₦airaland Forum

Dtruthspeaker:
Ehen! I for talk

And Bros they don't stay in their place ooo. Women have only set men up to do the physical pursuing but meanwhile they are the ones who started the pursuit. That is why they are always dressed and speak in a manner that always that is meant to invite a man to have sex with them.

So, physically, it looks like it is the man who initiated everything and pursued them which is the set up, whereas it is then who are pursuing all men when you take in the fact that if they do not invite the man for sex, nothing will happen and men will continue to where they were going and this cheating and polygamy issue would not be as big as it is now.

Do you not see how they are always accusing the other woman of husband snatching? Wives and women know that in Truth, it is a woman who pursues a man when cheating occurs.

You're completely right. No man can be "snatched" unless he allows himself to be.

Like you rightly said, deep down, women know this too. That's why, in many cheating situations, the first person the wife goes after is often the other woman. The assumption is usually that she lured him, even though he still made his own choices.

From what I've observed, a lot of chronic cheating is done by men who have money to spare. Cheating is an expensive hobby. A man who's struggling to feed himself and his family rarely has the time, energy, or resources to maintain a whole extra relationship, if you never chop abeg how your dick& wan take gather power rise?

Some men rent apartments for side chicks, furnish them, pay their bills, buy gifts, fly them on vacations, and bankroll an entire lifestyle. Most times, it's not because they love the side chick more than their wife. They're simply spending because they can.

The irony is that once they get bored or someone else catches their attention, they're ready to walk away from everything they invested and start the whole cycle again. That's how disposable it can become when money isn't the issue.

What's even more interesting is that many side chicks know where the line is. They may enjoy the benefits, but they also know not to disrespect the wife. If his wife calls while they're together, many will stay completely quiet because they understand that crossing that line could cost them everything, even if the call is for 30 minutes.

The men I struggle to understand are the ones who neglect their wives, abandon their children, ignore their responsibilities, and spend the little they have trying to impress someone else. To me, that's not just cheating, it's failing the people who depend on you. Those choices often come with consequences that don't disappear with time.

Like I've said all along, this is just my personal opinion.

Dtruthspeaker:
Ah! Bros this is serious over over confidence. And how can you say that you are not moved by other women?

Don't get me wrong, my Gee.

I'm talking about marriage, not boyfriend and girlfriend relationships.

The truth is, in most cases, these women are minding their business. We, as men, are the ones who approach them, pursue them, and eventually tell them, "I want to marry you." Once you make that commitment, it becomes your responsibility to love her, protect her, lead her, and build with her.

Of course I notice beautiful women. As a certified lover of big bakassi, I won't pretend I suddenly became blind but the most I'll do is admire from a distance and keep it moving.

Funny enough, my wife knows exactly the kind of man she married. Sometimes when we're out, she'll even point out a lady with a big booty and we'll both laugh about it because she already knows my spec. That's where it ends. In a committed marriage, your decisions are intentional, not driven by every passing temptation. Na dog and who lack self control dey chase everything.

More reasons why it wouldn't bother me much is I have that same big ynashhh at home that's willing to give it to me anyhow I want it. I would do it at peace, with love, with comfort, especially when she's exactly someone you've always wanted to be doing this with. So why should I put or give myself unnecessary stress?

Like I said from the beginning, this is just my personal opinion. Every man is entitled to his own, but that's how I see it.

A man whose head is wired right, at least in my opinion, wouldn't see the point in cheating.

If I truly love my wife, married exactly my spec, and she's everything I prayed for, then what exactly am I looking for outside? If she gives me peace, loyalty, romance, friendship, passion, and even goes the extra mile without me having to ask, why would I trade all that for temporary excitement?

Maybe other men see it differently, but for me, nothing beats emotional connection. The sweetest intimacy comes from two people who are genuinely bonded. That's what makes it special.

Like howwwwwwww am I to get hard for someone I don't even feel that way about? It just wouldn't make sense to me.


