₦airaland Forum

davidylan:
Maybe you think they are "broke" because they dont flash cash like some talentless rap artist and yahoo yahoo boy. Maybe many dont bother with fancy cars because they are too busy saving up for their kids colleges and buying a house while you love-vendor your rims and depend on welfare.

Yeah i prefer the "broke" guys.

But Nigerians here do the same fucking thing you dumb ass. Not all Black people are on welfare.

Welfare was created for poor white trash.

I was being sarcatic when I said they were loafers. They are not loafers if they are driving nice cars, flashing money and running around behind us akatas like lap dogs buying us whatever we want. They want to be American so bad that they buy the rims and all the stupid shit that even rich black people dont buy anymore. They open up and max out credit cards just to impress women like me.

davidylan:
maybe its those loafers chasing you because most of the upwardly mobile nigerian men i know are going back to marry fellow nigerians. At worst they'll marry white, chasing black americans is a waste of time.

I guess that means every single Nigerian in this state at least is a loafer, even those that do business overseas, drive nice cars, have plenty of cash and flash it all the time.

I guess what we as Americans use to measure sucess is not the same thing you use to measure success.
I guess being broke is upwordly mobile. Because here only the broke ones stay with fellow Nigerians. But the ones with money chase akata.

davidylan:
I get sick with all these Americans who get suspicious of anyone who comes around them wanting to use them for citizenship! And YET they wont leave us alone!

You got that twisted. Yall can't leave us alone. Chasing us up and down the street all the time bugging us and telling us how much you love us.

Please!!!!

I am sorry I guess I left out an important fact.

he has one child, she is here with him in the USA and her mother lives at home in Nigeria. He says they were never married and he came here alone with his child.

So when I come back to the forum and scream my Nigerian Husband played me, you promise not to be the first to say I should have dug more or known better?

I dont want to be his second wife. I want to be his only wife.

agathamari:
be very warry about him comming back to nigeria without you. he might be visiting her.

and yes when i arrived my husband was engaged to another woman who i didnt know about until a year later.

I can not travel with him each time back to Nigeria. He sales over there and goes there about twice a year.

What did you do when you found him engaged to the other woman?

http://www.japantoday.com/category/world/view/4-women-in-wisconsin-tie-up-cheating-husband-glue-his-penis-to-his-stomach

4 women in Wisconsin tie up cheating husband, glue his penis to his stomach
Tuesday 04th August, 05:46 PM JST

WAUSAU, Wis. —
A married man who planned to rendezvous with one of his handful of lovers at a Wisconsin motel instead found himself bound, blindfolded and assaulted by a group of women out for revenge, according to court documents.

Four women, including his wife, eventually showed up to humiliate the man, who ended up with his penis glued to his stomach to punish him for a lover’s quadrangle gone bad, according to the documents filed in Calumet County.

Now it’s the women who face punishment, perhaps six years in prison, and at least one said Monday she’s embarrassed now.

“I am disturbed. I am upset. I am having a hard time handling life, an emotional wreck,” Wendy Sewell, 43, of Kaukauna, said in a telephone interview from her home. “I am ashamed.”

Sewell, Therese Ziemann, 48, of Menasha, Michelle Belliveau, 43, of Neenah, and the man’s wife are charged with being party to false imprisonment, a felony. Ziemann also is charged with fourth-degree sexual assault.

The women are free on $200 cash bail each. Investigators say all the women but Belliveau were romantically involved with the man.

The Associated Press is not naming the man’s wife to protect his identity as an alleged victim of sexual assault.

Online court records didn’t list defense attorneys for any of the women Monday.

The women’s plot for revenge unfolded last Thursday at the Lakeview Motel about 39 kilometers southwest of Green Bay in the tiny village of Stockbridge near the scenic shores of Lake Winnebago.

Criminal complaints filed Friday allege the man agreed to be bound with “sheer sheets” and blindfolded with a pillowcase for a “rub down” by Ziemann. She instead cut off his underwear with a scissors and summoned the others to the room.

Ziemann struck the man in the face, and used Krazy Glue to attach his penis to his stomach when the other women arrived, according to the complaint. The man told investigators he also was threatened with a gun.

Ziemann told investigators she didn’t have a gun but may have told the victim, “Do you know how much I want to shoot you?”

He started screaming and the women rushed off fearful that he could get loose and hurt them but allegedly took his wallet, vehicle and cell phone.

Ziemann told investigators she met the man online through Craigslist, fell in love and paid for a room at the motel for the past two months. She said she gave him about $3,000. Then last Wednesday, she learned from the man’s wife that he was married, had other girlfriends and was “using them for money.” She expected the money to be repaid, according to the documents.

During Thursday’s confrontation with the man, Ziemann told investigators that Sewell asked him, “Which one do you love more?” and the man’s wife made a derisive remark about him being scared.

The man got free from the bed by chewing through one of his bindings, went outside and borrowed a telephone from the motel owner to call police.

Ziemann and Belliveau are sisters and Belliveau didn’t do anything wrong, Sewell said Monday.

“She was just there for moral support. She wasn’t even dating the guy. She stood at the door the whole time and didn’t participate or nothing.”

