₦airaland Forum

Dogalmighty17:
When they say avoid single moms and some men choose not to listen it is because of issues like this. When you went and married a single mom, did you bring it here? Why are you bringing the consequence here?

Whether you like it or not, that man is her father. Your claims of loving the girl are immaterial. It will be hard for any court to restrict the man from getting access to the child. I know this is painful to read.

At this point there is nothing you nor your wife can do to stop him. If he goes to court, he has added another layer of complication to your life. This matter is going to haunt you for a long while.

A very good lawyer can make this work for you anyways. You need to prove abandonment in court. Your wife needs to prove that she at no time denied that man access to her and their child. That the man choose not to be a part of his daughter's life and it will be very unfair for the court to allow him access now that the girl is growing up in a loving home. I don't know how well this arguement may fly.

But in all, if this goes to court and I think it should(you should take it to court), your prayer before the court should be that the man in question should have no reasonable expectation of relationship with the girl until she is 18. Until she is mature enough. Allowing him access to her earlier, will disturb the peace in your home and affect her mentally. The judge should consider on these grounds.

Your situation is very unfortunate and I can understand your pain. Get ready though, you have a battle ahead of you.

Aiigt dude, you sound like a judgemental person from the first paragraph so I didn’t read through.

Nobody has ever denied him of relationship with my daughter or should I say his daughter since in your word she’s not mine.

I live in the US and there are laws. He literally have no rights at the moment and it’s just me being reasonable. We can live our live forever without dealing with his ass. I love my baby girl enough for this to bother me more than it bothers my wife.

Lastly, stop stereotyping and judging single mothers when you don’t know their stories. Open up your mind and heart.

Kobojunkie:
Make sure your wife is on the same page as you. When pushed up against a wall, some resort to self sabotaging behavior without even realizing it. Do not force her but at least make sure she is aware that that man is nothing but a deadbeat and does not deserve to be rewarded merely for being a sperm donor in that case. She does not owe him anything and it is best she keep him as far away from that child as is possible unless that child explicitly demands otherwise.

Thank you.

The crazy thing is, my wife don’t give a Bleep about him and don’t want our baby girl to have anything to do with him at all. She keep telling me that I am over worried and truly I am and it’s all for her not about me because something in me is certain she will be heartbroken by this revelation and I hope I am wrong. I am not just sure if she is at the best stage and age for this bombshell.

Thank y’all for your responses, I truly appreciate it and believe me I have also filtered through the responses.

This is never about me but more about my daughters peace and mental health. I know we will find a way to navigate through this. I came here because I am a private person and needed to get this off my chest. One is for sure, I will protect her with everything in me. Again, I appreciate your responses.

Samantha125:
The truth has a way of coming out... Since he knows her name and surname, he may one day reach out to her on social media, or even come to your house and demand to see her... He can even go to her school if he ever finds out the name of the school she attends.

I have one relative who also prevented his ex from seeing their children, two daughters... Apparently she abandoned them when they were still very young... But this lady came up with an idea of going to their school to see them during break time... She managed to convince the children not to tell their father about their secret meetings, but somehow the father ended up finding out... Unfortunately, both the kids died from a car accident back in 2013.

Just tell her the truth and I doubt she'd turn her back against you since you're the only father she's known all her life.

Show up at my home? Lol show up at the school? SMH. Some of you really have a lot of audacity.

BeardedMeat:
Op, please answer this.
How come her siblings don't know you are not the child's father? What are you and your wife hiding?
Does your wife have other kids for you?

Hiding ? You mean protecting her? After over 12 years?

Helpout12345:
The story is not complete. How come her siblings think you are the father of the girl?? Is this same with your siblings too?

At what point did you get involved with your wife and this girl?

Have you heard the girl's father side of the story? Or you just believe what your wife told you?

Her siblings are the kids from our marriage and no they don’t know that I am not her biological father because why would I do that. The only people that knows she’s not my biological daughter are immediate family members.

Not one time did we stop that man from having a relationship with her. Less than 6 months of coming into her life she had a major surgery that kept her at the hospital for 4 months, that’s when I got close to her and that’s when she started calling me dad because I am the one she sees every night and day. I was young and had just graduated from college, navigating through work/business and that did not stop me from being there considering the fact that I just met her mother, a lot of sleepless nights at the hospital, he came only once and another one time when they went home and that was it. No call, no letter, no email just no form of communication for almost 12 years.

Put himself on child support and never paid a dime and believe we don’t care and don’t need his money.

Do you know how many doctor’s appointment I take her to in a month? A lot till this day, she went through a lot due to the surgery, a lot of sacrifices being made and still. We spend over $11,000 a month on medication that insurance doesn’t cover for for about 3 years straight. Man none of these matters but I’m just trying to give context. I am more worried about my daughters mental health.

Like I said earlier on, I am not a selfish person and I want to treat this carefully which is why I came here anonymously. Like some clowns here had said “she’s not my daughter why am I calling her my daughter “ wow lol well I don’t care about what anyone says, she’s will always be my baby girl for the rest of our lives.

Good afternoon Nairalanders.

Not need for long paragraphs.

My wife had a child with a deadbeat that put himself on child support and it’s been over 10 years without a payment and we are not bothered neither have we tried to enforce it. He have not seen my daughter in over 8 years, no call nothing. I am not the kind of person to stop a relationship between another man and his child. We have completely forgotten his existence until a week ago he when he called my wife’s office wanting to speak with her. My wife wants nothing to do with him.

I am the only father my daughter have known and she’s almost 14, I love her with every fiber in my body. My wife said she don’t want confusion in her life and also worries about her siblings knowing that I am not her biological father. I know how sensitive this is and I am being as careful as I can.

My daughter don’t know anything about him and that’s on him. How would you handle a situation like this?