Or maybe someone can make it make sense to me.

This topic isn't gender based cos that's where everyone is getting it wrong, it's personal based. Everyone is wired differently.

It's never about who loves or likes you as a man. It's about who you love or like. A woman's love only truly means something when you feel the same way.

A man can easily be indifferent toward a woman he has no feelings for, but he'll naturally treat the woman he genuinely cares about differently.

For example, imagine a man who values his privacy. If a woman he doesn't like suddenly shows up at his doorstep unannounced just cos she loves him, he'll probably be annoyed and think,

"Why this babe go just show up for my doorstep, like when did this start?"

Now imagine it's the woman he truly loves. That same surprise visit instantly brightens his day because her presence is something he genuinely wants.

At the end of the day, a man's actions are usually driven by how he feels about the woman, not simply by how she feels about him. For her love to make any sense to him, he has to feel the same way.

Kalulu44:
Both of you are on the same page, I don't know why he feel otherwise

My brotherrrrrrrrrrrrr, thank you jare

No extra strength, I dey conserve energy, that strength and time for argument, I rather use it to scratch my balls cos it will give me an even cleaner balls.

AccidentedCars:
You're right. But you're also proving my point without realising it.

Read your own words back to yourself.

"He does it because he loves her and believes in building a future together."

Believes.

That word is doing all the heavy lifting in your sentence. And it shouldn't be.

Building a future is not a belief system. It's a PROJECT. Projects have two components: vision and resources.

The man brought both. Vision AND resources.

The woman brought belief in his belief.

That's spectatorship, not partnership.

And it works beautifully when the money is flowing. She believes in him. He believes in himself. Everyone is believing. Life is good.

Then the business fails.

Now what?

She can't step in because she never built anything of her own. Not because she's wicked. Not because she doesn't love him. But because love is not a skill. Love is not revenue. Love is not a backup generator when the power goes out.

You said "the strongest relationships are built on shared responsibility."

I agree completely.

But shared responsibility requires shared CAPACITY.

You can't share what you don't have.

If only one person has income, only one person has capacity. The "sharing" is an illusion. It's one person carrying and the other person cheering.

Cheering is nice. But it doesn't pay school fees.

You are trying to drag out an argument from me when there's nonexistent, I do not have the time for that. Read to understand, not to argue please.

Let me add that historically, marriages were often about far more than love. In many societies, they were used to build alliances, strengthen kingdoms, secure peace, and unite powerful families. Marrying solely for romantic love wasn't the norm.

Families arranged marriages because they understood that when two houses became one, conflict became less likely. They weren't just marrying individuals. They were forging political, economic, and social partnerships.

Take King Solomon in the Bible as an example. Do you really think he married 700 wives simply because he loved women or wanted sex?

Many of those marriages were political alliances with surrounding kingdoms and influential families. Marrying the daughter of another king or ruler helped strengthen diplomatic ties and reduce the likelihood of conflict.

In simple terms, it was like saying:

"We're family now. Going to war with me means going to war with your own in-laws."

Love is only one chapter of a much bigger story and shouldn't be built on pure emotions, real love is built by two intentional and imperfect people.


Peace. ✌️✌️

Your second post wasn't even necessary because everything that needed to be said was already covered in the first.

The reality is that, in many relationships, men tend to love sacrificially while women often prioritize security and stability. That's why you'll see a man hustle for years, save every penny, and willingly marry a woman who may not have much financially. He does it because he loves her and believes in building a future together.

Many men don't just pay for their own side of the wedding. They often shoulder most, if not all, of the expenses, sometimes even covering responsibilities from both families without complaining.

She might say,
"I feel bad. I wish I could contribute."

And he'll smile and reply,
"My love, don't worry about it. I've got you."

He means every word.

