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JoshMedia's Posts

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Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
What did he ask you, if you're allowed to tell me?" asked Jack.

"He asked me about the third request," replied Nate.

"Aha!" It was Jack's turn to grin. "And what did you tell him?"
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Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Sounds like a good guy," agreed Jack. "How did he handle this, when you
first told him. What did he do?"

"Well," said Nate, "he sat down for a while, thought about it for a bit, and
then asked me some questions, much like you're doing."
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Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Yep," replied Nate. "He was a good guy. Talked to me a lot. Taught me to
read and brought me books. I think I still have a good pile of them buried
in the sand around here somewhere. I still miss him. He died a few months
ago."
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
Jack sat there for a while, staring off into the desert that was rapidly
getting dark, chewing on a fingernail.

Suddenly, Jack turned around and looked at the snake. "Nate, was Samuel the
one bound to this before me?"
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"But what if I get mad at someone? Or some girl dumps me and I feel
horrible? Couldn't I make a mistake? How do I know that I won't screw up?"
protested Jack.

Nate gave his kind of snake-like shrug again. "You don't. You just have to
try your best, Jack."
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Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Nope," replied Nate. "You pretty much just have to decide on your own. It's
up to you, however you want to decide it. I guess that you're just supposed
to know."
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Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
That seems to be it," agreed Nate.

"What kind of criteria do I use to decide?" said Jack. "How do I make this
decision? Am I supposed to decide if they're good? Or too many of them are
bad? Or that they're going the wrong way? Is there a set of rules for that?"
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
Jack sat there for a while, staring off into the desert that was rapidly
getting dark, chewing on a fingernail.

Suddenly, Jack turned around and looked at the snake. "Nate, was Samuel the
one bound to this before me?"
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
Nate gave his kind of snake-like shrug again. "You don't. You just have to
try your best, Jack."
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"But what if I get mad at someone? Or some girl dumps me and I feel
horrible? Couldn't I make a mistake? How do I know that I won't screw up?"
protested Jack.
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Nope," replied Nate. "You pretty much just have to decide on your own. It's
up to you, however you want to decide it. I guess that you're just supposed
to know."
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"That seems to be it," agreed Nate.

"What kind of criteria do I use to decide?" said Jack. "How do I make this
decision? Am I supposed to decide if they're good? Or too many of them are
bad? Or that they're going the wrong way? Is there a set of rules for that?"
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
Jack sat down, well back from the lever. He looked thoughtful and puzzled at
the same time. After a bit, he said, "So this makes me the Judge of
humanity? I get to decide whether they keep going or just end? Me? Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Well, of course, I think they've all seriously considered it at one time or
another. Being given that kind of responsibility makes you sit down and
think, or so I'm told. Samuel considered it several times. He'd often get
disgusted with humanity, come out here, and just hold the lever for a while.
But he never pulled it. Or you wouldn't be here." Nate grinned some more.
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Yep," replied Nate, "being as he'd be human too."

"Has anyone ever seriously considered it?" asked Nate. "Any of those bound
to secrecy, that is?"
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Umm, no." said Jack, stepping a little further back from the lever. "Why in
the world would anyone want to end humanity? It'd take a psychotic to want
that! Or worse, a suicidal psychotic, because it would kill him too,
wouldn't it?"
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
Jack looked somewhat shocked. "You mean that I could pull the lever now?
You'd let me end humanity?"

"Yep," replied Nate, "if you want to." Nate looked at Jack carefully. "Do
you want to, Jack?"
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Rules? What rules?" asked Jack.

"The rules are that I can't tell anybody about it or let them touch it
unless they agree to be bound to secrecy by a bite. And that only one human
can be bound in that way at a time. That's it." explained Nate.
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"A lever to end humanity?" asked Jack. "What in the world is that for? Why
would anyone need to end humanity?"

"Well," replied Nate, "I get the idea that maybe humanity was an experiment.
Or maybe the Big Guy just thought, that if humanity started going really
bad, there should be a way to end it. I'm not really sure. All I know are
the rules, and the guesses that Samuel and I had about why it's here. I
didn't think to ask back when I started here."
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
Jack was initially startled by Nate's pronouncement, but when Nate grinned
Jack laughed. "Ha! You almost had me fooled for a second there. What does it
really do?"

"Oh, it really ends humanity, like I said," smirked Nate. "I just thought
the voice I used was funny, didn't you?"

