Always thought securing a future is always about working hard today and reaping the benefits tomorrow, however I am a now convinced that this is only an ideal case and your future is not in your hands like people say. There are external factors that interfere with our future.

I have basically been a hardworking person right from school, working hard to ensure my parents are proud and giving my best in any way I can. Unfortunately it seems like I am not destined for the great future I have always dreamt about.

I noticed early this year that I have a condition that makes me impotent. I can get erections while laying down but lose it while standing/sitting (I wouldn't mind if it will always remain this way but I hear it only gets worse) I visited several specialist doctors and it appears they barely understand this condition and end up saying it is psychological.

I have done my research for a long time now from global writings and forum and discovered I have a venous leak: this is a condition where the veins in the male genital drains blood faster than the inflow of blood through the arteries making normal erection impossible. This may be caused by an accident/damage to the veins.

There have been times where I have had traumas to my genital but I never thought this will be an issue and didn't even notice this condition because I haven't been sexually active.

Now from my research there is no cure to this condition and it only gets worse (meaning even erection when laying down may go eventually).

I have been depressed and sucidal; I feel like there's no point to my life if I can have such a damaging condition. Not being able to have sex isn't the problem, however the pyschological trauma this gives me about my future is the problem. I am still very young!! Will I ever get a wife? The thought of not being normal kills me!

I wonder what I did to deserve this, I am sad, depressed and sucidal. Why does God allow bad things happen to people? I feel I am running mad because I cannot stop thinking about this. I just want to sleep and not wake up, or discover this is a dream if I do.