Ziemann’s husband answered the telephone at their home and declined comment. There was no telephone listing for Belliveau.

The man had no telephone listing in Fond du Lac.

I am thinking out loud here and would appreciate some sort of feedback from those that have been in similar or know of someone in similar situations.

I have no way to verify that my boyfriend has a wife back home in Nigeria and based on what I have read on here it is unlikely that a 38 year old man would not have a wife back home. He has his permanent status and does not need to marry for papers but says that he wants to marry me because he loves me and wants me to be his wife forever.

Has anyone married a Nigerian man to find out that he has a wife back in Nigeria, or that the woman he divorced here is still his wife back at home?

How do you feel knowing that when he is home visiting on business he is with her, and then returns to you? Does it all work out anyway because he is taking care of you and as long as you don’t see her you are ok? Do Nigerian women think that this is acceptable?

I am looking for advice from people who have been there, done that. I want to know how does it work to have two wives in two different countries?

How do I find out if my Nigerian Boyfriend is really divorced legally in Nigeria?

@Karmamod

I am very careful who I introduce to my children. He is actually the first guy that I have "brought home". This is going to be hard on them as well as me, because they have bonded with him.

I wish circumstances were different because he would have been my perfect match.

I will run for the hills the next time a Nigerian male looks my way. I don't have to be burnt again.

tRoOE:
Black American women will never learn

R U saying that Black American women should stay away from Nigerian men?

KarmaMod:
I seriously dont understand these people. To ba ya dogs like girl22 will start barking.

This whole thing is embarrassing.

Embarrassing does not start to describe how I feel at this time. I tried to leave, he begged and pleaded and swore on the bible. It is just now that his words have changed and now he going back on everything that he said in October.

How can I screen the next Nigerian brother that comes my way? How can i protect my heart from feeling this pain next time around?

I really thought I had found a jem in him. But it was all BS.

Czarskit:
A life time won't be enuff to answer those questions of yours.
A lot of 'solution' techniques are available for you to try out. It all depends on your level of faith & insight (if you have any). . .coz u don't sound like someone who does.

Make your choice after saying a prayer cos no one knows what the future holds. Consultations don't help in your situation cos its simply about taking chances.

My watchword: Greatness comes out of Severity.

I am not really sure what you are talking about.
What are these solutions that you elude to in your post?

Should I just leave Nigerian men alone because there is no way for an American girl like me to know the real from the fake?

I did give birth early. She is 21 do the math. But she finished college last year (June) and I am happy that she did not follow my footsteps. She is working and her bf proposed marriage last November. She just found out 2 days ago that she is pregnant, and they have moved up their date for the wedding and will be getting married in March.

Now back to me.

Can anyone answer my questions regarding Christianity and Nigerian men?
Are there certian type of Nigerian men that I should stay away from?
Is there a litmus test that I can give the men I meet to find out if I should still date them?
Is there a way to fully investigate a Nigerian man?
What advice do you have for an American girl that loves Nigerian men?

Why is that shocking?

LIMUEL:
The greatest challenge here is that you have not given yourself value.

Before this no one couldn't tell me that I was not the shit. Now I am questioning it. Now yes my value is down just like the stock market.

I like to win. And walking away means I don't win or does it mean that I do win. I love Nigerian men but now I am scared of them. There is really no way for me to find out if they have a wife and family back home. There are no record keeping places like here in the USA. I can just google a guy or run an online background check to verify his status or information. When they are from Nigeria there is no way to do that, there is no way to protect myself.

The loosers in my area are just that loosers. I dont want any of these people on my property let alone in my life. But I also know that if I went forward with this relationship then I would be lying to everyone around me about him. I could never admit to anyone that Hope could not get a man that is all hers.

How can he say he is a christian and still want to do this? I thought dating and falling in love with a christian would be enough to secure that he was really single.

emilyone:
@ Hope4ever

i ave been there b4, i know what it meant 4 a woman, when a guy try to eat his cake and also ave it back at the same time.
my dear please dont be deceived, you are only being used, at the end you'l ave nothing to gain from it all.

believe me you are a strong woman indeed, dont allow him to play on ur intelligence or emotions.

just zero ur mind from it and with time ul get over it.

Thanks. I know that I will get over him but I am afraid of being alone. The more I think about it the madder I get really. He lied to me back in October when I tried to end it. He sat there and swore on the bible and lied to me. How can he call himself a christian and still lie to me like that?

Sapphic:
You must feel that your options are severely limited.

Yes I do.

I am too embarrassed to talk about this with any of my IRL friends. I need the women and men here to help me talk this out. I feel silly coming here but I need some place where I am not known to talk this out.

One more thing that confuses me. How can his family say that they love me and they are happy their brother is with me? They say I am a blessing to him and he is so happy with me. Do the family members, brothers and sisters just agree with whatever their sibling does? He is not the oldest child.

I am back again.

If you recall the last time I posted here I was looking for advice on how to say goodbye to my boyfriend.  I did leave him but he came back begging for me to stay with him.  He cried in front of me and I felt so sorry for him.  He told me that his ex-wife was just his baby mama and that he needed a little more time to help her back to Nigeria and that then I would be his only woman and his wife.  He said there will be no more Junior wife and Senior wife talk ever.

