₦airaland Forum

Right on point. I see your perspective

Maobichek:
I appreciate your maturity and sense of humor but he is insinuating that the Ex is only using the daughters to get back at him. Let me sincerely say this: my wife cheated on me and we got separated as a result of her adulterous lifestyle, i wouldn't allow her go with my kids(to avoid the narrative that she is using my kids against me) if i know that i can take care of my kids. That was his mistake which brought about all these issues.

I read some people saying: can he bath, feed, take the kids to sch etc. Someone even said that he only contributed 5 minutes via intercourse in the making of the baby. I know the responsibilities of every father, the day a man marry, his responsibilities must multiply by 50 or more percent.

One thing is certain, despite anything that happens, our society must blame a man and protect woman when it comes to marriage so he should look for a way to settle with his Ex because of the daughters which he believe that his Ex is using against him and he should not contemplate/ let alone saying that he would leave his children because he has issues with his Ex, that's uncalled for, thank you.

Dear Friend

Pls accept my sincere sympathy over your situation. Dealing with a cheating ex and having to loose access to yor kids is no easy struggle. No man should have to go through this.

Unlike many people here, i must say I see ur struggles and I HEAR U

I understand how painful it is to be treated as a secondary decision maker, instead of being a principal/major decision maker in the well-being of your kids. This hurts and should not have been. Pls know that your wife is wrong and so is anyone who indulges her.

Please know that you’re a great dad, and your love for your kids shines no matter what people say. For it is only a great dad that fights they way you do over those kids. Pls keep fighting, cos you kids need you as much as they need their mom. Your kids need you to provide emotional support, role modelling, discipline and structure, diverse perspectives in life and to help them build healthy relationships. No woman should have to deprive her kids of their dad. it is wrong on many levels. . So i see that you fight out of love and concern for them.

I also know that you miss your kids. For a girl's first love is her dad; and dads are so uniquely attached to their girls. Many men realise a sense of purpose, fulfilment, legacy, joy and laughter, etc from their kids. So It is terribly mean to deprive a man of that, especially after cheating on him.


I know you had to stop paying for their welfare and i understand why. I dont know what to say for it seem that your major concern is to determine their paternity if you havent done so. You also need to have a discussion with the lady and her family around your intention to be involved in the kids life. for it is only then that you can have a conversation with your in-laws regarding paying the requested money ( of course, you can negotiate if you have to pay).

I dont advise you to take ur ex back as she has proven unconcerned. Pls dont. Be very thoughtful here. Dont solve a problem with another problem.

Go for counselling if you can. I imagine that you are going through a lot as any good father should.

On a parting note: It’s okay to feel everything you’re feeling. Just remember, this moment doesn’t define the future. Your love for them is powerful, and that connection will never break.

Afodot0022:
Top of the day to my nairalanders fam.
Majority of people here have idea about my story and if you don't, you can go through my previous post to get a glimpse.

This month made it one year and seven months have been Separated and living apart from my ex wife due to infidelity and cheating from my ex wife part. Since then, my two daughter aged 8 and 7 had been living with her and I do take responsibility of them until this January 2024 when my wife took my kids to her father and step mom place because there was this course she was order to go for 6months officially outside lagos state. I was so angry because she never seek my permission or approval before taking them there and because of this, I stop sending money or paying their fees till now. I saw it as a act of disrespect if I the father can't be informed of where my kids are been taking to for a long period of time. She already took them there before informing me.

She was supposed to finish her course outside the state by June and since then, she never called me to inform me she is back until yesterday when I put a call to her and she told me she got back since June. I asked about the kids and to my shock, she told me the kids are still there with her father and step mom. How can you leave the kids at your parents place while the father and mother are available, I got so upset and the discussion resulted to insult and curse on phone. She told me she had a serious issue at work and she couldn't combine the kids stress to what she is going through presently. To be honest, I was even thinking to reconcile with her cos of the kids despite she cheated but the way she behave and talks on phone shows she is not remorse or even care if the family is back together or ready for any reconciliation despite the fact she was at fault. Now my kids are my focus but I don't know how to go about this.

The information I got from her dad was that he will not release the kids to either me or her on less the money he had spent on them is refunded back to him. This is already looking like a kidnap and abduction case which I told her that if she doesn't pick those kids before weekend, I will file a case of child kidnap and abduction against her and her father. Pls I need advice on how to go about this and those that have first class experience with such should assist with advice. Thank you all

You are wrong.


I love your comment but i must admit that you are wrong.

