₦airaland Forum

lestat:
Hey you I came relate , I went through such times growing up . I understand how you feel.. but trust me the other side isn't any easier. If anything it's easier to fix things that are wrong here

I am.not going to tell you that you are weak because you aren't infact it takes guts to cry out for help

I have no Bible or Koran verses to pass along either but I can tell you from one person who has lived through incredible adversity that you are a fighter to have come this far and you still have alot more battles ahead of you to win

Yes sometimes when you are alone thinking of all the difficulties and challenges of your life oresrnly dying seems all so easy and romantic ..

But trust me there are no bells or soecialnovie effevts when one dies

It all ends , full stop , no cut scenes of front seat views of people grieving over you, just hurt unimaginable oain at the hurt this left behind will feel

Firstly let's take stock of all the stuff that's important to you.

What makes you happy ?

Nothing makes me happy right now

lestat:
Hey you I came relate , I went through such times growing up . I understand how you feel.. but trust me the other side isn't any easier. If anything it's easier to fix things that are wrong here

I am.not going to tell you that you are weak because you aren't infact it takes guts to cry out for help

I have no Bible or Koran verses to pass along either but I can tell you from one person who has lived through incredible adversity that you are a fighter to have come this far and you still have alot more battles ahead of you to win

Yes sometimes when you are alone thinking of all the difficulties and challenges of your life oresrnly dying seems all so easy and romantic ..

But trust me there are no bells or soecialnovie effevts when one dies

I honestly do not see myself as a fighter. I mean how can I fight the inevitable? That is actually what troubles me. I cannot believe I deserve to simply die and end in nothingness as my existence ceases despite all the loads of pain the world throws at me.

Try as much as I can to make sense of it all, I simply can't.

I don't know what you mean by the other side isn't any easier. What other side?

Please bear with me. I have a rather popular moniker on nairaland but i am mostly in the politics section and sometimes stray into the religion section so in order to protect that moniker i had to open this new one in order to express my deepest thoughts and worries.

I come from a family that has never really been religious. I most certainly do not believe in any diety nor do i believe any exist so nobody should try and sell me that bullshitt. I have lived a fun and lively life and all has been majorly alright for me until about a month or so ago.

Like i said, since about a month or so ago i have been burdened with this unseen load and thoughts that suggest to me that life as i know it and as everyone knows it is absolutely meaningless and holds no substance or value. I cannot lie but this thought has been tormenting me so much especially at those times when i found myself all alone. I mean whenever i am alone i suddenly start pondering on this even more.

I cannot begin to express the levels of stress and anxiety this has brought upon me to the extent, i find it hard to sleep and currently having constant nagging headaches.

I cannot deny that I have been deeply troubled by thoughts of everything ending in nothingness after I die. I mean i know that there is nothing else for me after i die but lately this does not sit well with me. I didnt ask to be born but here i am and i keep wondering if a deeply conscious human like me deserves to just die and then nothingness and this has given me great distress.

I am 21 years old now and simply thinking about myself being dead maybe when i would be 70 or 80 and nothing after i die despite all i have been through and my many pursuits distresses me even more. I am deeply troubled by this reality of how short and difficult life is and then i end up ultimately dying and everything ending when i die.

I have been reliving this pain and distressful thoughts daily for about a month now and it gets worse when i chance upon the news or pictures or videos of people who died. I use the internet like everyone else so cannot avoid coming upon such distressing news and often in very gruesome detail.

Nairaland lately has been all gore and the rate of death news that hits the front page gets me thinking that those people who died, i could have been one of them and it scares me shitless.

Going further, people or situations or places that used to offer me some degree of relief and comfort like advancement of civilization, my family and relatives, my buddies and so on all appear totally meaningless and useless to me now.

How on earth can i get rid of these nagging feelings all around me and everywhere i look. It is seriously haunting me and bringing me daily pain and anxiety. The feelings and thoughts are too strong.

I confided in a friend and he told me to think positive and tried to tell me that i have so much to live for and he even joked with me that i am handsome, physically fit, intelligent, and would soon be a graduate in flying colours.

However, despite all of this it all still boils down to all being meaningless. People more handsome and more intelligent and better fit than I am have all died so what's special about my looks or my physique or my academics when at the end of the day I will still die and cease to exist.

I am troubled. Sometimes when I am alone I hear voices telling me to end it all and be done with it that it is better to die early with less stress and pain than to die late despite the stress and pains. What is happening to me?