So why am I back here looking for more advice?

I went back to him (my heart was hurting like his), I believed him and now things have changed again.

I am confused and not sure what to do at this point and time.

We had a very frank conversation last week and all I can do is think about what he said, what that means for me and what I should do.

Let me first say that he is second man in my life to treat me with this level of respect and love.  He is so romantic and I am so in love with him.
My brain tells me to run very fast and very far away, but my heart does not want this to happen so it is talking to my brain and telling me to stay.  Let me share with you what is going on in my brain as the two halves talk to each other.

I am a 36 year old divorced mother of 5 and grandmother of 1.  He came into my life after a failed marriage and other failed relationships.  He swept me off my feet with lots of love and attention.  He took me out, he sent love text messages, he was at my house almost everyday, showering me with gifts always making sure I am taken care of, and very romantic.  I have even met the exwife she seems very nice.  He was not as affectionate in front of her with me as he always is but I have only met her twice, once with him and once with him not being there.  She always says thank you to me and the kids seem very nice.

I always pick the wrong guy and have had some very bad relationships since my last good one 3 year ago ended.  I want to be married with the white picket fence, a cat and a faithful good husband that is 100% mine.  I have everything except for the husband. I am a very good woman or at least I used to think that.  I am starting to wonder if my value is maybe not as high as I would like for it to be.  I am wondering if I am only good enough for second place.

I asked him what made me only good enough for second place and his response was you’re not worth second place but worth first place.  You’re my favorite is what he had the nerve to say to me.  He also said that he will never “leave” his wife.   He said that it does not matter that the courts divorced them she still is his wife of 18 years and the mother of his children and that over time she would come to accept me as her junior.   He also said that he knows lots of Nigerian men that have two wives, one in Nigeria and one in the USA.  He says that they all get along together just fine. 

I would love to talk to women who have walked this path.

I know that I must leave him but I am afraid.  What if I don’t find another man?  What if this is my last chance?  What if this is the best there is for me?  What will the other women say to me?  How will they treat me when I show up with him?  What is the reaction of the children when they find this out, specifically the American children?  How long can I ignore her existence when she returns to Nigeria?  How often will she call my house or visit him?  Do the senior wives ever cheat on their husbands while they are out of the country?  What is life like with two wives in the same house, because at some point he wants to move back to Nigeria? Why did he lie to me when I tried to leave in October?  And now he has a nonchalant attitude about the whole thing.  He says that if I cant accept her as my Senior wife then I should stop seeing him and date other people.  Is he just seeing if I will go?  When I called later that night he said I knew you were not going anywhere “you are my body”-what does that mean?  Am I a home wrecker?  What do they do to home wreckers in Nigeria?

Ladies please help me.  I am in deep love with him and don’t know how to make myself leave.  Please has anyone been there done that?  Please tell me how you survived or how you did it?  If you read this far please help if you can.  I read here so I know I will get insults but if somewhere in the insulting you could just show a little pity on a fellow sister that is hurting and in love, confused and scared.

If this was my daughter I would tell her she is beautiful and has a full life ahead of her.  But it is me and I am living it and to be frank there are no good men in my area to pick from they are all lame ass no good men.  So do I just settle and use him like he is using me until something better comes along?

He is 47 and she is 46.

Also is this ‘big boi’ behavior?  I have heard that phrase thrown around.

horny4u:
I hardly get upset by post on NL
but i feel bad right now

Look sweetie , run, run, run
i have always had the opinion that certain naija men are meant for certain naija women,
This men who are not open with the way they feel, born with a hard heart
need women who are born with a hard heart too or who have learnt this hard heart from their older folks
Women who will not fail to use the cane (pun intended) whenever he messes up
he respects such women,
Look you are a straight forward person and he does not deserve you , believe me if you do a proper investigation.
HE IS NOT DIVORCED!( at least not properly)
let him go , refuse being his pillow!
proper naija wife my foot !!!!, if he thinks u are not good nof 4 his sorry ass, break it off.

How do I properly investigate?

I do not want to give away too many details of my life but I love him with all heart.

I have spent the past week crying my eyes out because I do not want to say goodbye.

I wish that there was another way for us to stay together.

He is divorced but I do not think that he is really divorced in his heart.

We have been seeing each other for 1 year now.

He said to me at lunch two weeks ago that he wants to marry me and take me home to meet his sister.

He wants his sister to show me how to be a proper Nigerian wife.

He says once I become a proper Nigerian wife that he will introduced me to his exwife as her junor wife?

How can a Christan talk like this?

I have to say goodbye but I love him so much and I keep hoping that the will change his mind and love me so much that he will want only me.

Everytime I see him all of this disappears and all that matters is that I love him and I am complete when he is with me.

Can he change if I hang in there?

He has his papers so that is not the reason we are dating or why he wants to marry me.

I am new here and I need some help please.

I am in a relationship that I know must end but I am finding it hard to say goodbye. My heart hurts at the thought of saying goodbye to him. How do I slowly shut off my heart to him and say goodbye?