.

Chatting with a girl and you ask a out or you meet a girl on the road, collected her number and asked her out and she says NO! Respect yourself and move on!

Inasmuch I understand the Street OT codes, a girl who isn't interested in you or the knack, esp when she's not giving you any hints, kindly leave alone and move on

iLegendd:
Smart men don't ask women out. They use body language to sneak into a relationship and get what they want, but if her character changes, they sneak out. It's all about acting like her boyfriend without asking her out and stop acting as her boyfriend when she misbehaves.

This is called emotional stimulation!

It's called mind games!

Indeed you're a Legend 🙌

Julibet:
Next thing they'll say is that you were not persistent enough if you ghost her after the first no.

A man determines if commitment should happen so if anything he should be the prize. But unfortunately simps and thirsty guys have put these bannys on a pedestal that make them feel like goddesses.

That's the manipulation. She wants you to continue chasing while it fuels her ego. Attention fuels a woman's ego.

Don't chase, ghost her completely or delete her number. If she reaches out, relax and take your time to respond. The response should be in a week or More it must be about inviting her over to your place. Anything else is irrelevant

BalogunIdowu:
This may be somewhat right but not in its entirety.
A girl who doesn't like you now maybe for some may eventually do.
What is important is give some space, go through someone close to her and if indeed she just want you it'll be Clea after those efforts.

That's her game all along and you fell completely for it.

The whole game is for you to keep pushing and chasing with the hopes that'll she change her mind someday. That's a losers mentality! A girl who changed her mind and came back didn't like you and never will. She only reached out to you because you stopped giving her attention which she enjoys and attention fuels a woman's ego.

Understand that you'll never see the colour of her pants. And anything she does for you is out of pity! A woman can reach out to you if the other guys she wanted stops giving her attention or doesn't have time for her anymore.

That "give her space" is the time she's using to visit and have fun with other guys she considers hot enough to offer her honey to. Move on and stop hoping

joseph1832:
Well, a woman will most likely still play hard to get, with a man she really likes. Especially with their ingrain mindset of not wanting to be seen as 'cheap'.

A woman who is interested in you won't play hard to get. You need to see how women acts when they're truly into a guy. They know if they stress him or play hard to get he'll move on.

When a woman is interested in you, you'll know. Hard to get simply means she's not interested in YOU.

Softflacidick:
Bro one of your thread hit front a page and bro you are talking about me. I thought it’s a new account I made this account just to troll you back until I tried to reply but I couldn’t and now here is the thing my story a very funny one.

I don't know you buh it's well bro. I have forgiven you. Let's peace reign. God bless you. I hope to see you at the top

Dear kings,

When a woman says she’s not ready for a relationship but still wants your time, attention, and loyalty, it simply means she’s ready for a relationship, but just not with YOU. she wants to keep you as her emotional puppet while searching for a better option. And the longer you stay hoping she’ll change her mind, the more you teach her you’re okay with less.

Respect yourself by withdrawing your attention and move on.

Sonnobax15:

The best thing to do is just to stop pestering her.

Imagine begging someone who's of no value most of the time to come into your life to come and bill you all in the name of relationship.

Spoken like a true son of the soil

ITbomb:
If it was for love and she says no, let her go

But if that punny must be chop, guy keep pestering her. She must yield, after collecting, pass it on

She'll never give it to you, and even if she wants to, it'll take months and years. Something other men got the same day and next day they met her, why then will you keep simping for her for months because you want to taste her forbidden fruits?

Dude, pester a girl too much, esp one who isn't interested in you and watch her block you and blacklist your number. A girl interested in you wouldn't play hard to get. She won't play games with you. Anything else is a complete waste of time! Don't be a finished man! Delete her number and move on. Girls full everywhere.

U must have the abundance mindset. This is exactly why girls love the bad guys

Natbrowny:
The female gender only understands one currency. Thats attention, stop feeding them the attention and u'll realize that the girl u were rating 8.5 is actually a 2.5.

Money aside, Attention is Key.

We need to start teaching people Detachment, its very healthy and learnable. Ask any girl, they may not wanna snitch on themselves but they hate been denied attention

Go to any bar and collect anything in my name, I'll pay

Jorah knew Daenerys before she was married off to Khal Drogo. Drogo piped her in the most humiliating manner. When Drogo turned into a vegetable, Jorah stood up for her and kpaid a Dothraki horse rider for her, she didn't compensate him with her obough.

After Drogo died, Daenerys still failed to consider Jorah worthy to be servicing her obough. She looked past Jorah and picked the leader of the Second Sons called Daario for regular piping. She eventually dumped Daario when leaving for Westeros.

When Daenerys got to Westeros, she snubbed Jorah once again and picked Jon Snow as her lover. Jorah kept hoping that one day, she would look his way. Jorah sacrificed his life for Daenerys as a way of proving his enduring and undying love for her.

Jorah died for a woman whom he didn’t pipe. No matter how much he puts his life on the line for her, she didn’t reward him with bress, let alone her obough.

Brothers, if a girl isn't into you, detach instead of persuading. The more efforts you put into pleasing an uninterested lady, the less respect she has for you.

If she isn't feeling you. Biko, walk away from her. There are more fruitful options out there.

Cc Seun mynd44 justwise nlfpmod farano

Toolegit123:
Good day everyone.

So recently I've been thinking about marriage. Tho I'm in a relationship but the woman I've been dating doesn't really seem to have the same serious interest and intentions like me. I've talked to her severally but it seems she isn't ready to settle down yet. Imagine this is someone whom I've gone to see her people and they know me well. My own people know her too. I've equally talked to her mom since she's the one parent she has . And had also talked to her best friend about it too.

But one thing I've noticed about her is that she's over religious and seems to be too close to her pastor. The last time I talked to her about the marriage stuff,she directed me to go and talk to her pastor. Tho I was initially furious about it but I just had to man up,kill my pride and decided to pay her pastor a visit.

From the conversation I had with her pastor,it seems he's one of the major stumbling blocks. Because he was only curious about my financial status he was even asking me what was my source of livelihood,and of which I told him. Afterwards,he then asked me what was my monthly salary. Saying if I'm sure I can take care of my fiancee with that amount,or if I'm planning to have a side hustle. That he doesn't want a case where any of her spiritual daughter will go into a marriage where she'll be suffering. I told her categorically clear that I'm not a lazy man and I don't intend to put anyone's daughter into suffering in the name of marriage.

It's been over a week since I left the pastor's office, and since then,my fiancee has been behaving so cold towards me.

So I don't know whether to continue with my proposal or I should just kindly look for another lady to marry.

Guys like you annoys me alot. Despite all our teachings here you have decided not to have sense.

Oga, avoid religious girls. Avoid girls who are emotionally, spiritual attached to their pastors. Their so called pastors have accessed to them and their bodies any day anytime far more than you.. you're not even priority in her life. Her pastor is!

Her pastor is knacking her wortoworto. U better dump that girl and look for a non religious person with sense and marry.

She wants her age mates for fun now.

The moment she hit 25+ she'll praying for 40+ men to locate her for marriage

You ask a woman out, she says NO. As a man, don’t start thinking, “Maybe I need to try harder, maybe if I apply pressure, she’ll like me.” That’s a loser’s mentality. If she’s not interested, two things can happen: She’ll keep rejecting you and start hating you for disturbing her. She’ll use you since you won’t stop.

Understand this: the moment a woman meets you, she already knows if you’re her type. If she finds you attractive, she won’t play games, she’ll show interest. Women only play hard to get with men they don’t really want. Learn detachment. Walk away. Respect yourself. Desperation is unattractive.