₦airaland Forum

Naija people and comprehension. This is a really touchy subject.

Ify84, the insults are not because anyone married early...both parties are not even listening to each other. Byvan gave her point of view and it was unfairly attacked, those against gave their point of view and it was also attacked. Both parties threw insults and here we are! Classic case of defensive arguing for no reason. Saying do not marry in school does not mean those that did it are silly or unfortunate. Lord, it's just a point of view and those disagreeing can do so as well. There is just a bunch of insecurity showing on this thread from both sides and that is not such a bad thing, if we quit insulting each other. This is a great forum for discussion but its painful to watch people demean others PoV. I hope my post did not offend anyone. If it did, my apologies.

This is the long epistle writer (Morning!)
My advise to the OP was to get her education and some life experiences as a single woman(getting to know what makes her tick outside the confines of being a student, supporting herself...that sort of stuff) as stated in the response earlier. however, this might not be the path she wants to tow. Not even speaking from a grass is greener perspective because I did not get this chance, but from a "times are different now" you need this.
Once again, it was my advise( which I understand is worth () that much), let us learn to critique without getting defensive. A total stranger should not make you feel uneasy about your life choices after all, they do not know anything about your background and your wants. I just understand that if she felt the need to put this very private matter out there, she might be having strong second thoughts. Once again, your opinion, my opinion...they can and should differ. I have been in this marriage thing for a good bit, I just wanted to share a slightly older person's perspective (which tends to be epistley). :-)

[quote author=alutacontinua] Ok, I'll do just that.

Dolly-Parton:
Dayum!!! The married ones are aggressive.

Hahahaha, I fear!

Ladies, please. Throwing insults is just not even it. Please we should all learn to share views without attacking each other. The thread is so messy now. It is also embarrassing that we as adults can spew insults at ourselves like this. One person needs to be the bigger person and kill this nonsense. Either make nice or ignore insults and help the OP. This thread is not about anyone else but her...all the back and forth is just noise.

[quote author=Guitarlife]Sir, I am a Nigerian woman...my location does not matter. I do not even care if the church consents or not. My thing is why is her fiance in such a haste? Why is he rushing? O, sorry I forgot in Naija husband is scarce. My apologies, please OP do and marry ok. If your parents approve, why not. You have almost graduated. All the folks here are pushing for it. Hopefully, your husband will ensure you continue to thrive maybe in your career or business. Oh and also, there's no raised eyebrow as to why she came on Nairaland to ask her question. It is a matter of simply going to another church right or is she a bit rushed. Let me stop here. OP, as you have been advised...husband no dey o. Rush marry this one

There is no easy way to say this. Stay away from this fraudulent man. He lied to you at first, he has abandoned his responsibilities. This is who will potentially be the father of your own children?

It is not up to you to " push him back to his wife and kids". Your responsibility is to yourself. See the red lights flashing brightly, do the right thing and get out while you can before you make a silly mistake and become baby mama #X.

You seem like an intelligent lady. Nothing about this guy says potential! There are lots of great guys out there that will make you even happier. Being with this one is signing up for a life of hurt and shadiness. Oh and his family will say all the right things, who no like better? They want him to have a wife here that will bear grandkids that they can interact with; don't think they have your best interest at heart (unless one member is touched by God to tell you the truth).
This guy sounds too much like a case I have heard of, fear won't let me mention his name. Save yourself the trouble.

Scared of loosing him?? OP, please erase this thought from your head. Loose him becauseeeeeee? I tire with naija ladies. If she is in school, she is in her early 20s or there about. Why should she be scared of loosing a guy due to wanting to do the best for her (which in turn will benefit him).

*Sigh* Young lady, finish school if you can please. Has he finished school? Why can't he wait for you. If he can, please go ahead and finish. You love each other right?? No rush. Finish school please and be a valuable contributor to your new family. If he threatens to leave, then you know if a baby is delayed...he will threaten to leave or seek other options. It will always be my way now and fast (that is if he is rushing you o, let me not be presumptuous). He should be patient and so should you.

OP, I am a young married woman. I love my husband and I thank God I was able to finish school, work while being a wife and mother. My husband was super supportive. I see where the young married ladies are coming from but I will advice you, you know your story and your husband. Remove pressure from him and society and consider a few things. Are YOU on your own willing to walk down this path? Make sacrifices and put your needs aside for the greater good of your new family. Bear with your husband getting grumpy about your education taking center stage, because he has to take a back seat for a little. Afterall, you might as well do the education thing with all excellence. Some of these unhappy women you see nowadays are products of rushed unions. We need to get out of this mentality of: He will leave and you will be lonely later, or time no dey o.

Make the best choice for YOU. I just gave you a synopsis of my own life but I know what life would have been like. It's not about catching fun, it's about growing and knowing yourself by yourself and knowing what you want. I always advise women today, develop yourself if you can. Then enter a marriage. I am not saying be all rich but have something in your arsenal. Nigerian women are horrible at this and we have statistically, one of the worst sets of marriages. We are too dependent on men for everything. We can't contribute to the home because we are not prepared to do more than house keeping (something you can now hire day service to do). Too many babies marrying and taking their pitiful situations as "it is what it is". Get you together and then marry. Whether all these women like it or not, you have more respect that way. The choice is ultimately yours. Like I said, my experience was beautiful but I wouldn't advice my child to do it or my little sisters.

God bless