The painful reality for some men comes years later, when life takes an unexpected turn. A failed business, a bad investment, job loss, or financial hardship can change everything. That's when he realizes he didn't just need someone to love. He also needed a partner who could help carry the weight when he no longer could.

Recovery in those situations can take years. With children involved, the demands of raising a family often limit how much the other partner can contribute financially, even if they genuinely want to. For some men, the climb back is long. Sadly, some never fully recover.

Love is beautiful, but partnership is what helps people weather life's storms. The strongest relationships are built not only on affection, but on shared responsibility, mutual support, and the willingness to carry each other when one person stumbles.

ollyboy900:
Hoooo mheen, everything you said is true bro. If the mother inlaw wants her daughters out of wedlock, who am i to stick to the marriage, knowing fully that it's a battle i can't win.
Sometimes being a good man is not enough, some elements of luck dey inside this marriage stuff. For now, my life and peace of mind matters than pleasing the society and old on to a bad marriage.
And Thanks you for wishing my boys Happy Birthday, God bless you.

There's nothing as painful as being in a marriage and still feel lonely. I'm sorry for everything you went through, I cringed reading your story cos I don't think I have that kind of energy, I would have long abandoned the marriage and ran. I have decided that in this short life of ours, one thing I cannot allow anyone tamper with is MY " PEACE of MIND" cos a lack of it can make a man age quicker or lose himself.

I am very new in the marriage venture, 3 years in it, a son and another baby on the way dropping any time soon. As a matter of fact I have learnt in these 3 years what can last me a lifetime. She's a great friend, a wonderful woman and wife and understands my personality to the last, so she knows how to act around me and I treat her well too with lots of love and respect. The only thing I just need is plenty of God's blessings and uncommon favour. At the moment things are not so good like I'd want but it's a phase that'll pass.

In all my peace of mind is 1000% intact, in fact she overdoses me with it. If there's anything to go wrong it would come from me and she knows that.

My personal opinion is that we knew what these women are even before we married them, just that at the early stages it's all butterflies so decision making tends to be a bit emotional and then in marriage the real nature of everyone comes to light. A good woman who listens to you, understands you, values you becomes even better and so it is for a good man.

I wish your boys a happy birthday and my Guuuuuuuy Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee enjoy your peace cos you deserve it after the shege you endured, Me?, I go don run sinceeeee cos I no get extra strength, I dey conserve my energy.


In marriage we learn DATING AND MARRIAGE aren't the same, it's about sacrifices from both parties and a return of energy.

I wish you the very best Gee

.

What makes a man a correct guy is the ability to discern nonsense from a mile away.
This situation isn’t just a red flag, it’s every color of flag rolled into one. Red, blue, violet, chocolate, rainbow, I mean all of them.

How do you see hell clearly and still decide to walk straight inside?
Tell me, what exactly do you expect to gain from such a relationship other than tears, more tears, with a touch of gnashing of teeth?

A real Gee knows when he meets certain girls that this one like this after one or two mouth I ain't going near this babe again and knows a babe to get serious with when he meets one. When you use your head instead of your heart, everything becomes clear, like fried meat displayed in a show glass.

If you truly love yourself, avoid that lady.

Guys love blaming innocent girls when things go wrong, but the truth is, they saw a pool of shit and still chose to dive in.

Flex Gee

I suppose frame my picture put for this topic cos this has been story of my life.

The funny thing about 11th hour miracles is that it comes 95% from where you weren't looking or expecting after getting disappointments from the places you were actually looking.

I rarely comment on nairaland because I love to conserve energy but listen and listen good,

I do not care if you have dated for 10 years, she's your girlfriend and not wife. He did absolutely nothing wrong or were you expecting him to sweep the room for you and your "girlfriend". If she even see am dey sweep she suppose collect the broom from em hand.

Apply common sense in everything you do, this isn't a big deal for you to get lost in thoughts and emotional to seek for advice cos wtf.

Channel that energy into bettering your life. A friendly reminder that Tinubu is your President and things will get madder, girlfriend no be investment my Guy.

