₦airaland Forum

LETTER OF APPLICATION WRITTEN BY AN AKWA-IBOM GIRL.
"An apprication to be jour serfant. Here is the summarly of my cfi.
My name is Ekaette my inklish name is Yulet(Juliet). Ah yam flom Ibiaku Ntok Okpo in Akwa Ibom stead(state). I blought up in Ayekunle den we relogate to Jaba @ Lakos. Ah yam a fery vunny and hadt worging kirl, my hoppies are picking snail and planting casafa. I know how to dance asonto and etighi. ...My best musician is yokodo. I can sing tiwa safage and ron yassi. I have a strong glush on marfin regord. I like gooking, gleaning and washzing.
Oka mma Abassi ur rife will nefa lemain d same if u emproy me. I will even help madam satisvy jou when she is tiredt if jou think ah yam lie to you, Oka ko to my fillage and axe of Ekibaby alias Yulet d Kurimakpa baby.
Jours faitfully,
Ekibaby alias Yulet"

A womn who had HIV hoping 4 solution to her problem went to a native doctor 4 solution. D native doctor was confused knwing fully well dere is no cure.
So he figured out a way to make d woman realise dere is no cure. He did some concautions and den said d god's i serve told me to tell u to provide dis items 4 sacrifice.
1-a fly wit d issue of blood,
2-a frog undergoing menstruation
3-a virgin mosquito,
4-d breast milk of a crocodile,
5-d pennis of a tsetse fly
6-and a pig wit ulcer
witout all dis items 4 sacrifice dere will b no solution.
So witout being told she discoverd dere is no cure 4 her problem.

Here are 8 of the most common funny things that happen in Nigerian films:
1. A woman wears the same hairstyle after 2 years.
2. Before crossing the road, a ghost looks left and right first.
3. A wife barges into her husband with another woman in a hotel room. But who gave her the key?
4. Female students wear sky high heels and short,
SOURCE & more FUNNY GISTS HERE

Breaking news: Condoms don’t
guarantee safe sex anymore! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the girl's boyfriend….!!_

-U earn 50k/month, but u wear human hair of 120k & own a Samsung galaxyS7+ iPhone7, yet u go 2 church crying 4 miracle when u are already performing magic.
57 mins · Public

ME: Hi cutie
HER: Hi
ME: I think You are cute
HER: Thank you
ME: can i go out with you on Friday ?
HER : What do you do for a living?..
ME: I analyse and invest in risky business opportunities that has
possibility of high returns..
HER : Wow, that's amazing.. so like stock exchange or Something
like that?.
ME: Bigger than that, I deal with international investment,
analyzing and investing in business opportunities around England,
Spain, Germany just to mention a few..
HER : *smiling* OK, that explains your good looks all through!..
If only she knew i was talking about Nairabet..

Emekas phone rings…

Nkechi: “Baby do you still luv me like before?”

Emeka: “Ofcourse Yes, my luv for you will never change and is never ending.”

Nkechi: “Dats my babyyyy, I want you to buy me somting.”

Emeka: “Just name it, I am more than capable, you know me now, Nky bebe m”.

Nkechi: “Its just one BB porsche sha…”

Emeka: “No problem. Just find out the price and let me know”

Nkechi: “Its 450 000 naira.”

Emeka: “Is it manual or authomatic? Is it still in a good shape, as in, the engine. Have you checked the fuel consumption too?” How many kilometers has it done? Nkechi: “Honey, its not a car ooo… its a phone.”

Emeka: “Phone? Oh! does it come with a plasma tv, wardrobe and generator?”

Nkechi: “Please be serious, are you buying it or not? ”

Emeka in a whisper) “Ewo!”

Nkechi: “Helloooooo! are you still there?”

Emeka: “Hiiiiiiiii!”

Nkechi : “What is this, I thought you love me, infact, don’t even bother again. I will call Alhaji to get it for me this evening.”

Emeka: “God purnish ya life , na so your tin sweet reach , not only Allhaji, better still, call Atiku he will be faster”

Nkechi: “Am going to delete you”

Emeka: “Is your fone hanging? Cos I have deleted you since you mentioned porsche. ! Thief, how much is bride price even in ya village sef!

Emekas phone rings…

Nkechi: “Baby do you still luv me like before?”

Emeka: “Ofcourse Yes, my luv for you will never change and is never ending.”

Nkechi: “Dats my babyyyy, I want you to buy me somting.”

Emeka: “Just name it, I am more than capable, you know me now, Nky bebe m”.

Nkechi: “Its just one BB porsche sha…”

Emeka: “No problem. Just find out the price and let me know”

Nkechi: “Its 450 000 naira.”

Emeka: “Is it manual or authomatic? Is it still in a good shape, as in, the engine. Have you checked the fuel consumption too?” How many kilometers has it done? Nkechi: “Honey, its not a car ooo… its a phone.”

Emeka: “Phone? Oh! does it come with a plasma tv, wardrobe and generator?”

Nkechi: “Please be serious, are you buying it or not? ”

Emeka in a whisper) “Ewo!”

Nkechi: “Helloooooo! are you still there?”

Emeka: “Hiiiiiiiii!”

Nkechi : “What is this, I thought you love me, infact, don’t even bother again. I will call Alhaji to get it for me this evening.”

Emeka: “God purnish ya life , na so your tin sweet reach , not only Allhaji, better still, call Atiku he will be faster”

Nkechi: “Am going to delete you”

Emeka: “Is your fone hanging? Cos I have deleted you since you mentioned porsche. ! Thief, how much is bride price even in ya village sef!

