₦airaland Forum

Lord Reed you asked:
"What does he need the reference for a new application?"

His case is not typical and unusually complicated. For instance, many spouses withdraw greencard applications if a marriage ends. But in NM in this case was married to 2 different women!, within 2 years!,
Even though a child was conceived with the 2nd wife, her letter to the immigration office exposed what was happening in her life. At some point a court hearing was scheduled and NM abeg AL to come to court o please. Ex wife did not appear for his case. I think that is when things got really difficult for him.
I remember up until then he was very arrogant and unapologetic to her. But then just like now her needed her help and try to show her a different face but she did not believe him. I did not believe him either but I did not want say much about it.
As soon as he realize she was not going toassist him, he immediately returned to his normal attitude.

I think he wants her to write a letter that says she did not mean what she said years earlier, He may want her to take back her previous statements. He tells her that the letter she wrote is the main obstacle that prevents his case from moving foward. AL tells me that her ex husband has been really nice and sweet in recent phone conversations. I think he is pretending as he did many times before. She is a good and dear friend with a sincere heart and I don't want him to get to close to her again. I do not trust his intentions not at all. You know how a person can behave well when they want things from you but once the have it, some will not hesitate to show what a fool they have made of you. She is doing very well and I think he will disturb her progress sad to say.

That is not an option for his particualar case because he married twice already and immigration denied his case. His situation is suspicious and immigration requests are being constantly denied. The ex wife included a letter accusing him of fraud when she contacted the immigration office to stop the green card process. She made some damaging statements agaist him and I guess he has had many problems since. I remember when this all happened. She endured a lot from him. He really messed himself up bad.

So here is the short version:
Naija man (NM) meets American Lady(AL). Within weeks of dating NM proposes marriage for greencard. AL declines and they stop dating but reamain in contact strictly as friends only. NM finds someone else to marry but the marriage ends in divorce before he can obtain green card. NM later starts relationship with AL and she gets her pregnant but demands that she aborts child. AL declined to get an abortion. AL told NM and his family she would return to her own family to help raise the child. The family AL advised him to marry her, take care of his responsibilities, and get the green card too! A month after the child was born, NM convinced her to marry him. No wedding, no family or friends invited. Within days the green card application was submitted. Unfortunately, it became clear NM was purely interested in getting a green care especially since the child was born a girl. NM became intensley disrespectful and emotional brutal to his new wife. He began calling her vile names, staying out all night, even allowing his male friends to verbally attack her in front of their child. Eventually AL experienced some intensed depression and returned to her hometown with her child. She asked NM if he would attend marriage counseling with her to get help for their relationship. NM said that he would NOT and that she should be prepared for more of the same treatment when she returned. NM added that he would continue his behavior until she had another child with him. She told NM that she was going to divorce him and withdraw the green card application. NM laughed and did not believe her.  Soon after his divorce papers arrived and some months later he received notice that his green card application had been withdrawn.
NM has had many immigration complications because of it. Although, AL and NM divorced they have remained courteous because of their daugther. However AL went through a few difficult years trying to get over the emotional abuse but eventually made peace with the past. NM refused to apologize for his actions and continued to justify his actions saying that his behaivor is acceptable in his culture. He said that men rule in Nigeria.
Now 10 years later, NM has recently requested AL write a letter of character on his behalf for immigaration purposes. The reasons are extensively complicated but lets just say that immigration is not looking favorably upon the twice divorced Naija man who has already been sponsored for twice as well. AL thought she had put the events of the difficult marriage behind her. But once NM contacted her with this new request she realized she still harbored some negative feelings about they way he treated her.   He needs help but I don’t think he is sorry from what I know about the matter at hand. What can Naija man do to make ammends?
I also dont want to see my friend  foolishly allow herself to get used by her ex.