Squash that shit like it's nothing and let your guy continue to be your Guy. Enjoy your girlfriend. 5 years from now you will understand especially if una no come marry.

canada123:
Just curious, how best to go about this

She’s not done anything wrong to me and have been very nice and sweet since we crossed path, but I’m living a double life and she dosen’t know the other side of me which is this side of addiction

Should I tell her the whole truth and breakup with her or I don’t need to tell her anything and just break up with her?

Though she knows my family members and have their contacts, and if I tell her the whole truth, my mum or siblings might know the shameful thing I’ve been into for years now secretly, and I’m a pastors son too ,

Just complicated now, this stuff is hard .

Just to make matters worse and add more context to how complicated it is, I made a terrible mistake

She’s 22 year old I’m 27 year old, she’s currently doing her NYSC and she’s in Lagos, since all my family members have relocated I told her she can stay in our family house , since no one is literally there except I think my cousin or so .

So breaking up with her in this situation, how best can I approach it please guys?

I really need help

The lady in question is more of a liability (problem) that needs to go rather than something that makes your life better (in the NOW).

In this situation, love has nothing to do with it, this is between reality, what's best for you both or a life lived on lies and false pretence and you'll be the one to suffer for it.

Even you yourself do not know her that well to bomb her with this kind of secret and not sure how she'd react, so it's better you keep it to yourself and focus on making your life better. The earlier you make decision to let her go the better for both of you, for her to heal and for you to focus on yourself and focus over there cos she's only but a distraction you have forced upon yourself.

If you've ever heard of DISCIPLINE then this is the moment to begin to grow into it cos ain't nobody would do it for you but yourself.

I'm not a saint myself cos I have done it all. I'm the ashawo vibe kind of Guy, I have spent fire on runs girls myself but at some point it became a problem, not cos I couldn't afford it anymore but the emptiness it made me feel. I began to miss the emotional sex connection kind of sex, where the other person feels happy and enjoys sex with you and ready to do it with any way you'd want and not cos they're being paid to do so.

My own problem was having a woman around I really liked cos for my kind of mindset I didn't need to be in love to marry anyone but I need to like you that much and if you vibe with me and I see you like me just as much too then we're good, love would come later when we begin to spend genuine and quality time together and over time you'd know what it is to be my kind of woman and the same for me too and that's where compatibility sets in.

The times I was busy inviting women to come over to cure konjiiii or import runs babes, it was never worth it cos as soon as I cum, I just want them gone, like just disappear. It made me feel extremely empty and dirty. It even fuckeddddd up my mental health.


I had to put a stop to that shit without any advice. Finally met someone I liked, like she's been on my contact but for some weird reasons never looked her way but she was someone we could smash and not talk for another 3 months if not more.

Another important factor people overlook is sexual attraction. Anyone you are settling for should at first possess that sexual appeal you want in your kind of woman, if na ynash you like make she get am, if big breast is what scatters your brain, make she get am, like she has to possess everything your normal spec would have, so even the slightest thing about her can turn you on without much.

Finally met someone I liked, married her last year and we recently just had a son, I'm even 10 years older. I'm 35 and she's 25, we dated for only 3 months before I proposed but it felt like we dated for 5 years cos it felt like we had this and wasted way too much time. It was a heaven of a 3 months.


Some times when she wants to visit, just cos I want to make it fun, a day before we would have talked about everything we wanted to do to each other, so that night we both would be looking forward to it, I'll tell her to order a ride to my place with no panties on and she'd oblige. This was just one of it, we tried everything there is to try. We're married with a son and everyday it still feels like we're dating. Sometimes we'll be in the same house and be talking shit to one another like we're in different places. If you were a visitor at that moment and you see us pressing our phones you could swear are both talking to someone else.

Life isn't supposed to be hard, whatever we want, we have to be intentional and build it and I mean every aspect of life.