₦airaland Forum

Seriously, Nollywood was bad. I mean baaaaaaaad. So bad it can make someeone leap from Third Mainland Bridge, screaming “Ican’t take it anymore!!!” before they splash into what is their non-negotiable death. But don’t think it’s just Nollywood that had the depression inducing wackness. Other movie industries, including Hollywood, have a side dish of Captain Crapastic.

Action Stops For Action: Hollywood is the main culprit here. Action stopping for action is when, say, one thing is happening, then something else happens and all of a sudden, the previous thing that was happening does not seem to matter at all? Okay, I’ve got you confused here; lemme explain a bit. Remember that scene from The Hobbit where Gandalf, Bilbo and others were running from Azog and his extremely humongous wolves that would totally be the masters of this world if they existed in real life? Now, they had to climb into the trees to escape but the wolves were pretty smart and started causing the trees to be uprooted. Remember too that they were at the edge of a cliff and the trees were falling over the edge and all of them were at risk of falling to their deaths (though they would get an unrivalled view of a rather beautiful valley while falling) and Gandalf had already pulled off a string of saves with his staff that would put Petr Cech to shame.

All of a sudden, our hero, Thorin, suddenly realizes “Man, i’m Thorin, I can’t take no mo’ of this shit. I’m supposed to be handing this guy his ass!” and gets up from the tree while the others, who really should be trying to figure out burial arrangements if they didn’t get out of the tree fast enough, stop screaming and start watching him hero march (in slow motion, no less) towards Azog…..where Azog promptly hands him his ass on a platter in one of the shortest combats in high profile movie history between good guy and boss.

I mean, how unrealistic is that? Noone toldu s time was stopping. For a fantasy movie, that was pretty fantastic. Even Jim Iyke doesn’t attempt those kind of stunts here. In Nollywood movies, when there is danger, the people scream, shout and pray, regardless of if Gentle Jack decides to form hero (which, realistically, is how most of us would react). It was as if, because Thorin finally remembered he was supposed to be courageous, all laws of gravity suddenly ceased to exist.

Bullshit.

And while we’re still on the laws of physics…..

http://randeerandle.ga/media-biatch/2013/12/why-foreign-movies-can-be-just-as-unrealistic-as-local-movies/

Okay, so yesterday Liverpool hammered Tottenham Hotspur, made AVB look like Bertie Goat, sorry, Berti Vogts on the Nigerian sidelines and make a 120 million team look distinctly ordinary. Well, so far, AVB has got the chop for the distinct achievement of losing to Liverpool at White Hart Lane by five goals for the first time in the London club’s history.

But you would imagine the Spurs fans would be angry at AVB (for making them look little better than Cardiff on a very bad day) or the Spurs management (for selling Bale then handing them a bucketful of foreign flops) but no. Here’s who they are currently venting their anger at:

https://i.imgur.com/Ic5E60Y.png

No, Assou-Ekkotto did not score three own goals. And Adebayor didn’t miss an all important sitter. Infact, neither player was even on the pitch yesterday (Assou Ekotto is not even playing for Spurs now as he is on loan at QPR). So why the Spurs fans’ hate mail?

Oh, simply because of the above pic.

Being posted by Assou Ekotto after the match.

With the following tweet: “What a game tonight….happy to see my man @E_Adebayor (LOL)”

And then there’s the small matter of being drubbed by Liverpool at home.

While these two posed for a picture (look at the total number of fingers being held up by both players and relate it with the scoreline and you might have an idea why Spurs fans want to burn their London houses down).

You know, in my opinion, I really don’t blame either of them. Sure, Adebayor is probably one of modern football’s biggest mercenaries (besides his lord and master, Zlatan Ibrahimovic) but then, he didn’t ask to be pushed to the sidelines by AVB in favor of a very expensive penalty taker; Roberto Soldado. As for Assou Ekotto, it was even more baffling as this is one of my considered most loyal Spurs players. AVB had him shipped out.

To QPR.

In relegation.

Of all places!

Well, what’s the result of this all?

Oh, AVB got the boot this morning, in case you were wondering.

Adebayor/Assou Ekotto 1 – 0 Andre Villas-Boas.

African Magic at work!

http://randeerandle.ga/footie-footie/2013/12/whats-with-spurs-fans-and-their-adebayorassou-ekotto-hate/

So I was looking for an appropriate picture to express exactly how I felt about the choppy weather this morning so I resorted to the grandfather of all knowledge and resources: Google. I went to the search box and typed “freezing”, selected image results and……

Boom, I get a facefull of steaming japanese anime erotica. Now, I may be wrong, but when I hear freezing, I imagine snow, ice and a conductor drinking paraga. Why then does google imagine im trying to find japanese animated girls with unrealistically large, er, gazongas?

Think im lying? Why not give it a shot? Open google, type freezing in the search box and select image results. Just make sure you take away that your ten year old child first. And that your employer isnt looking over your shoulder. Or your employees aren’t looking over your shoulder (seriously, your weird fetish for japanese anime porn eill be the topic of hushed discussion for weeks)

I’m quite sure my English teacher taught me the correct meaning of the word freezing and it has nothing to do with big, uncovered boobs.

Except, if you throw in Afrocandy, of course….that changes everything….

(Okay, so I read through the rules of posting on this board and it is clearly listed that posting sexually, er, explicit pictures are strongly prohibited (wat, our mods! Dont like porn? Are you serious?!!! so if you want to check it out, you can check my post page (link below) or better still, try it out by yourself! *wink, wink*

Disclaimer; RandeeBoi takes no responsibility for you getting caught by your mother, wife or the Archbishop of your church. Allegations will be denied and posts will be deleted.)

http://randeerandle.ga/the-oddity/2013/12/porn-for-searchfreezing-porn/