₦airaland Forum

Thanks yungchop, but i don't pray to be. Somehow, their kinsmen have argued, i was yet to pay her bride price at the time the baby was born. But if that were to be true, is it completely a situation impossible to redeem? I paid the supreme price training the mother in school and getting married to her eventually. How well do you believe that i cannot lay claim to the girl because my bride price came rather late by Eastern culture?

Thanks bennyrazz, we are all from the Eastern part of the Country. I have asked myself these questions of yours again and again with no possible answers showing up. Even though science has the final say, my wife made me believe i was the father barely three months before our wedding. When she was blaming me for raising the issue up too early according to her, she said her people sacrificed a lot to stake out the little girl and would need all the time they can get before starting discussion on the issues. Tell me if you were to be me, would you think it is out of place to even mention her coming to spend the holiday with you (and the mother) two months after your wedding? Anyway, i don't pray she becomes mine, but if that ever is true, then that will be a ground for my divorce applications to be accepted by the catholic church (marriage based on deceit of one partner by the other). I love my wife and cherished my marriage, but that would be where we 'd draw the curtains. I pray this never be true!

At the time i reconciled with my wife (two years after the baby was born), i was still in my early years in school and cannot assume responsibility. Yes i am aware when the girl was given to my sister in-law to hold, so my wife can return back to finish her school. And, my intention here is not actually to be ungrateful for what they did for me. In fact i told my wife if the girl feels better to stay with her foster parents, i will oblige her. But she has to be aware officially who the father is, take up her rightful surname, visit us often and i be allowed to train her (education wise) the way i want.

Of course i love my wife. In fact, in the absence of any baby, i still would have married her. But now that we have one, isn't it a good thing to be together? My marriage is still brand new, and with God, we are capable of making new babies. However, this does not challenge the fact that i feel a part of us is missing. Perhaps my in-laws know something i do not know like you pointed out

Thanks Mutter. You just hit the nail on the head. I am a very private person, not wanting people to know what's going on in my marriage. But i can assure you i will be up for this without any strains on ma marriage. Ladies please keep your suggestions coming

As i write you this piece, my heart is heavy and full of confusion. I decided to share it, perhaps i might get a breakthrough advice.
Few years ago, the woman i just married last November (2014) bore a daughter she told me i was the father. Young, naive and silly, i refused to accept responsibility. Two years later (after the baby was born), i went to tender a wholesome apology and pleaded with her to give me another chance to make things right. By then, i had become a bit matured and in the elementary years of my University Education. She did forgave and accepted me back after i pleaded guilty and i did my best to ensure i made things right as promised. Through my advocacy, she returned back to school and the baby was then given to her younger sister (who had gotten married by then) to take care of. Things actually went smooth and today she's done with schooling and we just wedded about 2 months ago. The girl has grown now and i am thinking of bringing us all together as one family and taking care of the later's education from here. But to my surprise, my wife flared up. At first she said it was too early, and later when i contacted her people, they told me it was impossible to claim her. My wife never denied i was the father. I remembered when we were at level one of our marriage course, we were told it's time to share our secretes with our intendeds. When we came back that faithful day, i asked her again and she yielded in positive not ever minding i threatened to go for DNA test with the little girl. My problem now is, how do i convince my wife i do not want my baby raised by another person as an adult or her people that all i wanted is one big happy family for all of us? How would posterity judge me looking at my little girl take on her maiden name almost getting to senior secondary now? I wanted to discuss with my brother in-law just this afternoon to give me hints on the things i should be looking out to pay to the family for them to allow the girl to at least visit us during her next holiday, but he accused me of being ingrate. He frankly told me i should not have even asked for her. My people, where has this even happened? The mother is my incumbent wife and not some kind of a stranger. Those with similar experience, please come to my rescue before i 'd approach this the wrong way. Thanks

I think i will seat my wife down once again and discuss this matter with her. She still has the key to the outcome of this whole thing. I cannot initiate legal actions now because i don't yet have DNA test confirming my paternity. However, i should all the same seek legal opinion as per the position of the law in such scenarios. But before then, i should seek counsel also from the parish priest. God help me!

Yea Thorpido, you are right. I made a mistake to think marrying the mother (my long time date) would seal it all. I have seen in families were another man who marries the mother would either be given a condition to tag the baby along, or forget the marriage. I also know of other situations where it is the man intending to marry the woman that either conditions the baby comes along or should never be a part of his new family. Should i say in my case, my wife would rather they refer to my kid as bastard?

Thank you Zeb, at least your words and citation are encouraging. My frustration is that my wife's no even with me in this like your sister was with her husband. Aw o o h!

As i write you this piece, my heart is heavy and full of confusion. I decided to share it, perhaps i might get a breakthrough advice.
Few years ago, the woman i just married last November (2014) bore a daughter she told me i was the father. Young, naive and stupid, i refused to accept responsibility. Two years later (after the baby was born), i went to tender a wholesome apology and pleaded with her to give me another chance to make things right. By then, i had become a bit matured and in the elementary years of my University Education. She did forgave and accepted me back after i pleaded guilty and i did my best to ensure i made things right as promised. Through my advocacy, she returned back to school and the baby was then given to her younger sister (who had gotten married by then) to take care of. Things actually went smooth and today she's done with schooling and we just wedded about 2 months ago. The girl has grown now and i am thinking of bringing us all together as one family and taking care of the later's education from here. But to my surprise, my wife flared up. At first she said it was too early, and later when i contacted her people, they told me it was impossible to claim her. My wife never denied i was the father. I remembered when we were at level one of our marriage course, we were told it's time to share our secretes with our intendeds. When we came back that faithful day, i asked her again and she yielded in positive not ever minding i threatened to go for DNA test with the little girl. My problem now is, how do i convince my wife i do not want my baby raised by another person as an adult or her people that all i wanted is one big happy family for all of us? How would posterity judge me looking at my little girl take on her maiden name almost getting to senior secondary now? I wanted to discuss with my brother in-law just this afternoon to give me hints on the things i should be looking out to pay to the family for them to allow the girl to at least visit us during her next holiday, but he accused me of being ingrate. He frankly told me i should not have even asked for her. My people, where has this even happened? The mother is my incumbent wife and not some kind of a stranger. Those with similar experience, please come to my rescue before i 'd approach this the wrong way. Thanks