First, the kids are owned by both parents. Therefore, the decision as per the kids welfare after separation should be joint taken by both parties. The man is been treated as a secondary decision maker instead of principal/major decision maker. So, the man is merely been informed after the woman has taken decision. This is wrong.

Did you also consider the child's welbeing?

This is key and should not be overlooked. Fathers play a crucial role in the development and well-being of their children. Few reasons why kids need their dad include:
1. Emotional Support
2. Role modelling
3. Discipline and Structure
4. Diverse perspectives
5. Healthy relationships, etc


I should also remind you that a female kids, first love is their DAD, not the mom.

Did you also consider the man's well-being who needs his kids for him to live a meaning and proud life?
Many men realise a sense of purpose, fulfilment, legacy, joy and laughter, etc from their kids. It is terribly mean to deprive a man of that, especially after cheating on him
Most people make the mistake of undermining the importance of kids in a man's life. Pls dont do that.

You also need to understand that most men get attached to their kids, especially the female children.
Besides, y should a man - the provider- be deprived of his kids. They are the sum total of his suffering and hustle.

Just to add, the man takes care of his kids. He Had to stop after he felt deprived of his kids. He isnt running from his duty. He is more than ready to provide if only he can have access to them.

Regarding the man going to see the kids. Do you know the type of relationship he has now with his ex-inlaws? I am pretty sure he doesnt have good one with his ex-wife, let alot with the inlaws. Do you even know if they have cordial relationship.

Pls approah this issue with more sensitivity. I can cos i have experience.



Thanks








[quote author=Maobichek post=132571354][/quote]

I love your comment but i must admit that you are wrong.

First, the kids are owned by both parents. Therefore, the decision as per the kids welfare after separation should be joint taken by both parties. The man is been treated as a secondary decision maker instead of principal/major decision maker. So, the man is merely been informed after the woman has taken decision. This is wrong.

Did you also consider the child's welbeing?

This is key and should not be overlooked. Fathers play a crucial role in the development and well-being of their children. Few reasons why kids need their dad include:
1. Emotional Support
2. Role modelling
3. Discipline and Structure
4. Diverse perspectives
5. Healthy relationships, etc


I should also remind you that a female kids, first love is their DAD, not the mom.

Did you also consider the man's well-being who needs his kids for him to live a meaning and proud life?
Many men realise a sense of purpose, fulfilment, legacy, joy and laughter, etc from their kids. It is terribly mean to deprive a man of that, especially after cheating on him
Most people make the mistake of undermining the importance of kids in a man's life. Pls dont do that.

You also need to understand that most men get attached to their kids, especially the female children.
Besides, y should a man - the provider- be deprived of his kids. They are the sum total of his suffering and hustle.

Thanks

LilMissFavvy:
You think you can take care of two young daughters as a single man? No, you cannot. They are better off staying with Grandpa/wife.
Your ex wife informed you about the kids whereabouts after she had taken them to Grandpa's house, so what? She at least informed you. Then you stopped paying school fees/feeding, you thought they will beg you, but grandpa stood up and took responsibility, now you are back complaining. Grandpa told you to return all expenses before he will release the kids to you or mother, yet you are still here arguing. Even if Grandpa says you should pay 2million, then be ready to cough out that amount, you can never win the case in court because you stopped paying for their upkeep.

I love your comment but i must admit that you are wrong.

First, the kids are owned by both parents. Therefore, the decision as per the kids welfare after separation should be joint taken by both parties. The man is been treated as a secondary decision maker instead of principal/major decision maker. So, the man is merely been informed after the woman has taken decision. This is wrong.

Did you also consider the child's welbeing?

This is key and should not be overlooked. Fathers play a crucial role in the development and well-being of their children. Few reasons why kids need their dad include:
1. Emotional Support
2. Role modelling
3. Discipline and Structure
4. Diverse perspectives
5. Healthy relationships, etc


I should also remind you that a female kids, first love is their DAD, not the mom.

Did you also consider the man's well-being who needs his kids for him to live a meaning and proud life?
Many men realise a sense of purpose, fulfilment, legacy, joy and laughter, etc from their kids. It is terribly mean to deprive a man of that, especially after cheating on him
Most people make the mistake of undermining the importance of kids in a man's life. Pls dont do that.

You also need to understand that most men get attached to their kids, especially the female children.
Besides, y should a man - the provider- be deprived of his kids. They are the sum total of his suffering and hustle.

Thanks

masseratti:
OP , don't give that Grandpa a dime of your money ,but at the samw time I will blame you for not sending upkeep money in those period no matter where they are it's your responsibility,not only that I can't phantom not talking to my kids once in a weak talkless of not talking for months and be comfortable... immediately I don't hear from my kids in a week I don't care who or what can be holding them away from me even if am 6000 miles away i will cause so much trouble the thought of something like that from any woman will be imposicant.since you could reach your father inlaw you should have called and know wassup or callee your ex..June till now is over 4 months.