(1) Where a man Happily meet a lady and when she
goes back to her friends, their only question was "Is
the guy loaded?
(2) Where leaders pretend to be patriotic when they
are in office, out of office, they will turn to ethnic
tigers.
(3) Where a blind beggar will reject a fake naira note.
(4) Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles & Waters
sold in Satchets.
(5) Where parents claim they always came first
position in school.
(6) Where You Can Be A Driver For Years Without A
'DRIVER's LICENCE'
(7) Where Presidents and other government officials
don't know the national anthem.
( Where the Police on a road block makes more
money a day than motorist and their owners.
(9) Where Gala and Lacasera is the best option when
stuck in traffic jams (hold up).
(10) Where you are jailed for stealing Maggi and yam
and others given a chieftancy title for stealing billions
and Front row seat in churches.
(11) Where we fight for everything. To gain admission
to university, to get a job and to enter a bus!
(12) Where you are robbed of your phone and the
robbers come back for your Pin code and the charger.
(13) Where politicians use big unnecessary grammar
to scam people.
(14) Where your type of GENERATOR shows how
RICH you are.
(15) Where you can easily blame your unsuccessfulnes
on family members in the village.
(16) Where rich men must have a pot belly, and a
healthy looking, slim Man is despised in the street as a
pauper.
(17) Where if you where do anyhow you see anyhow.
(18) Where generator is a social amenity.
(19) Where people dey collect change for beggar hand.
(20) Where People produce Toyota Camry jeans and
Dr. Dre slippers
(21) Where the man who had no shoes becomes the
president.
(22) Where a 60-yr-old grandpa is a National youth
leader of a party (PDP).
(23) Where citizens are more afraid of Police than
Armed robbers.
(24) Where a civil servant saves $544,000 in her bank
from Pure Water business in just 2 years.
We are always proud to be called Nigerians despite all
these odds.
Naija For Life.

Ysoo

RULES AND REGULATIONS ON MY
WEDDING day
1) The Dj must not play "After the reggae
play the
blues".if he does, He will meet Harrysong
for his
balance. Only "Ada Ada, Obimo, ring ring,I
love u etc, he will play.
.
2). M.C must not mention anything
Change, I mean
APC. And if he does, Tinibu and Buhari will
complete
his balance.
. 3). My best man will not say or do
anything that will
make my wife to laugh too much, because
if he does, he
will go from there.
4).Any of my in-laws will not pick money
for me.it's
the work of my kid brother and sister. .
5).The video man must focus on money,
anything concerning money that he will
video and not the
attendants and he must not interview my
wife
without my presence, if he does, his
balance will be
paid when Biafra comes. .
6).The photographer must not snap when
am
laughing, and i must be more cute than my
wife in all
the photograph. Failure to do it like that,
Olusegun
Obasanjo will complete his balance.
7).Foods and drinks will be shared by the
Economist,
you must not eat more than a plate and
must not drink more than one bottle due
to the current Economy.
My driver will not drink beer, he will
drink mineral and it must not pass one
bottle so that his eyes will be clear to
avoid roughly driving. Failure to do this, I
drive
home by myself
.
9) The pastor must ask me to kiss d bride
3 times if not! . I will go to law court and
complete the wedding!
.
10) if you drink star you will not drink
origin.. If you
do, you must pay
.
11) my wife will not invite her EX or she
will go with them

12)My best man must be an old man to
avoid
exchange of numbers
.
13) No body will dance with my wife more
than a
minute mostly men no matter the age and
personality
.
14) The people in charge of money will
account for me
and will be searched thoroughly before
they leave.....

Welcome to The Planet Earth
1) Where SEX is free & LOVE is
costly.
2) Where loosing a PHONE is
more
painful than loosing your
VIRGINITY.
3) Where if don't CHEAT on
partner, you're not SHARP and
SMART.
4) Where BATHROOMS have
become Photo STUDIO.
5) Where getting a Galaxy phone
is
greater than achieving a Bsc.
DEGREE.
6) Where YAHOO boys have
brighter future than GRADUATES..
7) Where churches are turned
into
dating point Where worshiping
God
is difficult
Where is better to lose our
families only to please the devil
9) Where lies are turned into
reality
10) Where nowadays ladies fear
for
pregnancy more than HIV
11) Where pizza delivery is faster
than an emergency response
12) Where people fear of thieves
and robbers than fear God
13) Where people nowadays
WhatsApp in church more than
listening to the word.
add yours

Brodas nd sisters in d lord
Is is d youtube link to de dance video by our sons mr emmy jay nd itz wizmelah
More dance video will be upload soon
But 4 nw entertain urself wit dix one
It ws moms birthday nd dey decided to do it 4 mom
Everyone knws d impotnant of mom , so plsss
Visit , watch download , share wit frnds
Nd say ur mind on d comment post ,
There is d link
http://incredibleceo..com.ng/2017/01/today-dance-notation-is-arcane-and.html?m=1

[img]
1) Use gridlines to balance your shot.

One of the easiest and best ways to improve your mobile photos is to turn on the camera's gridlines. That superimposes a series of lines on the screen of your smartphone's camera that are based on the "rule of thirds" -- a photographic composition principle that says an image should be broken down into thirds, both horizontally and vertically, so you have nine parts in total.

According to this theory, if you place points of interest in these intersections or along the lines, your photo will be more balanced, level, and allow viewers to interact with it more naturally.


2) Focus on one subject.

Many of the best photos include just one, interesting subject. So when taking a picture of one, spend some extra time setting up the shot. Some professional photographers say that the subject shouldn't fill the entire frame, and that two-thirds of the photo should be negative space -- that helps the subject stand out even more.

But be sure you tap the screen of your smartphone to focus the camera on your subject -- that'll help to ensure that it's focused and the lighting is optimized.

To read more plss kind visit
Incredibleceo..com
For more