Nate continued to grin.
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Yep, that's what it is," replied Nate.

"What does it do?" asked Jack. "End the world?"

"Oh, no," said Nate. "Nothing that drastic. It just ends humanity. I call it
'The Lever of Doom'." For the last few words Nate had used a deeper, ringing
voice. He tried to look serious for a few seconds, and then gave up and
grinned.
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"You can't touch that yet, Jack," said Nate.

"Why not?" asked Jack.

"I haven't explained it to you yet," replied Nate.

"Well, it kinda looks like a lever or something," said Jack. "You'd push it
that way, and it would move in the slot."
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Well, you see this pole here, sticking out of the stone?" Nate loosened his
coils around the tilted white pole and showed Jack where it descended into
the stone. The pole was tilted at about a 45 degree angle and seemed to
enter the stone in an eighteen inch slot cut into the stone. Jack leaned
over and looked. The slot was dark and the pole went down into it as far as
Jack could see in the dim light. Jack reached out to touch the pole, but
Nate was suddenly there in the way.
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Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"What is this place?" said Jack. "And what did he ask you to do?"
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Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia

"Dad left me here. Or, I assume it was my dad. It was another snake - much
bigger than I was back then. I remember talking to him, but I don't remember
if it was in a language, or just kind of understanding what he wanted. But
one day, he brought me to this stone, told me about it, and asked me to do
something for him. I talked it over with him for a while, then agreed. I've
been here ever since.
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"So, are you the snake that tempted Eve?" said Jack.

"Beats me," said Nate. "Maybe. I can't remember if the first one of your
kind that I talked to was female or not, and I never got a name, but it
could have been. And I suppose she could have considered my offer to grant
requests a 'temptation', though I've rarely had refusals."

"Well, umm, how did you get here then? And why is that white pole stuck out
of the stone there?" asked Jack.
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia
"Garden of Eden, hunh?" said Jack. "How long have you been here, Nate?"

"No idea, really," replied Nate. "A long time. It never occurred to me to
count years, until recently, and by then, of course, it was too late. But I
do remember when this whole place was green, so I figure it's been thousands
of years, at least."
Joshmedia1 is the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia

"Well, yeah, as best as I and Samuel could figure it anyway," said Nate. "He
figured that the story just got a little mixed up. You know, snake, in a
'tree', offering 'temptations', making bargains. That kind stuff. But he
could never quite figure out how the Hebrews found out about this spot from
across the ocean. He worried about that for a while."
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Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia

Jack looked out the way the snake had pointed for a few seconds more, and
then sat back down. It was getting dark. Not much he could do about heading
out right now. And besides, Nate was just about to get to the interesting
stuff. "Garden of Eden? As best as you can figure it?"
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Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia

"It's about 30 miles that way." Nate pointed, with the rattle on his tail
this time. As far as Jack could tell, it was a direction at right angles to
the way he'd been going when he was crawling here. "But that's 30 miles by
the way the crow flies. It's about 40 by the way a man walks. You should be
able to do it in about half a day with your improved endurance, if you head
out early tomorrow, Jack."

Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia

Jack walked around and looked at the details in the fading light of the
setting sun. He wished he'd looked at it while the sun was higher in the
sky.

Wait! The sun was setting! That meant he was going to have to spend another
night out here! Arrrgh!

Jack looked out across the desert for a little bit, and then came back and
stood next to Nate. "In all the excitement, I almost forgot, Nate," said
Jack. "Which way is it back to town? And how far? I'm eventually going to
have to head back - I'm not sure I'll be able to survive by eating raw
desert critters for long. And even if I can, I'm not sure I'll want to."
Joshmedia1 is not the author
Jokes EtcRe: Longest Joke In The World by JoshMedia(op):
Joshmedia

"Well, that's the best I can figure it, anyway, Jack," said Nate. "Stand up
and look at the symbol on the rock here." Nate gestured around the dark
stone they were both sitting on with his nose.

Jack stood up and looked. Carved into the stone in a bas-relief was a
representation of a large tree. The angled-pole that Nate was wrapped around
was coming out of the trunk of the tree, right below where the main branches
left the truck to reach out across the stone. It was very well done - it
looked more like a tree had been reduced to almost two dimensions and
embedded in the stone than it did like a carving.
Joshmedia1 is not the author.

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