Thanks for your contribution. However, the bane of the issue is that the presence of the kids' dad is missing in the life of the kids. And the man is also deprived of the joy of seeing his kids grow.

People often focus on the financial welfare, dont make that mistake. The kids need to BE whole. And that can be achieved when both parents are involved in their lives.


The separation was wrongly done. I dont know whose fault it is because i didnt read his previous post.
In an idea seperation case, both parties ought to have disccused the kids welfare ( and reach an understanding on how the kids will be raised and access to the kids by both parties). This wasnt done.

The woman has already erred by taking the kids away from the man and depriving him access to them. The man is less wrong on this matter. he his willing to provide if he is allowed to be part of their lives.

Most people blame the man cos they dont have experience. I have experience through a friend's marriage. Nobody knows what type of ill-treatment the man gets from his ex in as we speak. Some exes can be rude, mean and very impolite, which i think is the case with this man.

The man is just a victim of a woman's world, especially when it involved kids.

Ciao

On point

Jevica:
Am indeed surprised at all the responses regarding this issue. No one even deem it fit to condemned an act of infidelity on the part of the ex wife? It is very shameful.

My advise to the man is to first and foremost conduct a DNA test on those children to confirm their paternity status because women these days doesn’t respect their marriages. An Edo will not condole this nonsense.

Mom007:
You are not serious. You don't want them but you want her to want them. Is that not double standard? If she says she cannot cope as a single parent with them and still be working, then what stops you from going for them? Because you know you cannot cope either but instead of humbling yourself and providing for your children regardless of your differences with the mom, you chicken out and think you are in any position to have a say on where and how they are raised. A roof over their head, u no provide. Upkeep nko, nothing like that. You don't even want them with you! So in what way are you a father to those kids? Is it the 5minutes role you played in their conception that you think qualifies you to answer 'father'? Again, you are not serious. Take your case anywhere, you will not only loose but be forced to resume paying upkeep although I don't know why you have to wait for someone to force you. Mini man!

Idiot

isabitalko:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjmSd1XV4CE

Please help this guy in anyway you can.
Please partner with him and mentor him too if possible.
Let's make this viral guys so that good content creators can locate him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjmSd1XV4CE

Welcum:
Other states nko?

we are expecting them to follow suit

RepoMan007:
FAAC allocation should be replaced with machinery and raw inputs. The states are too useless to handle money. What we have are billionaires emerging from paupers after 4 or 8 years as governors. The aggregate that, they build senseless flyovers or structures in between their grass to grass rise.

Observation noted

Redomi:
There are farmers cluster that ought to get these fertilizer and distribute to their members and not to senators that have no farm or senators that will sell to the northern part if the country

Exactly. However, the good news is that Nasarawa govt has started the distribution. lets hope other recipients- govs, senators and co.- follow suit.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mpzv7cqERx8

Nasarawa State Governor, Abdullahi Sule, has initiated the distribution of free fertilisers provided by the federal government to farmers across the state.

This effort is part of the federal government’s commitment to enhancing food security in Nigeria.

The distribution, which includes NPK and Urea fertilisers, began in Awe, the headquarters of Awe Local Government Area, and will extend to all 13 LGAs in Nasarawa State.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mpzv7cqERx8

atiku4President:
Good one, but whose hands the trucks end determines the success or otherwise of the gesture.

This is indeed a good initiatives. We only hope that the fertilizers get to the desired farmers.

In order to ensure food security in the country, the Federal Government is sending 60 trucks of fertiliser to each of the states of the federation.

The Senate revealed the plan on Tuesday while debating on the food crisis at plenary, where he called on the Federal Government to expedite action on the fertiliser distribution.

It was gathered that each of the 109 senators will also receive two trucks of fertiliser for distribution to farmers in their constituents, while the 360 members of the House of Representatives will get one truck each to distribute in their constituencies


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6G-hAWMomY

Righthussle:
The why does EFCC not go after local Goverment chairmen.?

Good observation but i think they will.
we just need to give them time

The Supreme Court of Nigeria has ruled that the 774 local government areas (LGAs) be given a full financial autonomy across the federation.

A seven-man panel of Supreme Court Justices led by Justice Garba Lawal delivered the ruling on Thursday, July 11, 2024.

The apex Court Initially heard the suit between the federal and State government on the autonomy of local government on June 13 and its reserved judgment.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PotYgEW7LfE