₦airaland Forum

Thank you everyone....I am so sorry I didn't mean to burden anyone with my issue....I just wanted validation and perhaps another point of view. When you are hurting or when something doesn't make sense, sometimes it takes another person's point of view to help see a clear picture, or the other side because my side is the only one I see, and my perception is clouded because I am also trying to protect my heart. I do feel he loves me because of things he does and says, and I can tell he has so much pride and doesn't want to be ashamed or belittled, not that I would every do that because I honestly love him unconditionally. I think he is afraid to trust that my love is unconditional or maybe he is just not that used to unconditional love. He came to America in his early 40's and is pretty traditionally Igbo so he was raised by proud Nigerian parents. Life is to short for games or grudges. That's why I am so torn. I am not saying I am ready to marry him, but I like being with him and hoped to spend much if not all of whatever years God blesses me with, with him. I will end my post now. I truely appreciate all the time and kind words you all have posted. Imela

I do realize that but I was hoping that since he is 51 years old, that he convince his mother not to judge all african american women as her. I certainly don't judge all nigerian men as those that are scammers, cheaters and liars, all that the internet say they are. I have accepted that we cannot be together but it is a shame because he is such a handsome, sweet(at times) and wonderful man. Thank you for responding.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I did not know that most of the people on this site were youngsters. I apologize for bringing my grown folks problems to you young people. I guess I want you all to know that this stuff happens to us older people too....it doesn't matter what age you are. We can all learn from each other, no matter how young or old you are. Some younger people are wiser than some people who are older. It is all about life experiences. I must say that I guess in my heart I know what I need to do, but I just wanted someone to validate what I am feeling. I love this man, he is a man that is dedicated and goes to church EVERY Sunday, so part of me just does not want to believe that a man that has such a close and sincere relationship with God would be so selfish. I know hehas a lot of pride, and I am a woman that makes good money. He has never asked me for anything, and when I know he needs something, I offer but he gets defensive and I guess that is also a pride issue, maybe cultural. Thank you again to everyone. I just hate to think I will have to move on but I know I do. I just thought that by our ages, the foolishness would be over because we are both to old and don't have time for games. Bless you all!!!

Hello everyone,

I am akata, an african american woman who is dating an Igbo man. We are both 51 years old and we have been seeing each other for about a year. I really love him and find him exotic and fascinating due to him being from Lagos. I love his accent and everything about him. BUT.....there are so many things that make me wonder if some of his behaviour is cultural, or if he is just full of crap and wanting sex. We have been intimate about 2 months after we met. I was married but my husband passed away very young. My man was married but got a divorce. His exwife did something too embarrasing to him to mention. So because of her and his divorce(she is akata too), his family have a bad impression of african american women and so he has not introduced me to his mother or any of his family members. I suspect they don't even know he is dating anyone. He also is a christian and very active in his church. He also will not invite me to go to church with him because he said that his position in the church will make him look like a hypocrite if he shows up with me and we are not married. Another thing, he is a cab driver and works so very hard and I know that his job is unpredictable and hard to have time for us. But I am and have been patient with all the "rules" of our relationship. I try to schedule to make dinner for him or want to go out with him, but he is too busy and that I understand because time is money. He lives with and supports his elderly mother. He is pretty private with personal things but I give him his space and just enjoy his company when I can. He gets angry when I dont answer his phonecalls in a timely manner or his texts, but sometimes I text him and he doesn't return my text until the next day. Sometimes he calls me and sometimes he doesn't. I dont stress about it because I know his is working and driving. But recently I saw his cab parked in another spot-somewhere where I knew he didn't live. I questioned him about it and he tells me that he moved. He had to move because of the rent going up....but he moved about 2 months before I saw his cab parked there. Why would he not tell me he moved? What would be a reason to leave that out? He said that maybe he was wrong to not tell me and that it happened so fast. Moving takes time and does not happen fast. We are both too old for games and at 51 should be way past them. He is a very different man and has an over amount of pride. I just don't understand why he didn't tell me. We don't live together and I suppose he doesn't have to tell me, but me as the woman in his life, I would think he would share that with me as I share everthing going on with me. To be honest I think he got evicted and because he has so much pride didn't want to talk about it or tell me because he is ashamed. But he should feel comfortable to tell me anything by now. I could have helped!!
Should I end this or is this relationship worth saving. He is very sweet and romantic and a fantasic lover. He doesn't like to kiss as much as I do but he is so handsome and all man. I haven't spoken to him in a week because I am hurt that he didn't tell me he moved. So I sent him a text - kind of a stern but respectful text and he hasn't text me back or called. I guess he is through with me too. He did come to my house to talk about why he didn't tell me but he was pissed because I said it didn't make sense to keep this from me, then he just said 'I have apologized and I don't want talk about this anymore!" and he stormed out. I miss him already. How will I know if he misses me or even wants to continue our relationship?